It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song.

To remember you forever,

Just one last dance...

==========

Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast between light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

==========

Breathless

[breth-lis]

1. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"SEULGI!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

"oh mygod ohmygod,"

Irene swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Seulgi heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Seulgi's hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Seulgi was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

"I'm sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, I'm- I'm ing sorry I shouldn't have I-," Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

"pl-please just wake u-up please..."

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they'd listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

'Me and my pride' she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Wendy and the rest of the members, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn't take long for the said best friend to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

"Unnie? Are you there?"

"Umm... Wendy, I-I'm so ing sorry, I don't know what just happened I-"

"Unnie? Please calm down, what happened? Is Seulgi okay?"

"She-"

"She's just been admitted to the hospital, Wendy..."

"WHAT?! JOY!YERI! WE NEED TO GO NOW!"

"Wendy- I.." She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so disheveled some might think they're some kind of a hobo.

"Is she okay?" Yeri asked as Wendy and Joy was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

"I- I don't know , Yeri.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious." She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Yeri said nothing but pulled Irene into a tight hug which she immediately melt into, followed by Wendy and Joy as the four of them relied on each other for the comfort each currently needed badly.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Seulgi's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry..."

That was all Irene needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Seulgi knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn't care less.

Irene pondered, just when did Seulgi became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

'such a tragic life of a dreamer'

'Such a pity'

I wonder Seulgi,

I do wonder...

==========

Irene spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Seulgi was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn't do anything but to accept their idols' decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love's life, Irene brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Seulgi's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was ing desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with a dog, a cat  and 4 kids running around the house. God knows she was deathly afraid of animals, but it she would do anything for Seulgi. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea. It was a ing promise for sake.

But,

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. Who always kissed her goodnight and do sweet smal gestures just to make Irene feel special, so so special and appreciated,They took her away from Irene.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Yeri, Joy and Wendy were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Seulgi called out to Irene.

"Unnie?" Seulgi asked quietly, head laying slack against Irene's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to Seulgi's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Irene would have laughed at the random request but the look on Seulgi's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Irene started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

"I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind..." She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Seulgi suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

"The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same ..."

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

"You held your head like a hero..."

Seulgi sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her 'spectacular biceps' that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Irene cueing her to sing the next lines.

"On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age..."

Irene stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Seulgi had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on BAECHU EOMMA!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

"Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered..."

This time Irene did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Irene and Seulgi singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

"I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now..."

Seulgi continued as she looked at Irene and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

"We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."

Irene gestured to Seulgi's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Seulgi smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Irene to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

"When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."

Irene belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Seulgi was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her off.

"Love live the wall we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders..." Irene sang loudly.

I'm not afraid," Seulgi continued with a big grin on her face.

"Long live all the mountains we move

I had the time of my live

Fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall..."

Irene actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu BaeSeulgi-karaoke session. As she opened to sing the next stanza, Seulgi had already beaten her to it.

"Will you take a moment,

promise me this...

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in,

And force us into a goodbye..."

Seulgi sang the lines softly to Irene as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

"If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures,

Please tell them my name..."

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Irene rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Seulgi and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you..."

Irene presented Seulgi with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

All smiles no frowns.

"Long, long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid..." She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Seulgi, getting a smile out in return. Irene gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

"Singing long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered..."

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us..." Irene whispered against her head.

"Long live you..." She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Seulgi's forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Seulgi did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Irene's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Irene's birthday, Seulgi had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Irene bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, the rest of the members always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Irene alone to deal with a crying Seulgi.

Seeing her Seulgi laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Irene panic level accelerate from 0 to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Seungwan. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Irene hissed at Wendy as they walked down the hospital halls to Seulgi's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow unnie, Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Wendy treaded carefully, afraid to get Irene madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Wendy. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Wendy confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Seulgi would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Wendy, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Seulgi was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Seulgi had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Irene at the word 'home', really messed with Wendy's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home...

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the three brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Joy realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Seulgi after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their 'stupid bear tendencies and annoyingly cute bubbly personality ' cheers to Joy for that. To be completely honest she didn't even know that her weird tendencies would give her one of the best-est friends in her life, and thank God for that, she was hella grateful for this. The two met yeri halfway throguh their carreer, Yeri was such a fiery soul and someway somehow her sarcastic personality had drew the both of them in.So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected the two maknaes deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Yeri, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Seulgi suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it unnie, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Yeri clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Yeri sassed.

", let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of s I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Yeri was all but shout.

"Watch it Yeri-yah or I'll tell Wendy about your behaviour." Joy said in a teasing tone, a smile smile gracing her face after seeing their banter.

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Yeri said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Seulgi commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Yeri complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop, a cackling Joy following behind.

==========

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

==========

Seulgi knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Irene up.

"Seulgi baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

"I...c-chest..h-h-hurtss."

Irene never really knew the rest of the things that caused her love such great uncomfort , except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Seulgi was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Irene made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

I don't want to forget...

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Irene hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Seulgi would listen close in her slumber.

"Please stay by my side,

Please stay with me..

Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...

I love you,

I love you...

In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming

From my foolish and weak heart..."

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

==========

Seulgi was looking at Irene as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could see the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. There wasn't a single dry eyes in the room but oh God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Irene with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Irene out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Seul, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, Irene. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. You've taught me more than I had expected, that life is more than just surviving, with you I actually get to enjoy these last moments as a golden record in my darkest times. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Seul. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Seulgi had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

"If it is time for me to leave, can you take care of Irene for me?"

Seulgi never said it to anyone in particular neither Yeri or Wendy or Joy, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and teary smiles.

Their last moments together were spent with Irene brushing the remnants of Seulgi hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn't long when the silence was broken by none other than Seulgi.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, unnie?"

"Anything for you love," Irene smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, unnie..." Seulgi whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

"Hallelujah,

You were an angel in the shape of my love

When I fell down you'll be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go...

And when God takes you back,

He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Irene wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Irene muttered her prayer against her skin.

"In peace may you leave the shore;

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travel," Irene finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Seulgi's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Seulgi..."

==========

It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Kang Seulgi swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn't even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Kang Seulgi didn't die in such great honour, she didn't die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people's face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 4 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

==========

"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

==========