She was beautiful.

The kind of beautiful that you won’t stop watching her, only from afar because you feel like you will be blinded by her radiance. The kind of beautiful that no words could explain better. That kind of beautiful that will take away your breath every time you gaze upon her.

Yoohyeon remembered the first time she witnessed her beauty up close. She was seven, playing along with her friend Siyeon, making snowballs outside on the playground. She was happily hopping when she slipped on ice, her smacking the cold ground. Her gloves didn’t help. It was too cold. Siyeon was nowhere to be found. She cried, she cried so loud causing someone to walk towards her. It was blurry. Her tears were blocking her sight and all she could manage to see was a girl looking slightly older than her, she offered her hand. That day, they started being friends.

Bora was beautiful.

She would comb her hair with her fingers but it would still look like she’s shooting an advertisement. Yoohyeon found herself staring too much. She was thirteen years old by then. Siyeon and Bora were so close with each other. They would tease Yoohyeon everyday, running around, playing games. Bora was too loud. One time, she and her friend Siyeon were sleeping inside her room when Bora decided to pay a visit. She put down her backpack in a very noisy manner and she jumped on Yoohyeon’s body. She jokingly said that she made her life difficult. A joke. She thought that her life was gotten better ever since meeting Bora. When she woke up, she saw Siyeon still sleeping and Bora again, jumped. The sleeping friend only pushed her so hard that Bora flew. No injuries but she was pouting. Yoohyeon laughed. That day, she felt genuinely happy that she found another friend who will share laughters with them.

She was too beautiful.

Too beautiful but she flinched as she saw her immersive charm being taken by someone else. Of course, she’s so attractive she could get anyone she wanted. Sixteen year old Yoohyeon wished that she would be the one who will embrace her warmth. She looked away from the tree where the three of them used to play under. There they were, lips to lips. It hurts. She would only fake a smile everytime they hang out together and two of her bestfriends were holding hands and flirting. It hurts. But the pain was tolerable. Or not. Siyeon had her fingers intertwined with the woman she saw years ago. The woman who helped her dummy up. She turned her heels and lied about going to the library. They didn’t even say anything, they just continued talking. Yoohyeon hoped that it was just a puppy love.

Bora was too beautiful.

Even if she’s crying, her beauty still shines under the night sky. Bora was sleeping on her lap, tears were all drying up now after crying for almost two hours. It wasn’t a puppy love. It’s been a year since Siyeon and Bora became a thing and that year wasn’t just a puppy love. If it was, Bora wouldn’t be with her that night. She wouldn’t be having trouble breathing. That time, she wanted to jump on Siyeon for hurting the woman she loved. She didn’t though. She couldn’t. Bora gripped on her shirt tighter, even while sleeping she could still hear Siyeon’s name coming out from . The pain Bora’s feeling that night was nothing compared to what she was feeling. She thought she could bear with it all, she tried. She tried holding it in and keeping it all.

She was blinding.

She turned eighteen and her bestfriends were with her. Siyeon brought her new girlfriend, Minji to the party and she noticed that Bora was still feeling uncomfortable. She grabbed Bora’s arm and excused themselves. She brought her inside her room and asked her to cry it out. She did. She teared up, she said she’s still not okay after almost a year. She felt the sadness drowning Bora. She embraced her. The coldness of the room hugged the both of them. That night, they slept together. Not that sleeping together but Bora was beside her. She couldn’t sleep at all, knowing that the woman she fell in love with was beside her. She woke the next day and saw a very indulging Bora with her messy hair and hoarse voice. She greeted her and Yoohyeon almost cried at the heavenly sight. She was blinding. But Bora was so blind, she couldn’t see Yoohyeon. She has never seen Yoohyeon as something more than friends.

Bora was dazzling.

Two years later, Yoohyeon decided to move away. She bid her farewell to her family, Siyeon and of course, Bora. She wanted to pursue her dreams. She wanted to sing. Bora cried. She asked her why she needs to go away. Yoohyeon didn’t say anything. She didn’t open because if she did, she would spill everything and by everything, it meant including her feelings that had been eating her for thirteen years. Bora tried to stop her, Siyeon failed. Siyeon insisted that she would join her so she could protect her and take care of her and Yoohyeon almost allowed her. Almost. Almost is never enough. It will never be enough. She let Bora to walk her around the city one more time. With smiles on their faces, they had a blast, until the night came. Bora asked her to stay in her apartment. Yoohyeon agreed and they were lying down on Bora’s bed. Still talking, laughing, playing and everything else except for loving. She wanted to confess but her plan will be ruined if tries. They laid down, Bora, who has a smaller figure became the little spoon. No, Yoohyeon didn’t know how it happened but she was grateful. Her chest on Bora’s back, and she could smell her perfume. That night, the cold weather was too strong, but Bora’s warmth was everything she needed to fight that coldness. She wished that time would stop, but it didn’t.

Bora was nowhere near.

She woke up, Bora was still on her bed, snoring. She grabbed her things, wrote a note, ‘I’ll talk to you soon, thank you Bora’. She stepped inside their house for the last time and grabbed everything that she packed yesterday. She called a cab and inside, all she could think about was how soft Bora’s skin was. She remembered her laughs, and smiles. The way Bora would yell her name everytime she would see her. Now, she won’t hear her lovely voice anymore for she would be apart from her, maybe for weeks, months, or years.

Bora never messaged her.

It’s been a year. She was talking to Siyeon on the phone, along with her girlfriend for years, Minji. She’s going back to their town. She couldn’t wait to see them, and Bora. Yoohyeon was still a trainee but will about to debut soon and she asked the company to give her a week off. They let her and Yoohyeon immediately booked a flight. She was excited. When she arrived back in town, her family greeted her first. The house was still the same. Nothing really changed except for one thing. Bora wasn’t there. She would ask Siyeon but it was supposed to be a fun day so she just let it be and ignored it. That night, someone joined the party looking wet. A small figure entered their house. A smile crawled into Yoohyeon’s face as she looked who it was. Bora.

“Am I too late?”

Yoohyeon immediately wrapped her arms around the tiny woman.

“I missed you too, Yoohyeon.”

“Why didn’t you message me?”

Bora didn’t answered. She grabbed Yoohyeon inside her old room and locked the door behind her. She was confused and scared at the same time. She pushed Yoohyeon on the bed that has been left for a year yet still as clean as it was maybe because of her mother. Bora then sat on Yoohyeon’s lap and cupped her cheeks. She leaned in, almost touching the other’s lips but Yoohyeon put her hand against Bora’s lips.

“Why now, Bora?”

Yoohyeon was frustrated. She pulled Bora up and stood in front of her. She was gripping her hair, walking around the room nervously. This wasn’t it. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This is just wrong. Yoohyeon thought and Bora approached her, thumbing her arms. The electricity she felt as their skins made contact shouldn’t be there.

“I only realized it when you left.”

“Realized what?”

“I love you, Yoohyeon.”

Those words were the ones Yoohyeon wanted to hear for years. The words that she needed to hear a year ago before she left. Those words are nothing to her now. Or so she thought. Her knees started getting weak. She fell to the ground, tearing up. Bora kneeled in front of her. She wiped her tears away.

“I’m mad at you.”

Yoohyeon started, glaring at the woman in front of her.

“I’m so angry, you never knew how much I waited for you. It’s been 14 years, Bora. And just when I thought I’m over you, here you are ruining everything, again.”

Bora has shut. She didn’t know that it’s been ages. Her bestfriend was in love with her. She still is.

“Bora, I was with you through it all yet you never looked my way. You never looked at me the same way you looked at Siyeon back then.”

Yoohyeon whispered. She felt her voice was about to fade ever since she started crying.

“It wasn’t easy, leaving someone I love for something that I love doing. It wasn’t easy, trying to forget about you. Bora, it wasn’t--”

Bora planted a kiss on her lips. The taste of tears on was evident. She clenched her fist, trying to win over her feelings but she failed, again.

“I’m sorry. I’m here now, Yoohyeon. Let me treat you better.”