“Look at me and say it again!” she demanded, and she wasn’t playing around this time. No, not when he wasn’t too.

“We broke up,” he said it again. Still avoiding her eyes.

“No, you’re not. You can’t.” She rose from her seat, walking farther, shaking, not sure where to, just somewhere far from him.

Since the morning she had a strange feeling, something oddly disturbing. She wasn’t sure what it was. But the house never felt that empty, and it made her anxious. And when she checked her phone, sure thing happened. Her one and only best friend left a short message. Telling her that she needed time.

“This is not right,” she muttered as she grabbed her key on the dinner table.

He’s not responding, still muted on his seat. It hurt. His chest hurt so bad. Eunji was right. This was not right. And it hurt him so much because of how much he knew it wasn’t.

She had reached the door when she burst into tears. Her hand was too weak to open the door that she decided to return to him. “You can’t do this to me, Kim Jongdae!”

“I love you-”

“-stop!” Eunji almost screamed. “Don’t say it!”

Jongdae raised his gaze. Yes. She’s crying, pained and broken. It’s so bare in his vision. But he had enough of this, of this denying. And she knew how much it hurt him. And it pained him so much seeing how she ignored this feeling.

“You told me to look at you and say it!” he reasoned back, his voice trembled and both knew he was holding himself.

“It wasn’t that, it isn’t this!” she screamed, finally. Letting lose her emotion. “You can’t, Jongdae… please …,” she begged, “you know how much Bomi means to me …”

He rose from his seat and walked to her, reaching her hand carefully, his gaze softened, “and you know how much you mean to me …”

“Don’t do this …” she yanked his hand immediately, trembling, between regretting and despising it.

“Then tell me what I should do,” his expression hardened. Feeling utterly disappointed.

“Call her, tell her that everything just a joke. That you’re not-”

“-in love with you?”

“I said STOP!” Eunji cried loud and fell on her knees. “It’s not love,” she muttered between her hiccups, “this is not love. You’re just running away from her. You’re just hurt. You just need time. You love her, Jongdae …” she begged again, muttering nonsense in his ears. And Jongdae knew it’s hurting her even more, knowing all of this was just her way to deny her own feeling.

He’s standing silently before her, both his head and chest ached. Maybe it’s indeed wrong. What he had for her. What she felt of him. And how their story tangled. But something within him just wanted her, and if it’s still wrong, he didn’t know anymore what’s right.

***

“Honey, don’t forget to wear the suit I bought for you yesterday, okay?” Yoon Bomi shouted from the kitchen, from his kitchen. Preparing something light for her beloved fiancé.

Kim Jongdae was sitting on the edge of his bed. Feeling sickened. He’s sick of this pretense. Pretending that he’s fine when the memory just too vivid inside his head. But who could he blame to. Maybe they’re just not meant to be, all of this.

He straightened up, walking out with determination.

“We need to talk,” he said. He started, and his tone was too rare to his fiancée’s ears, that she immediately could sense something just not right.

Bomi didn’t reply, she turned off his electric stove, watching him looking at her with a settled purpose. It’s coming.

“I quit this,” he exclaimed.

She clasped her hands, trying to refrain herself from bursting. This nonsense was too humiliating.

“I think you know already. We, this, just don’t work. And I’m tired of pretending that it’ll work,” he continued, never once he broke his gaze. His thumb trailed down the ring on his left hand. And when he finally pulled it off, Bomi slammed her apron to the table.

“Kim Jongdae!”

“Say it,” he challenged her.

“I’m trying to be patient to your childish ignorance, but you can’t do this!” she bawled.

“I’m sick of this,” he replied with a heavy sigh. “I tried. But this is just getting too dumb to continue,” he followed. Not even slightest regretting whatever he’s about to encounter.

“You love her, don’t you? That’s the reason, right?! How can you do this to me? Eunji is my best friend!”

He scoffed, expecting this to come. “And Chanyeol is my step brother!” he scowled loudly.

“I said sorry, didn’t I?! And you know how much I regretted it, how much I felt sorry. It was accident, it was a mistake, Jongdae, you know that…”

“I don’t,” he breathed in. “I can’t, I can never.”

“You know this is not on us to decide, my parents, yours, our family have prepared everything, we-”

“-that’s exactly why I want to quit this. I’m sick of all those people deciding what best for me.” He raised his gaze, meeting her tears. “I thought you’re on my side, I trusted you,” he muttered with a bare pain.

“I’m sorry … I really am … and you know how I tried everything-”

“-stop saying I know everything. I don’t. And I never can understand why you did that. If saying sorry is enough why the we’re praising high this relationship. Stop it, Yoon Bomi, you’re wasting your time,” he mocked her with his indifferent tone.

“You love me, Kim Jongdae!” She screamed her heart out.

Feeling ridiculed for some reasons, Kim Jongdae sneered on her statement. He rose from his seat to get water. “You’re right. I loved you, I did,” he muttered after putting down his glass. “I thought I could never live without you. You were my sunshine to my grey life. But I guess, my life never could change. I’m stupid to believe in this ty fairytale.”

Bomi was silenced by his cold words, so hard and nonchalant. Not just because how her love turned to be someone she couldn’t recognize. But also knowing how much she’s been trying to believe they were fine. That night was a mistake, was a beautiful mistake that’s been visiting her dream everyday. But when she confessed to him with honesty, she thought he would forgive her. She thought his silence was his way of forgiving her. And that’s exactly how she ruined everything.

“Did you sleep with her?” quietly she questioned. Deliberately not mentioning her best friend’s name. It’s just too painful for her to hold.

He looked at her with an irritated look, “how I wish I did. But she’s not you.”

That’s when he earned a strong slap on his left cheek. Her hand trembled, it must be aching just like how his cheek sting. She sobbed silently, looking at him with disgust.

Raising his gaze with the same look, Jongdae muttered, “I despise you.” Unsympathetically he continued, “I just don’t know how to stop, sorry.” Kim Jongdae was cold, and Yoon Bomi finally learned it today.

***

Quietly, he sat down, matching her. Jongdae leaned closer to her, delicately trying to bring her pain into his chest. And to his surprise she was more obedient than he thought. Maybe she’s finally giving in after the long sob that’s been hurting both of them.

He didn’t say anything, and neither did her. They remained silent in each other hold. If their mouth had been hurting each other since they met today, it seemed their heartbeat healed them. It’s rather more honest, especially Eunji’s.

She felt utterly terrible for having this certain heartbeat. It shouldn’t have started. Believed her, she tried everything she could to refrain herself. But that night, it’s just hard for her to see how broken he was.

The strong Kim Jongdae that she only knew through her best friend was crying pitifully in front of her house. Drenched in the heavy rain, that night wasn’t the best time to stand still there, no matter what the reason was. She didn’t know what happened, she had no idea how to face him, but her hands seemed had its own way to console people. Without her knowing, she’s hugging him already.

Eunji brought him inside, telling her that Bomi wouldn’t be at home the whole weekend. She made him a warm chocolate and wished it wouldn’t be too bitter for him. Jongdae didn’t say anything that night, he drunk his chocolate quietly, not a single word was muttered. It made her speaking the whole time by herself, telling him about her boring work, her tasteless lunch, and the unpredictable rain. Basically anything just to shoo away the awkwardness and the loud silence.

She was about get his cup refilled when he grabbed her hand, pulling her closer to him. It was hard for her. He looked completely messed that night, as if something really bad just happened to him. His hands were cold and his face was pale. And being a good friend she was, Eunji remained, not questioning anything. Not even rejecting him when he wrapped his arms around her waist and cried on her s