A/N: Credits at the end of this fic since I don’t want to put the prompt in the summary since it’s obvious spoilers.

 

Stitches.

How do you mend a heart that is yet to be broken? Sooyoung knows one way.

 

x-x-x

 

Sooyoung was never fond of hospitals.

It was too white, overwhelmingly blinding to a point where she never found herself thinking properly when walking through the labyrinth of corridors.

Splashes of the teal hospital gowns would pass in her view occasionally and she would curtly nod her head in the direction of a patient. Some familiar, some not.

Before long she feels a headache approach from the scent of antiseptic in the air.

Just the general sterility of it all made her sick.

How ironic.

 

x-x-x

 

‘Miss Ha?’

Sooyoung’s head perks at the call of her name, uncrossing her legs and neatly placing a magazine amongst the already disorderly pile beside her. She bows slightly the all too familiar face before her smiling and giving way to her room.

It was all too routine.

Sitting, talking.

The conversation bounced between general wellbeing and test results from visits before. Just before she pushes her chair out to leave, Sooyoung always asks.

‘So how much time do you think I have left?’

The doctor’s eyes soften at the question, readily answering.

‘With your current condition, we would say another six months. But anything can happen during that time, so it’s best advised you continue your weekly tests and check ups with us. We’re doing the best we can.’

Sooyoung quietly nods, bowing once more then exiting the room without another word.

 

x-x-x

 

The chime of a bell twinkles as Sooyoung enters a store.

Her choice today was a toy store hidden away in the streets of Hongdae.

The sight did not disappoint the brunette at all as she eagerly eyes plush animals adorned on shelves and the numerous counters.

‘Hello, how can I help you?’

The attendant greets Sooyoung with a warm smile and a wave.

‘Oh, I’m just here to look around…’

‘No worries let me know if you need any assistance.’

Wordlessly the attendant returns to the counter and Sooyoung browses through the collection of plushes eyeing something in particular.

Amongst a pile of cat toys was a wolf, adorned in a yellow check t-shirt and was so utterly peculiar to the brunette that she didn’t even hesitate to fish it out of its cotton tomb.

Placing it on the front counter the attendant chuckles at the choice.

‘Wow I think that’s our last of this item, who knew it would be so popular.’

Sooyoung’s brow quirks upward, the attendant explaining.

‘It’s a limited-edition toy, we managed to get it shipped in from Budapest. Cute isn’t it? Is it a gift for someone?’

‘Something like that…’ Sooyoung replies.

‘I’ll put it in a gift bag for you then. Here’s your total.’

Once paid for and placed in a fitting checkered gift bag the attendance flashes a grin.

‘I hope they enjoy it!’

Sooyoung returns the grin with a nod.

‘I know they will.’  

 

x-x-x

 

It was one of their first dates when Sooyoung realised Jiwoo’s infatuation with stuffed animal toys.

Their university tended to hold a festival every year during their semester break and it was just so fitting that Jiwoo and Sooyoung had started dating at the time.

And it was surprisingly fun as well.

Jiwoo stares longingly as a couple strolls by, a large bear plush being embraced by the passing woman.

Sooyoung watches amusingly, eyes widening as Jiwoo unloops from her racing to the oblivious pair giddy with excitement.

The brunette watches curiously as the pair quizzically stare at the girl in question, the trio laughing as the male points to a stand further down the lane.

Skipping back to the older woman Jiwoo tugs at her arm, beckoning to visit the textile’s club stand.

‘Please? I want one as well!’

Jiwoo’s eyes formed two crescents and widened into a grin.

Who was Sooyoung to resist?

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Jiwoo’s frustrated groan broke her concentrated silence, several balloons on the wall remaining unpierced.

‘Unnie seriously, I just want that bear.’ The younger huffs ‘Why am I so bad at this?’

‘It’s just a you problem.’ Sooyoung giggles as Jiwoo glares accusingly at her. ‘How about I try?’

‘Really?!’

‘Hey, I didn’t say I was good. I’ll just try my best.’ Sooyoung says.

She’s handed three darts and an exclaimed good luck by Jiwoo, taking her time to aim at the inflated plastic.

Pop!

Pop!

Pop!

Jiwoo watches in awe as three balloons, no wait. Three of the highest scoring balloons burst, their tattered remains pinned to the board.

‘Amazing throws! What prize would you like?’

Sooyoung casts her eyes expectantly to Jiwoo, the latter giddily pointing to the bear plush they both saw earlier.

By the time its within her reach Jiwoo wraps her arms around the animal with a squeal, making sure to hug Sooyoung as well.

‘I can’t believe you actually won it! You’re amazing unnie!’

‘I can’t believe that you wanted that so much, it looks a bit odd doesn’t it?’

And she isn’t wrong either.

The bear appeared slightly disproportionate with loose stitching as well, but she supposes that it makes it look endearing.

‘That doesn’t matter! I don’t care if it’s missing an arm or eye as long as I can cuddle it I’m fine with it!’

‘Oh?’

‘What do you mean oh?’ Jiwoo says. ‘Are you saying you don’t like these types of things?’

‘I mean now that I think about it I don’t think I’ve actually had any.’

‘What?!’

The incredulous tone of the younger woman startles Sooyoung.

‘What?’

‘Gosh, how do you stay warm at night?’

‘…Blankets?’ Sooyoung questions.

‘This. This.’ Jiwoo holds the bear out to Sooyoung. ‘These things can keep you warm forever. Actually, I take that back I’ve just realised how embarrassing this is to reveal.’

‘Well you may as well finish what you started.’

‘I-‘Jiwoo pauses. ‘How about I just show you?’

Well this just got interesting.

 

x-x-x

 

It was the most comical sight to Sooyoung, to the point she couldn’t even suppress the audible gasp as she entered Jiwoo’s apartment.

Everywhere she would look was a rainbow of fabric, a stuffed zoo basically.

Plush toys varying in size, animals or characters were scattered across the room.

‘Well secret’s out I guess…’ Jiwoo mumbles.

‘It could be worse.’ Sooyoung hums.

‘Could be worse.’ She confirms. ‘Do you want a cup of coffee or something?’

‘That would be nice, thank you.’

Sooyoung watches as Jiwoo tucks the bear under her arm, approaching the kitchen and follows suit sitting along the counter across the younger woman.

The brunette takes mental notes of the studio apartment like the way Jiwoo would order her plushes in size, how her class notes were messily piled onto her desk or the slightly dishevelled way she made her bed.

Her attention focused on the two bear plushes on Jiwoo’s bed, perched on either side of the bed.

‘Those are cute.’

‘What’s cute?’

‘You’re cute.’ Sooyoung replies almost instinctively, laughing once she notices Jiwoo freeze. ‘…But I mean the bears on your bed.’

‘You think so?’ Jiwoo pivots, eyes locked onto the point of interest. ‘They were each a gift from my parents, the left one is from dad and the other from my mum and look I can now add one from you!’

Setting a cup down with a soft clink, Jiwoo strolls over and plants the prize bear on top of her pillow.

‘Ever since I was young, my mum told me that I could only sleep if I had a toy next to me.’ Jiwoo continues. ‘She said it was almost like they were guarding me from monsters and nightmares, and I suppose that’s always stuck to me.’

Jiwoo faces Sooyoung once more flashing one of her iconic grins.

Sooyoung’s eyes soften at those words.

And she soon realises that she could never bring herself to tell Jiwoo.

She was simply too naïve.

Too innocent.

And she could never stomach the idea of shattering Jiwoo's perfect reality.

But ever since then Sooyoung has made herself a promise.

That she would always keep the monsters away from Jiwoo.

And the inevitable nightmare which was herself.  

 

x-x-x

 

So how do you mend a heart that is yet to be broken? Sooyoung knows of one way.

Ever since that first date Sooyoung found herself curious about Jiwoo’s cute habit.

Before she knew it, Sooyoung had created her own terrible, terrible habit. An expensive one at that, to purchase plushes for Jiwoo whenever she could.

She sought after online shops and rare gems stowed away in Seoul to make sure Jiwoo had a formidable army against those childhood monsters.

Once the couple had reached their first year together Sooyoung had made up predominately most of the stuffed animal population in Jiwoo’s apartment and that in itself was one of Sooyoung’s biggest achievements.

For each plush that remains in Jiwoo’s room now was Sooyoung’s way of strengthening, fortifying Jiwoo’s precious heart.

 

x-x-x

 

 

That nightmare appeared much sooner than Sooyoung would have expected.

It was two months after they had dated when Jiwoo found out. She figures that she was being too careful at the time, stepping cautiously on the edge of their relationship.

When Sooyoung had one too many check-ups and came up with one too many excuses to not see Jiwoo, the latter had her teetering the cliffs of doubt.

She hated it.

Jiwoo's brow was furrowed questioning why Sooyoung was gone so much and why she was deathly pale when she did.

Why she wasn't smiling as much anymore.

Why she wasn't talking as much anymore.

Why, why, why.

Sooyoung felt suffocated, she wanted so desperately to leave so she backed herself further off the edge.

Jiwoo suddenly broke her trance, uncharacteristically lashing out.

'What are you Sooyoung?'

What was she?

Tired and sick mainly. But what did Jiwoo want her to say?

That was a cheater? A liar? Sooyoung felt it would’ve been too easy to say those things.

So instead Sooyoung tilts her head upwards gaze piercing into Jiwoo's, the feintest of frowns skewed across her lips.

'I'm dying, Jiwoo.'

'What?'

'It's exactly what it sounds like!' Sooyoung exclaimed 'All those times I couldn't see you, I was in the hospital. All those excuses just so I didn't have to tell you.'

Jiwoo flinches in the slightest and Sooyoung reels back, she didn't mean to lose herself.

'They say I have three years at best.' The older woman continues 'Do you know how that feels Jiwoo? To have a time attached to your life like that? It drives you insane and…'

Sooyoung trails off once she realises Jiwoo's eyes have glossed, lips trembling.

A flash of emotions flicker in Jiwoo's eyes.

Anger, sadness, betrayal.

And one more that Sooyoung couldn't grasp just yet.  

Silence drapes the two in a blanket of uncertainty, the eldest’s voice cracking.

‘God Jiwoo...I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry'

With that Sooyoung closes her eyes feeling the ground beneath her give way.

…

However, she's not falling.

Opening her eyes, she finds Jiwoo wrapped around her head buried into the crook of her neck with a sob.

And Sooyoung realises that emotion she saw earlier was none other than forgiveness.

'I'm sorry.' Jiwoo cries 'I'm sorry you were in this much pain this whole time.'

‘You’re…you’re not mad?’

‘I want to be. I really do, but how could I be?’ Jiwoo continues. ‘When you say this, everything falls into place from these past few weeks.’

Jiwoo’s breathing remains uneven.

‘You should be though, this hasn’t been fair on you.’ Sooyoung frowned.

‘That shouldn’t matter Sooyoung.’ Jiwoo pulls away. ‘To think you’ve been going through this by yourself, in retrospect that hurts even more than you not telling me.’

The sight of her face flushed and streaked with tears makes Sooyoung bite her lip, drawing back a whimper as her own eyes begin to sting.

Not now.

She can’t break now.

Jiwoo rests her palm against Sooyoung’s cheek and the eldest nudges into it.

‘Besides… who are you to say it wasn’t fair on me? This whole-time life has been unfair to you.’

 

x-x-x

 

‘For me?’ Jiwoo exaggerates a gasp. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

The youngest rests against the door frame, hands gripping at the wolf plush Sooyoung had bought earlier today.

‘Do you like it?’

‘It’s adorable!’ Jiwoo’s lips meet Sooyoung’s in an appreciative kiss. ‘Thank you, baby. Do I look cute?’

Jiwoo brings the face of the plush against hers, hand forming a claw.

‘Yeah it looks cute, you’re okay I guess as well.’

Jiwoo feigns a pout, frowning once Sooyoung begins to cough.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

Jiwoo quickly ushers Sooyoung inside, placing the penguin plush amongst the now abundant pile on her bed opening her drawer to reach for a bottle of pills.

‘Did you get checked up today?’

‘Yeah.’

Sooyoung clenches her jaw at the mention of it, a sensitive topic.

‘That means you didn’t take your pills…’ Jiwoo hands her a glass of water and two capsules. ‘Here, take them.’

She hates how Jiwoo knows her habits and reluctantly takes the medicine. Her frequent visits have led to Jiwoo having a bottle of her prescription meds and Sooyoung was never too sure how she felt about that.

‘I have been taking them though, it doesn’t change anything…’ Sooyoung mumbles, swallowing after.

‘You should ask them to change the dosage.’

‘That won’t change anything.’

‘It could-‘

‘It won’t Jiwoo.’ Sooyoung places the glass onto the kitchen counter, harder than she should have. ‘Please stop.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I-It’s okay. I should be sorry.’ Sooyoung sighs. ‘I just hate making you worry. It’s just I hate feeling like this.’

‘Like what…?’

‘Look at me Jiwoo.’ Sooyoung says. ‘Everyday I feel so much weaker and I hate knowing that it’s coming to an end. When you start to feel the flesh cling to your bones and your body want to stop, it’s the worst. I want to keep fighting Jiwoo, I really do. But… lately it feels like I just can’t.’  

Sooyoung’s breaths are heavy and are loud against Jiwoo’s quick ones.

The air is thick between the pair and the atmosphere from before dissipates.

However, Jiwoo as she has always been embraces Sooyoung, pulling her to the couch in a fit of giggles.

A heart like hers always remains pure, doesn’t it?

…

The both of them were settled in Jiwoo’s apartment mindlessly watching reruns of some old-time drama on the television, Jiwoo lightly petting Sooyoung’s crown. The youngest had always enjoyed playing with her hair.

Sooyoung found herself lucky to have met Jiwoo several months after chemotherapy, having sported a shoulder length bob at the time.

‘Remember when your hair was shorter?’ Jiwoo says, twiddling a few strands between her fingers. ‘How long has it been since then?’

‘Hmm?’ Sooyoung hums. ‘Just over two years.’

‘Time really does fly.’ The youngest replies ‘You should cut it short again sometime. It looks good on you.’

Sooyoung finds herself chuckling.

As much as she would like to consider it she’s always decided not to.

She’s developed an appreciation for it.

During her time at the hospital she’s met several patients who were just like her. She even remembers sharing a room with a young teenager by the name of Chaewon.

She was there ever since she was ten, childhood ripped from her hands and locked in the confines of a hospital room, the key twiddling in the hands of unfamiliar faces.

Before their treatment Sooyoung would always braid the younger girl’s hair reassuring that she will get better, that she would.

Yet when Sooyoung returned to that room a month afterwards, the empty bed said otherwise.

Ever since the older woman has grown her hair in sentimental value and for the sibling she never had.

Even now, as Jiwoo delicately runs her fingers through now long waves of brown hair Sooyoung could feel each and every moment of her life until now.

 

x-x-x

 

Today marks their third-year anniversary.

They made it a promise that each year they would spend their anniversaries at the University festival. For old times’ sake.

The textiles stand was always one of their last stops for the day before they headed back to Jiwoo’s. This year’s major prize was a penguin, funnily enough adorned in a yellow checkered uniform similar to the wolf plush Sooyoung bought a few weeks ago.

As always Sooyoung would retrieve the prize and Jiwoo would be readily embracing it in her arms as they walked back.

Something wasn’t right though.

Sooyoung found herself more tired than usual.

Her breathing was more laboured than usual, and her body felt effectively drained.

She slouched onto Jiwoo, vision blurring as her surroundings mixed to black.

‘Sooyoung? Are you okay?’ Jiwoo asks. ‘Sooyoun-‘

 

x-x-x

 

When Sooyoung woke up she found herself in an all too familiar place.

In her peripheral she could see Jiwoo and her doctor, animatedly talking. Still recovering her senses, she could briefly hear their conversation.

‘How is her condition?’

‘It’s worsened significantly, we’re not even sure if she can recover or not. We weren’t expecting anything this scale to occur for another two months.’

Sooyoung opens , voice hoarse as she croaks out.

‘How much longer do you think I have?’

The two snap their heads to the direction of Sooyoung, Jiwoo readily rushing to her side now awaiting the response of the doctor.

‘Judging by the results we took last night, we’re talking another week or so. I’m sorry to inform that by the end of that time your body will submit fully to the cancer. I’m sorry.’

‘There’s nothing else to do?’ Jiwoo hesitantly asks.

‘I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do.’ His voice is laced with sympathy as he prepares to exit. ‘The only word of advice I can provide for now is for you to spend as much time with her as you can, we are here if you need anything.’

 

x-x-x

 

Those next seven days were painstakingly long to Sooyoung.

To Jiwoo they flew faster than anything.

Over the course of the week Jiwoo vowed to stay by Sooyoung’s side, offering to feed, clean and notify the staff if Sooyoung required anything.

Slowly but surely Sooyoung had become so incredibly weak and by the last few days she could hardly keep a conversation with Jiwoo anymore, resorting to listening to her old childhood stories or about her thesis progress.

Jiwoo would eventually quieten down and the two would relish in silent moments where the younger woman would hold Sooyoung’s hand and pepper her in chaste kisses.

 

x-x-x

 

 

The monitor beside Sooyoung sang in its monotonous tune.

 It took so much of her willpower for her eyes to flutter open, a seemingly calm Jiwoo laying across her lap.

She wanted to brush her hand over stray bangs and tell her that it’s all fine. That the Sooyoung who could win her any festival prize, that could lull her to sleep and kiss her worries away would be fine. That the Sooyoung who she’d spent three years of her life with will be with her always.

But she couldn’t.

‘Jiwoo…’

‘Sooyoung.’

Jiwoo kept a grip on Sooyoung’s pale hand, fingers interlacing at the call of her name.

‘…’

The brunette’s voice fizzled out without a sound and Jiwoo hushes her, fingers gliding over prominent knuckles.

‘It’s okay baby. You don’t have to talk. It’s okay…’ Jiwoo coos. ‘You can rest now baby. It’s been a long week hasn’t it? You can just rest, I’m right here. I’m here with you.’

The slight ruffle of Jiwoo’s clothes could be heard as she reaches up to Sooyoung to plant her a kiss, her other hand cradling Sooyoung’s face.

Jiwoo’s eyes water as she stares longingly into her lover’s eyes.

‘I love you so much Sooyoung.’ Her voice trembles, a stray tear trailing down the side of her face and Sooyoung desperately wants to wipe it away. ‘You’ve fought so hard. You’ve done so well.’

The monitor begins to shriek, quickening in pace and Jiwoo’s grip tightens.

‘We’ll meet again someday, okay?’

…

Sooyoung was never fond of hospitals.

But unlike her previous times here, she’s at ease.

Slowly, it darkens, and those blindingly white walls she’s hated so much fade.

And the warmth of Jiwoo starts to get colder.

And within these fleeting moments, Sooyoung’s lips curl slightly into a smile.

Because even in the darkness, Jiwoo is always there.

Penguin plush and all.

 

Fin.

 

x-x-x

 

A/N: Thanks for reaching the end, not gonna lie this kinda made me wanna rip my heart out. As mentioned before thank you to haseulmotion for the prompt and some of the other twt users for other bits of inspiration. I tried my best :'(