A/N: Hey all, this has been on my list of joyri fics to write for so long. But it’s basically Joy dealing with the fact that her one true love Yerim left her and although she is trying to move on, it’s been very difficult to do so. But will Yerim come back?

The alarm blared loudly from the bedside of a dark-haired woman sleeping in bed. Park Sooyoung reaches her arm out to feel for the alarm clock and shuts it off. The woman sighs and blinks a few times to steady her blurry vision. She needs to get up and get ready for work. But today is already feeling like one of those days where work is the furthest thing from her mind. Sooyoung reaches over for someone, because someone very important used to lay there beside her. For three years her someone would be there just within arms reach. Her person is no longer here, but she will still find herself reaching over for the woman she loves so. Sooyoung sighs and sits up. It’s been almost a year now since Kim Yerim picked up and left without warning. Kim Yerim was and will always be the love of her life. There is nothing that will change that for her. No matter what she tries Park Sooyoung can’t seem to get over her first and only love. It feels like just yesterday she was leaning over to kiss her shorter partner awake.

(Flashback)

Yerim likes to sleep. It’s something Sooyoung has known about her girlfriend back when they were just friends. There are plenty of times where Sooyoung has to wake her up, because she doesn’t want Yerim to be late for work. The taller woman leans over and wraps an arm around her waist.

“Babe,” Sooyoung whispers in her ear. The blonde doesn’t respond and continues sleeping. Well, that won’t do at all. Sooyoung brings her closer and kisses her ear.

“Baby,” She tries again, this time softer. Yerim moves from beside her and Sooyoung thinks she is waking up.

“Soo…”

“You need to wake up, baby.” Sooyoung kisses her again but this time against her lips. This is quickly becoming a routine of sorts for the two of them. She is always waking her girlfriend up nowadays. Not that she minds in anyway.

“I’m tired.”

“I know you’re tired. You still need to wake up. Come on, Yerimie. Wake up for me?” She smiles and kisses her again. This time she feels Yerim returning her kiss and that what makes her happy. She could kiss those soft pink lips all day and not tire of it. There’s no way Sooyoung could ever get tired of one Kim Yerim. When Sooyoung sees those bright brown eyes fully open and looking at her it makes her heart skip several beats. She loves this girl in her arms more than anything.

“I’m up.” Yerim tells her after they break away for air after their kiss. Sooyoung nods and pushes some of her blonde locks back.

“Yeah, you’re up.”

(End)

It’s been a long time now since Yerim was here in bed with her. One day Sooyoung just came home to an apartment that was missing her girlfriend. All of Yerim’s clothes were out of their shared closet, her pink toothbrush no longer next to her red one, shoes not in its place, and nothing really to show that her girlfriend lived here. Sooyoung sighs and gets up. She needs to get herself a shower and ready for work. It’s much the same routine. She will get up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, sometimes see friends if she’s up to it, and go back home. Her life hasn’t been the same since Yerim left. Most of all she wants answers that she had never been able to receive. Yerim didn’t tell her why or give her any warning. Even when she tried to call there was never any answer to her calls. Any texts she tried to send were left ignored. Sooyoung became so miserable that it was sometimes hard for her to want to leave the apartment. Outside of going to work there wasn’t much she wanted to do.

“I just don’t know why, Yerimie.”

Into the shower the dark-haired woman goes. Now, it’s not to say that Sooyoung hasn’t tried to move on. She has been introduced to people and went out on dates with said people. She’s tried to have fun and let go. Most of those dates just ended with her missing Yerim more than ever. It was hard to pretend that Kim Yerim isn’t and will always be the love of her life. After her shower she dresses and grabs herself something quick to eat. At least with work she has time to not think, even if only for a little while. The dark-haired woman looks at her phone and stares at it like willing it to have a message from Yerim. A call or text just to let her know that Yerim is still out there somewhere. Sooyoung wants answers and Yerim is the only one that has those answers.

“Let me not worry about this right now. I need to get to work.”

Sooyoung shuts off the lights in her apartment and heads to her car. Work has helped her to distract herself. She likes her coworkers who are nice and they are good to work with. Her boss as well is understanding and is always willing to work with her for flexible hours. She just wishes she had Yerim here with her and by her side. Sooyoung can’t understand how it all went so wrong. Weren’t they happy? Didn’t Yerim love her as much as she loved her? She thought they were in a good place. Did she miss something somehow? Sooyoung sighs as she realizes she’s now stuck in traffic. This is precisely why she leaves in enough time to be early in case there is any traffic. Sooyoung turns on the car radio and distracts herself through the traffic. If she’s not distracted enough then she will think about Yerim. Not that she ever needs an excuse to think about Yerim. If she was still here they would be nearing their fourth year anniversary.

Sooyoung had plans for that special moment. She wanted to take her out of Seoul and spend the weekend in Jeju where she’s from. It would have been romantic and sweet. She would have asked Yerim to marry her. Sooyoung believed that Yerim was her forever. She still believes that Kim Yerim is her forever. When she gets to work she goes about her day as usual. The dark-haired woman waves to her coworkers and they greet her too. She makes herself a mug of coffee and gets to her desk. It’s the same routine just another day. It’s another day that she does her best to not think of Yerim. Sooyoung will busy herself with emails, phone calls, and much needed breaks for coffee and tea in between. Her coworkers will usually invite her out to lunch sometimes, or they’ll all meet at one of the lounge areas. After lunch she’ll head back to her desk for more work. Sometimes during a break or less busy period she’ll play a game or text some friends. She will especially text her married friends Seulgi and Joohyun. The couple were there before Yerim, during Yerim, and after Yerim. Sooyoung can still remember how worried the older women were when they finally found her and in the state she was in.

(Flashback)
 

Sooyoung wasn’t answering anyone’s calls, text, or even emails. The dark-haired woman was holed up in her apartment wrapped up in blankets and in such a miserable state that she couldn’t bring herself to get up. The sudden sound of loud knocking should startle her, and normally it would have.

“Sooyoung!” She hears Joohyun shout. “Sooyoung, you better open this door right now.”

“Hyun, stop.” Seulgi speaks gently. “Sooyoung, please open the door. We’re worried about you.”

“Go away.” Sooyoung finds the courage to say, although her voice comes out far too hoarse from her tears. She doesn’t want to see anyone unless it’s Yerim coming home for them to talk.

“We’re worried about you.” Joohyun repeats. “You haven’t been answering your phone. Will you at least let us make sure you’re okay.”

Sooyoung has been friends with the couple for a long time. She doesn’t like that they are concerned. Although, right now seeing anyone is the furthest thing from her mind. She knows they won’t go away until she sees them. It’s why Sooyoung forces herself off the couch and walks over to the door. The minute the couple see her they look instantly sorry for her. Another thing she didn’t want to see and that’s pity.

“Oh, Soo…”

“Well, my girlfriend left me. But here I am.” Sooyoung smiles through her tears. The next thing she knows the two older women are wrapping their arms around her in a warm embrace. She doesn’t remember when she started sobbing. Sooyoung only remembers the two of them taking care of her and letting her know she wasn’t alone. Sooyoung knew she wasn’t alone, but she surely felt like it. Nothing makes sense without Yerim.

(End)

Sooyoung looks over to her phone because she’s getting a text from Joohyun. The older woman is telling her that she would like for her to come over to have dinner with herself and Seulgi. But there’s something else that Joohyun is saying as well.

OldLadyHyun: Hey, Soo. I have someone I’d like you to meet. You would really like her.

“Oh my god,” Sooyoung groans. The last thing she wants to do is be introduced to some women who she probably won’t like in the first place. Sooyoung knows that Joohyun is coming from a good place and means well. At the same time she can’t see herself with anyone who’s not Yerim. All the dates she has been on have all ended in one of a few ways. They’ve ended on mutual notes of both herself and her date not seeing anything other than friend vibes. She had to simply tell the person that she couldn’t see it working out, or sometimes they ended in disaster with Sooyoung leaving or never actually going to meet her date. She tries to tell Joohyun that she doesn’t want to meet anyone.

OldLadyHyun: okay, fine. But at least come have dinner with Seul and I tomorrow. You can meet our friend but I promise I won’t try to interfere, okay?

Well, Sooyoung isn’t about to turn down food. She agrees to show up to dinner for tomorrow. She makes it clear to Joohyun that she isn’t going to be there looking to meet this friend on anything other than a friendly basis. Now all this talk about meeting people is only reminding Sooyoung of how she first met Yerim.

(Flashback)

Sooyoung was running late for work. She really didn’t have time to stop into a cafe for a latte. However, since she’s late anyway. She might as well grab herself the latte she’s craving. Sooyoung can almost taste that warm latte with caramel topping about to explode her taste buds when she’s handed a vanilla chai latte and it’s certainly not what she ordered.

“I didn’t order this.”

“Hey, I think they mixed our drinks.” Sooyoung hears someone say. When she turns around it’s to see a beautiful woman with blonde locks dressed in a pink top and black jeans. Sooyoung stands stunned for so long that the blonde simply waves her hand over her face.

“Huh?”

“I said they mixed our drinks. Did you order the caramel latte?”

“I did, this must be yours.”

“Yeah, it is. Thank you,” the woman exchanges their drinks to get the correct one. Sooyoung knows she feels something when their fingers make contact. Did the blonde woman feel it too?

“Hey,” Sooyoung calls out to her before the blonde leaves the cafe completely.

“Yes?”

“Um, this is going to be sudden, but would you like to go out with me sometime? Maybe for lunch or dinner?”

Sooyoung isn’t the type to simply ask a stranger out this way. It’s just about the last thing she would do. However, there is some sort of pull she’s feeling toward the blonde woman and she knows it’s not something to be ignored. The worst case scenario would be a reaction but at least she tried. The woman seems to be thinking. It feels like a long time before finally Sooyoung is getting a response.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Really?” Sooyoung blinks.

“Yeah, I’ll go out with you. I’m Kim Yerim.”

“Park Sooyoung, and it’s really nice to meet you, Kim Yerim.”

(End)
 

That first meeting was what led to several dates. Those dates led Sooyoung to asking Yerim to be her girlfriend. They dated for a full year before moving in together. Sooyoung had never been more serious about another person in her life. She gave so much to Yerim and their relationship, and for her to be left in the way she had been was not only unexpected but very painful to deal with. It’s why she’s doing her best to deal now. Work really helps because when she gets back to the apartment it’s an entirely different story. When she’s home it gives her more time to think. It’s like she can still feel her girlfriend around the house even though there’s not a trace of her. Not to mention all of the memories of them whether cuddling on the couch, ordering takeout together with Sooyoung making sure to always get the sushi her girlfriend loved, or lazy days laying in bed making out and cuddling. Sooyoung swears if she closes her eyes long enough she can still feel Yerim in her arms.

“Why did you leave me?” Sooyoung sighs and sits down on the couch. She never imagined a pain such as this when she woke up to realize that the love of her life was gone. It’s been almost a year but it doesn’t change how affected she is. Sooyoung scrolls through her phone and sees Yerim’s number staring at her. She wants to press call because of the chance she’ll finally hear Yerim’s voice. Sooyoung doesn’t actually press call because she knows there won’t be an answer. In the beginning she used to call frequently to receive nothing but voicemails.

“Hey, you’ve reached Yerim. I’m not available right now, leave a message and I will call you back.”

“Hey, you’ve reached Yerim. I’m not available right now, leave a message and I will call you back.”

“Hey, you’ve reached Yerim. I’m not available right now, leave a message and I will call you back.”

All the time this voicemail played like a mantra in her head. A mantra that was haunting her with the voice of her girlfriend. After a while she had to stop dialing her number because she wasn’t going to be getting any answer. The thing is answers are what the dark-haired woman needs most of all. Nights are another thing that is very difficult to get through. Sooyoung sometimes still reaches over for Yerim or wakes up thinking that she’s just gone to the bathroom and will be back soon. Sooyoung always told Yerim that she had a difficult time sleeping without her. That is the truth as nowadays it’s almost impossible to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. When Yerim was next to her she would usually cuddle the shorter woman to sleep, or simply be comforted by the fact that she was with the woman she loved, and they were together in the same space. Yerim really is the only one for her, and there’s nothing that can change her mind.

However, knowing that aside Sooyoung still shows up the next night at Seulgi and Joohyun’s house. The couple greet her warmly with hugs and ask her how she’s doing. Sooyoung gives them the rehearsed answer that she is fine. The couple don’t pry as soon enough she’s being introduced to their friend. Sooyoung is meeting a very beautiful and seemingly nice brown-haired woman with an Australian accent who says her name is Rose. Sooyoung has eyes and isn’t blind in anyway. The woman is cleary pretty and is nice too. They actually are able to have conversations all on their own through the dinner without the older couple having to prompt them. Sooyoung can’t help to notice how Joohyun and Seulgi disappear from time to time to give her space to be alone with Rose.

“They are sweet, but a little obvious, no?” Rose says softly and that makes Sooyoung nod in agreement.

“Yeah, this is probably mostly Joohyun. Seulgi is the helpless victim in her wife’s madness.”

When Sooyoung says that it makes Rose laugh and nod in agreement. She already knew that Joohyun called her here specifically for meeting this friend of hers. Now, she thinks Park Sooyoung is clearly a beautiful woman. With that being said there is clearly something that is on the dark-haired woman’s mind and seems to be distracting her. Rose has the feeling meeting someone for a possible romantic connection is the furthest thing from her mind.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not really looking for romance either. But if you would like a friend, I would love to hang out?” Rose says in a hopeful tone. Sooyoung thinks having a friend sounds like a good idea. She agrees and makes plans to meet up with Rose for drinks sometime. Sooyoung really didn’t think anything of it. She actually didn’t think that she would see Rose for real afterwards. However, they did meet for drinks. That one night of drinks ended up turning into lunches, dinners, and even weekend hangout nights. Sometimes they went bowling, other times the movies. It wasn’t exactly dating but there were indeed times it felt somehow like it was. Rose was also very easy to talk to. She was non-judgemental and soon enough they were sharing personal stories.

“I had a serious girlfriend too,” Rose tells her one day over ice cream. “We have only been broken up for a few months, but I do love her still.”

“It’s been about a year now since Yerim left me, and I don’t know why. I have no way to reach her, and even though I know technically it’s over. My heart hasn’t caught up to my head.”

Rose nods in understanding. It’s not like someone can just turn off and on their feelings, especially after being in such a lengthy relationship. Rose has grown to like Sooyoung as a friend and hopes for the best for her. Just from their conversations Rose can tell that clearly Sooyoung isn’t over this Yerim woman, so whoever she is there was clearly a great love there.

“Hey, what would you do if she came back?”

Sooyoung has run thoughts like that in her mind over and over. What would she do if Yerim did come back to her? Could she really just accept her with open arms and pretend that she hadn’t been completely devastated? It’s true she loves Yerim still and will probably always love her. How can she just ignore that hurt and hurt that Yerim did cause her.

“I don’t know what I will do. It’s been very hard trying to get over her, and she is still the one for me no matter what. It’s not likely she’s coming back, though.”

“You never know.” Rose tries to say in an optimistic tone. Sooyoung appreciates her friend being optimistic. It’s kind of hard being optimistic when it’s been this long. Sooyoung loves Kim Yerim and she would always love Kim Yerim. As much as it’s been nice having a friend in Rose, and as much as she has really liked hanging out with her. It changes nothing about her feelings for Yerim, or stops her from having thoughts about her. Almost every night when she dreams it’s to different dreams of Yerim. Some are happy with them making out and it brings back all those good feelings. Some are not good at all and more like nightmares. Sometimes, Yerim is especially cruel to her like tonight.

Sooyoung keeps seeing Yerim. The woman is just out of reach each time she catches up to her. Everytime Sooyoung runs faster it feels like Yerim gets a little further away from her. The dark-haired woman runs faster to be able to catch up to her love. Finally when she does catch up to her Yerim looks unamused and pushes her away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“But, baby…”

“No,” Yerim shakes her head. “I thought I made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with you anymore. Did you find any note or letting telling you why I left you?”

“No, you didn’t. I just can’t believe that you don’t love me.”

Yerim sighs and walks away from her. Sooyoung tries to grab her into an embrace she succeeds and holds the shorter woman to her.

“I love you so much, Yerimie. I know you love me too.”

“I don’t love you anymore, Sooyoung. Why don’t you get it through your head already and leave me alone?”

“But…”

“You need to move on, Sooyoung. I don’t love you and I’m not coming back to you.”

“That’s not true. I don’t believe you, why are you lying to me!” She screams after the blonde who is walking away and not stopping no matter how much she begs her to come back.

Sooyoung wakes up to her heart pounding in her chest and tears staining her cheeks. That had to be the worst dream yet. It felt so real, and the dark-haired woman gets up to throw some water over her face. Was that some sort of sign? Was Yerim somehow telling her to move on and forget her? Can she even do such a thing as that? When she’s finished throwing water on her face she sits back in bed and grabs her phone. Their fourth year anniversary is in a few weeks. Everything feels so much harder because it’s going to be soon. Joohyun and Seulgi know it too. It’s why they invite her over for dinner more. Sooyoung goes mostly to make sure the older couple see her and know she’s okay, even when she’s not.

“Hey, Soo.” Seulgi begins. “You don’t have to pretend with us. We know you’re not okay.”

The younger woman sighs. “My fourth anniversary with Yerim is soon, or what would have been.”

Joohyun touches her shoulder gently. She and her wife both hate seeing her in such pain still. They know most of all what Sooyoung needs is answers. There’s something they have heard that may or may not actually help the younger woman.

“Soo…” Joohyun stops. “Seul and I heard something, now we don’t know if it’s true but maybe you should know.”

“If it’s about Yerim then I want you to tell me.”

“We heard that she was seen around the city. We don’t know if that’s true or not, so…”

“I know.” Sooyoung nods. “I know not to get my hopes up.”

She wants to get her hopes up but reminds herself not to. The day of their anniversary arrives and rather than spend it alone. Rose convinces her to go out. They end up dinner and having drinks. Sooyoung really likes Rose and she is a nice person. She could be a great girlfriend for someone, but perhaps not for her. Yerim is not far from her mind even if she’s being distracted.

“Are you not hungry?” Rose gestures to the food on her plate that is mostly uneaten.

“I’m not really so hungry.”

“It’s okay, want to take this to go? We should go for sweets, no one can say no to sweets.”

Sooyoung smiles anyway, despite not feeling like smiling. She does appreciate that Rose is this willing to help. They grab the rest of Sooyoung’s uneaten meal for takeout and the two women head down the block for some ice cream.

“I know today is hard for you, Soo.”

“It would have been our fourth anniversary.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I think maybe I should try to move on?”

She sounds so hesitant and the tone of her voice makes Rose stop walking and turn the taller woman to her. She doesn’t believe that Sooyoung really wants to move on, or rather she can’t move on.

“Do you really think you’re ready to move on?”

“I…” Sooyoung starts. “No, I can’t move on. At least not right now.”

“Then you shouldn’t force yourself, Sooyoung. You need to only move on when you’re ready. Would you like a hug?”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

The hug is nice and probably what she needs right now because of the state she’s in. Sooyoung is just about to tell Rose thank you for being such a great friend to her, when someone speaks. The voice shakes her to her core because it’s been too long.

“Soo?”

“What?” The dark-haired woman freezes in Rose’s embrace because that voice sounds only of one person. It just couldn’t be her Yerim, although it sounds like her. Sooyoung slowly lets go of the hug and to the direction of the voice. There she is, standing here looking at her with those eyes. Sooyoung takes her in and notices how much thinner she does look from a year ago. Her blonde hair is more dirty blonde and shorter. Short hair looks good on Yerim.

“Yerimie?” Sooyoung whispers.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll go.”

Rose sees the way Sooyoung is simply standing there in shock. Rose gently urges Sooyoung to go after her. Yerim is walking away and probably has the complete idea of a situation.

“Soo, this could be your chance to find out what happened. Go after her.”

“Huh, oh yeah.” Sooyoung nods in thanks and runs off, but not before turning to Rose and whispering her thanks. Rose nods and whispers to her good luck. She hopes that Sooyoung can get those answers she needs.

“Good luck, Soo.”

Sooyoung doesn’t have to run far because Yerim isn’t all that far. It’s almost like her dream but not quite.

“Kim Yerim!” The taller woman shouts loud enough that it startles the blonde and she stops.

“Don’t you run away like that. It’s been a year since I’ve seen you, and I need to talk to you.”

Yerim stands still and makes no moves to turn around. Sooyoung has wanted this moment for a long time. The dark-haired woman has played this very thing in her head. Nothing could compare her for what is the reality of seeing the love of her life again.

“Please, talk to me.” Sooyoung asks. “I need answers.”

Yerim turns to her and nods. She promised herself that if she did see Sooyoung again she would tell her the truth. She can’t ignore her now, and agrees to talk to her.

“Can we go to your place?”

“My place.” The taller woman laughs sadly. “It was our place. Come with me.”

Sooyoung knows she feels incredibly nervous as she leads the way back toward their once shared apartment. Yerim feels nervous too because it’s been a year, and in honesty she wasn’t going to come back here. However, her feelings for Sooyoung didn’t just die because she left. Once inside the place she once lived it brings back memories for the blonde. The place is mostly the same except for a few changes like new living room furniture and a newer flat screen tv. Sooyoung tells her to sit down and she does. The silence is deafening for a while until one of them gets the courage to speak.

“I replayed this moment in my head a lot.” Sooyoung starts. “I always wondered what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. I just never really thought I would see you.”

Sooyoung sees the small way Yerim flinches and looks away. It tells her a lot in that one moment.

“You weren’t going to come back, huh Yerimie.”

“No, I wasn’t originally. I needed to because what I did wasn’t right.”

“No, it wasn’t right. You left me one morning to no longer have you by my side. Do you understand how much pain I was in? I looked all over the place for you, just hoping you were around somewhere. When I couldn’t find you I simply fell down onto my knees and sobbed, ugly sobbing. That’s how hurt I was because you left and worst of all you didn’t tell me why. I need to know why.”

“Soo…” The blonde sighs. It hurts her to think about Sooyoung that upset. She never wanted to hurt Sooyoung.

“Well, did you have half the hard time I did? Did you wake up reaching over for me at all? Did you ever call out my name thinking I was somewhere still close…” Sooyoung pauses because she feels tears. “Did you have a huge in your heart like I did, hm?”

“Soo..”

“Well, did you! You’re the only person for me. The only person I’ve ever loved this much and this hard. There were days that I couldn’t even get out of bed, I was that miserable. Joohyun and Seulgi had to come over to take care of me I was that pathetic. I loved you so much!”

The only thing that can be heard after is tears, and not just tears from the dark-haired woman. Yerim is crying too and Sooyoung feels bad that she is. However, she really needs for the blonde to understand her pain.

“I ing still love you, Yerimie. I tried so hard to get over you, and it never worked because it’s always been you. You’re all I think about all the time, and I love you. Do you even love me at all?”

“I love you.” Yerim nods. “I do love you. I didn’t leave you to hurt you, Sooyoung.”

That’s not good enough for Sooyoung. She needs to know why the hell she was left in such a cruel and deliberate way. Sooyoung needs to know that she wasn’t the only one who was in pain for the past year.

“Then why the did you leave me!”

“I didn’t do it to hurt you. I left for you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I was sick!” Yerim shouts then, and the way she says it makes Sooyoung freeze and stop to listen.

“I was sick, Soo. I didn’t want you to see me sick. I hid it so you didn’t have to know about what I was dealing with.”

“How sick?” Sooyoung wonders and kneels down before her. “I remember you going to the doctors, but you kept saying it was just fatigue. How sick are we talking?”

Yerim sighs and closes her eyes. Did she ever want to tell Sooyoung the truth, because she knows Sooyoung and knows she will feel bad.

“I had cancer, and I didn’t want you to see me going through the chemo, or the hair loss, or the tiredness. I couldn’t get out of bed either some days, Soo. I was sick all the time and not just from the cancer. I was sick at myself because I hurt you, you must know how much I love you. I didn’t want to hurt you by having you take care of me.”

Sooyoung is stunned by this. Her shock turns into a mix of anger and sadness. She thought Yerim left for selfish reasons. She didn’t think it was because of something as serious as this. Sooyoung shakes her head and wipes her tears that are steadily falling.

“I would have taken care of you. I would do anything for you, oh my god. Why didn’t you tell me, Yerimie? I wish you would have let me be there for you.” She hugs the blonde who slowly hugs her back. Sooyoung feels her shoulder now wet with Yerim’s tears.

“Because you would have given up so much to take care of me. I didn’t want that for you.”

“You should have let me choose. I wanted to be with you no matter what. Did anyone take care of you, were you alone?”

“I went home to be with my parents during treatment. I wanted to be honest with you finally about why I left in that way. It was never ever about hurting you, Soo. I really thought I was setting you free.”

Sooyoung shakes her head in disagreement and pulls back to look at the shorter woman.

“I’m not free if I’m not with you. I love you, Kim Yerim.”

“I love you too, Park Sooyoung.”

The dark-haired woman nods and wipes away at Yerim’s tears. Sooyoung has spent so long without answers, and now she has them. It’s not going to happen overnight, but they do love each other. There is no reason why they can’t try again, unless…

“Are you with anyone?” Sooyoung decides to ask.

“No, I’m in remission right now and the last thing I could do was date honestly. Not when it’s just been you for me.”

“It’s only you for me too, Yerimie. I know we can’t just simply pick up where we left off, but if you want to start over and try with me. I want to move forward with you.”

Yerim nods. “I know I have to make it up to you for leaving. Thank you for hearing me out.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth. I’m just so sorry that I wasn’t with you then.” The taller woman stands up and sits down beside her. It’s been a long time since she’s been this close to the woman she loves. Yerim takes out her phone and starts to show pictures to Sooyoung of her journey.

“This is in the hospital when I was getting the chemo.”

Sooyoung’s arm is wrapped around her as she looks at the photo. “You don’t look well at all. Was it making you sick?”

“Sometimes.” Yerim admits. “I couldn’t let you go through this with me. I know you would have wanted to be.”
 

“I would have wanted to. Please don’t ever keep something as huge as this from me again. I want to be with you, always. No matter what.”

“I understand, and I’m sorry I didn’t include you on this very hard journey.”

Yerim feels that arm around her tighter and bringing her closer for a hug. Yerim leans into that familiar embrace that she has missed so. It feels good to be in Sooyoung’s arms again. The taller woman listens intently as Yerim tells her about her year. The two discuss in further detail their own difficulties, struggles, and pain without one another. Sooyoung knows that they will have to work at this to be whole again. But the woman also knows one more thing that’s even more important than anything else. Kim Yerim is her one true love and nothing would ever change that. Kim Yerim was here in her arms again after a year of being a part. Sooyoung could never move on from the woman she loved, no matter what she tried. There is a reason as to why she could never move on, and that was because of one simple fact that she has always known.

Kim Yerim is and always will be the only one.

A/N: Hey, so this is essentially what I was going for when I had this idea in mind. It just sort of wrote itself too one I finally got started. I wanted to show that even though a lot has happened and both of them are hurt in their own ways. They can heal together and move on together. So def wanted to leave this fic on a hopeful note, hope you guys enjoyed.