The world is still so complicated
and filled with unknown things
I need you, when I’m in your arms, I’m at rest

 my world ☞ weki meki

 

 

 

Yoojung had always loved fairytales; her mother read her one every night as a child. She called her a little princess, placed a tiara on her head every Halloween. After the first time it became a habit, to dress up as a princess every year. She told her that one day, someone would sweep her off of her feet.

 

"Knowing you, they'll come in dozens."

 

And her smile always convinced her that it was true. But happy endings don't come without hindrance, and once the storybooks had been put away, Yoojung had felt like her dreams were too. It all happened before she could even begin to take it in; the storm, watching from her window as her mom drove away to pick up her father. She never came back that night, and with it, the storm took her entire world away.

 

From then on, days would never be able to start right, not without a complete family. And she loved her dad, without a doubt she appreciated how hard he had worked to raise her on his own. But that day she had lost her best friend, and for a while she didn't think she could ever fill that gap.

 

Until she met Doyeon.

 

The first time Yoojung meets her, she’s eight years old and Doyeon is the one on the playground with the hot pink shirt and the sky blue training pants, running towards her as she’s clutching her knee with tears rolling down her face, red and scraped from the rocks below the monkey bars.

 

The infirmary room is a room of the school that Yoojung has seen way too much of, having habituated to the sound of the school nurse coming into the room with the clack of her heels and the click of her tongue. “Yoojung, you really need to be more careful sweetie. We don’t want to keep worrying your dad with all of these calls.”

 

Yoojung pulls her legs into herself sheepishly when the nurse is finished patching her knee up, dried tears glistening on her face. Doyeon stays, though she doesn’t really know why. She’s seated on the empty bed beside her, and Yoojung turns her head towards the tall girl, a slight tilt of curiosity. “Thanks for helping me.”

 

Doyeon shakes her head, “No problem. You’re really clumsy, aren’t you?”

 

Yoojung goes pink, turning away and resting her chin on her knees. “I-I don’t mean to be.”

 

“Maybe you need protection.” Doyeon suggests, then places a hand to her heart, “I’m a lot bigger than you, I could protect you.”

 

Yoojung furrows her brows, “I don’t need to be protected!” Doyeon gives her a look, eyes falling to the band-aid on her knee and then to an older scar on her elbow that Yoojung suddenly becomes self-conscious of, eyes following the taller’s gaze as she opens , “Okay fine, maybe I do. But how will you stop me from falling?”

 

Doyeon shrugs, “I won’t, but I can try to break your fall.”

 

“What if I get in trouble because you hurt yourself?”

 

“You idiot,” She chides harmlessly, “You’re not gonna get in trouble, only if I tell them you pushed me.”

 

Yoojung’s eyes goes comically wide at that. “W-would you?” Laughing, Doyeon assures her that she wouldn’t purposefully get her into trouble. “I don’t even know your name yet.”

 

“Kim Doyeon.” She says, smiling. “I’m your new best friend.”

 

(And Doyeon keeps her promise, standing underneath the monkey bars as if it’s just expected that Yoojung would fall. And she does, except Yoojung isn’t the one who gets scraped by the rocks.

 

“Yoojung, again?”

 

Yoojung shakes her head, “Nope, I’m here for her.”

 

Doyeon looks a little too proud as she’s seated on the infirmary bed, showing off the red cut on her arm.)

 

 

When they’re ten, Yoojung already has an extensive catalogue in her mind of Doyeon’s likes and dislikes, quirks and traits, talents and lack thereof. Like how she could eat chicken every day for a year and never get sick of it, or the way she flinched almost in pain at the sight of broccoli (Yoojung even went out of her way as to bring a whole container of broccoli to school one day, trapping Doyeon is a corner and waving it in her face, and needless to say, Doyeon was traumatized and ignored her for a whole week.) She was kind and friendly to everyone regardless of age and grade, and other times she’d lock Yoojung in a closet after she’d make fun of her.

 

She learns Doyeon’s knack for dancing when the day of the talent show creeps up on them and the younger slips away from her seat next to her on the gym floor and heads towards the front, her and a bunch of other girls from their grade shuffling onto the middle of the stage for a dance number they had put together. Yoojung claps through her awe, even after the rest of the applause dies out and Doyeon is on the side of the gym, making a heart above her head, grateful for her enthusiastic response.

 

Maybe it’s selfish to say she’s happy when she finds out there’s something that Doyeon can’t do better than her, feeling less horrible for not being able to do anything herself. There are controllers in their hands and Mario Kart on the screen, Yoojung screaming “Go! Go! Go!” at the top of her lungs while Doyeon attempts to distract her as she tries to catch up to her, though her efforts are futile when Yoojung crosses the finish line as Doyeon is just starting her third lap.

 

“Ha! I’m the Queen of Mario Kart, just admit it!” Yoojung gloats with a victory dance, unhindered by the pillow that Doyeon flings her way.

 

“No, it was just luck!”

 

“Let’s play again, then!”

 

“I don’t want to.” Doyeon tosses the control across the floor and crosses her arms, as stubborn as a twelve year old usually is.

 

“Sore loser.” Yoojung sticks her tongue out at her, yelping when Doyeon lunges forwards and tackles her to the ground, insisting that she’s just an arrogant brat. “Just let me be good at something for once!” Yoojung grumbles and Doyeon stops immediately, sitting up and searching Yoojung’s eyes, who’s confused at the sudden seriousness in the air.

 

“You’re good at a lot of things.” Doyeon says without a tinge of sarcasm, the gentleness in her voice perplexing her. And then Yoojung is crawling across the floor and sitting cross-legged, leaning her back against the edge of the couch.

 

“I’m not good at anything.” Yoojung claims, refusing to look Doyeon in the eyes. “You’re the fun, talented one and I’m the boring friend.”

 

“You’re not boring, you’re super funny.” Doyeon tries to encourage her but Yoojung isn’t having any of it.

 

“You said my jokes .”

 

“Then why am I always laughing at them?” She asks her like she should know the answer better than she does. “You’re funny even when you don’t try. People like to be around you because you make them smile."

 

Yoojung frowns, picking at a stray string of fabric from the bottom of her sweater. “They say I’m lame too.”

 

“We’re kids, we don’t like to admit anything.” The taller laughs as to abate the stiffness, but Yoojung can barely lift her head. “We’re selfish and we want to be better than everyone else so we don’t tell people they're cool because were jealous.” When Yoojung doesn’t speak, Doyeon scoots closer, poking her in the arm. “Hey, remember last year when that older girl was pushing me around?”

 

Yoojung’s anger flares up at the very mention of the memory; bullies on their own were something she despised, but when someone tried to take out their misplaced anger on Doyeon, that was the breaking point of Yoojung’s patience. Doyeon didn’t deserve anything less than love. “I don’t regret yelling at her.”

 

“It wasn’t fun to see you get in trouble for it,” Doyeon admits, “But you did it for me, and ever since then I’ve never felt unsafe with you. We bicker all the time but I know you have the biggest heart. You don’t have to dance or play sports or be good at Mario Kart to be a good person.” The younger consoles her, a comforting hand squeezing her shoulder. “Plus, you have your whole life left to find out what you’re good at. What about singing? You have so much fun during karaoke!”

 

Yoojung colors pink, “That’s just for fun, I don’t think I’m that good at it.”

 

“Oh come on, you have a great voice!” Doyeon encourages her, “You could make a career with it, seriously.”

 

“I think you have too much faith in me.” Yoojung mutters, sighing as she climbs onto the couch and lies on her back, staring up at the ceiling.

 

“Hey, I believe in you.” Doyeon tells her, patting her head. “So you should believe me, too.”

  

 

 

They’re thirteen when things get strange.

 

Doyeon calls her over for help with her English homework. It’s a day just like any else—or it should be, until Yoojung realizes that her stare lingers for a second too long on the strenuous vertical line between Doyeon’s eyebrows when she can’t quite understand a sentence in her book, and her smiles are bigger than usual when Doyeon lights up after getting a question right or correctly deciphering a line.

 

Her mind is never where she wants it to be that day, from the fact that the slightest movement of her arm could make their fingers brush, to the unconscious of her pencil that scribble Doyeon’s name all over her notebook. She’s only aware of the single heart she redraws over and over again when Doyeon calls her name, slamming her notebook shut immediately as if it wasn’t probably the most suspicious thing to do.

 

“Uh, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine.” Yoojung chuckles stiffly, then turns the attention off of her, “What were you saying?”

 

It’s not the last time she experiences the flutter, not when all they do is whisper nothing and everything late into the nights of their sleepovers, in the treehouse seated upon the tree in the middle of their houses, rooms adjoined with branches and wooden board bridges. They’d finally been able to get permission from their parents to sleep in their little hangout spot for the night, excitement bubbling inside them as they watched movies on Doyeon’s older sister’s laptop and gossiped for hours on end.

 

When they’ve simmered down, they’re lying side by side on a mountain on blankets, eyes trained on the roof.  

 

“Are you scared?” Yoojung asks her with a soft, tired voice, clearly drained from the tiring day.

 

“Of what?”

 

“The future.” She clarifies. “Doesn’t it scare you?”

 

Doyeon purses her lips, “Hm, not really. I’m more of a focus-on-the-present kind of girl.” Then she turns onto her side, facing her. “Why are you scared?”

 

“I don’t know, it’s just… so unclear. We’re going to keep growing up, we might find different things we like and eventually those things could drive us apart.” From the way her face falls, Doyeon can probably discern that it’s a serious worry for her.

 

Doyeon frowns, “You think you’re gonna lose me?”

 

“Not just lose you, but lose you to someone else. Like the cheerleading squad or the cute basketball captain. You know how high school goes, as head cheerleader you’ll have to date the captain of whatever sports team is the most popular, it’s like, in the rulebook.”

 

Doyeon snorts, “There’s no rulebook that says that.”

 

“There are a dozen rom-coms that say otherwise.” Yoojung retorts.

 

“Yeah and one of them usually ends up breaking up with them for someone else.”

 

Yoojung makes a non-committal sound, pausing for a moment before continuing, “We’re gonna be on two different aspects of social order. You’re gonna find people way cooler than me and I’m just gonna get tossed aside.”

 

“You really think that’s what I’m gonna do? Ditch you for people who don’t know how to eat chicken wings properly?”

 

Yoojung hits her in the shoulder, ignoring the younger’s laughter. “I’m serious! I’m gonna be the lame choir kid and you’re gonna be the popular cheerleader and you could totally forget about me.”

 

At that, Doyeon sits up, turning to face Yoojung and looks her in the eyes with the more serious expression she can muster. She speaks gently, though she sounds stern. “Listen to me, Choi Yoojung. We’re going to walk into the first day of high school together, and we’re gonna walk out of it together too. You can hold me to that promise.”

 

Yoojung bites the inside of her cheek, hoping Doyeon can’t see the hope in her eyes, how fear that this could go away. “And if you break it?”

 

“You can banish me to a world of Yoojung-less meals and talks and sever the branch connecting my room to this treehouse and it’s gonna be the worst thing ever.” Doyeon imitates a sword being shoved into her stomach at the very idea of it.

 

“And what if I don’t want to do that?” Yoojung starts slowly, maybe unsurely, like she thinks she’ll be judged for not wanting to push Doyeon away even after a broken promise.

 

Doyeon presses her lips together, thinking pensively, “Then you can order me to do the most publicly humiliating thing you can think of. Make me suffer for even thinking of breaking a promise to you.”

 

Almost immediately, Yoojung breaks into a fit of giggles, “You’re such a masochist.”

 

Doyeon smiles at her, then shrugs playfully, “Perhaps.”

 

They fall into a comfortable silence, one that speaks for the both of them of the expectations and the trust they hold. The tension of Yoojung’s previous troubles is still there in bits and barrages, but she knows better than to let it affect how she acts around Doyeon.

 

Yoojung in a breath, smiling softly. “You're right, high school is gonna be great.”

 

“It will be, and it better be ready, because it’ll have Dodaeng to deal with.” Doyeon sticks her nose up in the air, arms crossing over her chest confidently.

 

Yoojung lifts a judging but amused eyebrow, “Is that what we’re called now?”

 

“Yeah, Doyeon and Yoodaeng, it’s cute right?” Yoojung can hear the lethargy in her own laugh, “Now go to sleep, will you? Your eye bags could give my Michael Kors’ a run for their money.”

 

A louder laugh is elicited from her, “What Michael Kors? Everything in your jobless room is from Ardenes.”

 

Doyeon rolls her eyes, “Actually, even Ardenes is expensive for my jobless .” She lets out a quiet chuckle before falling back onto the pile of pillows behind them and pulling the blanket up to her chin, leaving her with a soft goodnight.

 

 

 

At seventeen, Yoojung is the best second soprano in her chamber choir and Doyeon is the Queen of the school and nothing about them has changed, not really. They’re just older, and the standards of high school students are held a lot higher than they were middle school.

 

Yoojung had never really grown out of her shyness, always walking the halls with her head hung low, clutching tightly at her books as she rushed to her classes. And even though she was able to make new friends, she could never really push herself to step out of her comfort zone, to do more than what she had always done before. Heck, it took her a whole year of coaxing before junior year for her to finally decide she was going to audition for the chamber choir, and even then she had zero faith she could make it in. She thinks that joining choir in the first place was a miracle in itself, but a decision she doesn’t regret when she’s grown to find solace in the familiarity of it, after spending years in the same room with the same people.

 

Now dance, on the other hand, was something she could never bring herself to accomplish, no matter how long she had paced in front of the studio the day of auditions, contemplating whether or not she could be good enough. She had never shown on her face the longing and regret when she watched Doyeon walk out of the studio, giddy with excitement because she’d executed the audition piece perfectly. Maybe, if she plucked up the damn courage to try, she could have done it too.

 

Doyeon had tried seemingly every new thing the year they got there, from cheerleading to basketball to joining the dance crew and the drama club. She was the gorgeous head cheerleader with a heart of gold and no one could dislike her, not even if they tried. And still, even with a reputation that so many girls would kill for, even with so many people tripping over themselves to be friends with her, Doyeon still chose to stick with Yoojung. All these years, Yoojung was the choir nerd that no one knew and Doyeon was the constant talk of the school but they were inseparable as always.

 

Yoojung can’t pinpoint why exactly—she knows Doyeon’s popular friends question it too. She feels the judgmental eyes whenever they walk the halls together or go shopping at the mall. Maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for so long, maybe Doyeon feels too bad to just leave her hanging after years’ worth of friendship on their backs. Yoojung hates to doubt Doyeon’s intentions, because Doyeon is the sweetest person anyone could ever come across, but she can’t help the direction her mind goes in. To her, she’ll always be the burden, the obligation that time has put on them. And she hates that she thinks that way.

 

Their treehouse is still in great shape after all these years, its interior design having changed multiple times along with their constantly-changing phases. By now there are strings and strings of polaroids hanging on the walls, fairy lights twinkling just above them.

 

Yoojung is ungracefully woken up from her accidental nap by a pillow to her face, courtesy of Doyeon. “Wake up, Daeng, you’re drooling.”

 

She scowls at the younger, wiping with the sleeve of her cardigan before snapping back sarcastically, “You’re so good to me.”

 

Doyeon is sprawled on her back with her head hanging upside down over a teal bean bag on the floor just across Yoojung, who's seated comfortably in the hammock chair, quietly sight reading her lines for their new concert repertoire.

 

“Remind me to thank the person who suggested the masquerade theme for the Halloween dance. I love masquerades! This is gonna be so fun, isn’t it gonna be so fun?”

 

Yoojung looks up from her sheet music briefly, eyes still droopy from her nap, the corner of quirking up slightly at the sheer excitement in Doyeon’s voice. “Sure.”

 

“That was the most unenthusiastic ‘sure’ I’ve ever heard from you.” Doyeon complains, rolling onto her stomach. “Are you really not excited for it?”

 

Yoojung merely shakes her head, “Not really. I don’t think I’ll even be going to the dance anyways.”

 

Doyeon sits up abruptly at that, Yoojung thinks she could have nearly snapped her neck with how quickly she looks up at her. “What?”  She says in disbelief, “Why not?”

 

She shrugs, “You know I would never willingly put myself in a room filled with hundreds of people.”

 

“But you don’t even have to show your face or even reveal your identity, we’re all gonna be in masks.”

 

“Yeah, but we’ll still be the same people under them.” She comments offhandedly, then goes to sight read the tenor line for fun.

 

Doyeon pouts, “So?”

 

“So, I don’t really want to spend the night with a bunch of people I don’t really care for.” Yoojung explains further, “Plus, even if we’re in masks there’s still the pressure of having to go with someone.”

 

“Uh, you’d go with me, duh.”

 

Yoojung narrows her eyes at the younger, voice growing taut. “You’re going with Woojin.” The one thing Yoojung wishes had changed was her perception of high school’s general rule of thumb, in which it was stated that the head cheerleader always dated the captain of the basketball team. But life was too predictable, and everything ended up working out the way it was supposed to, the way it was written in the book.

 

Doyeon presses her lips into a thin line, eyes meeting the floor. “Oh, right.”

 

It’s not that Yoojung didn’t like Woojin; despite being in a position of senior royalty he was surprisingly humble and friendly, and definitely attractive. And it’s not like she had any right to stop Doyeon from liking or dating anyone she wanted to, she was her best friend and she was supportive of Doyeon in whatever she did. But that never stopped her heart from dropping to the floor when she found out, didn’t prevent the misery of knowing exactly where she stood in Doyeon’s life, and that would never be as hers.

 

“Well, you could still tag along with us, I’m sure Woojin won’t mind.”

 

“I’d really rather not spend my night being a third wheel.” The lines of her sheet music are growing blurry, “Anyways, this is your night. You’re a shoe in for Homecoming Queen and Woojin is going to be Homecoming King and you should enjoy it.”

 

“How do I enjoy it without you?” Doyeon asks quietly. It sends an annoying flutter through her chest that she has to push down.

 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Do.” Yoojung assures her. And it’s true, Doyeon would be fine, even if Yoojung wasn’t.

 

“Fine. But in place of you ditching me on one of the greatest nights of our high school career.” Yoojung rolls her eyes at Doyeon’s theatrics. “We’re gonna spend the rest of this night dishing out all of the secrets.”

 

Yoojung flinches, wondering if she was that obvious. “What secrets? Have you been hiding things from me, Bing?” She says only out of good humor, she doesn’t expect the conversation to throw her into a panic.

 

“I’m not talking about me, hun.” Doyeon says suggestively, accusingly.

 

“I don’t have any secrets, if that’s what you’re implying.” Yoojung defends as she picks up her phone and flips between the two pages of her home screen to look as indifferent as possible. “We’ve known each other for how long? And you think you don’t know everything there is to know about me?”

 

“Come on, daeng.” Doyeon presses on, “The point is that I’ve known you for so long, I know you like the back of my hand and therefore, I know that look in your eyes. You’re hiding somethiiing.” She sings the last part, provoking.

 

“You’re delusionaaal.” Yoojung sings back, a sardonic grin on her face, eyes narrowing.

 

“I can’t believe we have secrets between us now.” Doyeon looks sullen, falling back onto the bean bag.

 

“We don’t.” Yoojung reminds her, with as much reassurance she can muster despite being so horribly dishonest. “Anyways, can we move onto more important matters?" She averts the attention away from herself. "Mario Kart at your place?”

 

She’s relieved when Doyeon drops the topic immediately for her suggestion, eyes flashing with competitiveness. “Oh, you’re so losing today.”

 

 

---

 

  

Yoojung pulls up to Jihoon’s house Thursday morning, just in time to see him walk out his front door, wearing a ridiculously sparkly cabaret suit, a red so blinding that Yoojung feels it prickling at her skin like pellets of fire. “Park Jihoon, what in God’s name are you wearing? Halloween isn’t until next Wednesday.”

 

“I’m getting into character!” Jihoon quips after climbing over the door into the passenger seat, smoothing his suit down with his hands.

 

Yoojung gives him another once over and rolls her eyes, “I’m not driving you to school like that.”

 

Jihoon pouts, “Why not?”

 

“Just please, change?” He huffs indignantly, but steps back out of the car and into his house to change. Jihoon was always over the top, living and breathing dramatics, but Yoojung liked to avoid being in everyone’s line of vision and most of the time that required staying at least a few feet away from Jihoon.

 

Once he’s in a less attention-stealing outfit, Yoojung finally drives them to school. “I can’t believe you’re stunting my growth as an actor.” He’s still disputing with her as they pull into the school parking lot, now void of vacancy due to the extra time it took to get Jihoon to get changed.

 

“I just saved your reputation, you should be thanking me.” Yoojung reckons, catching a free spot in her peripheral vision and attempting to reverse into it. But before she can, another car comes in from the other side of the lot and steals the spot. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

 

She watches as Woojin gets out of the driver’s seat, followed by Doyeon, who squints until she notices her. “Sorry Yoojung! We didn’t see you there!”

 

Woojin looks confused, until Doyeon hits his arm and mumbles something to him, and the lightbulb goes off in his head. He shoots her an apologetic look, “Sorry! I saw the spot and took it, didn’t mean to steal it from you.”

 

“It’s fine.” Yoojung says as she drives past them, eyes focused on anything but them.

 

When she finally finds a parking spot, her and Jihoon make their way to choir room for their first class of the day. They’re greeted by their classmates, who are gathered around the piano, playing around before class starts.

 

Yoojung doesn’t think her voice is anything special, but she does love to sing so she’s glad she was able to get into the chamber choir along with Jihoon. Jihoon had pestered her about it constantly, until she finally gave into his convincing and they auditioned together. For the entire two months of waiting for the list to be posted, she was convinced that Jihoon was the only one who was gonna make it. She hadn’t even gone to check the list when it had been posted; Jihoon went alone just in case the absence of her name did any further damage to her self-esteem. The second she received the picture Jihoon sent of the list, congratulating her on making it with him, she was ecstatic.

 

Before their teacher arrives, the group is all singing the first soprano line from the top of their lungs, Jihoon singing it in his broken falsetto and Yoojung is laughing at him. “Hey! You’re supposed to join in, not make fun of me!”

 

“I’m only a second!” Yoojung objects, “I get scared in that area of the staff!”

 

Jihoon drags Yoojung to the side of the room, away from the rest of the choir. “So, I’ve been planning for a while and I’ve decided we’re going to the dance as Romeo and Juliet!”

 

“Wait, you want to be star-crossed lovers for the dance?”

 

“It’s tragic, isn’t it great?”

 

“Jihoon, we’re already tragic.” Yoojung says pointedly. He’s looking at her expectantly and she hesitates, “And I’m... not sure I wanna go to the dance.”

 

“What?!” Jihoon shrieks and the rest of the group turn their eyes towards them curiously. Yoojung chuckles awkwardly before pulling Jihoon down to a whisper. “Keep your voice down, will you?” She sighs, rucking her fingers through her hair pensively. “I’m just, not up to watch people pretend to be something they’re not.”

 

Jihoon in his cheeks, crossing his arms. Yoojung squirms, knowing that Jihoon is one hell of a good convincer. “You know, I stayed up late every night for like the last five years making our costumes from scratch. So if you don’t go in the costume I handmade for you, you’d be a pretty ty friend.”

 

Okay, so maybe more of a blackmailer. But who is she to blame him, he gets it from her. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and opens up a picture of her Juliet costume, hung up on the back of his door. “Look at it! It’s wonderful!”

 

And it really is. It’s not a traditionally Renaissance costume, it’s very modernized, but the gold details at the waist make it very Juliet, like a sleek red dress that seems to be beckoning her. Jihoon has always had a knack for making things look extra special, he had his own flair that, really, not much people could compete with. All of his creations always manage to scream Jihoon. She’d be a horrible friend not to wear it, especially with the time he had clearly put into it. Yoojung groans, “This is why you don’t put in work for someone as unreliable as me.”

 

Jihoon simply shrugs, “So are you going or are you going?”

 

Yoojung looks wistfully at her lock screen picture with Doyeon. “Well, I am the only one who could do justice to this costume.”

 

Jihoon finally breaks into a smile, “Yay! I knew you were my favorite for a reason.”

 

“So you like me better than Ariana?”

 

Jihoon snorts at that, waving a teasing finger at her. “Don’t push it.”

 

 

---

 

  

Days of school and work come and go by quickly and Halloween creeps up, the day everyone except her was excited about. After school she finds herself in her usual uniform, black slacks and a white button up, wiping down the front counter of the diner she works at.

 

She doesn’t know if Jihoon’s entrance is her salvation or just utter second-hand embarrassment but at least he pulls it off, gliding into the diner with his clean fitted suit and perfectly shaped hair. But the outfit is hardly the point of embarrassment here, it’s his loud Shakespearean talk that causes her to immediately duck behind the counter to hide from him. “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet. Oh, Juliet! Let down your hair! Oh wait, that’s Rapunzel—”

 

“O Romeo, O Romeo! Shut the  up, Romeo.” She whisper-shouts from her place behind the counter, rolling her eyes at the offensive look on his face. “Now will you please stop? You’re giving me second-hand embarrassment.”

 

“Second-hand embarrassment doesn’t exist in friendship.” Jihoon says pointedly, jumping to sit on a highchair in front of her. “What are you doing in your work uniform, Choi Yoojung? I told you not to pick up a shift tonight and you just disregard my words?”

 

Yoojung sneers, raising the rag in her hand as to hit him but regains control of her anger. “I only said I’d think about it.”

 

“Well tick tock sis!” Jihoon taps at his bare wrist, “The dance is starting in an hour and you still need to get into your costume and do your makeup!”

 

“Oh, hi Jihoon!” Suyeon comes out from the kitchen and greets him, “You look great.”

 

“Thank you! At least someone appreciates me.” Jihoon glares Yoojung down before smiling back at Suyeon.

 

“So what are you all dressed up for?”

 

“The masquerade.” He tells her, “Yoojung here is gonna walk in with the finest handmade Juliet costume.”

 

Suyeon gasps, “Aw, Yoojung! I didn’t know you were going! Just last week you were complaining about how superficial everyone was for caring about a lame high school dance..”

 

Yoojung colors red, “It wasn’t exactly my decision.”

 

“Yeah, I guilt tripped her into it.” Jihoon says proudly, to which Suyeon throws a ‘nice’ at and high fives him, both ignoring the dirty look she throws them. “But all in good-nature! wait ‘til you see her costume!”

 

“Ooh! Show me show me!” Suyeon jumps excitedly, flinching when Yoojung snaps her fingers in front of her face.

 

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be working?” Yoojung chides the older girl, “And aren’t you supposed to be the one yelling at me for not working?”

 

Suyeon waves a dismissive hand, “I can turn the other cheek if it means getting you to your first school dance!”

 

“Unprofessionalism.” Yoojung sneers with narrowed eyes, nose scrunching up.

 

“Hey, I am two years older than you, young lady.” Suyeon points a scolding finger at her. “And as the daughter of the couple that own this place, I hereby declare you free for the night!”

 

“You know, life would be so much easier if you were putting my job on the line like a normal employer.” She laments, a bitter smile on her face.

 

“See, this is life telling you that you need to go to this dance!” Jihoon shakes her by the shoulders vigorously. “Now get out of that ugly uniform—sorry, no offense Suyeon—and into this beautiful dress!”

 

Yoojung bites her lip, placing a hand on the garment bag. With an inhale of resoluteness, she nods. “Okay, okay, fine. I’ll go, but only for the dress.”

 

 

 

“Yoojung will you hurry up!” Jihoon huffs at her impatiently. She’s hiding behind a curtain just before the staircase because she’s never been to a school dance before and has never dressed like this and it’s all so new to her she thinks she might pass out. The dress fits her perfectly, like only she could wear it. It hangs just below her shoulders, collarbone on show. It fits nice and snug until the waist, where it flourishes out and down, ending just an inch above the ground. It’s beautiful, even more than she imagined, and she feels beautiful in it. “You look like Juliet’s hotter older sister so get out here!”

 

“I’m just freaking out, okay?!” The panic in her voice rises, “What if someone tries to talk to me?”

 

“Then talk back.” Jihoon replies simply, “You’re wearing a mask, you don’t need to be worried tonight. Just let loose, relax, and socialize without any strings attached.”

 

Yoojung exhales nervously, taking another deep breath before stepping out from behind the curtain. She takes Jihoon’s hand as they head towards the staircase down to the dance floor. What she doesn’t expect is for a spotlight to hit both of them, all eyes fixated on the two of them but Yoojung is sure they’re all looking at Jihoon. They can’t even recognize her; they wouldn’t be able to without the mask anyways. Slowly, they descend down the staircase and Yoojung’s heart bursts in her chest as she realizes just how much this feels like a fairytale—the one thing she had always dreamed of as a kid but kept hidden away in her heart for so long. In her dreamlike world there’s a formless palace of possibilities and a kind of exhilaration that isn’t just fleeting. All of the memories of the stories her mother used to tell her come flooding in and she thinks she could cry at how overwhelming it is. Maybe real life would never be as magical as her dreamland, but should she ever come close, she knows she’ll hold onto these moments for as long as she could.

 

For one night, she could be the princess she’d always secretly dreamed of being.

 

They make their way towards the snack table, looking on at the crowded gym, dozens of students on the dance floor, letting go and having fun. “People actually dance at these things?” Jihoon scoffs at the surprise in her voice.

 

“What did you think they came here for?”

 

Yoojung shrugs, “I don’t know, to dress up in ways they can’t on regular school days, and make out in public places to spite people who can’t get any.”

 

Jihoon snickers. “Careful, your jealousy is showing.” She rolls her eyes, picking up a truffle from the snack table and popping it into , almost choking when Jihoon starts nudging her side with his elbow. “Whoa, this is why people come to dances, to see the love of their life look like that.”

 

“What are you—” She turns around, following his line of vision until her eyes fall onto Doyeon, who Yoojung finds for the millionth time can and implacably does bring about a feeling that no one else quite can. Her handheld mask is off of her face, as she greets her friends with a smile. And sure, Yoojung had seen her dress in pictures beforehand, Doyeon had raved to her about finding the prettiest purple high-low dress for the cheerleaders’ dark fairy theme. But seeing the dress by itself and seeing it on Doyeon are two differently things entirely and Yoojung is struggling to catch her breath.

 

She’s gorgeous, with her long curled hair and her soft red lips, smile outshining the entire room and radiating this exquisite delicate energy that no one else could compare to and she’s gorgeous.

 

“Looks like your gay is slipping out too.” Jihoon dodges the swing her arm makes to his chest. But when she looks back, Woojin is suddenly by Doyeon’s side, and Yoojung remembers just why she didn’t want to be here. Jihoon seems to pick up on this too, because he’s hitting her arm lightly, attempting to bring her attention elsewhere.

 

“Come on, are you really not gonna dance? Your identity is hidden by your mask! Not to mention it’s too dark in here for anyone to make your face out.”

 

Yoojung taps her foot, contemplatively. It has been a while since she’s really actually danced—most of the time she’d only be dancing in this small contained box while she was in bed or sitting at her desk. She misses it, there’s no doubt about that. With the help of Jihoon’s persuading puppy eyes, she lets her arms fall to her sides defeatedly. “Okay fine, I’ll dance with you.”

 

Jihoon lights up immediately, “Wait, seriously? You’re gonna have so much fun tonight, Choi Yoojung, I swear.” He ushers her onto the dance floor, pushing their way towards the middle. Everyone around them seem to be having fun, she wonders why she hadn’t realized how easygoing and carefree a dance could be. Most of these people aren’t here to be impressive dancers, they’re here for fun, and it’s about time she finally lets loose. Jihoon gets into the song immediately, all smooth confidence and free-moving, catching the attention of nearby people who dance with them for a while. Jihoon takes her hand when he sees her get tense, “Just be free, Juliet! Tonight is all about cutting loose.”

 

Yoojung grins, conceding when he lifts their arms above their heads, getting into the groove of the song. Once she really tries to have fun, she gets engulfed in the lively atmosphere, the music pounding in her ears and blood rushing through her veins and she realizes this isn’t bad at all.

 

A few songs later a circle forms around an empty space in the middle of the gym, where a boy starts freestyling, encouraged by the cheers around him. By his movements alone she can tell it’s Hwanwoong—Yoojung had gone to watch plenty of their school crew’s dance competitions for Doyeon, and Hwanwoong would always catch her eye. He’s undoubtedly great, and is soon joined by someone she also recognizes as Eunki, as they work in perfect harmony together. The song ends and the next one picks up the tempo, she watches around the circle as various groups of people are pushing at their friends to jump into the circle, all who look a little scared to. Soon, Jihoon is doing the same to her, attempting to nudge her into the middle.

 

“What are you doing?” Yoojung splutters, spinning around to keep in the crowd. But Jihoon clearly has other plans, because he’s adamant on getting her out of the crowd and into the spotlight.

 

“Giving you your chance to shine!”

 

Jihoon successfully pushes her into the circle just as another girl from the other side of the gym steps into it too. The mass cheer them on, evidently expectant. The other girl gives her an inviting smile, before turning around to hype up the crowd even more, and jumping into freestyle. She’s good, clean and sharp, rarely missing a beat. She successfully wins over the crowd, putting even more pressure on Yoojung as she stands there, head whirring with ideas and moves as she studies the beat. The girl finishes shortly after, stepping closer and makes the act of dusting off Yoojung’s shoulders as she passes her the baton, a string of oooo’s all around her.

 

She takes a deep breath, remembering the fact that no one knows who she is right now, and this is what allows her to start moving. By now she knows exactly how the song is going to go, where it slows and where it speeds up, where the hi-hats are highlighted and where the spaces of silence land. She uses this to her advantage, bringing in some moves from her old choreography, that’s sharp and quick, matching with the accents and moving with the melody. She’s ready when the song slows at the pre-chorus and adjusts to it seamlessly, the crowd egging her on with their uproar. And then she’s right back to speed when the chorus drops, her body moving on its own accord and demanding attention, reveling in it. She ends it with a spin, giving the other girl a little wave, who’s clapping in appreciation, before turning on her heels and walking back to where Jihoon is, as him and the girls around him bunch around her with admiration.

 

“Holy , dude, that was amazing!” Jihoon marvels, “I can’t believe I’ve never seen you dance before, that’s so unfair! How dare you hide that!”

 

Yoojung snorts, hitting him on her arm playfully. Then there’s a different kind of surprise on his face, his eyes directed behind her. He pokes at her arm frantically, head nodding, motioning her to turn around. And when she does, she comes face to face with a familiar girl in a purple dress, knocking the air out of her lungs.

 

“Hey! I saw you out there a while ago, you were amazing!” Doyeon enthuses, just as the DJ slows it down to a fluid mid-tempo song, one she recognizes as Valentine’s Dance Tango. “I was wondering if you wanted to dance with me? I think it would be fun!”

 

This is not happening. Her and Doyeon, dancing? To this? It stuns her for a whole minute, until Doyeon is waving a hand across her face and she snaps out of her shock. "Hello?"

 

For fear of being found out, Yoojung simply nods, heart thumping rapidly in her chest when Doyeon gives her that melting smile, holding out her hand and leading her onto the dance floor. Tentatively, Doyeon places one hand on Yoojung's waist, her other gripping tighter at Yoojung's own hand. Yoojung swallows down the lump in at the sheer intimacy of the position, though lifts a hand to Doyeon's shoulder and prays that it's not obvious she's shaking. "Are you okay with following my lead?"

 

Yoojung nods twice, anticipating every move that Doyeon makes next. For a moment she's nervous that she'll mess up and step on Doyeon’s foot or get caught in her own dress, but the second Doyeon takes the first step, Yoojung is right there following after her, because somehow she knows exactly what Doyeon wants to do before she does it, because they're Doyeon and Yoojung they work so perfectly together like this, in a harmony that only years of being together could create.

 

They’re so close, impolitely so, practically nose to nose and it’s taking all of Yoojung’s self-control to push away the infatuation bubbling in her. She’s just glad the gym is dark enough to hide the growing blush on her cheeks. Doyeon takes a step forward with her left foot and Yoojung’s right traces a circle behind her, slowly. They spin and then Doyeon lets go of her hand to let her twirl thrice more, following behind her and grabbing her waist again, once again falling back into a seamless step and turn sequence. Yoojung’s leg comes up to wrap around the back of Doyeon’s as the younger leans back onto her other leg, bringing them lower for a short moment. Everyone else in the room slips into the background, Yoojung finding herself lost in a world of their own.

 

She hears distant cheering and whistling as they continue to glide across the dance floor but all of it is white noise as she catches Doyeon's eyes, her enticing doe brown eyes, sparkling with delight and Yoojung has never been so in love. "You're a natural." Doyeon compliments, a warmth spreading through her body at the softness and sincerity in her voice.

 

Yoojung is silent for a beat, and for a moment she thinks she might speak up even if it blows her cover, but as she's opening she hears someone yelling behind her, "Juliet!" Jihoon practically knocks into her in the process, causing her to fall into Doyeon, who wraps her arms around her protectively. "So um, slight problem, I didn't tell my mom I was going tonight because I'm kind of grounded and I thought she wasn't going to be home until after midnight but as it turns out, she's on her way home, like now." Yoojung raises a confused brow. "As in we need to go, like now."

 

Just then, the music cuts out as the Student Council President makes her way up onto the stage, mic and envelope in hand. “Alright guys, I know you’re having fun but it’s almost midnight which means it’s time to announce your choices for Homecoming King and Queen!”

 

She turns back to Doyeon with a regretful look on her face, watching as Doyeon's face falls slightly as well. "You're leaving already? I haven’t even gotten your name.”

 

Jihoon tugs at her sleeve impatiently, “Come on!”

 

“Your Homecoming King 2017 is, no surprise here, Park Woojin!” An applause erupts throughout the room, spotlight shining down on Woojin, who, with a embarrassed look on his face, makes his way up onto the stage to be crowned.

 

She opens to say something, but she’s cut off again, “And your Homecoming Queen 2017, winning by a landslide, Kim Doyeon!” As best as she can mask it, she drops her voice an octave lower than usual, throwing her a quick sorry before letter herself be pulled away from her. She feels a pang in her chest when her hand slips out of Doyeon's, the younger attempting reaching out for her but missing, as people begin to crowd around the cheerleader with smiles and congratulations.

 

"Yoojung, oh my God, you were dancing with Doyeon!" Jihoon asks excitedly as they're jumping into his car, wasting no time starting up the ignition. "You two looked like you were made to dance with each other it was so cool!"

 

"It was amazing." She says a little breathlessly, the events from minutes before dawning on her even more now that it was over. There’s an emptiness, an overwhelming feeling of disorientation from the moment she’d let go of Doyeon’s hand.

 

Jihoon's mouth drops open suddenly, spluttering as he’s pulling out of the parking lot. "Holy , so did she know it was you? Wait, that’s a stupid question, how could she not know it was you, she would have recognized your voice. Did you confess? Wait back up even more, does she know you’re into girls too?"

 

“Wha—of course she does, she teased me all of seventh grade about my enormous crush on Chungha. But to answer your ten thousand other questions, she didn't know it was me, because I didn't talk." She admits sheepishly, unsure of whether or not she regrets not telling her. Would she believe her if she ever decided to?

 

“What?" Jihoon says incredulously, almost forgetting to stop at the stop sign, "How did you go that entire time without talking? She's your best friend, why didn't you talk?"

 

"She didn't even know I was there tonight." She tells him truthfully, "I told her I wasn't going."

 

"Well are you gonna tell her?"

 

Yoojung chews on her lip, "I don't know." Everything was happening too fast and she’s scrambling to sort out her thoughts.

 

"You don't know?" Jihoon furrows his brows, unable to comprehend. "What are you hiding from, Yoojung?"

 

"I'm not hidin—" She cuts herself off when Jihoon throws her a pointed look, "Okay, I'm hiding. But I have my reasons!"

 

"Like?"

 

"Like..." She tries to think of something, anything to back up her argument but she's falling short and she hates that Jihoon is right. "Like she could be mad if she finds out I went to the dance one, without her, and two, without telling her."

 

"I think she'd be more interested in the fact that you can dance like that."

 

"Or, she could kill me for not telling her!"

 

"Yoojung, you're projecting." Jihoon says simply, "You know her, Doyeon is anything but petty and even if she was upset that you didn't tell her it would be overridden by the excitement that you had a hidden talent!"

 

"The point of a hidden talent is that it's hidden." Yoojung stresses, finally slipping her mask off of her face. "And one thing she will do if she finds out is try to push me into showcasing it, which, mind you, is the exact opposite of what I want to do!"

 

"Why don't you ever let yourself shine?" Jihoon questions sincerely. “You have everyone around you telling you you’re amazing and you still don’t believe it, I don’t get it.”

 

Yoojung knows this, more than anyone. It’s stupid to doubt herself when people encourage her endlessly. But insecurities don't just go away with words, and Yoojung already spends an unhealthy amount of time in her pessimistic head. “That’s just how it is. And I’m more comfortable that way.”

 

“If you say so. But just so you know, even with so many beautifully dressed people tonight, even with all the people that had taken off their masks, all anyone could talk about was you.” Jihoon reminds her as he turns into her driveway.

 

Her heart stutters in her chest, her fingers tapping idiosyncratically against her thighs. She sighs heavily, turning to open the door and carrying the bottom of her dress out of the car. "Thanks for the ride, I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"You're gonna have to tell her one day!" Jihoon yells at her before she closes the door. She waves him off as he pulls out of her driveway, then makes her way into her house, returning to plain old Choi Yoojung.

 

 

 

By the time Doyeon gets home, Yoojung has already wiped off her makeup and changed into sweats, hair up in a loose bun as she sits in the hammock chair of their treehouse, her laptop on the table in front of her with an episode of Gossip Girl playing. When Doyeon makes her way across the bridge and into the treehouse she immediately shoots a finger gun at her, "Daeng!"

 

Yoojung forces a smile, returning her greeting with her own finger guns but a less enthusiastic, "Bing."

 

Doyeon doesn't seem to notice the tone of her voice, rushing to her side and flopping onto the bean bag. "You should so be regretting not going to the dance. It was amazing!" Yoojung hums, mind no longer able to focus on her show but her eyes are still forcibly trained on the laptop screen. "People actually went all out with their costumes, you should have seen the masks everyone was wearing, they were so nice. And this one girl stole the spotlight with her dancing and it was the coolest thing ever!"

 

Her breath hitches, but she tries not to let it the anxiousness peek through in her voice. "What happened?"

 

"She was so mysterious like no one knew who she was but she came dressed as Juliet with a Romeo and she didn't talk but her dancing was so smooth oh my God, it was like watching a celebrity, everyone was amazed. I even got to tango with her for a little while it was so cool!" Doyeon gushes, and Yoojung has to turn away to avoid her scrutinizing, her face going as red as the dress she'd been wearing earlier.

 

"You don't know who she was?"

 

"No." Yoojung thinks she might hear dejection in her voice, but she’s relieved that she hadn’t been caught. "I tried to ask her for it but Romeo pulled her away so fast that we didn't even get to finish the song."

 

“Well it looks like you had more important things happen during your night.” She points at the tiara that’s still sitting atop her head. It suited her, Yoojung always thought she was a princess.

 

Doyeon’s eyes follow her finger, and her hands go up to her head as she laughs. “Oh, I forgot about this!” She smiles, mildly embarrassed. “It was nice, I just wish you were there with me.”

 

Yoojung’s smile is bittersweet. “I’m here now, and I’m really happy for you.”

 

Doyeon throws herself over her, arms stretched out to wrap them around her body, face nuzzling into her cheek. “I missed you! Let’s marathon the rest of this season tonight!”

 

Yoojung nods and nudges the laptop to face Doyeon, who pulls her bean bag closer and falls onto it. She’s happy, and Yoojung wishes she could be the same but it’s hard. It was hard to grab her hand that night knowing she’d never dance with her like this again. It’s hard to be around her and pretend like the feelings she has for her don’t exist. She doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to think about stupid Doyeon, the stupid girl next door and her stupid soft dark hair with its loose waves that framed her stupid pretty face. It's not like she spends almost every night thinking about her copper brown eyes, honey glazed with specks of gold. And she definitely doesn't want to think of her perfect boyfriend, who has the honor of getting to call Doyeon his girlfriend.

 

And that's why fairytales don't exist to her anymore; she was never made to have a happy ending.

 

  

---

 

  

The crisp cool air soon becomes chilly, bringing with it the midpoint of the term, along with an abundance of stress and maybe even a few tears (just a few.) Yoojung tries as best as she can to keep up with her school work on top of her volunteering at the hospital and food bank, especially with the cold and Christmas nearing. Suyeon takes it easy on her with shifts, another thing she’s grateful for because she has one too many tests to study for and too much information to pack into her brain.

 

That’s why she finds herself pushed into a corner booth of Suyeon’s diner, laptop opened among a strewn pile of papers, a pencil balanced behind her ears and ready to drown herself in however much coffee she needs to stay awake tonight. It’s weirdly foreign, to be the one sitting in the diner instead of serving. But Yoojung has always liked the ambience of her workplace, the smell of fries and the faint chatter around her that kept her from falling into the blank abyss of silence. She much preferred it to libraries, where the ticking hands of an old analog clock would distract her for hours simply because it was the most interesting thing going on.

 

What she doesn’t expect at any point of the evening is to find a certain Kim Doyeon strolling into the diner, textbooks in her arms, and heading towards her. “Daeng! Mind if I join you? I swear I won’t be distracting, not a word.”

 

She almost forgets to speak; these days they haven’t gotten to see each other as much with how busy that had suddenly become, despite being a tree away from each other. And now somehow it’s suddenly weird to be talking to her best friend but she gives her a small nod as soon as she’s stopped thinking too hard, to which the taller scoots into the other side of the booth, clearly being mindful as to not take up any of Yoojung’s already occupied space.

 

True to her word, their little study session is quiet for the most part, save for Doyeon’s hushed hums. For a moment, Yoojung gets distracted by the adorable way Doyeon nods her head and taps her fingers against the table to the music she’s listening to, until she nearly gets caught and drops her head back down to her laptop screen, staying still under Doyeon’s scrutinizing gaze. “Bing.” She starts before Doyeon can say anything, and the younger pulls her earphones out. “What are you studying for?”

 

Doyeon opens , somewhat disoriented and even a little skeptical of the sudden small talk. Everyone who knew Yoojung knew that she liked being conversation-free for the duration of her studying sessions, given that she’s easily led astray. “Um, history, mostly, cause I’ve been neglect—”

 

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna talk?” Yoojung cuts her off, the smirk on her face playful.

 

“Wha—but you asked me a question!” Doyeon retorts, a guilty expression on her face that she looks confused about, making this whole situation even more amusing.

 

Yoojung shrugs, “Still spoke. I guess it was inevitable because you’re Kim Doyeon and you can never not talk.”

 

The younger searches her eyes, recognition flashing when she sees the mischief in Yoojung’s. She nods slowly, a smirk tugging at her lips. “Alright, I’ll play your little game.”

 

“Okay, if you don’t talk for the next thirty minutes then you win.”

 

“Wait, just me?” The younger asks incredulously, “How is that fair?”

 

“I’m not the one who can’t stay quiet.” She sticks out her tongue, “You lose if you talk, I lose if you don’t talk. Loser buys the other a drink, deal?”

 

Doyeon purses her lips, eyes narrowing contemplatively. “Hm, fine, deal. But if I win, you have to buy me a—”

 

“Mango smoothie yes I know, what kind of best friend do you take me for?” The corners of Doyeon’s mouth quirk up slightly, but there’s a weird look in her eyes that she can’t decipher. Before she can say anything else, Yoojung points a warning finger at her. “Starting now.”

 

Yoojung knows that being quiet just to be quiet and being quiet for the sake of a bet are two entirely different things for Doyeon and an hour into it the younger looks like she’s on the verge of letting out a strangled scream in place of all the lost words. The only thing keeping her for not allowing even a sound out is probably the way Yoojung keeps sending restless glances at her, waiting for her to crack, wanting her to crack. And Doyeon doesn’t like to lose, not even to her.  

 

“So, what was it you wanted again? A strawberry smoothie?” She starts to ease into her sabotage. “Aren’t you hungry, would you like to eat something? Like a cinnamon and raisin bread?” Doyeon’s eye twitches at the word raisin. “Oh, you know what? It’s the perfect weather for some broccoli cheese soup.” She almost gags at the mention of broccoli and Yoojung is having way too much fun with this. Doyeon grounds her jaw, squeezing her eyes shut. After a few seconds she opens her eyes again and relaxes her features, leaning back into her seat with a smug look on her face, as if to say you can’t break me. Yoojung’s face immediately turns sour, muttering, “Stubborn .”

 

“Ha! I win!” Doyeon gloats proudly, waving her phone in her face with a large 8:10 glaring at her, but it’s nothing compared to the glare Yoojung sends her way. “Thanks for the free smoothie, shortcake. Love you!” Yoojung clears loudly, getting up from her seat and staring Doyeon down vindictively before heading towards the register, Suyeon looking at her with a knowing look of pity. 

 

 

 

“Why are you scared?” Doyeon asks suddenly as they’re making their way home after they’d packed up their notes, and Yoojung lifts a brow at her question. “Of the festival performance. I can see the fear in your eyes every time someone so much as brings up your solo.” Yoojung’s mouth forms an ‘o’. To her utmost surprise, she’d been chosen to sing the solo in their last song of their concert repertoire. It was both blessing and curse, the latter mostly being because she had never sang along on a stage before. Choir performances were only easier to get through because there wasn’t a burdening focus on her voice on its own, she was always just the support for the people in her group who deserved to shine. And now that she’s the one being supported by them, she’s terrified to let everyone down. Doyeon continues speaking when she stays silent. “I get nervous, but scared? You’re a great singer.”

 

Yoojung draws her lower lip between her teeth, chewing down on it for a long while. “This.. this is a full solo we’re talking about, not some tiny performance during karaoke night. This festival is a pretty big deal to the choir and if I’m not even good enough for that stage then what am I good for?”

 

“Yoojung, it’s not like you woke up one day last week and decided to join a choir without ever trying to sing. You’ve been doing it for years, you’ve practiced for so long, you’re constantly surrounded by it because you want to improve, and I’m pretty sure it’s paid off.” Doyeon assures her, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets. “It’s scary, yeah. But you have to trust that hard work won’t betray you.”

 

Yoojung lets her head fall, steps becoming increasingly slower. “Yeah.. I guess.”

 

“I just,” Doyeon tries to choose her words carefully, “wish you’d have as much confidence in yourself as the people around you do. We don’t just hype you up because we’re your friends, we know you were made for more than a private karaoke night.”

 

Yoojung scoffs lightly, a subtle grin dancing on her lips. ”I swear, you speak like you’ve been given a drama script. No one is this good at comforting someone.”

 

Doyeon snorts, “Then I guess our lives are like a TV show, hey?”

 

“False. I’m still pathetically single.” Yoojung points out, not entirely joking.

 

“That’s cause you refuse to believe that someone would like you.” Doyeon remarks in retaliation. 

 

“Because no one’s ever told me they did.” Yoojung responds simply, getting tense whenever anything related to crushes came up with them.

 

“Doesn’t mean no one does!” Doyeon retorts, “There’s always more to a story than what’s written on the pages, you know.”

 

“Yeah well, I’ve never been very good at reading between the lines.” Yoojung finishes, hoping she’d drop the topic.

 

Doyeon purses her lips, nodding slowly. “Right..”

 

She comes to a stop when they reach the midpoint between their houses. “Well, see you around, I guess.”

 

Doyeon rolls her eyes, “Like in our treehouse later?”

 

She shrugs, already taking backwards steps towards her front door as she waves Doyeon off. “If you decide to come, sure.”

 

 

Yoojung accidentally falls asleep early that night.

 

 

---

 

 

 

Yoojung spends more and more time with Jihoon and Sookyung, almost regularly after December had rolled in. Sookyung is a junior, a first alto in the junior and senior mixed choir who she had met last year. At first Yoojung had been a little scared—Sookyung was a very affectionate kid, which meant she went around kissing her friends almost all the time. At first she had playfully nudged her away when she tried, but as she got to know her better she had loosened up and the younger’s kissing habit had become an ordinary thing.

 

Jihoon called them both up to do a well needed shopping trip after the wave of midterms had depleted all of them. They get odd looks from the group of girls walking opposite of them as Jihoon struggles to stop himself from his fit of laughter. “Wait, so they sent you two separate pant legs?”

 

Sookyung frowns, grabbing her phone out of his hand. “Yeah! I was so confused.”

 

Yoojung snickers herself when she looks at the victim of Jihoon’s inexhaustible laughing fit. One picture is Sookyung in a light-wash denim half-pant, the belt portion looped around the whole of her waist, and the other picture is the other half, dark denim hanging very low on her hip. “Oh my God, Sookyung. Did you not know they were separate pant legs and not a full two-toned set?”

 

“They didn’t say anything on the site! It just looked cute so I bought it and then I got it and then this!” Sookyung glares at the two of them for laughing. “Whatever, I’m still gonna rock it.”

 

“And hope that it doesn’t split in the middle when you sit down!” Jihoon says between laughter, smacking Yoojung in the arm as he’s trying to catch his breath.

 

“You’re both horrible.” Sookyung pouts, walking on further ahead of them.

 

Yoojung is smiling until a voice calls out for her, a familiar, unquestionable voice. “Daeng!” She turns around and sees Doyeon waving at her from the other side of the mall.

 

Jihoon coughs himself back to sanity, patting her on the shoulder. “I’ll let you take care of this, we’ll be in Forever.” He says before he takes off to catch up to Sookyung.

 

Yoojung takes steps closer to Doyeon, hand coming to rest around her other elbow awkwardly. “Hey, Bing. How are you?”

 

“Good! I’m just doing some Christmas shopping with Haerim, Hyojung, and Seojung.” She gestures vaguely to the empty space beside her. “They’re at Starbucks right now. Who are you here with?”

 

“Jihoon and Sookyung.” Yoojung explains, suddenly finding it difficult to hold a conversation.

 

“Oh, cool! And how are you? You know, after midterms and stuff.”

 

“Good, great!” Yoojung musters as much enthusiasm as she can into her voice. “You know, with getting into Princeton early action and all—”

 

“What? You got into Princeton?” Doyeon’s face flickers from puzzled to proud to troubled as she processes the information. “That’s so amazing, Yoojung, that’s your dream school!” Yoojung smiles softly, unevenly. “Why.. why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Yoojung opens , then closes it again, eyebrows unconsciously knitting. “Um, you’ve been busy, I guess. I-I mean we’ve both been busy, I haven’t seen you in a while so I didn’t get to tell you the news yesterday.”

 

“Oh.” Doyeon doesn’t try to hide the disappointment in her voice but Yoojung kind of wishes she had. She doesn’t want to feel bad but she doesn’t want to place the blame on her either.

 

She stuffs her hands into her jacket pockets, rocking back and forth on her feet. “Yeah..”

 

"Do! Here's your latte." Haerim runs up to her, placing the drink in her hands. Yoojung narrows her eyes at the drink, scrutinizing.

 

"What? You hate caffeine." Yoojung states with a short laugh that becomes uneasy as it tapers off.

 

Doyeon pushes her hair behind her ear, "I-I did, but then Haerim got me into it after treating me out so many times, so.."

 

"Right." Yoojung presses her lips into a thin line, unable to look at her again. "Well, I should go, Jihoon and Sookyung are probably waiting for me."

 

"Oh yeah, yeah, go, don't let me keep you."

 

Yoojung casts her a long side-glance, a look that Doyeon misses of course, too busy laughing at something that Haerim is whispering to her. Her eyes decide to linger longer, taking in the brown of her hair—it's lighter, probably on purpose, Doyeon always liked to change things up, even it was subtle. Maybe she's waiting for something, maybe the Yoojung that stands there a little longer than she's invited to wants so much more than she's being given. She wants to challenge her, wants to tell her that if she'd tried to keep her then maybe she'd stay. But nothing follows after, not even as she's walking away.

 

That night Yoojung has her blanket yanked over her head, mind whirring away at the constant surfacing thoughts of her best friend. Doyeon looked like the same old Doyeon when she was around everyone else—bright eyes and voice filled with mirth, always bouncing around and spreading happiness like she was the literally embodiment of the sun, and Yoojung always deemed she might as well be. And then the second Yoojung comes into view it's like she's being kept out of a secret that every but her knows, left with lukewarm smiles and forced enthusiasm. Had their friendship always been this shallow? Easily torn apart by different interests and varying influence? If they had stuck together for the last nine years through the highs and lows then why this, why now?

 

She thinks on their run-in for longer than she should. Since when did Doyeon drink coffee? She'd always want a passion tea lemonade or a mango smoothie, especially a mango smoothie. She would have never chosen the bitterness of caffeine over a sweet drink before. When she thinks about it, there’s a lot of things that Yoojung doesn’t know about Doyeon. She hadn’t been aware of her newly found love for caffeine (more than a mango smoothie, it seems) nor that she now prefers blueberry waffles to chocolate chip. She hadn't known that Doyeon had learned to cook or that romantic comedies were no longer her favorite genre. Months ago, Yoojung would have taken pride in knowing all of these little things about Doyeon, things that no one else but her would know because she was Doyeon’s best friend. But it comes increasingly clear that the present rarely comes without change of the past, and Yoojung is right back where they were three months ago while Doyeon is light-years away from her.

 

 

---

 

 

“Yoojung, this whole sad, kicked puppy thing you have going on is harshing my mellow.” Jihoon chimes in when Yoojung spends a lot more than a little time drowning in her thoughts. They’re spending their spare in the vocal jazz room, with Yoojung sat in front of the piano, music staff paper in front of her, filled with dozens of pencil marks. She’s been in a creative slump recently, and it doesn’t help that nothing in her life is going right at the moment.

 

“Sorry, just not feeling it.” Yoojung says flatly, playing a single note over and over again, dejectedly.

 

“Is this because of Doyeon?” Jihoon questions, and Yoojung doesn’t even have to answer for him to know he’s right. “When are you gonna come clean about your feelings?”

 

“I’m not sure I have to.” She concludes, the very thought of doing so already making her stomach twist.

 

“You’re overthinking it, that’s why you don’t think you can do it.” Jihoon says matter-of-factly, and Yoojung can’t even deny it. She is overthinking it, running away from her problems so they can’t blow up in her face.

 

“Nine years, Jihoon.” She starts quietly, hating the way the words engulf her. “Nine years is a lot of time to potentially ruin in the span of a minute.”

 

“Nine years is also a long ing time to bottle up your feelings.” Jihoon lectures, nudging her over so he can sit on the bench.

 

“I haven’t liked her for nine years.” She notes, smacking his hand away when he tries to pick up her music sheets.

 

“But you have for at least five, right?”

 

Yoojung puffs out her cheeks, feeling defeated. “Okay, yeah, it’s been a long time. But I wouldn’t even know how to go about in confessing if I wanted to anyways.”

 

Jihoon shoots her a glare, “Are you serious? Look in front of you. You’re literally writing a song about how in love with her you are.”

 

Yoojung turns bright red, grabbing the papers from off of the stand and hugging them to her chest. “So what? You’re suggesting I confess with a song? That’s so cheesy.”

 

Jihoon shrugs, “I think it would make it that much more meaningful. Just think about it, okay?”

 

Yoojung sighs, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if it could ever really be that easy.

 

Yoojung had always been sensitive to yelling. So when she’d gotten into a fight with her dad earlier than night, she let her feet take her running out of the house to the nearest park, tears in her eyes as she curled up into herself on the park bench just next to the playground.

 

Not even a few minutes after does she hear footsteps approaching her quickly, a voice yelling her name. “Choi Yoojung! What the heck are you doing and how did you get here so fast?” Doyeon cries out, panting when she finally comes to a stop in front of her.

 

Yoojung raises her head from her knees, glaring at her best friend. “What, my dad sent you here to bring me back?”  

 

Doyeon slumps down next to her, still trying to catch her breath. “No.. I was in the treehouse when I heard the yelling, and I ran after you after I saw you leaving from my window..”

 

“Well I’m not going back yet.” Yoojung stays put, letting her head fall back into her arms. “I don’t wanna talk to anyone right now, so please don’t make me talk about it. “

 

Doyeon keeps quiet, and they sit there in silence, until she feels something poking at her ear. When she lifts her head, she sees Doyeon sticking the right side of her earphones into her ear, and then the other into her own, music filling the quiet night. The younger says nothing, just lets them listen to the song. But Yoojung can’t take her eyes off of her, looking up at Doyeon with a mix of relief and appreciation, somehow, she always knew what to do.

 

One song, four minutes, and an earnest exchange. That's what it took for Yoojung to realize she’d fallen for Kim Doyeon.

 

  

---

  

 

Like all things associated with the nature of gravity, what goes up must come down.

 

It’s the third time that week Doyeon is late for one of their plans, not to mention the many other times she’d been late before or cancelled on her too. Doyeon would apologize and Yoojung would forgive her, as it would usually go. But there's something different about today. Doyeon knew that it was an important day for her—it's all she had been talking about for the last week. Even if she kept it cryptic, she'd told Doyeon a number of times that it was going to be important, special.

 

"Hey, sorry I'm late, Soeun was distracting Haerim while she was driving and we got lost it was a mess." Doyeon rushes into the cafe, bent over with her hands on her thighs, panting from running. "And I have so many things going on recently that I get confused with the meeting times, I thought we were still good for another hour but I forgot we said 5, not 6."

 

"Yeah, seems like you're getting your priorities confused, too." Yoojung mumbles, the words feel bitter on her lips and she dumps the extra packet of sugar into her coffee to combat it.

 

Doyeon stands up straight, furrowing her brows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

 

"You don't even know what you're here for, do you?"

 

Doyeon folds her arms, shaking her head. "No, you didn't even tell me what was happening, you just told me to come."

 

"Yeah, and you would have known if you came on time." Yoojung snaps, walking towards the booth she'd left her bag at, along with a second drink, a mango smoothie, still filled to the brim.

 

"I'm sorry, I got distracted and didn't notice the time." Doyeon tries, approaching her cautiously. "What are you mad about anyways? You didn't even tell me what this was about, maybe if I had known what the important thing was—"

 

"What, you'd show up if it was important but if it was just to meet with me you're okay with leaving me hanging for almost an hour?" Doyeon keeps shut. This is the first time Yoojung has raised her voice in such a serious manner. They both know this isn't anything to take lightly and Doyeon can't joke her way out of it this time. "You've cancelled on me twice in the last two weeks and you've been late to every plan we've had and I'm really starting to feel like I'm the only one who cares anymore." 

 

"That's not true." Doyeon lowers her voice, expression hardening. 

 

"You wanna know what happened when you were off playing around with your cheerleader friends?” She hates the sound of her voice getting louder, hates the feeling of acting up, but hurt is one thing primarily; it’s controlling. “I went up there and I mustered up the courage to perform a song I've been working on for months. The writings I've been hiding from you? I sang those pages up there today. I wanted you to hear them but in the end you didn't even get to hear a single word."

 

Yoojung watches as Doyeon's face drops, a panic evidently rising in her. ", Yoojung I'm—I'm sorry, I didn't know—"

 

"You're right, you didn't. And I guess it's my fault, huh?" She can feel the tears b in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. "I never even ask much of you, Doyeon. I forgave you every other time you showed up late because you have other friends and I don't hold that against you because it's your life and your choices and I'm your best friend so I understand, even if I can't help that it makes me feel bad. But I really thought that if something was important to me, that whether or not you knew what it was you'd be there to support me. Maybe I've just been overestimating my worth this entire time."

 

When Yoojung tries to leave, Doyeon grabs her by the arm and spins her around. "Hey, whoa, you're not overestimating! You're important to me, it's just—"

 

"I'm not important enough." Yoojung finishes for her. She looks at the track jacket in her hands and after a few seconds, shoves it towards Doyeon. "Here. I wasn't gonna give it to you because you were late, but I don't think I want to keep it." She doesn't give Doyeon a chance to say another word as she walks out of the café and doesn't look back.

 

There’s no reaching out, no reconciliation, there’s just nothing.

 

There’s just Yoojung. There’s just her walking to her classes alone, walking home from her job alone, and spending Christmas alone. Yoojung spends most of the twenty-fifth curled up in her blanket, turning her sorrow into resentment, ridiculing every cheery holiday phrase she hears. She thinks about how utter bullcrap these joy to the world’s were, the constant throwing around of merry and bright. Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas at all, it’s just another lonely night.

 

She knows she might have overreacted, that this could be put to dust with a mere confrontation. But for a long time, it had always been just them. So Yoojung hadn’t known what to do when she felt like she wasn’t even an option in her best friend’s life. She hadn’t known what to feel when Doyeon’s other friends had started to become more important than her, when cheerleading and dancing and basketball had left them only with occasional good morning’s and how are you’s. When the words best friend had started to feel like an overstatement. But in the end, maybe she only has herself to blame.

 

So what goes up, eventually comes down. Yoojung just doesn’t expect their crash to happen so fast, so abrupt that she doesn’t fully realize it’s gone, hadn’t known that the weight of her decisions would shackle around her feet until she saw the wooden plank that bridged her window to the treehouse on the ground below, after weeks of disuse. Hours without Doyeon became days, and then weeks, and now she’s here, staring down at the very thing that had connected them, sees it give up just like they had done and it hurts. It hurts because all Yoojung has ever known was Doyeon, for everything that happened in her life, Doyeon was always right there with her, and without her she just feels lost.

 

She learns from pictures on Instagram that Doyeon has gone to London to visit her aunt for the holidays, but she doesn’t expect a small, out of place burgundy box to catch her eye when she decides to step into the treehouse that night. There’s nothing else with it, just a small box, no wrapping, sitting on the little coffee table in the middle of the room. She steps closer, hesitantly, fingers reaching towards the box as bittersweetness settles in her stomach. She opens it slowly, and the air she’d just forced into her lungs is gone again when a golden heart shaped locket comes into view. She brings it closer, eyeing the YJ engraved into the heart, and she trembles as she pulls it out, placing the box back down onto the table. Her heart stands still with as much misery as there is anticipation, and it lodges in , pulls her apart as she desperately tries to hold onto her composure. It’s no use though, because the second she sees the pictures, of nine year old Yoojung and Doyeon on the left, arms slung tight around each other, and sixteen year old Yoojung and Doyeon, with Doyeon’s head rested on Yoojung’s shoulder, smiling and happy, she breaks. It’s everything she wants back and nothing she has now.

 

Consistency, by and large, was what bolstered her life. But one by one, things were falling out of harmony, losing its routine, and she doesn’t know where to go or what to do.

 

But after all this Doyeon still has places to go, has things to lean back on, while Yoojung will fall with nothing to hold her up.

 

 

---

 

 

Apparently, Yoojung is pathetically crummy at hiding the fact that she’s nowhere near okay, judging by the way Suyeon looks at her as she’s finishing her closing shift, with so much concern on her face that makes her even more miserable.

 

“Are you okay? I haven’t seen you smile in days.” Suyeon has this motherly tone to her voice, and this of course doesn’t help the fact that she’s been trying her damned hardest not to cry all day. “And you keep spacing out, like there’s something heavy on your mind.”

 

“I’m fine.” She lies through her teeth, slipping her sneakers on and placing her work shoes back into the locker.

 

“No you’re not, Yoojung. You look like you’re about burst out crying any minute now and it’s worrying.” Suyeon sits her back down onto the bench, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands in hers. “Is it school? Home?”

 

Yoojung shakes her head, refusing to meet her eyes.

 

Suyeon taps her fingers against her palms. “Is it Doyeon?” She goes stiff at the mention of the brunette. Really, anyone who knew her could tell, but it doesn’t make her any less inclined to dodge the topic of Doyeon in any way she can. Suyeon clearly doesn’t think so though, because she presses on. “I figured. I haven’t seen you guys come here together in a while. She used to visit you a lot on your shifts.”

 

“It’s nothing serious, trust.” Yoojung tries to assure the older girl, but the crack in her voice betrays her words.

 

Suyeon sighs. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but it’s obviously taking a bad toll on you. There are some things you just can’t avoid no matter how hard you try. I don’t know what happened between the two of you but I do know that you’re going to have to face whatever problems you have head on.”

 

Every pent up emotion spills out of her before she can even grasp what’s happening, falling apart right in front of Suyeon. She cries into her hands, and Suyeon comes up to sit beside her, pulling her into a hug and rubbing her back soothingly. Yoojung tells her everything that happened, from the drifting apart, to the crash, and then the nothing that happened afterwards.

 

“It’s okay to cry, don’t hold it in.” Suyeon comforts her, “Things will get better, I promise. But they only get better once you make the effort to make it better.”

 

“I d-don’t know what to do..” Yoojung stammers out between sniffles. “It was so hard to walk away that day, b-but I didn’t know it would be this empty. I didn’t mean to throw it away..”

 

“You didn’t throw it away.” Suyeon tells her, “You had the right to be upset, you were upset because you care about her, and this wasn’t a fight that you’d end your friendship over. But what you guys need to do is communicate. Avoiding things won’t do any good. And what’ll make it worse if you don’t is the fact that it didn’t even end, it just fizzled out and disappeared.”

 

“I’m scared.” She admits softly, the exhaustion in her voice clear.

 

“I know. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe Doyeon is too?”

 

Yoojung frowns, because there’s the flaw to her thinking. Maybe she’s being too one-sided. Maybe all of this distress isn’t solely just her, not Yoojung by herself moping around, but the both of them, up to their necks in regret and walled off with the lingering thought of ‘does she want to work things out too?’

 

She goes to bed that night and realizes the real reason she’s been scared, why she pulls away instead of trying to make amends—she doesn’t want to be the only one trying. They aren’t them if it’s just her trying, but they’re not them either if Yoojung only thinks about her side of the story.

 

Her head is spinning, thoughts racing. She just wants to be happy.

 

 

---

 

 

Yoojung is holding up, but not particularly well by any means. She keeps her window curtains closed, much to her father’s annoyance, who nags her about getting a proper amount of sunlight. But she can’t look at the treehouse without being pathetically wistful, can’t even walk past it without covering it from her sight.

 

January makes it easier to keep her mind on other things, spending her days after the winter break pent up in her room with her keyboard, tirelessly practicing her solo part for their festival performance. Her leg bounces restlessly, idly coiling the cord of her earphones between her fingers as she listens to the playback of her last recording. It’s not perfect, it’s far from it, and Yoojung is up to her neck in worry, and it’s clear that she’s a little worse for wear, judging by her unkempt hair and unsightly eye bags. There’s isn’t enough hours in a day to balance school, work, and practice and Yoojung is on the brink of going crazy.

 

The days pass quick, too quickly, and suddenly there’s no time at all. She sighs heavily as crosses out the date on her calendar with a X, which says rather loudly in big capital letters FESTIVAL PERFORMANCE. She’s slipped on her black dress, hair pulled up into a clean braided-updo, but the skin at her neck feels too empty. It’s almost become routine, and pathetically so, for her eyes to linger on the burgundy box sat on her dresser, locket kept encased in it and never worn. But today she doesn’t let herself play this whole should-I-shouldn’t-I game. She tries not to give it much thought as she pulls the locket out of its box, clasping it around her neck and letting the heart hang plain and clear before grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

 

She reaches the concert hall before she knows it and it's both exhilarating and terrifying thinking about standing on stage in front of this many people. Most of her choir is already backstage, warming their voices up and going through their pieces. Yoojung peeks through the curtains at the people in the seats filling up the large theatre, an anxious twist settling in her gut.

 

"Why do you look like you're gonna faint?" Jihoon asks with a snicker, but Yoojung feigns indifference.

 

"I'm not. I'll be fine, I'm prepared." She says firmly to assure herself more than anyone else, putting on a smile that's only half confident.

 

"Good luck, daeng. You got this!" Jihoon holds his fists up and does a little cheer.

 

Yoojung practices breathing exercises as she runs through the lyrics in her head, observing the crowd from behind the curtain once more. Among them she can see the unmistakable head of long hair that was Doyeon, sat in the fourth row and to her surprise, alone. She’s sure she hadn’t spoken to her about it, hadn’t spoken to her at all, other than awkward hi’s that Doyeon always attempted in the halls of school. But there she is, still here to support her because that just who Doyeon is, no matter how bad of a place their relationship was in. This is exactly something that Doyeon would do and Yoojung knows it.  

 

After the sophomore choir finishes their set, the senior choir files orderly onto the risers, Jihoon taking her hand to give a brief squeeze of encouragement before she walks away from the group and takes tentative steps to the center of the stage, taking the mic that Ms. Lang hands her. She's almost positive that her heart hammering in her chest is going to out-sing her on stage.

 

When she looks out into the crowd she spots Suyeon and Sookyung in the third row waving enthusiastically at her, allowing her to relax slightly, giving them a thankful smile before turning to Ms. Lang and nodding.

 

The piano starts, then Yoojung draws in a deep breath, easing into the song softly with her eyes closed. She hears a loud "I love you, Choi Yoojung!" coming from the audience and can't help but smile into the song, letting her eyes open and she notices her voice growing more confident. By the chorus she's almost-nearly-confident-Yoojung, the one who's been told she was made for the stage. It's an incredible rush, to be singing her first solo and for people to be cheering for her. Each performance reminds her just a little more of why she'd committed to this all these years ago and why she'd grown to love it so much. Music was the only thing that could make her hear soar like no other.

 

There's a long piano interlude interspersed with the rest of the choir's harmonies, though it's only a short moment she gets to breathe because when she looks out into the crowd she sees a familiar tall brunette making her way out of the row and into the aisle, hands carrying posters with her. She watches as Doyeon turns to look at her, then lifts the posters above her head.

 

I'm proud of you.

 

Yoojung feels the air go still, losing her breath in the moment she forgets she needs it. Doyeon drops the first poster, moving onto the next one.

 

No one challenges me the way you do, no one inspires me the same.

 

It's as if she's staring right at the past—at the Doyeon who never failed to show her heart, the Doyeon who would show up at all the right times and say all the right things. Loyal, selfless, caring Doyeon. Her Doyeon.

 

I don't deserve you, but I'm going to try to make it up to you until I do.

 

She can feel a stinging in her eyes, the piano crescendoing with her heart. She lets a gentle sigh past her parted lips as hands loosen their grip on her microphone, forcing herself to relax one muscle at a time.

 

I'm sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me. Could you let me back into the Dodaeng club? Yoojung lets out a weak chuckle, eyes falling shyly to her feet, and then back up at Doyeon, who's already switched boards. It doesn't function well without the Do.

 

It's almost as if the distance between them closes, and in the room it's just them and no one else. And maybe the last board before Yoojung jumps back in to sing is really what completes the song.

 

And I don't function well without you.

 

Yoojung hits the high note effortlessly, almost flying along with it. She clings to every word and every emotion, falling in love with this moment in time. When the last note rings, floating gently into the still air, he can finally exhale a sigh of relief as the quiet turns into cheers just as Ms. Lang's arms come down to her sides.

 

Her eyes never leave Doyeon's, and neither does the smile on her face.

 

 

 

Her friends crowd around her as soon as she enters the lobby of the theatre. She feels someone lift her off her feet and into the air and she has to cover her face out of embarrassment.

 

"Ahh, you were so good!" Sookyung cheers, bouncing giddily. "You hit that high note!"

 

Yoojung laughs, poking at Sookyung's side. "Thanks."

 

The group bustles with excitement a little while longer, until Yoojung spots Doyeon coming out from the bathroom. The rest of her friends seem to understand and step away. Jihoon squeezes her shoulder, an encouraging smile on his face. "We'll meet up with you guys at the diner." Yoojung nods, fingers coming to fiddle in front of her as Doyeon steps closer.

 

She feels restless, hands refusing to stop moving out of nervousness. But if there's one thing Doyeon has always been good at, it's relieving the tension. The taller lifts up one of the posters she's holding, the one that says 'I'm proud of you' with a sanguine grin that has Yoojung smiling along with her. "You did really great out there."

 

Yoojung nods in lieu of a thanks, "Your little stunt could have cost me my stability though." She says playfully, as if to mask how flustered she feels seeing her this close after the little event.

 

"I'd say it made you even more stable." Doyeon returns haughtily with a hair flip, then shortly after there's a shift in her tone, quiet and precarious. "Me on the other hand, not so stable." Doyeon's posture is slightly hunched, head tilted down but her eyes are looking up at Yoojung expectantly. The taller is chewing on her bottom lip, looking like she might actually faint at some point tonight. And then Yoojung is thrown off of her balance when she notices the jacket Doyeon is wearing, the black track jacket she had custom made for her, with a number 8 on the back, just below her name. 

 

"You're wearing it." Yoojung says softly, half statement half question.

 

Doyeon looks down at her outfit, hiding an embarrassed smile. "Yeah, fits perfectly." And then Doyeon's eyes fall lower, mouth parting. "You're wearing the locket."

 

Her hands comes up instinctively to touch the necklace, fiddling nervously and nodding until they fall into silence again. Yoojung purses her lips, eyes roaming the room. After a while she speaks up, "Yes."

 

Doyeon's head shoots back up, searching her eyes to figure out if she'd heard right. "What?"

 

Her eyes meet Doyeon's this time, giving her a more concrete answer. "Yes I'll forgive you." At that, Doyeon breaks into a full, genuine smile that softens all of her features—the smile that Yoojung has missed more than she had realized. She wants to return it with as much sincerity but her desire to keep things light and teasing overrides it, "But man, do we have some stuff to make up for. There is no rest from now on, Kim Doyeon, we're going ultra-best friend mode."

 

Doyeon's smile doesn't falter, growing even wider than before as her eyes crinkle with it. "I'm prepared for it.”

 

Yoojung's voice goes fond, "Good."

 

 

---

 

 

The wedding venue is gorgeous, the whole place draped in white, with pink flowers garnishing various parts of the room and beautiful lights enshrouding it. Minseon is as beautiful as always, but even more so today in her gorgeous wedding dress. Minseon was just as much a big sister to Yoojung as she was to Doyeon, and watching her get married after all these years of knowing her makes her just as emotional, especially since Yoojung doesn’t have any siblings of her own. She's thankful for how much Doyeon's family makes her feel part of it, after years of Doyeon taking her to parties and introducing her to practically everyone with embarrassing boasting that makes her go red every time. Today is no different, with Doyeon bringing her around after the ceremony, allowing her to greet other members of her family that she hasn't met before.

 

"I've had more social interaction in these past few hours than I've ever had in my entire life." Yoojung huffs out, almost exhausted as she slumps into her chair.

 

Doyeon laughs at her dramatics, "Hey, they all liked you though!" It's after dinner, and by this time most of the people are making their way around socializing as well. There's a small dance floor in front of them, music filling up the room. Yoojung smiles as she watches the younger children run and play about on the dance floor, some of them even executing choreography. "You know, we've never properly danced together before."

 

"That's cause we don't go to parties." Yoojung reminds her, to which she rolls her eyes at.

 

"Cause you don't go to parties." She tries not to falter at the memory of the Halloween dance, the dance that Doyeon is still unaware she had attended.

 

As if it was planned from the very beginning, by whatever higher being that wanted her to suffer in her bed of lies, a song she's definitely heard before filters into her ears, stands itself loud and clear in front of her. Doyeon bounces excitedly in her seat, "Oh my God, I know this song! It's called—"

 

"Valentine's Dance Tango." Yoojung finishes quietly, nibbling on her lip when Doyeon turns to her with wide eyes.

 

"You know it too? Then you have to dance with me!"

 

Her heart lurches in her chest, face dropping as the realization of what she'd just done dawns on her. "Oh." She says dumbly, "Well, you see, I broke my ankle yesterday and—"

 

"Ugh, Yoojung!" Doyeon puts a stop to her ridiculous lie, standing up from her seat and holding out her hand. "You're dancing with me right now and you can't refuse."

 

The white in the room suddenly gets a lot more brighter, so much that it make Yoojung go blind with panic. This is what she gets for not stopping herself from running . She lets herself get pulled up and uses everything in her to keep herself from stumbling and falling over. "O-okay."

 

The déja-vu makes her dizzy, Doyeon's hand on her waist again, Doyeon's hand in her hand, again. Only this time, there's no mask, and she has nothing to hide behind, nothing to conceal her feelings. She's utterly and completely exposed. "It's okay if you don't know how to tango, you can just follow me and do what feels right." Doyeon whispers close to her ear, then pulls back slightly so that they're eye to eye again, smiling encouragingly and doing nothing to help calm the commotion in her mind.

 

Yoojung bites down on her lip, voice soft, "I think I can keep up."

 

Doyeon narrows her eyes at her, intrigued, mouth quirking up into a smirk. "Okay Choi, let's see how you move."

 

It goes like this once more, with Doyeon taking the first step, leading them back, and then around the dance floor. Yoojung follows her every move effortlessly, almost wanting to laugh at the awe sparkling in Doyeon's eyes. Yoojung is completely caught up in the moment, letting her mind go as they do this once more. When Doyeon steps forward, Yoojung lets her right foot circle behind her without thought. Doyeon pulls her back up, taking them to the next corner. There's a weird glint in Doyeon's eyes, her brows furrowing slightly. Yoojung blinks owlishly, unable to break eye contact. But she knows that there's something going on in her mind, and then she figures out the look in her eyes. Familiarity. The younger lets go of her hand and lets Yoojung twirl, one, two, three times, following right behind her and grabbing her back in her arms. Only, the force of Yoojung's last turn has her losing control of her balance and soon she finds herself just an inch away from Doyeon's face, gasping at the proximity.

 

The look on Doyeon's face is evidently puzzled by now, eyes scrutinizing, making Yoojung squirm under her gaze. Doyeon's forehead creases, searching her eyes, recognition washing over her. "You're Juliet." She whispers with unshakable certainty. The song ends and the world goes still around Yoojung, her breath hitching, heart plummeting to the ground.

 

Yoojung's mouth opens and closes several times, but she's unable to form a proper sentence. "I—"

 

Doyeon cuts her off, pulling her by the hand out of the room, towards the bride's waiting room. The younger closes the door shut behind her and Yoojung can't stop her heart from racing, pounding feverishly in her ears. Doyeon paces back and forth in front of her, face contorting in confusion as she tries to process it. Her arms flail out wildly as she tries to make sense of things. "Wait, wait, wait. So you're Juliet, who danced like that at the ball, who danced with me like that at the ball? I didn't—I didn't even know you danced."

 

"Y-yes." She admits quietly, seeing no use of trying to lie her way out of it now. Fingers fiddling, she apologizes. "I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you—"

 

"Oh my God..” Yoojung winces, waiting for the anger, the betrayal accusations. “This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to me!” Doyeon exclaims instead, a grin taking over her face. “Honestly this is the best news I've heard in like, forever."

 

"Wait, what?" If it's possible, Yoojung is even more baffled at Doyeon by her statement.

 

"I mean yeah, I've liked you for forever and I've been in love with you for years but this? This just amplifies that times a thousand and I didn't even think that was possible! Of course, I did have my moments of wishful thinking because you’re very flirty, you know. My heart clenches every time you do something sweet but I also have to tell myself to be realistic because you’re nice to everyone because that’s the kind of person you are and that's one of the things I love about you but wow!"

 

Yoojung almost topples over herself at the casual declaration. Nothing about anything in this moment makes sense to her and she thinks she might throw up. "I'm sorry, but could you—could you explain what you're trying to saying more clearly because I think I might pass out..”

 

Realization only seems to dawn on Doyeon now, judging by the way her eyes bulge out of their sockets. "Oh crap, I-I just accidentally confessed, didn't I?"

 

"Y-yeah, kinda.." Yoojung stammers out, pressing her hands to her face to hopefully combat the heat with her cold hands.

 

"Weeeell," The taller drawls, rocking back and forth on her feet awkwardly, "Uh, I didn't plan on confessing today but, since I've already walked myself into it, here it goes." She shuts her eyes tightly, drawing in a deep breath. "I'm sort of.. in love with you. In the non-platonic way."

 

Yoojung almost stops breathing. "Oh."

 

Doyeon presses her lips together in a thin line, wincing slightly. "Yeah."

 

"W-wait, but Woojin—"

 

"That was never real." It's a confession of many that shocks Yoojung. "You always talked about the high school rulebook stating that the head cheerleader and the captain of the basketball team always dated each other but, the rulebook doesn't state for what reason that could be."

 

Yoojung struggles to grasp the situation, "And.. your reason was?"

 

"It was a mutual agreement between us, that until one of us was comfortable enough to come out, we'd put on this whole fake dating show, for like solidarity purposes I guess?" Doyeon bites her lip, "When we were at a party we got shoved into a closet together and we were tipsy, and I ended up accidentally confessing my feelings for you to him, and he ended up confessing his feelings for," She pauses, words getting caught, "Some other guy to me. I never really meant to get caught up in this kind of thing but, he was scared. So I offered to be a friend and a cover for him from the other guys on the team who were constantly on him about dating."

 

"So,” She tries to piece together her disorganized mind as best as she can. “You're not actually dating him?"

 

Doyeon shakes her head. "I wanted to tell you, but it was Woojin's secret and I had no place to reveal that. Plus, it's not exactly easy to tell your best friend that your gay awakening was because of them." She laughs awkwardly, "Sorry for springing this onto you so suddenly."

 

"N-no, it's fine." Yoojung assures her immediately, unsure of what to do with her flailing arms. "Um, actually, there's something I've been wanting to tell you as well."

 

A flash of curiosity passes through Doyeon's eyes. Worry. Panic. "Yeah, um, go for it."

 

Yoojung looks at her, traces every line and every angle of her face, recalls every laugh and every cry, every memory, every song, every dance. Every minute spent up in their treehouse, every late night diner date, every outing they showed off the beauty that was Yoojung and Doyeon. This is them, this is it. "I like your eyes." Doyeon raises her brows at the statement. It’s the first thing that comes out of Yoojung’s mouth but she rolls with it, let’s her heart take the lead. "They glow when you laugh and glisten when you cry and they're beautiful."

 

"They're brown..." Doyeon says under her breath, head titled down and refusing to make eye contact.

 

"And they're perfect." Yoojung says firmly. "And your smile is so radiant and I hate when other people get to see it but I also hate days when the world doesn't get to see it enough."

 

"Yoojung, what are you—"

 

"And your laugh is the most amazing sound I've ever heard. It's my favorite thing about you. And I love every feature that makes up you," Yoojung inhales deeply, and then expels out her next words like they’ve been itching to escape her lips for the longest time. "Because I love you."

 

Those eyes sparkle up at her, with awe and delight and Yoojung’s heart bursts in her chest as their gazes hold each other. “You do?”

 

She doesn’t know when they’d gotten this close but suddenly she’s standing just a mere few inches away from Doyeon, her eyes exploring her face, following the curve of her brows, to the angle of her nose, to the softness of her lips. She swallows nervously, “Yeah.”

 

Her skin is tingling from the intensity in the air, the overwhelming amount of emotion surging through her. She leans in until their nose to nose, hearing Doyeon’s sharp intake of breath. There’s an opportunity right in front of her, a glaring sign shouting at her to grab the chance, and so she takes her shred of courage and dives head in. Her heels lift from the ground as she closes the remaining distance between their lips. She kisses her gently, and Doyeon sighs softly against her lips. There’s a buzzing in her ears and she’s lightheaded and her knees feel like they’re going to give out under her but everything about this is perfect.

 

When they break apart, Doyeon looks giddy—it’s adorable. “So I guess that would be a yes to being my girlfriend?”

 

“Good guess.” Yoojung mutters with a smile, feeling like she has the entire world in her hands, and truthfully, she does.

 

“So, why didn’t you ever tell me you were going to the Halloween dance? Don’t take my happiness for forgiveness I feel a little betrayed.” Doyeon pouts, shoulders slumping as she pulls back slightly.

 

Yoojung has to snicker at that, but she does feel genuinely bad. “I’m sorry, I really wasn’t gonna go until Jihoon showed up with that gorgeous Juliet dress—”

 

“It was gorgeous.” Doyeon side comments.

 

“And dragged me out of my diner shift to bring me there.” Yoojung continues, “A second before I was being pulled away from you I think I was almost about to take off my mask, but I guess the timing just wasn’t right. And when you got back to the treehouse that night, I got scared, that with the revelation of me being Juliet, all of my secrets would just come spilling out after it. Plus, I know you Bing, and I know you’re gonna do everything in your power to get me to showcase my dancing from now on, and that is honestly terrifying.”

 

“Well you got one thing right.” Doyeon teases, brushing a fallen piece of hair from her face. “You’ve always been amazing daeng, and whether we’d have danced together at the masquerade or not, I’d still be ridiculously in love with you.”

 

Yoojung practically melts in her arms, eyes falling to the floor, trying to suppress a shy smile. “You’re lethal, you know that?”

 

Doyeon lets out a laugh, pulling Yoojung further into her embrace. “It’s my biggest goal in life.”

 

“I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you.” Yoojung mumbles into the crook in her neck.

 

The younger nuzzles into the top of her head, sighing. “It’s okay, late is better than never.”

 

Yoojung had always known she loved Doyeon, and there, in the empty bride’s room, she realizes she’s never been so sure of anything else.

 

 

 

  

 

“You know, it’s kind of weird to hang out in your room and not the treehouse.” Doyeon comments in lieu of a good afternoon as she climbs into her room from her window and goes to sprawl over Yoojung’s bed, taking up almost every bit of surface.

 

Yoojung snorts from her spot at her desk, “Well unless you wanna freeze to death this is what we’re stuck with.”

 

“Remember when your walls used to be filled with Zac Efron posters from those Popstar and Tiger Beat magazines?” Doyeon reminisces with a cackle. “I swear his eyes followed me everywhere it was creepy.”

 

“Hey don’t judge me, Disney was my entire life, and yours too.” Yoojung throws back, feeling her cheeks heat up slightly.

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you kissed your Joe Jonas poster once. Oh my God, Yoojung you totally had a type, you were a Joe girl.” Yoojung jumps up from her chair and launches herself onto her bed, swatting at Doyeon who fights back, shrilling loudly. “Oh and don’t forget your Selena shrine! That was so cute, you were so in love.”

 

“We agreed that the past was dead!” Yoojung screeches, power suddenly being overtaken as Doyeon flips them over and traps her down, fingers poking at her sides. Yoojung lets out a loud scream, followed by a fit of sustained laughter. “S-Stop! I’m gonna kick you off the bed!” And she never lies, because soon her hands are coming up to shove Doyeon off of her and onto the floor. The younger yelps, whining when she hits the ground.

 

“Ow, you’re so mean daeng.” Doyeon complains, sitting up with her hair falling messily over her face and a glare piercing through her. Yoojung merely sticks her tongue out jokingly, swinging her legs over the edge of the other side of her bed and making her way back to her desk. “This is no way to treat your girlfriend.”

 

Yoojung almost chokes. It’s a fact yes, but it’s so new, so unreal to hear that word and have it be true. “Um, I’ll make it up to you then. Let’s go on a date today.”

 

Doyeon sits up abruptly, face lighting up. “Really?”

 

Yoojung hums cheerily, “Let me just clean up my stuff and then we can go for coffee, I’m in desperate need of a break and a caramel macchiato.”

 

“Yay!” Doyeon cheers, getting up from the bed. There’s silence for a moment, the air going odd. And then Doyeon speaks up again, quietly, “Hey, that song you sang, the night we—” Doyeon tapers off, not wanting to finish her sentence, not wanting to remember.

 

Yoojung catches on to what she wants to say, nodding slowly. “It was about you. I was gonna confess.”

 

A flicker of guilt passes through Doyeon’s eyes. “I’m a terrible person.” The younger plops onto the edge of the bed, her head falling into her hands as she lets out a whimper of disappointment.

 

“Hey, look at me.” Yoojung says softly, hands on either side of Doyeon’s face, lifting her head back up. Even like this she’s not much taller than Doyeon, but enough that Doyeon has to tilt her head up to look at her with her glistening eyes. “It’s okay now, you don’t have to feel sorry anymore.”

 

“I still should have been there, even if I didn’t know what it was.” Doyeon laments, a crack in her voice.

 

“You’re here now, so it’s okay Bing, really.” Yoojung wipes the stray tear that falls down Doyeon’s cheek, chuckling softly at the fragile girl. “I can sing it to you now if you want.”

 

Doyeon sniffles, “Yes please, this is exactly how I want to die.”

 

Yoojung laughs heartily, pushing her shoulder playfully. She grabs Doyeon’s hand and leads her to her keyboard, where she sits down and takes out the sheets of paper at the very back of her folder, placing them in front of her. Her fingers rest onto the keys, sending a nervous glance towards an anticipating Doyeon before starting to play.  

 

I had a really weird dream

Everything around me

was the opposite

and unfamiliar

Is it my fault?

Just when I was getting confused

Someone held my hand and took me away

 

You make me fly

Like a bird flying in the sky, small and soft

But I know where to go

Even when the wind blows

Hold me so I won’t shake

Only you can do it

You’re the only one, my world, my love

 

Your world makes me go forward

I want to stay there forever

 

Maybe this is reality, my fears

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in place, I’m afraid

When I felt like a fool, and my head was hanging

Someone suddenly came to me, it was you

 

You make me fly

Like a bird flying in the sky, small and soft

But I know where to go

Even when the wind blows

Hold me so I won’t shake

Only you can do it

You’re the only one, my world, my love

 

Yoojung sees the watery glaze make its way back into Doyeon’s eyes again, but the younger tries her best to keep them in and instead, smiles brightly, shyly. “I really wish I heard that when I was meant to, but it’s still amazing now.”

 

Her ears burn in embarrassment, stepping away from the keyboard. “I wish you were, too. Some random guy in the audience thought I was singing to him and kept giving me the eyes.”

 

Doyeon lets out a loud laugh, arms immediately coming out to wrap around him shoulders as she pulls Yoojung’s head to rest in the crook of her neck. “I missed you so much.”

 

Yoojung sighs blissfully, arms wrapping around Doyeon’s torso tightly, to make it loud and clear that she won’t let the universe pull her away from her hold again, not even if it tried with all of its might. “Don’t leave again, okay?”

 

“Never.” Doyeon mumbles into the top of her head, and Yoojung knows this is where she belongs. This is Yoojung and Doyeon, and this is where they’re meant to be.

 

So maybe real life would never be as magical as her dreamland, but she has a treehouse for a castle and a promise of forever, and Yoojung is sure that not even her dreams could beat that.

 

Ten years, one song, and a palpable connection for Yoojung to conclude that Doyeon was her never-ending story, and for the first time, Yoojung isn’t bent on waiting for a happy ending, just in savoring their beautiful todays.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

(Yoojung insists they go to the café Jihoon works at, solely to watch the look on his face when they walk in, hand-in-hand, and Jihoon doesn’t disappoint. His eyes bulge immediately as they land on their interlocked hands. The two of them make their way up to the register.

 

“Hey, Jihoon. I’ll have my usual, and a mango smoothie for my new girlfriend here.”

 

Jihoon makes an obnoxious sound at the word girlfriend, mouth hanging open and finger pointing at them bewilderedly. “I—you… this…?”

 

Yoojung lifts their hands up to flaunt once again, waving them in his face. Doyeon smirks too, a smile dancing on her lips. “Jealous?”

 

The boy breaks into a grin, eyes look up to the ceiling as he wipes a fake year from his eye, and with a quiet, pleased voice, he beams, “The gays will always prosper!”)

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: 

that was a ride wow but if you made it to the end then congrats and thank you sjdhsd (song at the end was my world by weki meki)

feedback is much appreciated so let me know in the comments if you liked it and if you want to see me write more dodaeng in the future!! 

my writing twitter is @byunderella if you'd like to keep up with my fic updates, ideas, and future aus, and here's my curiouscat if you have any requests or comments! 

thank you for reading (and stan weki meki) ♡

- trin