One thing Jongdae’s learned while being a star is that nothing truly lasts forever hence that’s probably why they’re called stars because all stars die, eventually. Fame is fleeting, no matter how much you get, it will never last. Fans, colleagues, even his own members are not stable figures and it sends Jongdae going to bed every night wondering who will still be there the following morning. Then one day, he wakes up to articles announcing her departure from SM after thirteen years and Jongdae adds one more name to the list of people he wish would have stayed.

It’s another five more years until he sees her again and her sudden appearance shakes him up in a billion unexplainable ways. She’s smiling but unlike then when she’d smile to cover up her fallen career, her eyes are sparkling like diamonds and he wonders if she ever smiles like that when his name is brought up. Jongdae approaches her first through the crowd of wedding goers. She turns to him at the subtle hand on the small of her back but she’s not surprised when she realizes it’s him.

“It’s been a while,” says Jongdae.

Liyin smiles with her eyes still as soft and tender as how he remembers them. “It has. Have you been well? I heard you just recently got discharged.”

He can’t take it. He can’t look at her and wonder anymore if she regrets leaving him, if she ever wishes things could have been different, if he ever crosses her mind and if she ever truly loved him.

“Are you happy?” is all Jongdae asks and her expression softens. The creases in her forehead smoothes themselves out and she flashes him a look, like he knows the amount of depth there is to such a simple question and that’s because he does know.

“I am,” she says, the contentment rich in her voice.

He offers her a small curl of his lips and begins stepping away. “That’s good,” Jongdae tries to smile a little wider but his lips don’t curl the way he wants them too. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, Liyin.”

“Wait,” she grabs his hand before he can go any further and holds on tightly, like he might vanish into thin air with desperation pulsing at the tips of her fingers. It makes his skin tingle in familiar yet foreign ways. “There’s some things I never got to tell you.”

“Maybe another time,” he says but she refuses to let go and now the desperation is in her eyes.

“I never wanted to leave you,” she says as if he didn’t already know. “I never meant to hurt anyone, you especially.”

Jongdae swallows and pulls his wrist gently to slide his hand into hers. She watches him graze her knuckles with his thumb and cold winter nights by the Han river comes flashing back. He squeezes and she squeezes right back, smiles growing at the memories that only they share.

“Next time, okay?” Jongdae insists gently and disappointment washes over her face. “There’ll be a next time,” he promises and squeezes her hand once more before reluctantly walking away.

Every step that he takes makes the crack in his heart grow even bigger and Jongdae’s surprised that it still hurts this much even after so much time but then again, Liyin isn’t just anyone. She’s not just another girl he once loved.

///

“I saw her,” Jongdae casually says to Luhan over a late lunch a few days later.

Luhan looks up from his plate, eyes blank but filling up quickly with curiosity. “You saw her?”

“Well, we spoke of course,” Jongdae adds, trying to make it sound as casual as possible with a little nonchalant shrug. “She’s happy now. I see it in her eyes, in her smile, in the way she radiates.” He shrugs once more. “She deserves it.”

“Do you still love her?” questions Luhan.

“It’s been a long time already,” Jongdae dismisses.

“Yeah so?” Luhan prods. “It’s been a long time since I left and you still tear up when you talk about our last performance together. Just because it’s been a long time, it doesn’t change the fact that her leaving left you feeling like for months afterwards.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes and leans back against his chair. “So what. It’s not like we can just pick up where we left off and start again. I don’t blame her. The company wasn’t doing for her and she deserved so much better, especially with that much talent.”

“Jongdae,” Luhan sighs and sits up a little in his chair. “Why don’t you just contact her? Talk it out and see if it makes you feel better, I’m sure it will.”

Jongdae picks at his food with his chopsticks as he sighs. “I’m pretty sure it’s just me. She went on to have the successful career she’s always deserved. I’m pretty sure I’m just another memory to her now. Besides, why should we dwell on the past anymore.”

Luhan shakes his head at his former member and wipes his lips clean while recalling a similar meal years ago when he was still in EXO. It never occurred to him that Liyin meant that much to Jongdae and he may simply never really know the reason why.

///

The night before Jongdae’s return to Korea, he gets a call from a number he doesn’t recognize but he picks it up anyway. After a brief taxi ride, Jongdae arrives at a small local restaurant in a hidden neighborhood and he finds her at the farthest booth from the entry. She smiles and waves him over when he walks in and Jongdae gives her a small curl of his lips.

“I’m angry,” Jongdae says as he slips into the chair across from her. “I worked so hard to learn Mandarin but after the guys left and being banned from China for awhile, I can’t even read the simplest of the simplest characters anymore.”

Liyin chuckles and pours him a cup of water. “You’re a quick learner, I’m sure once you pick it up again, it’ll come rushing back.”

“Well, I’m glad your Korean is still good or else we’d be screwed,” he teases lightheartedly with warm eyes gazing at her who is just glowing. She’s so happy and although he’s happy for her, he wishes he could