“The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love.”
― Kristina McMorris, Bridge of Scarlet Leaves



It's 3.17 am when he gets the call.

He's in Korea, has been in Korea for what feels like a decade more or less. They have been playing shows for their Exoplanet tour for so long that it's started to feel slightly mechanical, the nights having started to blur together, crowds impossible to tell apart.

It's 3.17 am when his entire world flips around, when everything is turned upside down. When he learns that nothing will ever be the same.

Drunk driver, happened fast, felt no pain.

It's a string of syllables, letters, sounds, that put together ought to make sense, tell him something, but all he hears is static.

It's a question of a couple of vodka shots too many, the poor judgement to get into the car. Rain. Slippery roads, loss of control. It's a question of a lot of small details, decisions that together spell disaster. Tragedy.

It takes one person, a lot of bad judgement and bad luck, and Luhan loses everything.

Everyone.







STAGE I:

“How many times can a heart be shattered and still be pieced back together? How many times before the damage is irreparable?”
― Gwenn Wright, The BlueStocking Girl



MAJOR CAR ACCIDENT CLAIMS NINE LIVES

A serious car accident occured on the M1 between Zhuhai and Macau earlier today. Police are currently notifying the next of kin and have therefore not yet released the names of the nine deceased.

The accident involved two cars, but no further statement has been given by the police, who are currently in the process of investigating.

This incident marks the biggest loss of life in a vehicle collision in China in the last five years.


 

XI LUHAN'S FAMILY IS KILLED IN ACCIDENT, CAR HIT BY DRUNK DRIVER

XI LUHAN of Exo's family has been killed in a tragic car accident. The family of eight, consisting of Luhan's mother, stepfather, and siblings were hit by a drunk driver as they were headed from Beijing to Macau. Most of the people involved were killed instantaneously and pronounced dead at the scene, and few upon arrival at hospital.

Police are currently investigating what happened, but Huang Junhui, spokesperson for the Beijing Metropolitan Police Department has made the following statement.

“The driver of the second car had a blood alcohol level of 0.19. The legal limit in China is 0.08, so he should never have been behind that wheel. The man was driving around 100mph, which is 30mph above the legal speed limit and that's when his car collided with the family car which  overturned upon impact. When the paramedics arrived shortly after the incident, four members of the family as well as the driver of the other vehicle were sadly pronounced dead at the scene, and the remaining four died shortly after arriving to the hospital due to their injuries.”

Xi, who was touring in Korea with his band at the time of the accident, has not been available for comments, but a spokesperson for Exo has sent out the following statement:

'It is with regret that we have to inform that the remaining dates of Exo's ‘Exoplanet Tour’ have been cancelled with immediate effect. All tickets will be refunded and the boys hope to announce new touring dates at a later date.'

None of the other boys, who all attended the wedding of Luhan's mother and stepfather in July last year, have issued a statement.

Xi was last seen at the airport in Incheon with bandmates Oh Sehun and Kim Jongin before the news of the tragedy was made public.



BOYS OF EXO XI LUHAN INTO CHURCH FOR FAMILY'S FUNERAL

It is a tragic day for the Exo camp today as one of the members buries his family, after they passed away in a tragic car accident ten days ago. It is the first time any of the Exo boys have been seen in public since the abrupt end to their latest tour, and they presented a united front as they arrived to the church in one car.

Walking into the church Xi was flagged on both sides by Oh Sehun and Byun Baekhyun, while Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin, and the rest of the band mates walked behind them. The twelve made their way into the church quickly, looking down and with sunglasses hiding their faces.

A large number of Exo fans waited in front of the church to show their respect. They held up candles and brought flowers, but there was none of the screaming usually connected with the fans of the boyband, marking what a truly horrible and tragic day it is.



-



There is a significant number of times in Sehun's life that he would deem 'life-changing'. Some in a good way, others less so, but all something that fundamentally changed the course of his life. Auditioning for the SM entertainment and getting put in Exo is one thing, meeting Luhan and falling in love with him is another. Breaking up with him shortly after the end of their training is the third. The deaths of eight people he had considered family for the past four years is, without a doubt, the worst.

There is nothing he can do to stop the constant flow of tears making their way down his cheeks as he sits front row at the funeral, squeezed in between Luhan and Kyungsoo, the vicar talking about the cruelty of the world and the never ending love Mrs Xi had for all of her children. It's too much.

It's a constant ache in his chest, an emptiness that's difficult to explain. He feels void, like a clawed hand has dug out everything that's inside him, leaving a gaping hole in the middle of his chest, edges torn and jagged. There's a constant vice-like grip squeezing his heart, and the feeling of missing something so intense that it's choking him.

They were his family too. His family for four years, Jay like his mother and the girls like his sisters, even when they weren't aware of how much they really were family. The world is cruel, Sehun thinks, but this might surpass all the cruelty he has witnessed so far.

He wants to take Luhan's hand, wants to hold it between both of his, warming it, squeezing it tight. He wants to give him what little comfort his touch might offer, wants to help, will do anything to help. Wants to share their grief, lean against each other, rely on each other.

He wants to hold Luhan's hand.

But that's not his right anymore.

He sneaks a glance at the older boy, and is met by a sight that takes his breath away despite the gravity of the situation. Luhan is stunning, is always stunning, but he bears grief like it's a cape made of twinkling diamonds. His face is emotionless, his stature stoic. He sits with a straight back, staring right ahead, eyes focused on a point in the distance, cold. He looks almost regal. His cheeks are as dry as the Sahara desert, have been dry since the news were brought to him, as far as Sehun knows.

It's the shock, he's pretty sure a psychologist would say, were they to take Luhan to one. The shock of losing his entire family must surely have left Luhan in some near catatonic state, unable to handle the hurt of it all. Barricading himself in the feeling of nothing to avoid having to deal with everything. It's gonna be worse, gonna be so, so bad, Sehun knows, when everything catches up with him, when his walls come crashing down. It would be better, probably, if Luhan were to give in to the grieving now, mourn them now, but Sehun knows that there's no reaching Luhan at the place he is now. Maybe before, when they were Sehun and Luhan he could have, but it's not his place anymore. It’s not.

It's absolutely incomprehensible what's happened, the kind of thing that’s too big and too terrible to really wrap one's mind around, the very epitome of awful, and Sehun finds himself constantly hoping that all of this is a horrific nightmare and they're all going to wake up any minute.

It's not, though. It's not, and the feeling of loss, the pain, is beyond words. It's unbearable for Sehun, he can't even begin to imagine how Luhan must feel. At least he still has his mum, his dad, and his brother. All Luhan has left is an ex-stepfather and an absent biological father... and them. At least that last part is something.

He can't even imagine how Luhan must feel, but, well... the thing is, he's a bit afraid that Luhan isn't really feeling at all, and he can only imagine the kind of impact it will have when it finally hits him. He can only hope that maybe he will be there to weather the storm with him; wants to be there so badly, to share the grief.  

He's without a doubt the one that knows Luhan best, the one who understands Luhan best, and he’s the only one who really knows what Luhan needs, maybe even before he knows it himself.

They had said forever. They had said always. Sehun never stopped meaning it.

The service passes by in a blur of tears and strangled breathing, and before he knows it, they're being signalled to rise, and he follows Luhan to the coffin belonging to Mrs Xi, flowers in pale purples and pinks covering the surface. It's surreal, unimaginable, that inside there is  the body of the woman he's considered a second mother for the last 4 and a half years, that they're surrounded by her children, and the two sets of twins. The youngest had only just e. Robbed of their lives much, much too soon. These girls who he's seen become young women, the youngest twins who never even had a chance to grow up and develop their own personalities. He tries not to think about it too much, because it hurts. It just hurts so much. These people were his family too.

He's been asked to help carry Mrs Xi casket, and he takes hold of the handle, Luhan on his other side, his grandfather and Sehun's own mother behind him. He's vaguely aware of the people who move to carry the other caskets, but he can hardly see three feet in front of him, a thick sheen of tears obscuring his vision. It takes everything he's got to keep from breaking down right then and there in the middle of the church aisle with the handle of the casket clutched firmly in his sweaty hand.

He doesn't know how Luhan does it. Hasn't got a clue. He's still standing as stoic and silent as ever, not even a sliver of emotion being allowed to cross his face and indicate how he feels. Nothing. He's always been strong, always been the strongest. The eldest child and the eldest in the band, always shouldering all the worry, all of the troubles. Always the one to take the blame, to take the hard jobs, to make sure that everyone else is alright. Always the rock,the one for everyone else to lean on.

But who is there for Luhan to lean on?

Once upon a time, up until very recently, it had been Sehun.

The cold air of early spring meets them as they exit the church, taking careful steps as they carry the heavy casket through the thin layer of snow covering the ground. It crunches as he walks, leaving behind footprints as he treads paths yet untouched, snow new and fresh, fallen only the night before. It's another reminder of what will never be again, of memories and people, of snowball fights and building snowmen, and even an attempt at a snow castle. He wonders if maybe Luhan is remembering his sister delighted laugh as she draped the ends of Sehun's headscarf around a snowman's neck only a little more than a year ago. Then he sees Luhan' passive face, void of emotions, eyes empty in the most alarming way, and he thinks, probably not. Maybe it's for the better, right now every memory feels as though it’s made of the most painful substance.

They're leading the trail of people with Jay's casket as the others follow, the remaining attendees filing out of the church at the back. There are so, so many people here. Paps too, Sehun knows; not only because it's the funeral of Luhan' family, but also because they're the casualties of one of the most horrid two-car accidents in recent history. Surely they're here, but Sehun has honestly never spared less thought to them, has never cared less about what they caught him doing on camera .

Today's for them; more than anyone it's for Luhan— or, not for him, but it's a day where anything goes in terms of making it more bearable for him, and there is nothing, no amount of paps, or management, or PR deals that will keep Sehun from going above and beyond what it takes to make this day even a fraction better for Luhan.

There's the feeling of time moving too slow and too fast simultaneously, dragging by sluggishly while everything also feels as though it happens so fast that he doesn't have time to comprehend anything. They're at the graveside now, the family being buried side by side, and soon they're lowering the caskets into the ground and taking a step back. His legs move of their own volition, before he's even made a conscious command for them to do so, and he goes to stand by Luhan. He presses in close to him, like he's offering his physical proximity as some sort of support to him, whether he'll take it or not.

For just the smallest of moments, so brief that he actually wonders if maybe he imagined it, Luhan leans all his weight against him, but before Sehun has time to do anything, the added weight is gone and Luhan is standing proud and straight beside him, not even a glance thrown in Sehun's direction.

It's like a current that goes through the assembled mass when the Vicar starts to speak, a collective tremor, and Sehun reaches down to take Luhan’s hand in his, doesn't actually register the action until he's clutching it tightly in his own. Luhan holds his back, the light sheen of sweat on his palm and the almost undetectable tremble of his hand the only signs giving away that everything else is a stone mask.

"We now commit their bodies to the ground," the Vicar is saying, standing amongst the open graves like a God of the Underworld.  "Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust,

in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life. Amen."

For several moments following the Vicar's words, there's silence. Then, barely making a sound, Luhan drops Sehun's hand and takes a step forward to look into the grave of his mother for just a few seconds. Sehun’s heart clenches, must surely only be seconds from literally breaking. Luhan takes a step back and directs his gaze to the many smaller holes in the ground now holding the white wooden caskets with the bodies of his siblings, taking in one after another without making a sound or moving a muscle.

Then he turns his back on all of it and walks away.

It takes Sehun several moments to get that he should follow him, and by the time he gets his legs to move and catches up, Luhan has opened the door of a sleek, black car and is about to get in.

"Luhan!" he calls out hurriedly, slightly winded from his hasty walk to the other boy. "Lu," he reaches out to take a hold of his shoulder, to turn him away from the open car door. Luhan is looking like he might actually be considering just jumping into the car and speeding away from Sehun and all chances of a conversation.

"Hey, hey, where are you going?" He asks, looking at him apprehensively. Something about this doesn’t sit right with him.

Luhan' answer comes curt and quickly, a strange, tired note to his voice, almost like he's a little stoned, though Sehun knows he can't possibly be. "Away. I'm leaving."

Scrunching his brow in confusion, Sehun looks to him, trying to make sense of it all. "What?" He questions, subconsciously tightening his grip on Luhan' arm, as if that might prevent him from going anywhere. "There's the wake, we were all going to go there together, remember? It'll be good for you to be surrounded by people who love you."

The look that crosses Luhan' face upon Sehun's words is the first sign of emotion he's shown for days, and he instantly knows that he said something wrong.

"People who love me?" Luhan questions, tone a mixture between disbelieving and vicious, face curled into an ugly snarl. "The people who love me are dead, Sehun. I just buried the people who love me—"

"Lu," Sehun gets out, heart thumping wildly and quickly. Out of all the emotions available for Luhan to show, this mixture might've been the last Sehun expected. He feels wholly inequipped to handle it.

"Don't you get it, Sehun? That was my family there. Those caskets, they are my family, they’re everything I had left." The ‘and now I have nothing’ hangs unspoken between them.

"Lu—" he tries again, but it seems that now Luhan has started there's no stopping him.

"I'm all alone, Sehun. I'm just... all alone, and I'd honestly just like you to off and leave me in peace. I don't want your pity, or your ing friendship, I don't want you here just because I lost everyone close to me and you feel... I don't know, guilty or whatever. I just want you to leave me alone."

Sehun's stunned silent for several moments, until it truly registers what Luhan just said. "I—what? No, Luhan, . No. Luhan, this isn't pity, or guilt, or— or, I—"

"Then what is it?" He asks coldly, quietly, eyes dead, completely lacking all spark and liveliness that can usually be found in them. "’Cause I don't get what the you're standing here for right now."

"I'm here because I love you." He gets out quickly, desperately, and if he had to paint a picture of the desperation colouring his voice, it'd be perfectly represented by someone tearing out their own hair.

"Yeah?" Luhan questions, a mocking tilt to his voice, and he can be cruel, can be so cruel, Sehun knows, but never towards him before. "The same love you had for me six months ago when you broke off a four year relationship with me?"

"The same love that I've had for you every single day since I met you." Desperate, desperate. He's so, so desperate.

"That's ing bull, Sehun. We don't leave the people we love."

"You're leaving me right now," Sehun can't help but point out desperately, seeking, looking for that one thing to break through to Luhan, to stop him from climbing into the waiting car.

"I guess that means I don't love you then." He says it over his shoulder, his voice cold as he gets into the car. Sehun can't even tell if he actually means it, or if it's just the grief talking.

All he knows is that it hurts.

But Luhan just buried his family. Luhan just buried his entire family, and if there was ever a day where he gets a free pass to say whatever he wants, it's today.

And he shouldn't be alone.

Sehun hurries around to the other side of the car, opening the other backseat door just as Luhan is closing his own, turning his attention to the newest addition to the car, eyes wide with unguarded shock.

"I don't want you here," he states plainly, almost pleadingly, and Sehun absentmindedly files it away under things to analyse later. He's determined now though, his will steely, and no amount of hostility or hateful remarks from Luhan is going to deter him.

He buckles his seatbelt.  "Well, that's too bad."