Prologue

His eyes are the color of dark urban coffee and fresh bark. He is the smell of fresh cotton. We lay on his bed, his arms around my waist. His nose is nuzzled into my neck, lips grazing my veins, sweet passion radiating. Sungie presses kisses against my skin, right arm slinging around me and pulling me closer until we are chest to chest. He smiles and pushes hair out of my eyes. “Good morning.”

My eyes fall to my hands, their formed into fist against my chest. “Beautiful?” He says. I let myself move out of his arms and sit up on the bed. “I think we should talk.” He folds his legs under his body and sits up to look at me. I refuse to make eye contact with him. “Look, sungie. I like you a lot but this-us can’t happen.”

“Why?” He asks. I sigh. “Sungie, we both know this is wrong. What we’re doing, this is cheating. You have an amazing boyfriend. Imagine how he would feel if he found out about this.”

“He doesn’t have to know.” Sungie tries to lace his hands through mine and it takes everything in me to pull away. “Ryeowook’s my friend. I can’t do this to him. It would be better for both of us if we just stayed friends and pretend that this didn’t happen.”  He looks at me, eye’s trailing over every inch of my face. I can see the hint of sadness in his brown orbs and it pains me. He nods telling me he understands. “Thank you.” I move to get my shoes but Yesung pulls me back. One hand lays on my hip and the other finds its way to my cheek, as he presses a soft kiss to my lips. My eyes shut tightly and I push him away. “Yesung, no.”

I tell him, but I don’t mean it. I want more. I want him to push me back onto the bed and devour every inch of me until I am consumed. I want him to mark me as if it was branding.  But he doesn’t. Instead, he listens and lets go of my waist, letting his hand run down until he reaches my hand. He claps our finger together and kisses it softly. “I know, I just wish things were different.” So do I. But at the same time I don’t. I couldn’t bear the thought of being the cause of their break up. Being with Yesung isn’t my place. My place is far far away from him.

Getting out of bed is easier than I thought it’d be. He doesn’t constrain me like before.  I pick up my clothes and redress myself. “Kyu” His voice is sweet melancholy. He gets out of the bed and comes to stand behind me.  His hands fall to my waist again and he turns me around, lifting my chin to meet his eyes.

They’re brown. The shade of coffee and in them hide an emotion I can’t seem to find. They look just as lost as I feel. He searches my face for something, I can’t put my finger on. But one thing I am sure of, his eyes fall to my lips  a few times. His hand moves up to cup my cheek. “Can I?” He wants to kiss me. I know I should say no and leave. But I crave his touch as if it was water. I nod and let him take my lips.His lips are soft against mine as his hand my cheek.  Last night's wine is still prominent on his tongue. There is sweetness in this kiss, filled with want and desperate need. My knees feel weak and I want to let myself fall into him. But I know I shouldn’t. He wants to pull me closer, but I resist. I pull myself away from him, hand clenching into his sleeves. I bite down on my lip and back away. His stands, arms still left hanging in the air.  It takes me a minute to realize that he’s reaching. Reaching for me.

I collect myself. Straighten up my spine and push down all of my emotions. I must be numb and hollow. If this is meant to be the end, then I must be concise. I look at him  one last time, before walking over to his bedroom door.

“Goodbye Sungie.”

One foot is out the door and it takes all of my will power to move the other. I feel his gaze on me as I leave. It’s calling, wanting and I, hate it.

I’m at the end of the hallway when I hear it. It’s only but a whisper of words too sullen to hear. But it’s there.

“Goodbye Kyuhyun.”