Ballet was an art Chanyeol had loved since his younger years. His mother had introduced him to this beautiful and ephemeral art when he had been a little boy, being a well-known ballerina herself. He remembered the movements her mother had been making on scene, dancing to different pieces each time he came to see her. She had always been filled with grace, and looked like a soft dove flying through the sky whenever she danced. Her emotions had always touched little Chanyeol and that was how he began to learn ballet in his small town.

 

 

As the violins of Giselle played in his ears, Chanyeol was looking at the landscape unfolding behind the window of the bus he was in. After twenty years spent in his small village, the young man finally came to Seoul for the first time, to fulfill his dream of becoming a dancer as good as his mother had been. A small smile appeared on his lips as he once again read the text from his cousin who had invited him to the capital to study in his school, the famous Ballet Academy of Seoul. When Chanyeol had gotten the proposition, he hadn’t thought about it for more than a second and had accepted straight away without even telling his father. 

 

 

The young man was really happy that an opportunity like this had presented itself into his life. Since he had started taking ballet classes at the age of twelve, he had always been told that he was good and that he had the talent to become a good dancer. The school he had been in was small, and only had a few students, five at most, and Chanyeol was sure that in Seoul, the school would be way bigger. He was aware that the teachers would have more expectations from their students and he was willing to improve in the best way he could. He felt lucky to have his cousin invite him to his school, Chanyeol knew that without him, this wouldn’t have been possible.

 

 

The bus came to a stop and Chanyeol finally stepped into the South-Korean capital. Everything felt huge to the young man whose eyes were sparkling in amazement. Seoul was nothing like his small village, where he knew everybody and where he only had to walk for ten minutes to got to the nearest supermarket. This felt nothing like that and Chanyeol knew deep inside that this new life was going to be a one of a kind experience that would grow on him and settle in his chest forever. This life was for him.His dreams had always been bigger than he was. 

 

 

He walked out of the train station and a huge smile appeared on his lips as his eyes landed on the small silhouette of a man waving at him. Chanyeol took his earpieces off and put them in his pocket as he walked towards the other man, his heart beating quickly in his chest from happiness.

 

 

"Minseok-hyung! I’m glad you came!" 

 

 

"It’s been a while, I remember being taller than you the last time I saw you," the elder man said as he compared their heights with his hand above his head as if he was reminiscing the times when Chanyeol had still been a little kid. 

 

 

"Really? I don’t remember that you were ever taller," Chanyeol stated with a playful smile. He had always loved teasing his cousin and even if they hadn’t seen each other for years, it felt like they were together just yesterday.

 

 

"Stop your nonsense and grab your bag, we’ll drop it at home and then I’ll show you around."

 

 

Chanyeol simply nodded and followed Minseok to his car, an expensive and foreign one. The young man knew that his cousin’s school was doing well and that he had started making a lot of money, but he had never really seen the facts with his own eyes. A huge gap was drawn between his little life in the village, where he worked in the field during Summer break to earn some money, and this new life in Seoul where, apparently, being a ballet dancer was a lot more renowned. Chanyeol got in the expensive car carefully and tried to fit his long legs in it without touching anything to avoid ruining it. It had been years since he had last seen Minseok, the last thing he wanted at that moment was to anger him. The other man didn’t seem to notice the way Chanyeol acted since he was probably focused on the road. Chanyeol, on the other hand, was in awe as he admired the wonderful landscape of the capital. It was far from what he was used to, and the young man felt like he became a little kid once again. 

 

 

"You’re still the same kid I remember, it’s cute," Minseok whispered with a small smile on his lips as he stopped the car in front of a building that looked like a luxurious apartment complex. 

 

 

"I’m twenty, I’m not a kid anymore," Chanyeol pouted as he crossed his arms against his chest to show the elder that he was offended.

 

 

"Still a kid to me," Minseok added to end the conversation and this time, Chanyeol didn’t say anything because he loved the way his cousin smiled to him in a protective way.

 

 

They both got off the car and Chanyeol grabbed his bag from the trunk as he once again followed Minseok. He felt that, for a while, all he was going to do would be following Minseok around, at least until he got used to the huge city and to this new life. He had a lot of things to discover and Chanyeol knew he could trust Minseok on everything. 

 

 

The apartment Minseok lived in was spacious, luminous and really clean, Chanyeol was surprised to see a place as neat as this one. He didn’t know why, but there was this cliché settled in his mind in which single men’s homes were usually messy, with a lot of leftover food everywhere, clothes on the floor and an unpleasant smell all around. Minseok’s place, however, was far from what Chanyeol had expected and he thought that maybe the other had cleaned up just before he arrived to make a good impression on him. 

 

 

"You shouldn’t have bothered cleaning, hyung. You know how messy I am."

 

 

"My place is always like this, Yeol. Get used to it. Your room is right there," Minseok said while showing the taller man his new bedroom.

 

 

"Thank you," Chanyeol replied and he felt that it wasn’t enough, that a simple ‘thank you’ would never be enough to thank Minseok for the opportunity he had given him, for everything he was doing for him. But still, for now, Chanyeol could only give him a genuine ‘thank you’ as he still didn’t have the capacity to return the favor to the other.

 

 

Minseok told him to unpack and familiarize himself with his new room while he prepared breakfast and it was at this moment that Chanyeol felt his stomach growl in hunger. Right. It had been the early morning when he had left and he had just spent seven hours in a bus without eating anything and aside from being tired, he was now starving. Eating something would only make him feel better so Chanyeol nodded and was left alone in his new room, a room that was way bigger than the one he had back home. He hadn’t brought a lot of things with him, only the strict necessary as he knew that he would eventually need to buy new clothes to match Seoul’s fashion. All of his clothes were pretty similar, he was fond of black hoodies the most even if it wasn’t really the best outfit to dance ballet in. Even his dance slippers were black. Chanyeol started to wonder if it was his favorite color. Was black even a color? It was pretty sad, actually, because Chanyeol loved bright clothes but he just didn’t really care about his fashion style and these hoodies were so comfortable he wouldn’t exchange them against anything.

 

 

Once he had tidied up all of his things, Chanyeol fell on his back on the soft bed and closed his eyes, slowly. He was tired after such a long trip, but happiness filled his whole existence at the prospect of the new life he was beginning here. He stayed like this for a few minutes during which he dozed off a little bit, his eyelids starting to feel really heavy, but he was still starving and Minseok probably needed some help to cook their meal. He breathed heavily and got up, checking the time on his phone. He noticed he had a message he hadn’t read and he smiled when he saw that his best friend had texted him after his departure.

 

 

From: Mochibyun

"Good luck in Seoul! Make the city boys fall for you and your dancing!"

 

 

His best friend, Baekhyun,, had always been the supportive kind and it was also thanks to him that the tall man was here that day. If Baekhyun hadn’t persuaded him to always follow his dreams, to think of himself first, then Chanyeol would probably still be dancing in the small studio that was in reality only his teacher’s garage. He quickly texted back an answer with a smiley face at the end and then left his phone on the bed as he walked out of the room and went to see if Minseok needed some help. 

 

 

"I was just going to call you! You’re right on time. Here, sit down, I’ll bring the rice." Minseok’s cheerful voice echoed through the room and Chanyeol thanked him with a small smile as he took a seat at the table. "I didn’t remember what your favorite dish was, so I made simple things."

 

 

"It’s perfect, you don’t have to bother too much for me. It’s enough like that, thank you," Chanyeol reassured him with a spark in his eyes as his gaze zeroed on all the different side dishes in front of him. 

 

 

They started eating peacefully while talking a little bit of their respective lives as they both grew up in a different way. Minseok was eight years older than Chanyeol and he had always considered the younger man as his little brother while Chanyeol had always seen him as a role model, someone he could trust and follow the steps of, almost with closed eyes. Chanyeol told him everything about his life in the small town, everything that happened after the moment Minseok had decided that it was time to go to the capital. At that time, Chanyeol had seen it as a brave act that he had known he would eventually follow at one point. 

 

 

"So Yoora moved to the States to become an anchorwoman? She’s beautiful, I’m sure she’ll succeed," Minseok concluded after hearing the news about Chanyeol’s sister. 

 

 

The other nodded with a smile as he felt proud of his sister being quite successful. It was inspiring, and Chanyeol wondered if he could become as successful as her in his own field, ballet. Then, they finished their meal and Chanyeol helped Minseok clean everything up, it was the least he could do after such a delicious meal. 

 

 

"If you want, you can come to this afternoon’s class to see how everything works. I already talked to your teacher, he knows that you have very limited experience but I’m sure you’ll impress him like you always impressed me in the past." Minseok’s voice was really soothing and comforting to Chanyeol who was already starting to feel nervous at the thought of going to his first class in a real dance school. 

 

 

"I’m sure it won’t go as terribly as I think it will. I can do it, I’ll show them what a country boy can do!" Chanyeol exclaimed with amusement in his voice in a way to calm himself. That’s what he always did when he was nervous, and it kind of worked every time.

 

 

"I want to hear praises only!" Minseok laughed softly and it felt like a sweet melody to Chanyeol’s ears. 

 

 

 

 

 

The school building shined under the Sun and it almost blinded Chanyeol who couldn’t take his eyes off it. It was so beautiful, and it made him really proud of Minseok who was already telling him to follow him through the sliding doors. The hallways seemed empty at the moment and Chanyeol adjusted his heavy bag on his shoulder as he followed the elder to an unknown destination. Had the classes already started? It seemed so as Chanyeol’s eyes landed on people already stretching in one of the practice rooms. They were late. Great. It was a really good start. First day and already late, what a good impression he was going to give to his teacher and the other students. 

 

 

"Don’t worry, I already texted Jihoon that we were going to be late," Minseok said as if he had been reading the younger man’s mind.

 

 

"Jihoon? Is it my new teacher?" Chanyeol asked, curiosity filling his brown eyes.

 

 

Minseok nodded to him and then stopped in front of a door on which he knocked twice before entering the room. Chanyeol followed him shyly, his head a little bit down to avoid the looks the other students were probably giving him. The room was spacious, with huge mirrors on two walls that allowed the students to see themselves while dancing. Dance barres were on another wall, with some stored in a corner of the room for when they all practiced their passés or développés for example. 

 

 

"You’re late, and distracting my students," said a loud voice that felt heavy on Chanyeol’s shoulders.

 

 

"Quit the authoritative facade, Jihoon. I’m bringing you our new student, Park Chanyeol. Be nice to him, okay? He’s not used to big schools," Minseok explained with a comforting tone and Chanyeol raised his head a little bit to meet his new teacher’s eyes. 

 

 

"Fine, as long as he doesn’t slow down my class. Go to the back and put your slippers on, we already started so stretch a bit and then we’ll see what you can do." 

 

 

Chanyeol nodded a little bit and quickly went to the back of the room, sitting on the floor to put his slippers on. He looked at Minseok who sent him a smile before leaving the room. Chanyeol was now on his own, the elder wasn’t here to guide him anymore. He had to prove him that he could do it, that he could impress Jihoon and make a good impression on him. Better said than done, though, and Chanyeol began to stretch quickly as his teacher resumed speaking, seemingly already forgetting Minseok’s interruption.

 

 

"My angels, the school’s going to do Jewels this year. Our class is to present Diamonds, so I’m expecting techniques, beauty, elegance and gentleness from you." The teacher’s eyes were scanning the whole room, he smiled from time to time to some students Chanyeol believed to be his favorites. "Sohee, I think you’ll be perfect as our soloist and you’ll make a great pair with Yixing. Can you both come here please?" 

 

 

Chanyeol watched the two students go next to Jihoon, finding them really beautiful. Ballet dancers were supposed to be pretty to shine on scene, but these two were different, their beauty was far from being common and Chanyeol couldn’t take his eyes off them. He then proceeded to observe each students individually, not as a group, and he noted that they were all blessed with an ethereal beauty that was probably given to them by the Gods themselves. Not only their faces were pretty, but their body were perfect too and Chanyeol began to look at his hands that were bigger, manlier and didn’t seem as soft as theirs. His body wasn’t as balanced as the other dancers’ either, he had long bowed legs and now that he looked at them, they weren’t really pretty. Overall, his body wasn’t as prettily sculpted as the student who was standing next to Jihoon. 

 

 

Yixing was his name, if Chanyeol had heard well. He wasn’t as tall as Chanyeol but his body seemed to be more in shape than his, he could almost see the beautiful line of muscles under the dancer’s white shirt. His was standing straight, his back wasn’t crouching like Chanyeol’s sometimes would, when he had to stand for a long time but what Chanyeol actually found the prettiest was probably the man’s face. His features were so soft, like those of an angel and Chanyeol then remembered how Jihoon called his students. ‘My angels’. It was true that everyone in this room was beautiful and they truly looked like angels and Chanyeol wondered if on scene, when they danced, they would look like they had wings on their backs. Was Chanyeol an angel too? He was now one of Jihoon’s students, so technically he had become an angel too, but he knew that he wouldn’t be considered like one until he gained his spurs. 

 

 

"Sohee, Yixing, why don’t you show the class the pas de deux of Diamonds?" 

 

 

The two dancers nodded and the other students made room for them to move freely. Chanyeol’s attention suddenly amplified a little bit more as his gaze focused on the two young students who were already taking place in the middle of the room under a dozen of eyes watching them. Some were filled with jealousy, which wasn’t surprising at all considering the tough competition within the school as everybody dreamt of being a soloist at one point in their career. Others were only watching them with admiration, like Chanyeol, because they probably knew they weren’t as good as them and that their place was in the corps, which they were happy with that as long as they could dance in the school. 

 

 

The music started filling the whole room and as soon as the first notes reached Chanyeol’s ears, he felt something heavy fall on his shoulders and tighten up his heart. He watched Sohee and Yixing dancing together on Tchaikovsky’s symphony, their movements were elegant and Chanyeol’s eyes were sparkling from amazement. They were good, really good. Perfect, even, and Chanyeol started wondering if he really belonged in a place like this one, with other people who were way more talented than him. He focused more on Yixing whose arms extended his body a little bit more and it really felt like he had wings on his back. It was so beautiful, and Chanyeol admired him for the passion he could read in his movements, in the way he was lifting Sohee into the air in a perfect balance that looked so easy to achieve for him. The dance they were performing showed a true harmony between the two dancers, and their movements were coordinated nicely. 

 

 

They looked like Angels dancing on Earth.

 

 

The song came to an end and both dancers stopped and bowed a little bit at the end of their performance while the other students applauded them. Chanyeol was still amazed by their dance and couldn’t really cheer them like the others so he simply stared at them in awe. They were so beautiful, and their dance had looked so easy when they performed it, but Chanyeol knew that it required a lot of techniques he wasn’t sure he had mastered. 

 

 

"Thank you, you both looked divine, as always," Jihoon continued as he stepped to the center of the room again to continue his speech. He was looking to everyone in the room like he wanted to transcend their soul and read their mind, like a hunter searching for his prey. "Hm… You, come here," he finally said, his eyes fixed on Chanyeol.

 

 

Was Jihoon really talking to him? Maybe he had gotten it wrong and meant to talk to the person sitting next to him but all the eyes of the other students laid on him so Chanyeol knew that his teacher was indeed talking to him. He stood up, wiping his sweaty palms against his pants, and went next to the teacher without a word. He didn’t dare glancing at the other dancers who were probably waiting for him to humiliate himself, so he simply stared at the ground while waiting for his verdict to come. 

 

 

"Chanyeol, is it? I want to see what you’re capable of, alright? I won’t repeat twice, so listen to me and remember it well," Jihoon started as he began to speak louder. "Adagio. Right, croisé, front. Step on the right on one, arm on two, followed by a plié tendu on three and four. Développé croisé, plié through to arabesque five, and six. Then pas de bourré, fifth, up through the passé, allongé, pas de bourrée détendu and back. Step rond, returning back to the fourth, finishing with a double pirouette, and breathing back into fifth."

 

 

Chanyeol’s mind went blank. What was Jihoon asking again? Développé croisé, plié tendu, three and four, right, pas de bourrée… Chanyeol knew he was going to mess everything up since he didn’t remember everything in the right order, he knew the whole class was going to make fun of him and his clumsiness and that everyone would wonder how he was able to get into this school. Jihoon was watching him carefully and his eyes were filled with curiosity, probably wondering how a country boy like Chanyeol could come into this school. So Chanyeol took a deep breath in, not sure if he really had to dance in front of all the other students since he knew he wasn’t going to be as perfect as Yixing and Sohee before him, but he still wanted to try his best.

 

 

So Chanyeol started what he thought was the right movement, his legs and arms swinging in the air without any coordination, and he knew it. He knew his body wasn’t doing the things he wanted it to do, but he still continued dancing. He stood on one leg as the other was extended, straight, behind his body, in what he believed to be the arabesque Jihoon expected. What was coming after that? He wasn’t sure, but Chanyeol tried to quicken his steps, his mind more focused on his feet than on his arms at that moment. He didn’t want to fall, that wouldn’t make a good impression. Chanyeol finished his dance with a hazy pirouette, his eyes focused on an invisible dot on the wall to keep his balance. His chest was rising and falling as he breathed heavily after his little exercise and Chanyeol was scared to know what his teacher thought about his skills. He understood that he wasn’t as good as the other students, but he still had some hope to be good enough to stay in the class and become a better dancer.

 

 

"That was terrible. Even the worst dancer of the corps is better than you," Jihoon sighed loudly. He seemed to be desperate and Chanyeol saw something like anger in his eyes. Was he angry to have Chanyeol in his class? It was understandable, he was far from being an angel. "I can’t keep you in my class like that, you’re not even good enough to be an apprentice."

 

 

He was annoyed. Chanyeol could hear in his voice that he was angry at him, that having a student like Chanyeol in his class was a burden to him. Jihoon only wanted to have perfect dancers by his side, he only wanted to teach to already perfect dancers and Chanyeol wasn’t one of them.

 

 

"Yixing, you are my best angel here. Can you please help Chanyeol? Teach him the basics, his techniques aren’t good at all," Jihoon continued as he was now addressing Yixing who simply nodded without saying a word. He couldn’t really say ‘no’ to Jihoon, Chanyeol knew that, and Yixing felt bad that he had to help him. He was a burden to everyone, especially Yixing who also had to practice for the upcoming ballet.

 

 

Chanyeol returned to his place, in the back of the room. He saw that some of the students were smiling weirdly at him, almost like they were amused by his condition and his non existent skills. He knew that his performance wasn’t as good as the one Sohee and Yixing did before him, and he also knew that next to them, he didn’t look like he would fit in a ballet school. Why was he here? Because he wanted to become a good dancer, just like his mother. Why was he feeling down all of a sudden? Because he wasn’t a good as he thought he was. What will Minseok think about him? Will he be disappointed? Will he be ashamed of him? Minseok wasn’t this kind of person, Chanyeol knew it, but he was scared of his reaction. 

 

 

Through the rest of the class, Chanyeol stayed at the back so that he would not disturb the other students who were far more skilled and beautiful than him. More than once, Chanyeol compared his body to the others’ when he looked into the mirror in front of them. He was tall, way more taller than all of them. His legs looked thin, like he didn’t really have muscles in them, and his arms looked like Chanyeol couldn’t really control them the way he would like to because they were too long. 

 

 

He was not beautiful. 

 

 

For years, Chanyeol had always been told that he was a good dancer, that his body was pretty, that he had a beautiful face. But now, everything sounded like a lie to him. He was still young, he had so many things to learn from the real world. He had to stay positive, though, and see this opportunity like a good experience to grow up and become a real man.

 

 

"How are you feeling after your first class?" 

 

 

Chanyeol was already putting away his things into his bags at the end of the class when he heard a cheerful voice coming from behind him. He wondered who that was, if these words were really destined to him, so he turned his face and was surprised to meet the huge and dimply smile of Yixing who was also getting ready to leave the classroom. He looked genuinely interested in Chanyeol’s answer, and Chanyeol was surprised to notice that his eyes were focused on him and nobody else.

 

 

"Better than I thought I would… Jihoon is really the perfectionist kind," Chanyeol said, laughing a little bit after his words.

 

 

"He is. But he’s not as terrible as you may think he is." Yixing’s smile didn’t disappear as he spoke and Chanyeol found himself drawn into the dimple that was giving Yixing an angelic glow. 

 

 

"Yeah… I’m sorry, you have to give me private lessons, you really don’t have to." Chanyeol lowered his head a little bit, ashamed that, for his first time in Seoul, he had to become a burden to someone he didn’t know.

 

 

"It’s alright, don’t worry. We can start tomorrow morning since we have class in the afternoon? If that’s okay with you," he asked and Chanyeol noticed that Yixing had a foreign accent and that when he was speaking, he did it while always making sure that Chanyeol was fine. It was cute, and Chanyeol wondered how a man as precious as him could exist in this world. 

 

 

"Yes, of course I’m fine with that. I hope you won’t be too disappointed in my clumsiness," Chanyeol added, a little smile appearing on his lips as he got up, his bag on his shoulder.

 

 

"Everyone needs to start somewhere, Chanyeol. You’ll get better.”

 

 

Chanyeol watched the other man wave to him before leaving the classroom. Yixing seemed really nice, and Chanyeol was glad that he had him as a teacher because, even if he didn’t know him that much, he felt that Yixing would be really patient and nice to him, and that was a good thing. He had to try his best to improve his skills and make the other proud of him, because even if he didn’t really know Yixing well yet, Chanyeol felt that he had to show him that he could achieve things and not only laze around all day and be a terrible dancer.

 

 

Chanyeol left the dance room after all the other students as he wanted to take his time. Jihoon had been the first to leave, and maybe it was a good thing because Chanyeol thought that he was a little bit scary, even if Yixing had told him otherwise. 

 

 

He then waited in front of the school since he wanted to go home with Minseok. He didn’t remember the way to go there, so he patiently waited while scrolling down his social media on his phone. A small smile appeared on his lips as he saw a picture of his best friend, Baekhyun, with his boyfriend. They were both pretty different as Baekhyun was really loud whereas Kyungsoo was quieter, and they had been dating for quite a while now, but Chanyeol was a little bit jealous of their relationship, he had to admit. He also wanted a taste of this magical feeling that was love, but he knew that everything came at the right time and for now, he had to focus on ballet.

 

 

"Ah, Chanyeol, you’re here," said a cheerful voice.

 

 

"I was waiting for you, hyung," Chanyeol answered while putting his phone away and following Minseok to his car once again. He wondered if he had to tell him that he wasn’t as good as the other students of the school but he feared that it would sadden Minseok.

 

 

"Jihoon came to talk to me after your class, that’s why I’m late," Minseok continued as he entered the car, soon followed by Chanyeol who took a heavy breath in after hearing his words. "He said you really lack compared to his other students. He wants you to work and improve quickly, and before you ask, yes he’s keeping you in his class."

 

 

Chanyeol’s eyes grew bigger after hearing what Jihoon had told Minseok earlier. He had another chance to prove himself, to show that he could be good. His teacher wasn’t as terrible as Chanyeol thought he was, but maybe he was just acting that way because he was a relative of Minseok’s, he didn’t know and couldn’t be sure of it. 

 

 

"The level is really high, but I’m going to improve, I promise. Yixing is going to help me," Chanyeol added, his eyes fixed on the road.

 

 

"Yixing?" Minseok asked, surprised. "He’s a really good dancer. He became a coryphée during his first year at the school, but now he’s a soloist. He’s Jihoon’s favorite." 

 

 

"I saw him dance today and he was… stunning," Chanyeol said in a soft whisper as he remembered the ethereal dance Yixing had performed at the beginning of the class with Sohee. During a partnering, the ballerina was most of the time the one being at the center of the audience’s attention but this time, Yixing was the only one Chanyeol could see.

 

 

"A real living angel, right?" Minseok giggled as he smiled softly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been two months since Chanyeol had started his private lessons with Yixing. Days after days, month after month, Yixing had shown a really sweet and nice side of his personality to Chanyeol who was surprised by how patient the dancer actually was. Yixing always praised him, even when Chanyeol messed up his movements, but he still showed him a lot of support and that was why Chanyeol kept trying his best, so that he would not disappoint the other. 

 

 

But it was unfair.

 

 

Chanyeol wondered why Yixing was that nice to him, why he actually was genuinely helping him, why he was still smiling to him even if Chanyeol messed up the same movement three times in a row. It was unfair. Chanyeol thought that he was a burden to him, that he was wasting Yixing’s kindness and time. It was unfair, and Chanyeol grew weaker and more insecure about his ability.

 

 

Chanyeol was tired of trying his best, of always failing. He felt that he didn’t improve even a little bit after these past two months, and his body was asking him to stop. His moves were sloppier than usual that day as Chanyeol didn’t feel like dancing, or trying his best. He just wanted to get everything done so that they could call it a day and go back home.

 

 

"What is wrong, Chanyeol? What’s going on? It’s like you’re not here," Yixing questioned as he frowned a little bit. He looked directly at Chanyeol, his eyes scanning him as he tried to understand why he was acting that way.

 

 

"Nothing," Chanyeol simply answered. He took a deep breath in and sat down to try to avoid Yixing’s heavy stare. He didn’t want to tell him, he didn’t want Yixing to worry about him. 

 

 

He didn’t want to burden him more.

 

 

"Tell me, Chanyeol. I’m here to help you, you can tell me anything," Yixing continued and he joined Chanyeol on the ground. He was now looking at him with worry in his eyes, but also a little bit of incomprehension. 

 

 

Chanyeol sighed. Yixing was nice, he was understanding, maybe he could help him? Maybe he would not judge him? Maybe he would reassure him? Chanyeol was leaning on Yixing a little bit too much, that was for sure, but he liked his company and he knew that it would help him to actually talk about what he felt.

 

 

"I-," Chanyeol cut himself off, not sure how to word his feelings. "I’m not confident, I don’t deserve to be here… I heard the others in the hallways, they keep saying that it’s only thanks to my cousin that I’m here, I’m not skilled enough to be here," Chanyeol finally pronounced the heavy words he kept to himself. 

 

 

He still didn’t feel alright, after revealing to Yixing what bothered him. On the contrary, it made this dark feeling stronger in his stomach. Saying it out loud made the situation too real for Chanyeol to accept it. Until then, it was just a feeling, just an itch he felt on his shoulders. However, it was now real, as if Chanyeol had created it on his own while speaking. It was a heavy feeling he couldn’t accept, and that was why he kept it to himself until this precise moment.

 

 

"I’m not beautiful, like you, like Sohee, like the others," Chanyeol mumbled since Yixing didn’t say anything, like he wanted him to continue his explanation. "I want to prove them wrong, I really want to, but look at me. I’m too tall, my body isn’t doing what I want it to do, I’m not as beautifully shaped as you."

 

 

Chanyeol sighed heavily after finishing his monologue and watched Yixing carefully, fearing his reaction. The other was smiling, however, and Chanyeol thought that he was maybe making fun of him. Yixing wasn’t the kind of person to laugh about something like that, Chanyeol knew it. After all this time spent with him, he was starting to know Yixing quite well, and he knew that the dancer wouldn’t be the kind to mock someone for their physical appearance. 

 

 

Yixing took Chanyeol’s hand in his and kissed the top of it as his smile grew deeper, revealing that same dimple that Chanyeol loved so much. He then took the taller in his arms, hugging him affectionately and Chanyeol wondered what he was trying to do.

 

 

"You’re pretty," Yixing whispered as he leaned towards Chanyeol’s face and kissed his reddened cheeks.

 

 

"W-Why are you kissing me?" Chanyeol asked as he tried to hide his blushing face by looking down.

 

 

"I’m just showing you that I love pretty things, and you happen to be one of them."

 

 

Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat. He stayed silent for a few second as he tried to understand why Yixing would suddenly act like that with him, telling him sweet things while kissing him. It was weird, and Chanyeol’s mind started boiling as his face showed his confusion. Did Yixing like him in a way Chanyeol wasn’t used to? Was Yixing only nice to him to try to reassure him? He didn’t know, but he felt a weird thing going on in his stomach and in his heart.

 

 

"I think you’re blind, Yixing. Nothing’s pretty, all the men in this school have muscles, and abs. Look at my belly, it’s rounder and fatter than theirs," he finally said as he lifted up his shirt a little bit to show his belly that looked full, round, and healthy. 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t expect the next thing to happen, but when it did, he let a laugh escape him because of the tickles Yixing’s lips made him feel when they met his belly’s skin. Was he really kissing him there now? That was unexpected and Chanyeol tried to move back a little bit so that the other man would stop. However, it didn’t seem to make Yixing stop as he once again got closer to Chanyeol to kiss his shoulder this time, lightly, and it felt like feathers were brushing his bare skin. 

 

 

"W-Why are you kissing me again?" He asked, genuinely curious to know why Yixing couldn’t stop kissing him here and there.

 

 

"There’s a thing called panacea. It’s something that can lift all the negative things in your life," Yixing simply replied, ignoring Chanyeol’s question. "We just have to find your panacea and then, you’ll be able to accept yourself for who you are because, let’s be honest, Chanyeol-ah. You’re amazing."

 

 

Chanyeol was flustered. He was looking at the other with big, round eyes, and the sparkles in them were synonym of this weird feeling Chanyeol could not put a name on yet. He didn’t know that Yixing was that interested in making him feel better, not only about ballet but also in his mind and help him accept his body. Of course, Chanyeol knew that the dancer was a real living angel, and that his kindness was really precious to him but he still couldn’t believe that someone as kind as Yixing was willing to help someone as self-deprecating as Chanyeol.

 

 

"Let’s make a deal," Yixing continued, his smile growing bigger on his lips and emphasizing his dimples. "If you ever say again that you’re not beautiful, I will kiss you again and again."

 

 

Yixing’s method could work, if only Chanyeol didn’t want him to kiss him again. It was a mess in his head, he didn’t know what to think and his flustered heart wasn’t helping at all. He didn’t know what he could say, what he could do, and Yixing was still here for him, smiling like the real angel that he was. Chanyeol didn’t want to bother him. He didn’t want to make him waste his time. He wanted Yixing to be happy, and to think about himself for once and Chanyeol thought that he had already bothered him too much. So he got up, gathered his stuff that were in a corner of the room, whispered a soft apology and left the room without glancing at Yixing one last time from fear of feeling his heart skip a beat once again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t have class for the whole week-end, and it might be a good thing for him, his body, and especially his heart that had been beating crazily these past few days. He was still confused as to what to think about Yixing and his behavior, and as soon as he would start thinking about him and his beautiful dimply smile, he would feel his whole body combusting into a wildfire that was surprisingly pleasant. 

 

 

He had almost spent his days off in bed, basically doing nothing. He would eventually have to get up to eat, or take a shower, but in the end, Chanyeol would always either find himself in front of his computer playing online games or in his bed. Minseok had noticed his strange behavior and had tried to joke about it to lighten up the mood by saying that it felt like Chanyeol was lovesick. Was it true? It was the first time that Chanyeol felt something like that, so he didn’t really know what it meant to be in love with someone.

 

 

"Why are you sulking? You’re a young adult now, cheer-up!" The elder stated as his arms wiggled in the air in a weird dance that still made Chanyeol smile a little. "See? You can smile. Now grab your coat, we’re going out, you need to get some fresh air." 

 

 

Chanyeol sighed but accepted to go out with his cousin, knowing that it would only help him sort his thoughts out. He put on a large black hoodie that was way too big for him but he didn’t mind, he felt good in it, and secure. It was always the same one he was wearing, though, and it was starting to have some little holes in it but Chanyeol loved it anyways so he kept wearing it. 

 

 

Love was really a strange word one could use to describe so many different things, Chanyeol thought. He used it for his hoodie, he also used it when he was talking to his sister, and he remembered pretty well his mother used to tell him she loved him a lot when he was a kid. This word could be used for common things. For example, Chanyeol absolutely loved playing games, he also loved coffee as well, and of course he loved Minseok as a brother. Chanyeol felt that love had always some similarities when it was used in different contexts, but could also be different and have various aspects that he didn’t really understand.

 

 

"Is it weird to love a man?" Chanyeol questioned all of a sudden as they were sitting at a table at the small café near Minseok’s apartment. They had ordered when entering the shop and Minseok hadn’t stopped asking him questions about what was going on in his big head.

 

 

"It’s not, Chanyeol. Is that what’s bothering you? You’re still young, you have to learn that you can be whoever you want to be and that you can love whoever you want to love." Minseok’s voice was soft, he truly wanted to reassure the younger and show him that gender didn’t matter when it came to love.

 

 

"This kind of speech fits you well, hyung. I’ve never seen you date someone before," Chanyeol shrugged a little bit. He saw that his words brought a smile to Minseok’s face and he wondered why he found this situation funny but then, Chanyeol noticed that Minseok’s eyes were on the waiter heading to their table with their orders.

 

 

"Thank you, Jongdae. This is my cousin, Chanyeol," he introduced and the newcomer took a seat next to him. "Chanyeol, this is Jongdae, the love of my life." 

 

 

Chanyeol almost choked. Minseok had been so straightforward. Chanyeol hadn’t imagined he would say such a thing so easily, especially when he thought they were having a serious conversation. He then looked at them with confusion in his eyes, trying to decipher the lie but there were none, and the two men started laughing because of Chanyeol’s funny face. 

 

 

"We met at a classical concert," Minseok continued, answering all of Chanyeol’s unspoken questions. "The coffee tasted really bad, and I think I was whining a little bit too much about it. Jongdae then came to me and he gave me the business card of his café, saying that he made the best coffee in town. He wasn’t lying." Minseok looked at Jongdae who was sitting next to him with a fond smile. 

 

 

"When I saw you, I knew you had great tastes. I was right," Jongdae spoke for the first time and his words implied that he was the best for Minseok. Maybe he was, and Chanyeol hoped he treated him well but he saw how beautiful his cousin’s smile was when he looked at Jongdae. He was happy with him.

 

 

They kept chatting for a few hours about common topics, like the weather or the next movie Minseok wanted to see. Chanyeol was mainly listening to them while sipping his americano but he didn’t mind, it was his choice. It actually felt nice to be outside of his room with other people, to participate in the busy life of the city in his own way. He liked listening to Jongdae, his voice was soothing and he understood a little bit why Minseok loved him. He was a caring man, he liked to laugh and his happiness was overwhelming. It was exactly the kind of man Minseok needed in his life, someone who would take care of him and make him good coffee every morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Chanyeol opened his eyes the next day, he wasn’t sure if going to school was a good idea. He wasn’t sick, didn’t have a huge headache and wasn’t tired at all, but he just felt that it was probably not a good idea to face his problems. And by problems, Chanyeol really meant Yixing. He laid on his bed a little bit after waking up, his gaze focused on the ceiling as he tried to sort out his thoughts one more time. He had thought that this couple of days off school would have helped him actually understand what he felt for Yixing but instead, his head was messier than it was before. 

 

 

He wondered about Yixing’s reaction after he had left like he did last week, leaving the young man alone in the dance practice room. Chanyeol probably made him sad and disappointed, and he hated himself for his behavior. Yixing didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way, to be rejected the way Chanyeol had rejected him, like an old newspaper thrown away in the trash can. Chanyeol had really acted like a fool, and he wondered if Yixing would eventually forgive him and try to be his friend again, like they used to be before. 

 

 

But Chanyeol didn’t deserve his forgiveness. It would take a miracle only Gods could grant for Chanyeol to be forgiven, and even if Yixing was an angel, Chanyeol was only a mundane trying to expiate his faults. He had ran away from Yixing, said terrible things about himself even when the other tried comforting him into thinking that he was indeed beautiful, and even if Yixing could forgive him, Chanyeol knew that he would still blame himself for what he did.

 

 

"Chanyeol, get up, we’re going to be late!" 

 

 

He heard Minseok’s voice from outside his room, a little bit muffled through the door but Chanyeol had understood his words pretty well and so, he looked at the time on his alarm clock and sighed. They were indeed going to be late. He got up slowly and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a quick shower before gathering his stuff and heading to the living room where Minseok was already waiting for him. No breakfast today, a knot had formed in his stomach as he was getting ready and Chanyeol didn’t want to feel sicker than he already did.

 

 

"You look pale, are you sure you don’t want to take something to eat on the go?" Minseok asked, genuinely concerned by his cousin’s well-being.

 

 

"I’m fine, don’t worry. I’ll buy something at the cafeteria if I’m hungry." Chanyeol’s answer seemed to be enough for Minseok to simply nod a little bit even if deep down, Chanyeol knew the other would still worry about him.

 

 

Going to school that day felt like a burden. It hadn’t been a good experience until then, but Chanyeol had always hung on to the hope of improving his skills thanks to Yixing. Yixing. Every time Chanyeol thought about something, Yixing’s dimpled smile popped in his head and Chanyeol couldn’t do anything about it. He actually liked his smile a lot, he was fond of how his eyes would turn into small crescents when joy filled Yixing’s features, how his dimples would show softly when he smiled and laughed heartily. He also liked how his voice sounded when he was speaking, how he would say weird things out of the blue and mix words up because they sounded similar. He liked how caring Yixing was when they were practicing, how he never scolded him and how he always brought so much happiness into Chanyeol’s life.

 

 

There were a lot of things Chanyeol liked about Yixing. 

 

 

But even if Chanyeol liked all of these things, he still didn’t know how to behave in front of him after what he had done the week before. The only thing Chanyeol knew how to do was running away from his problems, so he decided that the best thing to do for the moment was to try to avoid Yixing for the rest of the day, or the week, until he would eventually have his feelings sorted out. 

 

 

"Warm-up time in pairs, my angels," Jihoon said as soon as he entered the room.

 

 

It was a joke, right? Chanyeol thought that the odds weren’t with him, that he probably had done something really bad in his previous life and that now, Heaven was punishing him. He noticed that all the other students were already pairing up with their usual partner, meaning that Chanyeol would end up with Yixing. He didn’t dare looking at him, his eyes were focused on his feet as he started to stretch his back a little bit, bending to try touching his feet. It wasn’t a great success, but at least he was working without looking at the other man. However, Chanyeol noticed a shadow sitting next to him and he knew at that moment that he couldn’t continue acting this way. He had already hurt Yixing too much, he wasn’t being considerate and he hated himself for being like that with him.

 

 

"Are you trying to avoid me?" A pained voice whispered next to Chanyeol. It sounded weak, almost like saying these words was hurting him, and it was probably the case since Chanyeol could decipher sadness in Yixing’s eyes when he looked at him. 

 

 

Chanyeol hated himself. Yixing’s eyes were usually glowing with happiness and only bright colors that would paint a smile on everybody’s face. He was the personification of purity and joy, and Chanyeol would always find himself smiling when he was in the same room as the other. However, Chanyeol couldn’t see that beautiful rainbow he loved in Yixing’s eyes, only a grey cloud was there, a gloomy and sad one. He was too obvious. Of course Yixing noticed Chanyeol was trying to avoid him. Of course he did, because Chanyeol always stayed with him, chatting about anything and nothing at the same time before class started, because they always laughed together in the hallways. 

 

 

Chanyeol shook his head a little bit in denial and he knew that Yixing would guess that it was a lie. He was smart, and even though Chanyeol was lying, Yixing smiled. However, it was a sad one, one that showed how hurt Yixing truly was. One that Chanyeol hated. 

 

 

"Maybe we can try to talk about what happened last week after class, if you want," Yixing’s voice was low, once again showing the fact that he was a little bit saddened by the whole situation. 

 

 

The taller man simply nodded, showing in a way that, even if he was avoiding Yixing, he cared about him and wanted to clear the situation up. He still didn’t say anything because of the knot formed in his throat, rendering him unable to speak a single word for now. He felt bad for Yixing, the other didn’t deserve being treated like that, but Chanyeol felt that trying to say something now would be clumsier than risking not to say a thing. So he kept warming up, focusing on his movements for the rest of the morning class.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

During the break, Chanyeol felt his stomach growling a little bit because of hunger since he hadn’t eaten anything in the morning before leaving Minseok’s apartment. He went to the small cafeteria next to the dance school, one that all students usually went to, to buy a sandwich. It was one he really liked, with chicken, tomatoes and his favorite sauce in it. The waitress was used to him always buying the same one, and at some point, he didn’t have to always tell her what he wanted to buy. It was kind of reassuring to know that there was someone out there caring enough about him to know his order and smile at him every time he came to buy a meal. 

 

 

"That’s why he’s not improving, he keeps eating the same disgusting things all the time." 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t say a word. Of course, people were still talking badly behind his back, nothing new. He was getting used to it after all this time, but he kept his head low that day. He didn’t want to do anything else he would regret afterwards, so he sat down at a table alone in the corner of the room. He wondered if they were right after all, if he would never be able to get the body of his dreams if he kept eating like this, a beautiful body like the other dancers, and if that was why he couldn’t improve his dancing. He sighed a little bit, his gaze fixed on the wrapped sandwich. He was starving, but maybe if he didn’t eat it would be better for him.

 

 

"Shut up Sohee. At least Chanyeol is healthier than you’ll ever be and knows how to appreciate good things. And he is not throwing up in the bathroom after eating or after class like somebody else. Ballet is for athletes. If you don’t eat, you can’t dance."

 

 

Chanyeol raised his eyes after hearing that soft but angry voice and was surprised to see Yixing taking his side and defending him in front of Sohee, one of the best ballerina of the school. Sohee was really powerful, she could destroy someone if she truly wanted to, and now Chanyeol was scared for Yixing’s well-being and reputation. He was a soloist, and he was afraid that Sohee would use her charms to bring him down. Would she try to do that? Probably, she was not the sweet angel her face suggested she was but when Chanyeol looked at her, he saw a glimpse of worry in her eyes. Chanyeol was surprised at first, but then he remembered that she was Yixing’s partner on scene and that if she tried to do something to him, it would have consequences on her career. 

 

 

Chanyeol then noticed that Yixing went to sit down at another table than his, probably as a way to show Chanyeol that he was considerate towards his feelings. They would usually eat together if they saw each other at the cafeteria, but not this time and it felt like they didn’t know each other at all, which saddened Chanyeol a little bit. He liked Yixing a lot and cherished their friendship, but now that his heart was playing tricks and that a new word always came to his mind while thinking about the other man, love, Chanyeol wasn’t as comfortable with him as he used to be. He only wanted to sort out his feelings and to know what Yixing really thought about him, which would be easier if Chanyeol hadn’t decided to ignore him.

 

 

He sighed a little bit and finally ate his sandwich, enjoying each bite a little bit more than the previous one. He could feel Sohee and her friends’ heavy stares on his shoulders, but he didn’t say anything, didn’t look at them, and quickly finished his sandwich before getting up and leaving the cafeteria. He couldn’t see if Yixing had left before him, Chanyeol hadn’t wanted to look at him while eating both because he wanted to avoid looking like a crazy psychopath and to tame his feelings a little bit. Maybe the other was still eating, Chanyeol ate his sandwich faster than him most of the time, and usually waited for Yixing but this time, he couldn’t. It would be weird.

 

 

The weather wasn’t really nice when Chanyeol got out of the cafeteria. Grey clouds were starting to cover the beautiful blue sky and he could feel a cold breeze brushing his skin. Was it going to rain? Great, Chanyeol hadn’t brought an umbrella with him this morning. This day couldn’t get better than it already was. He laughed a little bit at his own sarcastic thought and returned to the dance studio where his afternoon classes would take place. He sat down in a corner of the room, put his slippers on to get ready for the class and then scrolled down his social media a little as he waited. He then heard people entering the room, so he put his phone away since he knew Jihoon hated phones in his practice room, and he started stretching up a little bit before the afternoon class began. Chanyeol knew he still had some time left before his teacher would show up, but he preferred doing that than doing nothing and being once again criticized by the other students. 

 

 

It was funny how they all spoke badly about Chanyeol so easily but when he did something good, nobody was here to congratulate him. Nobody except Yixing. Yixing was always the only person here to help him, to be by his side  to cheer him up and say the right words when Chanyeol felt down. Yixing was the sweetest man alive, and Chanyeol was still amazed by the way the dancer behaved with him, treating him like he was the most fragile man alive. 

 

 

When the one and only man haunting Chanyeol's thoughts entered the classroom, embarrassment settled on his features as he stayed quiet and tried to avoid his gaze. He hated having to ignore him, to act like that with him when Yixing hadn’t asked for anything like that. Chanyeol was being mean, he knew it, and even if he wanted to say something to him, he couldn't because his voice was still locked in his throat as if thorns had decided to spread there, maybe mistaking it for a beautiful garden. However, even if thorns found a home in Chanyeol's throat, the beautiful flower that was his honesty hadn’t bloomed yet and so, he stayed silent a little longer.

 

 

Jihoon showed up almost right after Yixing entered the classroom and just like the other students, Chanyeol stood up to show some respect to his teacher whose face displayed boredom and exhaustion. He noticed that Jihoon had a cup of coffee in his hand, gripping around the cup like his life depended on it. Maybe coffee was the source of energy Jihoon craved and needed to teach in this school, it was after all the most well-known academy of South-Korea.

 

 

"Alright angels, let's do our routine first," Jihoon said, his voice sounding a little bit tired, which was unusual. He hadn’t been in this state in the morning, and Chanyeol wondered if something had happened during lunch break.

 

 

He went to the barre at the back on the room, the one that was hanging on the wall. It wasn't the best place to do pliés as the space around his legs and arms was limited, but at least Chanyeol could practice on his own, without having anyone next to him to throw him weird looks. He then began to bend his knees away from his upper body that was held upright when the music started. Usually, their practice routine was done without any music, only Jihoon’s voice echoing in the room to tell them what they should do, what movement they should do next but this time, Chanyeol felt that the piano was a better solution since his teacher didn't seem to feel good. 

 

 

"Any volunteer to show the others the movements we practiced last week?" His question drifted around the room like a soft feather that hovered in the air. A lot of different students raised their hands to show Jihoon that they were confident enough to dance in front of the others, but he didn't seem to care about them as his gaze looked fiercely at Chanyeol. "You, come to the center of the room."

 

 

A weird feeling of déjà-vu settled on his shoulders and he took a deep breath in and stepped next to him, not really sure about the meaning of this request. He didn't really understand why Jihoon kept asking Chanyeol to dance in front of the others since he obviously knew that he wasn't the best of his students and that he would humiliate himself more than anything else. Maybe it was what Jihoon wanted, to humiliate him, and maybe that was why he asked him instead of a more experienced dancer like Sohee, or Yixing. Chanyeol met his eyes, and Yixing smiled to him softly in a way to show him his support and to tell him that he could do it. 

 

 

His heart clenched in his chest at the sight. Yixing was way too nice to him, even after everything he had done.

 

 

"Show us, Chanyeol. Show us how much you improved since the last time."

 

 

He knew. Jihoon knew that Chanyeol hadn’t improved that much since his first day but he still asked him to come to the center of the room. He was showing off his authority, and Chanyeol didn't like the dark feeling that was haunting him because of his teacher’s behavior. It was harassment, but Chanyeol couldn't say anything since it could harm him and Minseok, since it was his school. 

 

 

So Chanyeol kept his mouth shut, his silence more meaningful than his words. And he danced. He danced without music on, without any real coordination, but he tried to let go of all these crazy feelings he had kept in his body for too long. Anger, sadness, frustration. All of these were shown in his movements, in his imperfections that made him perfect. He wasn't stable on his feet, however, and he quickly lost his balance while doing a spin and almost fell down. He was clumsy. He was sad. And he was angry. Chanyeol was all of that all at once, and it was weird how all of these feelings were combusting in his chest like a vivid fire that was trying to burn him. 

 

 

Then, he heard it. The laughter filling the room as he stopped dancing, as his embarrassment started to show on his reddened face. He didn't want to look at the other students since he knew that he would only see mockery and amusement on their features. Chanyeol didn't want to confront them, he didn't want to understand this hard reality that was his life. But most of all, he didn't want to meet Yixing's gaze, and see all the disappointment settled in the two beautiful black pools that were his eyes. 

 

 

"Is that what you taught him, Yixing? He is worst than he was before. I didn't know something like that was possible, I’m actually impressed, but not in a good way."

 

 

Chanyeol couldn't take it anymore. He raised his head a little bit and noticed the despair in Jihoon's features. It was something to criticize him, but it was another when someone else was being criticized because of him. Once again, Chanyeol embarrassed himself, but also Yixing at the same time. He put at fault friends who had done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. Yixing was the best dancer of this school and his reputation was now stained because of Chanyeol who didn't how to dance well. 

 

 

It wasn't fair.

 

 

He opened his mouth, ready to snap at his teacher but what he saw made the thorns in his throat sting more than ever. 

 

 

"I'm sorry, I'll work harder," Yixing rose his voice as he bowed respectfully to his teacher in a way to show that his apology was genuine.

 

 

It didn't feel right. Yixing didn't have to show remorse in front of the other students as he had nothing to be sorry for. Chanyeol was the only one at fault here, and he couldn't believe that Yixing was actually the one apologizing for his wrong doings. He felt anger and sadness fill his whole existence and Chanyeol started to really feel sick of these bad feelings and the heavy atmosphere of the dance room. He couldn't bear to stay there one more second, under the amused eyes of the other dancers and with his teacher that was clearly annoyed by his presence since the first day. So Chanyeol gathered all his stuff and left the room without saying anything, leaving behind him a victorious Jihoon that smiled triumphantly. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The hallways were empty at this hour, and it was probably for the best since Chanyeol didn't want to see anyone in this state. He was walking without really knowing where he was going, but he still found his way in the building and finally came to a stop in one of the bathrooms where he stood in front of the mirror. He put his hands on either sides of the sink and lowered his head as he wondered what was wrong with him. His family and his friends would probably tell him that everything was pretty fine and that Chanyeol had nothing to worry about but when he looked in the mirror and saw his reflection, his first thought was that nothing was beautiful in him. He had big ears that stuck out, and even if most dancers were pretty tall, he was way taller than them and it made him struggle in his movements. He then looked at his big, manly hands. They weren't thin, not delicate, and his whole body wasn't as nicely shaped as the other dancers. What was he doing here then? 

 

 

He heard all of these voices in his head again, they were all merging into one that was telling him that he was a good dancer, that he was beautiful and that he would surely succeed in anything he would do. But they were liars, he thought. In his town, people would never really know about the real ballet, about how pretty and ethereal this art should be, about the way dancers must be elegant in a way Chanyeol would never be.

 

 

He sighed and his head began to fill with negative thoughts. Everything started to be blurry in his mind as he let all of those evil scenarios devour his sanity. A gloomy maze began to draw itself in his head, and Chanyeol knew that he was in its center and that he still had to find the exit, to find his panacea, as Yixing told him. He took his head in his hands and closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing so that he would not panic. He took a deep breath in as a cold chill ran down his spine and finally opened his eyes when he felt that he was beginning to calm down a little bit.

 

 

That was when he saw him in the mirror, standing behind him with a worried face.

 

 

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice muted a little bit since he probably didn't know how to react in front of Chanyeol who was doubtlessly still recovering from his mood swing.

 

 

"Do I look like I'm okay?" Chanyeol scoffed as he straightened his back and let his arms return to his sides. 

 

 

He looked at the other man and noticed that sadness was enfolding Yixing's aura and that made Chanyeol's heart tighten at the sight. He didn't mean to talk to him that way, but saying 'sorry' was probably a little way too hard in the state he was in.

 

 

"Jihoon criticized you because of me," he continued, his tone was now softer and not as harsh as before. 

 

 

"Jihoon is an , Chanyeol-ah. He criticizes everything, even dogs," Yixing went next to his friend and smiled at him a little bit and it was at that moment that Chanyeol understood that Yixing didn't blame him for everything he had done.

 

 

"Dogs are cute." 

 

 

"They sure are," Yixing finally said, and it made Chanyeol smile a little bit thanks to the warmth that embraced him every time they were together. 

 

 

Yixing then put a hand on Chanyeol's shoulder to comfort him and Chanyeol felt his body losing all of its tension. It was incredible, the power Yixing's kindness had on him, his touch was feathery and dreamy at the same time.

 

 

"I'm sorry about last week, maybe I shouldn't have acted that way before getting your approval."

 

 

At these words, Chanyeol remembered the way Yixing's lips had felt on his cheeks, how they had gently brushed his jaw and his shoulders, but also how his warm embrace had felt divine in a way he had never experienced before. It had been a really nice feeling, but it had also been a strange sensation Chanyeol wasn't used to.

 

 

"Come with me, this bathroom is where Sohee usually comes after classes."

 

 

Chanyeol simply nodded and followed Yixing to the dance room where they would usually practice during their break. He was now feeling a little better, and Chanyeol knew it was all thanks to Yixing's presence and his sweet words, his beautiful voice that lulled him all the time, even during the day. They both sat down at the center of the room, and Chanyeol didn't really know what he should say, he was still a little bit flustered as he remembered quite well how good Yixing’s soft kisses had felt on his body.

 

 

"Is it okay if we talk a little bit? I really want to know how you feel," Yixing whispered these words so that he would not rush Chanyeol, and the latter felt pleased by this kind behavior. He wondered why Yixing was this considerate with him, but Chanyeol liked this feeling, liked knowing that he could lean on someone when something was bad. He liked the way he could trust Yixing.

 

 

"I shouldn't have left the way I did, it was rude and inappropriate," he finally said, and even if he feared this conversation, he felt that his heart started to be less heavy than before, and it made him feel a little bit better.

 

 

"Don't worry, it's understandable."

 

 

"You're too nice, Yixing. Nobody's been that nice to me before, not even my father and let's not talk about my sister, she kept calling me Dumbo, because of my ears." 

 

 

"Your ears are pretty! And Dumbo is so cute!" Yixing retorted as he started to look offended. 

 

 

Chanyeol looked at him with big, round eyes, as he started feeling confused and thought that maybe Yixing was lying to him. How could his ears be pretty? However, after all this time spent practicing with him, Chanyeol knew that his praises were genuine and that he really meant them. That made Chanyeol blush a little bit as he thought that Yixing was maybe finding him handsome. 

 

 

"Listen, Yeol-ah. You're pretty, okay? Do not believe these psychos out there telling you otherwise. They just don't know what real beauty is."

 

 

Embarrassment embraced Chanyeol once again and he couldn’t really accept the compliment since he was aware of all of his imperfections and all the bad things he did. He then started enumerating all his flaws, starting with how tall he was, how big his belly was, how curved his legs were next to the other dancers, and how bad he was at showing emotions while dancing.

 

 

"You know, the dance you did just now in the class... You showed us emotions. I could read everything you felt in your movements, it was really beautiful, but also tragically poetic."

 

 

He sighed. Yixing always complimented him, always told him nice things that could make Chanyeol happy. And they did. Because even if at that moment the emotions he let flowing in his movements were negative, they still could have been read and that was all that mattered. A small blush colored his cheeks and Chanyeol noticed that the other was leaning closer, nearing his face little by little until just a few centimeters were separating them.

 

 

"I know I said I'm sorry about last week, but I really want to kiss you..." 

 

 

Chanyeol's face turned red at that moment since he could feel Yixing’s warm breath brushing his face as his surprised eyes looked at Yixing's serious face. The last time they had been in a similar situation, Chanyeol had managed to escape but this time, it was different. He understood how genuine Yixing really was with his feelings, and he knew he could trust him. He knew that Yixing would never lie to him. And Chanyeol didn't want to leave him. 

 

 

So Chanyeol simply moved a little bit towards the other's face and placed his lips on Yixing's, slowly and lightly, and it almost felt like a brush before he moved away from Yixing's lips a little.

 

 

"Maybe that's what I want now..." Chanyeol whispered, his smile spreading on his cheeks as he finally felt the warmth he longed for and decided he would cherish it forever.

 

 

The smile that appeared on Yixing's lips at that moment was probably the most beautiful one Chanyeol had ever seen being sketched on his features. It was an angelic, and happy one, and Yixing then began to draw kisses all over Chanyeol’s body. The latter’s cheeks were entirely red.

 

 

"You're perfect here, and perfect there..." Yixing singsonged while kissing the other's neck and shoulder, and started to move a little bit lower on his torso as he laid Chanyeol down.

 

 

He then started to lift up Chanyeol's shirt and once again, he kissed his tummy and it made Chanyeol giggle as he was a little bit ticklish. His laughter filled the room because of the tickles Yixing's kisses procured him, but it was a good feeling. Chanyeol felt really good, and he loved being kissed by Yixing. 

 

 

Yixing then proceeded to pull his shirt up a little bit, and he looked at Chanyeol who was still laying on the ground with a huge smile spread on his lips. His arms were raised above his head and his pinkish cheeks made him look stunning. Yixing then climbed over his body as his eyes got lost in the ocean that were Chanyeol's eyes. He wanted to engrave this moment in his memory, forever, and maybe that was why Chanyeol was looking at the other with so much intensity in his irises. 

 

 

"You're perfect the way you are, and in every single way, Yeollie." 

 

 

Yixing was praising him again, and even if he should be used to it by now, Chanyeol still hid his reddened face behind his big hands. He still couldn't believe that Yixing was actually the sweetest man alive, and he didn't really know what to say. He felt his heart swelling and beating really fast in his chest, but it was a good sensation that rose in his whole body. 

 

 

Chanyeol felt two warm hands circling his own, removing them from his face and at that moment, Chanyeol thought he was looking at a real angel above him. Yixing was radiating, his face was smiling and his cheeks were also glowing in a beautiful pink. Yixing was beautiful. Way more beautiful than anyone else in this world, and Chanyeol knew at that precise moment that this man made love bloom in his heart and that, thanks to him, he was starting to feel better.

 

 

"Don't hide your face, Yeollie. I love seeing it."

 

 

Yixing leaned over and kissed Chanyeol again, but this time passion filled their exchange and Chanyeol got lost under the other man's warm hands and sweet words. He had never felt like this before, he had never felt so good in the past. When he was with Yixing, Chanyeol knew he could do anything, he knew he could forget all the bad things that happened around him because Yixing’s presence was enough to bring him peace and a warm blanket over his shoulders.

 

 

Happiness was filling his whole existence, and Chanyeol knew that he still had a long way to go. Accepting his body the way it was would be a really hard process, but with Yixing by his side, he was willing to at least give it a try. Yixing made him happy in a way he thought would never happen and Chanyeol was so thankful that he had found someone like him, someone who was the living personification of an angel on Earth, someone who saw the beauty within all of his flaws.

 

 

"Yixing?" Chanyeol murmured, as a smile lingered on his lips and his eyes sparkled with thousands of stars that even the Sky envied. "I think I found it. You're my panacea."