Jung Taekwoon wasn't cut out to be an idol.

He loved to sing and people has pointed out his ability in dancing since he was young, but his shy behavior and scary demeanor always stood on the way of becoming an idol.

"What makes you think you have what it takes to be a trainee here?." The woman doing the auditions for Jellyfish Entertainment asked, and Taekwoon remained in silence.

Didn't he already show his talent? He opened his mouth just to close it again several time while looking for the words to explain what he wanted to say.

Because I have a great voice, I am good at dancing, have good stamina.

Thats what Taekwoon should have said, but instead he just sang the chorus of another song, the judges just laughing at his 'cute' reaction.

Jung Taekwoon was talented, but he wasn't cut out to be an idol, a lot less, an idol part of a group. He was a good person, always caring for the people near him, but he was scary looking.

It didn't happened once, nor twice, it has happened multiple times, moments where he walks out of the practice room to fill his water bottle before hearing the other trainees commenting about how the new trainee was way too scary. "He looks as if he may curse our souls if we get on his way!" One of the trainees said.

He never really paid a lot of attention to those comments, Cha Hakyeon always made sure to let everyone know how approachable Taekwoon actually was, being all clingy with the emotionless boy, managing to get giggles and laughs out of him sometimes, making him cringe in shame too. 

Despite Hakyeon being friendly at him, Taekwoon still could feel the other trainees keeping their distance, rejecting him.

It wasn't until the winners of MyDol were announced that Taekwoon started to fell something was wrong.

"Taekwoon won MyDol too." He heard a staff member said when he was walking out of his vocals practice. "I feel bad for the other 5 boys, being trap with that...robot." She said.

"I really didn't want him to win. His looks, cold expression and quiet behavior is going to push the fans away." Someone else added.

That day Taekwoon spend his day at the practice room, not practicing though, he just sat in front of the mirror, looking at himself.

"You are not cute anymore." He remembers his sisters saying to him one day when he was younger, back then he didn't mind the comment, but now, it did.

He stood in the middle of the practice room.

Did he had to be thinner? Maybe fake smiles more often? Maybe he had to start playing around with the others too? He was never too close to the other guys that got selected, just to Hakyeon, and let's not talk about the maknae.

Maybe he had to fake having a good relation with them?

When Hakyeon reached the practice room, Taekwoon had been standing there for 2-3 hours, just pointing out all the things that were wrong with the reflection on the mirror.

"Ah! Taekwoon-ie's here, let's practice!" Hakyeon called the other boys as he got ready to practice.

That day, Taekwoon decided to ignore it. There was nothing wrong with him? Right; that's what he thought until they debuted.

When Taekwoon started to scroll through the comment section on one of the videos of the group, most comments about him were about how cold his expression was, how he didn't seem happy.

He was happy.

Other comments were about how he looked odd, too muscular in comparison with the other members, his looks didn't match his voice. He was weird.

There was something wrong with him at the end, right? Maybe not something, a lot of things were wrong.

Were those flaws of him going to drag the other boys down? The most probable thing was that it was going to.

And to be completely honest, Taekwoon had noticed how s were regarding to his behavior.

Whenever he looked at the the members of Vixx with the other groups that surrounded them, Jj project, BTOB, MyName, he noticed how the other 5 guys would have been happier if all the members of Vixx were as bright as them. Basically they all were as bright as the other groups, Taekwoon was the only one that didn't fit in.

He looked so out of place whenever they record MTV Diary, as if he was just a guest.

He hated it and he needed to do something about it.

But he couldn't fake smiles, they were awkward, obvious.

And as time passed, he couldn't fake happiness either.

He wasn't happy anymore. He was getting on the way of the dreams of his bandmates, he was ruining them.

He had to do something and he knew it but he didn't exactly know what. Maybe he had to look better? Maybe bulk up? Maybe he had to practice more singing? What did he had to do?!

One day, as he checked himself on the mirror, he frowned.

He was fat.

He looked at the open door the room towards the living room where the other members were joking and playing.

Hakyeon had always been in great shape, since he was a trainee, he never neglected his health or his figure.

Hongbin and Wonshik had amazing six packs already, whenever they went on shows they were asked to show them!

Jaehwan didn't had an amazing shape like Hongbin and Wonshik, neither a 'well-taken care of' shape like Hakyeon, but his figure was average, that just summed up to his cute appeal and it made him look cute.

Hyuk had been bulking up lately and a lot, he was taller and stronger, and he was still growing up.

All the members had amazing figures and then there was him.

He needed to lose weight. Now.

He skipped dinner that night and the next night, and the next, until his body was used to survive from the small bits of food he allowed himself to have.

"Hyung, you are really thin." Wonshik pointed out day. "You need to eat more." He said.

Taekwoon wanted to reject that statement, he wasn't thin enough yet. He had to go down another 8 or 10 pounds more.

But to know that his abstinence from eating was working made him smile, he thought he finally could be happy.

The Vixx LR was created. Both Wonshik and Taekwoon were encouraged to write songs for the group.

Wonshik already had experience composing songs for Vixx and Taekwoon had composed a fee songs too.

He was excited to show his songs to Wonshik once the CEO approved them but one night he was called to the office.

"Everything is okay?" The CEO asked. Taekwoon nodded slightly confused, was there something wrong maybe? Something he needed to fix?. "Your songs..." the CEO started. "We can't put them on the album, they are too depressing." He said softly, as if he was scared of the outcome.

Depressing? Taekwoon just put his thoughts out on the songs, he didn't mean to make them depressing. Was he depressed?.

"How are you feeling? How are things between the group and you?" The CEO urged to know.

Taekwoon fell in silence as he thought. How were things between the group and himself?. They were closer to each other now, right?.

Hakyeon kept on being clingy as always, Jaehwan was slightly distant but he was still close to him, Wonshik was very protective of him sometimes, but he also look after him all the time, Hongbin and Hyuk has gathered enough trust with him to make him the victim of multiple pranks and Hyuk sometimes even manhandles him.

No, they weren't closer to each other. Hakyeon and Wonshik had always pitied Taekwoon, they had always pity that the other boy couldn't stand up for himself. Jaehwan hated him, it was obvious, that's why the other main vocal never wanted to be near him, and the maknaes would be happier if Taekwoon hadn't made it into Vixx, they aggression towards him made it clear, Taekwoon knew this, but he didn't want to acknowledge it, he still had hopes that he could bond with them, that they could be like any other group, he still wanted to believe that he was good enough, but he wasn't.

When the CEO noticed Taekwoon wasn't answering he got worried. "Taekwoon? Is there a problem between the others and you?" Taekwoon shook his head. He couldn't say how it was a mistake for him to be placed in Vixx, he couldn't bring himself to do it, no, he was just going to work harder to be better, be good enough.

Jokes were told and laughs were heard as Vixx dealt with another variety show filming. Taekwoon was laughing too.

With time he learned how to fake a laugh so good, that it seemed legitimate.

At first, his sudden laughs caused by stupid jokes had taken the group by surprise, but now, they seemed to be at ease around him when he laughed along with them.

Sometimes tho, just sometimes, his fakes laughs would be discovered. "Hyung, is everything okay?" Hongbin asked in the waiting room of the show as he walked closer to Taekwoon.

Taekwoon looked up at Hongbin, the younger one had worried eyes. "Yeah, why?." Taekwoon said as Hongbin sat down next to him in the couch. Hongbin shook his head.

During the show, one of the MCs mentioned Taekwoon's weight. "How do you do to keep your figure!" He asked. It was supposed to be a compliment, Taekwoon is the thinner member, but Hongbin could swear he saw pain flash through Leo's eyes, that was quickly covered up by a laugh.

Hongbin decided to ask after the show ended, but he wasn't completely sure if what he saw, was even there.

There was no way Taekwoon was actually affected by such a nice comment, there was no way Taekwoon was affected by any comment regarding his weight!

But that night, after everyone was back at the dorms, Hongbin entered Taekwoon's bedroom without warning.

Taekwoon was like a deer caught in the headlights. His red cheeks damped with tears that flew like a waterfall from his red eyes.

"Hyung?" Hongbin asked, shocked filled in his voice as he slowly walked into the room. He didn't know what was he supposed to do in this situation, Taekwoon didn't know either. Hongbin had saw him in his most vulnerable state and Taekwoon's mind wasn't providing any good excuse.

Hongbin crawled into the bed. He walked so slowly, as if he was approaching a nervous animal, well, somehow, he was. Hongbin sat in front of Taekwoon once he had reached the other and with delicate hands he wiped Taekwoon's tears away.

Taekwoon hated it. It was enough with Hakyeon and Wonshik thinking that he was pitiful, now he was adding Hongbin to that list. 

"Hyung, what's wrong?" Hongbin asked, so softly, as if he was scared for the other members of Vixx to hear. Taekwoon just lowered his head, determined to ignore it, he shuffled through his bed until he was lying down under his covers.

He still could feel Hongbin's presence, looking straight at him, maybe laughing at how weak Taekwoon was, yeah that was the most probable thing. Taekwoon didn't uncover his head until he felt his bed shift.

He heard the door of the his room close and he poked his head out of the covers.

The next morning Taekwoon wished for Hongbin to forget what he saw yesterday night. When he stepped out of his room he waited for any kind of comment about how weak he was yesterday's night, but Hongbin just looked at him without commenting anything.

Taekwoon just let out a relieved sigh. He sat down on the floor near the entrance as he put on his shoes to go to the gym, he still could feel Hongbin's eyes on the back of his head. "Hyung" Hongbin called him out and Taekwoon could already hear him commenting about last night's event. "Come have breakfast before you leave" Hongbin suggested.

Taekwoon turned to him. He never eats breakfast before going out, the others were already used to this, Taekwoon always told them that he eats something on his way to the gym.

And Hongbin has always believed that, but after seeing his hyung cry last night, his head started to spin, what if Taekwoon isn't that thin because he works out but because he starves himself?. He couldn't allow that.

Hongbin patted the stool next to him. 

Taekwoon could have just said no and walk out but Hakyeon was in the kitchen and Sanghyuk was just waking up, he couldn't dare to bring too much attention to the topic, if he did they were going to start questioning him.

That day, he ate breakfast with Hongbin and half an hour later he was hidden on the gym's restroom while throwing up.

The simple act of eating had become an unknown activity, bringing too much food down his throat had caused his stomach to be upset that morning, even if he didn't actually ate the whole plate and even if Hongbin had pushed him to eat a little bit more.

He took a deep breath as he stood up walking out of the bathroom, taking his things and starting to walk back home. 

After that day, things started to become weird.

Every morning, Hongbin would tell Taekwoon to eat breakfast with him and then one day, Sanghyuk just decided to tag along with Taekwoon to his gym sessions. Did it bother Taekwoon? Yes it did. The maknae line of the group were destroying his already set routine.

Whenever they were at the gym, Hyuk would sometimes tell Taekwoon to stop, to rest, to not overwork, or just make him leave the gym earlier; and then would treat him lunch, most of the times taking the older boy to buffets and restaurants.

And oh, if Taekwoon refused to eat out with Hyuk, as soon as they were back at the dorms, Hongbin would be waiting with food on the table.

It was as if the maknaes were trying to get him to get overweight again!

The only thing Taekwoon had left to be able to burn all the calories the maknaes were forcing into him was extra practice. He could do it alone, tell Hakyeon to leave with the others and stay behind practicing the new choreographies.

And God when it was announced that Taekwoon was having a solo debut he felt happy. While the others were busy with their personal schedules Taekwoon was practicing, practicing so hard, leaving the dorms before anyone woke up, spending the whole day practicing non-stop and going back home after everyone was sleeping, sometimes, he wouldn't go back home at all.

But now, that was ruined too.

Hongbin and Hyuk sat against the mirrors while Taekwoon rehearsed the choreography again. "Hyung, take a rest" Hyuk said again, but Taekwoon ignored as he hummed the melody of the song while practicing.

Hongbin and Hyuk had chicken boxes placed on the floor, the boxes were closed, they were waiting to eat with their hyung, but Taekwoon wouldn't stop dancing. 

Another wrong move and Taekwoon groaned before starting all over again. "You are tired, you won't be able to finish without one mistake" Hongbin pointed out. It was logical. Taekwoon's dancers had told the maknaes that Taekwoon hasn't even eaten a chocolate bar before starting to practice non-stop, the dancers were right now eating lunch as Taekwoon stared at the mirror while trying to finish the routine by himself.

But he kept making mistakes and while he kept saying to himself that it was because he wasn't good at dancing, Hyuk and Hongbin could notice it was because of how exhausted Taekwoon's brain was.

"Hyung" Hyuk said again as Taekwoon stared at himself in the mirror, he was starting to move his body in a lethargic way as his mind started to drift. He looked awful, the reflection in the mirror was something he hated to see. He hated the way the skin from his arms hanged, he hated the way his cheeks were round and puffy, he hated it all.

He didn't come back to his senses until he felt warm arms around his sweaty body. He has been staring at his body absently-minded. Somewhere while he looked at his reflection, tears started to flow from his eyes and he had stopped moving.

Now Hyuk hugged him tightly as Hongbin held his hand.

"Hyung, just rest" Hyuk whispered. 

Taekwoon should have stopped the words coming from his mouth, but he didn't. "I need to keep practicing." He said as if it was obvious and Hongbin shook his head before pulling from the other one's hand softly.

They got to sit Taekwoon down and Hyuk opened one of the boxes.

"Hyung, we need to talk." Hyuk said serious while looking at Taekwoon in the eyes.

Taekwoon feared what they wanted to talk about, were they going to kick him out of Vixx? Tell him how much he was lacking?. He was terrified.

But the next words coming out of Hongbin's mouth were worse than anything he had imagined. "You are sick..." Hongbin whispered.

He had thought they were going to threat him, tell him they were going to tell everyone else. He thought they were going to tell the CEO and get him kicked out. After those two talk to him about his worrying weight lost, about his obsession for working out and about how worried they were, they left. 

Taekwoon was petrified. Even if Hyuk and Hongbin tried to made Taekwoon understand that they were worried and wanted to help him, he didn't understand it. He just understood that he was sick and that it was a problem for Vixx.

That night he almost broke down in tears as he walked into the dorm. When he opened the door of the dorm, everyone was sitting on the living room despite it already being extremely late. Hakyeon stood up right away at the sight of Taekwoon.

His eyes showed how worried he was. "Woonie" He whispered, almost as if he regretted something, and yes he did. Hakyeon regretted not noticing Taekwoon's behavior before. He regretted not listening to Hongbin's and Hyuk's warnings before. 

Hyung is acting weird. He skipped breakfast again. Is he sick again?.

He should have listened when they told him all that instead of just brushing it off. 

Since that night, things turned way weirder.

Every morning, one member of Vixx would already be awake, ready to eat lunch with Taekwoon and if needed, to force the main vocalist to eat too. Hakyeon would regularly go check on him during his practices and Wonshik would always be at the studios the same time Taekwoon was there. Jaehwan would go to work out with him and the maknaes...

Eish those two were killing Taekwoon.

They spend more time in Taekwoon's room rather than in their own bedrooms. 

At first he found it annoying.

But now, there were somedays, where Taekwoon would be hoping for one of the two youngest members to walk into his room with popcorns and a maybe loading on their laptop. 

There were days where he would be checking himself out on the full length-mirror while reading the small post-it notes that the other members had left on the mirror and he would be waiting for one of the two youngest to walk in and compliment him.

Like today.

He took his eyes away from his body and looked at the pink post-it not that was written with Hongbin's hand-writing. 

You fit in.