He spotted Dawon easily enough, leaning against some boxes, wasted. He sat beside the guy and gave him a gentle nudge.

“Dawon-ah, wake up!” he said to no avail.

He tried shaking him awake a little harder and that got the guy to crack open one eye. “Inseong-ah, I love you,”

Youngbin flinched, the words digging in deep inside his heart. “Inseong’s not here, Dawon-ah. It’s me,” he said softly as he wrapped an arm around Dawon’s waist and hoisted him up.

“Let’s get you home,”

Youngbin staggered back to his car slowly, Dawon’s dead weight making the ordeal thrice as hard. Finally, he reached the vehicle and with a grunt, he managed to dump the guy on the backseat.

“I swear to god I’ll make Inseong pay for this,” he muttered, panting.

“Inseong-aaahh!” Dawon suddenly screamed making Youngbin jump.

Dawon went back to his drunken stupor.

Youngbin stared at his sleeping face. Even in this state, Dawon was the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on. Youngbin couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and Dawon’s face; his thumbs slid over Dawon’s lower lip, imagining how soft it must be.

An idea came to his head but he shook it just as easily.

No, he can’t do it. No. It’s a betrayal.

Youngbin closed his eyes, willing himself to let go of the idea. But when he opened them again, he saw that Dawon was staring up at him, with a soft expression in his eyes. Youngbin was puzzled, until the other guy, grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him down, covering Youngbin’s mouth with his own.

All reason went out of Youngbin’s head and he allowed himself to get lost in the kiss. That is until Dawon turned his head and muttered Inseong’s name.

“Inseong-ah, whydichustop? Therefireworks,” the guy mumbled.

He wanted to kick himself in the head. Youngbin pulled away and ignored the other’s mumbling. He played some music and drove away.

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“Youngbin hyung,” Dawon slid up to him in the library the next day, sporting huge, round sunglasses and a bottle of water. “Thank you for brining me home last night,” he whispered.

“You… remember?” Youngbin asked. He can feel his heartbeat thundering in his ears as he waited for the other’s response.

“Inseong told me this morning. He said he asked you to pick me up since he was still with his family,” the younger guy replied.

“Oh,”

A part of him was glad that Dawon didn’t remember that night but another part was disappointed and hurt but it was a part that’s so used to getting hurt that it doesn’t even matter that much anymore.

“You’re welcome,” he answered. “Now, I have to study,”

Dawon nodded and took that as his cue to leave. Youngbin watched as he walked towards the exit and disappeared through the doors.

What better way to bury his feelings than to study, he thought as he dove into the pile of books in front of him.

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“Well that was disappointing,” Inseong said as they walked out of the cinema.

“I know, right?” Youngbin chuckled. “It wasn’t even scary like, what was that?”

They decided to have some snacks after watching the movie and they were lounging on the second floor of the mall, watching the people milling about.

“You know, you should really find someone,” Inseong suddenly said.

Youngbin sighed. They’ve been through this topic a lot of times, Inseong even insisting on setting him up with blind dates but he always refused them. “Are we really gonna talk about this, today?”

“I mean, I want you to be happy, Youngbin-ah,”

“I am happy,” he replied as he sipped his drink. Looking down, he saw a familiar head bobbing down below and it made him smile.

“Oh, will you look at that, did you finally see the love of your life,” Inseong teased, looking at the people walking on the floor below.

“No! What the hell, Inseong” Youngbin said in defense, playfully hitting him in the arm.

“Bro, please, I’m older than you, I know these things,”

“Shut up, you don’t know anything. You’re only a few months older than me! Oh, and your boyfriend is being annoying again,” Youngbin said pointing towards Dawon waving frantically at them from the ground floor.

“My boyfriend is cute and you’re just jealous,” Inseong retorted, waving back at Dawon.

Youngbin scoffed but the words hit home.

“Well, then, I better go join my annoying boyfriend then. You’ll be okay, right?” Inseong asked. He wasn’t playing this time; there was genuine concern in his voice.

Youngbin nodded and waved him off. “Have fun,” he said.

Inseong left him with a pat on the back.

“You’re right about one thing, Inseong-ah… I have found the love of my life,” he murmured watching Dawon below.  

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There was only so much that a heart can take; only so much pain one can endure; only so many tears one can cry. Sooner or later, the heart that has endured will shatter and for Youngbin, it happened during the first snowfall of the year.

Inseong and he were walking towards the library where Dawon was waiting. They were talking about the end of the school year, their upcoming graduation, their lives and their dreams when suddenly, Inseong said it.

“I’m gonna ask Dawon to marry me,”

Youngbin stopped in his tracks. He felt the world screech to a halt and there was nothing but this suffocating pain eating him up. Inseong noticed it too and he turned to face his best friend.

“I mean, you know. I know our country’s still not that liberated but, you get what I mean,” he supplied, thinking that Youngbin froze because of that.

He can only nod and the smile that crossed his lips hurt so badly. Inseong resumed walking then, his expression happy and content.

“I-uh, I forgot something! You go ahead and I’ll meet you guys at the restaurant,” Youngbin said as he turned around and ran away.

Youngbin didn’t know where he was going, he needed to get away, get lost from all of it. The tears won’t stop coming and it was getting harder to breath. He ran until his legs hurt so much that the pain in his chest was a mere irritation.

============================================================

 

Youngbin kept on turning the phone in his hand, thinking if he should make the call. By now, Rowoon would have made sure that every one of their friends knows about his sudden disappearance. Sure enough, the calls and the messages came through. One by one, the names kept on appearing on his screen. Youngbin’s heart jumped when he saw Dawon’s name pop up but he ignored it.

Korean Air Flight 5088J bound to New York is now boarding…

He made up his mind and placed the call, a part of him hoping that he wouldn’t answer. But he did, within two rings.

 “Youngbin-ah! Where the hell are you? Rowoon’s turning everything upside down! He sa-“

“Inseong-ssi! Listen to me. Do not interrupt me, do you understand?”

“Inseong-ssi?! Yah, what the hell! Where ar-“

“Do you understand?!”

There was silence on the other end of the line and finally, he heard a soft yes.

Youngbin took a deep breath. Inseong was his closest friend, his best friend and one he considers as his brother and he owed him the truth.

“The truth is… I’m in love with Dawon. I always have been. You keep on asking me why I’m still not in a relationship, well, that’s because all this time, I have found him. All these time, Inseong, I was in love with him. And I thought that just being around him would be enough, but I was wrong…”

Silence. Youngbin checked his phone to see if the call was still connected and it still is.

“By the way, do you remember that night when you asked me to pick him up? In that party by the docks?”

Youngbin paused but there was no turning back now. Inseong deserved to know the truth.

“I kissed him. He was drunk and I knew it was me taking advantage of the situation and I’m sorry. I just- you probably hate me now but you deserve to know the truth. I’m sorry and goodbye,”

Youngbin ended the call and then a slew of messages and calls came through again.

He ignored them all except for one: Dawon.

“Youngbin hyung! Where are you?! We’ve been looking all over for you!”

Youngbin bowed his head as the tears fell. Even laced with worry, he was glad that Dawon said his name.

“Youngbin hyung! Talk to me! What’s wrong! Where are you?!”

Sobs were wracking his entire body and he stuffed the sleeve of his jacket in his mouth to stop himself from crying out.

“I’m sorry, Dawon-ah. I’m sorry for not saying goodbye,” he managed to say out loud.

Youngbin ended the call. He allowed himself to cry for a few minutes and afterwards, he collected himself and his things and went through the boarding gates without looking back.