Fighting flames of fire

Hang onto burning wires

We don't care anymore

Are we fading lovers?

We keep wasting colors

Maybe we should let this go

 

 

 

Streaks of pure white crackled against the blanket of clouds the zig-zag bolts almost ripping the sky open.  

 

Baekhyun shivered and let out a gasp. 

 

Lightning reminds Baekhyun of fire. 

 

It is mostly the uncertainty of the thunderstorms that makes him feel scared and on edge. 

 

-

 

‘Lightning is the megawatt smile of nature’ he had read this line somewhere. 

 

It made him wonder how people would associate lightning and thundering to something positive. 

 

 

 

He glanced at the clock placed on the rack, the glowing LED light read 3:26 am. 

 

The power was out.

 

“Yeol are you done?” Baekhyun asked. 

 

Chanyeol was looking for candles or any source of light they had in the kitchen but apparently they had nothing since there was barely ever any power outage. 

 

Giving up he walked back to the living room couch where Baekhyun was sitting all tensed hugging his knees. 

 

He slapped the  back of the flashlight with the palm of his hands repeatedly to prevent it from flickering but eventually the battery died. 

 

Frustrated he threw the old flashlight on the table harshly the object tumbled from the table top and dropped on the ground with a cracking sound of the plastic. 

 

Chanyeol plopped beside the shorter male  on the sofa with a sigh. 

 

-

 

The room was suddenly filled with a blinding purplish light which looked like an explosion followed by a ear shattering sound. 

 

Baekhyun almost cried out and quickly shifted towards Chanyeol grabbing his arms tightly. 

 

“Ouch ! Baek your fingernails are digging into my skin” 

 

“Sorry” Baekhyun muttered still feeling his elevated heartbeat. He slowly loosened the grip on his boyfriend’s arm. 

 

“You know how I hate weather like this...m-makes me all anxious and fidgety” Baekhyun mumbled in a small voice. 

 

“It’s just natural phenomena, it’s nothing to get scared of. You really need to stop being like this” Chanyeol’s said flatly. 

 

Baekhyun could feel the irritation dripping from Chanyeol’s voice but he still chose to ignore it for now. 

 

Instead he took Chanyeol’s hand on his own and the latter’s palm with his long delicate fingers. 

 

“Yes I am scared but you are with me, I want you to take care of me like you always do makes me feel safe” he nuzzled his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. 

 

He breathed in the smell of the fabric softener on his tshirt mixed with the intoxicating  smell of Chanyeol’s cologne which was his favourite. 

 

The wind was howling angrily outside, sound of the constant downpour filling the silence in the room. 

 

“I am really exhausted Baek” Chanyeol’s voice sounded distant. 

 

Baekhyun was aware that  his boyfriend had a long day at work but something the way he said it, Baekhyun could feel he wasn’t talking about that. 

 

From the jolts of lightening he saw Chanyeol resting his head on the headrest of the sofa staring at the ceiling with an unreadable expression. 

 

“What do you mean?” Looking up at the other man Baekhyun slowly tugged on the hem of his tshirt. 

 

“You know what I mean” Chanyeol deadpanned. 

 

“I am tired, I am physically mentally and spiritually exhausted of us arguing over everything. You always perceiving of my faults.” Chanyeol said in a low voice but the words echoed like bell a in the otherwise noiseless room. 

 

Baekhyun very well knew that his lover wasn’t wrong. Since the past 6 months they have been fighting more than they have normal conversations. 

 

“I...know I can be a little hard at times but we can surely work this out. We used to be so happy”

 

Chanyeol let out a chuckle which sounded more dry than sarcastic, “Yah well things changed...” 

 

True. 

 

Things weren’t always like this between them. They were happy....so happy together. Content in each other’s company. 

 

 

 

“Do you really have to talk about this right now?” Baekhyun shivered a little. 

The temperature had dropped and he was just dressed in a loose tshirt and sweatpant. “We can discuss latter” 

 

“Latter? The latter never comes Baekhyun” Chanyeol sounded almost frustrated. 

 

“You talk about working things out yet you dodge every time I try to talk about our problems” 

 

 

 

A little perplexed the smaller replied

 “I just don’t feel like talking about this right now” it felt even colder. Baekhyun slowly rubbed the palm of his hands to feel some warmth. 

 

It was Chanyeol who would always wrap his arms around him or rub his own big hands on his smaller ones to keep him warm. 

 

“Maybe it’s time you stop being selfish and address the elephant in the room” Chanyeol spat out harshly. 

 

Baekhyun who always had an answer on the tip of his tongue was speechless. 

 

Selfish 

 

Selfish

 

Selfish

 

The word kept ringing in his ears. 

 

His boyfriend just called him selfish. Yes he never liked talking about their issues not because he was selfish but he felt scared that it might lead to a conclusion he wasn’t ready to accept or even consider to think about. 

 

Getting no reply from Baekhyun, Chanyeol spoke again, “You know at this point we are just hurting each other” this time his voice was soft and raspy. 

 

-

 

They went from being friends to best friends to lovers. Their love story had no dramatic flair to it, there was nothing super special about but it was sweet just like their love for each other. 

 

 

The clumsy tall guy with big brown eyes and a pure smile made Baekhyun’s heart flutter. He made him feel like Home. 

 

 

Those days in college they were carefree. They would go out for movies specially the superhero movies that Chanyeol was obsessed about and Baekhyun always thought they were super unrealistic. 

 

“You are such a nerd” Baekhyun used to about his love for Iron man. 

 

“Well I am your nerd” Chanyeol replied with a pout. 

 

“Jeez you are such a cheese ball. Nerd” 

 

They usually picked the late night shows when the theatre was almost empty, sitting in the last row. They never ended up watching the movie anyway.

 

 

During the weekends they didn’t do much, but lie on the couch and just enjoy each other’s company. Talking about the most random things. 

 

Chanyeol had a theory about how aliens are observing for centuries, gathering data, learning about every form of life on Earth so that they can eventually take over. 

 

Baekhyun had to shut him with kisses before he had chance to further explain his bizarre theory. 

 

 

Sometimes they would just sit on the terrace during the summer nights drinking chilled beer and planning their future.  

 

 Chanyeol would even bring his guitar along and play a song he had composed. His deep voice just like honey, sweet and easy to Baekhyun’s ears. 

 

Those happy memories are still fresh on Baekhyun’s mind....thinking about them still brings a smile on his face but more like a sad one. 

 

-

 

Chanyeol fumbled through his jeans  pocket and took out a cigarette and his zippo lighter. 

 

Lighting the stick he took a slow drag....Baekhyun watched the swirling smoke through blurry eyes. 

 

He never liked the smell but Chanyeol  called it as a stress buster...a sweet escape so he had let him indulge on this addiction. 

 

-

 

 

Baekhyun wonders what went wrong? What caused them to be how they are now. 

 

Life happened. Reality kicked in their fairy tale like love. 

 

College ended they both got placed in different jobs. 

 

They even moved to a new apartment. Staying together, waking up to each other every morning sharing meals seemed like the best that could happen. 

 

Even when they came back from a hard day at work just the thought of seeing each other made them happy. 

 

Baekhyun left his job and started to work mostly from home, he realised being a slave to a 9-5 Job wasn’t really his forte. 

Chanyeol was always supportive always understanding.

 

 

Baekhyun knew he felt insecured with his job it didn’t pay him well not that Chanyeol ever complained. But he felt less of him like he was loosing out on being on the same page. 

 

But Slowly the small arguments turned into big fights, their never ending topics of discussions turned into clipped conversations,expectations turned into disappointment. 

 

-

 

Only an hour ago the blackness was absolute, but now the morning twilight filled the room with a dim glow. The energy of the storm was gone. 

 

“You know at this point we are just hurting each other” 

 

Chanyeol’s words broke his train of thoughts, he looked at him...his bright eyes missed the usual glow, he had dark circles his face seemed a lot tired. His hair messed up. Yet he looked looked so beautiful that Baekhyun’s heart ached. 

 

“I can’t do it anymore, I tried Baek I really did” pausing for a second he went on 

“ I-I invented every excuse of staying hoping things would go back to normal but it’s just doesn’t feel right” 

 

He ran his free hand through his hair while taking another drag from his cigarette. His voice almost cracking. 

 

The words fell out of Chanyeol’s mouth like a vapour but it felt like punch to Baekhyun’s gut. 

 

This was the same guy who fought with his parents and stopped talking to them just because they didn’t approve his relationship with Baekhyun. 

 

“Don’t you love me anymore?” Is all he could get out of his trembling lips.

 

Chanyeol loves him, he has for so many years probably the only one who has truely loved him. 

 

 

For the first time Chanyeol turned towards him trying to hide the sadness of his eyes he slowly looked away a faint smile forming on his lips. 

 

“I love you, but...but I’m so tired of loving you”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes start to hurt because it almost blinded his vision from the tears that kept on falling. 

 

“This...I-i mean...p-please d-don’t don’t say....I love you so much..” words were incoherent.

 

Baekhyun held Chanyeol’s arm tightly as if grasping on the last straw to save himself from drowning. 

 

He knew he sounded needy and pathetic but he wanted Chanyeol to understand that this can’t be them..this can’t be the end of what they have. 

 

He stared at the cigarette between his fingers. It was almost short enough to burn him. With an effort, he leaned forward to crush it out on the ashtray placed on the table. 

 

“I am sorry Baek...I can’t, not anymore...love is not....it’s not enough” Chanyeol sighed and loosening his grip from Baekhyun’s he stood up and walked towards their bedroom.   

 

His shoulders sunken his hands inside his pockets. 

 

 

 

Watching him walk away Baekhyun wanted to desperately call him, beg on his knees that they could fix everything, they could start afresh. His heart breaking into million pieces.

 

The room swirled before him.

 

Baekhyun sat there still loosing track of time. 

 

“Maybe you did love me Yeol, but not now. Because you don’t do this to someone you love” he slowly murmured to himself. 

 

Every part of his body hurt. 

 

But he was sure his fear of thunderstorms was gone. 

 

•  

 

“You look so beautiful Baek” Chanyeol whispered into Baekhyun’s ear pulling him slower to himself. 

 

Chanyeol’s warm breath tickling his ear. 

 

“Shut up and kiss me” Baekhyun had replied with a pout. 

 

They were inside one of the empty class room in college as always they stayed back after classes ended and students left for home. 

 

Chanyeol cupped his cheek and intently stared at his eyes “ I love you so much always stay with me” 

 

“Always” Baekhyun had replied and crashed his lip onto his lovers to seal it with a promise for their future. 

 

-

 

 

Never face each other

One bed, different covers

We don’t care anymore

Two hearts still beating

On with different rhythms

Maybe we should let this go