i want to see you, even if it's a nightmare or a dream.

she holds her, close and warm. underneath the snow that fell to their feet.

she wipes her tears. as they stood under the bright shine from the sun above them.

she combs her hair into place. the wind messed it up nevertheless.

she cups her face. their bodies pressed close to each other for warmth they couldn't find out in winter.

she looks into her eyes. hazel orbs stared back as intensely, the teardrops welled up on the rim of her eyelids threatening to spill over. again.

she leans in. her eyes closed, and the tears fell over. again.

she smiles through the kiss. she smiled back.

should it have been her instead? she wishes so. she thinks she deserves so. after all, she liked her first. she fell in love with her first. it's only right she thinks so. it's only fair she thinks so.

the crowd around them burst into loud applause and cheers. her friends run up and send their well-wishes. she walks over slightly slower, a pained smile forces its way up her lips. lonely tears stain her pale cheeks.

the wind was biting. the clouds loomed heavily above her head and the grass shrivelled miserably in the cold. the sun cowardly peaked out of heavy, grey mass in the sky. her heart squeezes, her stomach twists, her head spins, her breath quickens, her hands shake, her eyes burn. she looks beautiful smiling like that. she's always been beautiful.

she wants to be selfish. she wants to be the one proclaiming to the world that she's hers. she wants to be the one running her hands through her hair. she wants to be the one who knows how her lips tasted. she wants to be the one holding her at night. she wants to be the one she loves. she wants her.

but she can never. and she will never.

but life goes on. she must move on. and she will move on. just, not now, not anytime soon. she still cries for her in her sleep. she still sees her on the streets. she still wants her in her sheets. even more so when she hears,

"Minji unnie! Where have you been? Bora unnie said you have been avoiding her?"

"I have."

"Why?"

siyeon stands before her, now not as her best friend, but as someone she hates. she lowers her eyes, tightens her grip around her books and brings them closer to her chest. she can't bear to see the hurt in the younger's eyes. she can't bear to witness the same pain she feels in her. she can't bear to see for herself the look on her face when she says this,

"Because I'm also in love with her."