"How's your sleep last night?"

Mark said as he sat across the table Jinyoung was already seated on.

 

The raven haired just shrugged and gave a half caring smile. "It was fine. Not until I dreamt of you singing that Bieber song."

The older could only laugh.

And Jinyoung could only stare.

 

He always loved hearing him laugh. In this place, laugh is something that is rare. Seems like everyone around here already forgot what it's like to be happy. But not him. Not Mark. Contrast to the black hoodie he's always wearing, Jinyoung has known him to have a positive persona.

Not to be cheesy but, in spite of every bad thing Jinyoung has gone through, Mark is one of the very few things which makes living this life bearable.

 

"But you love me, though." And he just stayed silent because he knows he can't possibly argue with that.
 

 

 

"What happened in art class?"

Mark asked, his face etched with worry. Jinyoung scowled. Of course he would find out.

Being a good boy that he is, the nurses and teachers are very fond of Mark. Thus, he often stays there in the lounge. He must've overheard them talking about that incident.

The incident where Jinyoung broke down into tears and doesn't want anyone to touch him.

 

Jinyoung sat properly. They're both sitting on the floor near the kitchen counter, with Jinyoung munching on some crackers topped with spray cheese.

"It was just one of my bad days." Mark was about to speak when he cut him off. "You know I am not getting any better, Mark."

This time, Mark reached for the younger's hand. "Don't say anything like that. I believe in you. You can get through this."

But as stubborn as he usually is, Jinyoung refused to listen.

"Easy for you to say since all you do is get better. Why are you even wasting your time on me? Do you really think that your love can fix a broken person like me?"

Mark wasn't able to answer.

 

 

Jinyoung was already lying on his bed but he is still stucked on how Mark looked at him before the blonde entered his room.

You shouldn't have said those words. You must've hurt him. You should apologize.

These are the thoughts running on Jinyoung's head as he stared at the ceiling of his four walled room.

Alright. Tomorrow he will.

 

He was about to sleep when Jinyoung heard indistinct shouts and the sound of something breaking.

This is not new.

Almost every night he hears this.

But he hates it.

It reminds him of what always happened years ago.

 

Shakily, Jinyoung reached for his mp3 player which Mark gave him four years ago, and plugged his earphones in... completely drowning the painful sounds.
 

 

He's catching his breath.

Jinyoung sees his mother crying and begging his step father but he just won't listen. Instead, his big arm hit his mom's face. As if he's still not contented, he grabbed a glass and threw it against the wall almost hitting the poor kid.

His mom's wail becomes louder, Jinyoung just closed his eyes and shouted.

STOP! Please, stop!

 

 

Jinyoung jolted awake only knocking the glass on his sidetable on the process. He heard someone knocking on his door but he just continued to shout and cry still covering his ears and shutting his eyes close.

 

Stop. Please stop. Enough. I don't want to hear it. Please stop.

 

Jinyoung cried and cried until he felt a pair of hands on his shaking shoulders. "Hey, I'm here. It's okay. You'll be fine. I am here."

He looked up only to see Mark. He felt his eyelids growing heavy but he still reached and touched the older's face.

"Mark... Mark please don't leave me. Don't... leave... me... Don't..."
 

 

 

 

Jinyoung woke up. And the first thing that came in his mind is Mark.

"Where is he?"

He asked the male nurse who is beside his bed. "Where is Mark?"

The male nurse looked at the female nurse before speaking. "You need to get better first, before we let you see him."

 

So he did. Jinyoung tried eating right to recover his strength.

The whole week of not seeing Mark was really hard for him. He already got used of being with Mark, being able to see him, talk to him, and hold him. Try as he might, he knows he can't deny that he has been depending his life on Mark.

But he knows that when Mark sees him all good and better, he would be happy.
 

 

"Is he outside?" Jinyoung asked the nurse as he was walking with him towards the garden.

He is excited to see Mark but when they stopped in front of a granite wall, Jinyoung felt as if his heart has stopped beating and his hands were getting cold.

His lips trembled as he read what was written on that certain part.

 

Mᴀʀᴋ Tᴜᴀɴ

Sᴇᴘᴛᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 4, 1998 - August 26, 2018

 

 

"I was really surprised when you said Mark's name repeatedly when you were having a breakdown. I was injecting a sedative on you when you started calling Mark. You must've thought he was me."

Jinyoung just stared at the writing while his eyes were getting blurry.

 

"H-how..." was all he could say.

"He took his own life a week ago." The male nurse said, while keeping his eyes on the ground, averting Jinyoung's lost and lonely gaze. "It was one of those nights when he breaks down and starts to throw things. But I guess that night was too much for him."

 

Jinyoung felt his lips as they quivered. "M-Mark..." His tears started to fall.

 

"He wanted you to have this."

It's a letter.

 

Jinyoung gathered his remaining strength to open the letter and read it.

 

 

*~•°°`°°•~•°••°•~•°°`°°•~*

 

ᴊɪɴʏᴏᴜɴɢɪᴇ...

 

ι ѕυᴘᴘᴏѕᴇ ιт ᴡᴏɴ'т вᴇ ᴇᴀѕʏ ғᴏʀ ʏᴏυ тᴏ ғᴏʀɢιᴠᴇ мᴇ вυт, ι'ʟʟ ѕтιʟʟ тʀʏ тᴏ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢιᴢᴇ. ι ᴀм ѕᴏʀʀʏ. ғᴏʀ вᴇιɴɢ ᴡᴇᴀĸ. ʏᴏυ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏѕ тнᴏυɢнт тнᴀт ι ᴡᴀѕ ѕтʀᴏɴɢ. вυт ι ᴀм ɴᴏт.

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ɴιɢнт, ιт ᴀʟᴡᴀʏѕ нᴀυɴтѕ мᴇ. мᴀĸιɴɢ мᴇ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴅ ʟιғᴇ. ʟιᴠιɴɢ. ᴀʟʟ ι ᴄᴏυʟᴅ ᴅᴏ тᴏ ᴇѕᴄᴀᴘᴇ ιѕ тᴏ нᴀʀм мʏѕᴇʟғ. ᴡнιᴄн ι ĸɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏυ'ʟʟ ᴅᴇѕᴘιѕᴇ, тнᴀт'ѕ ᴡнʏ ι нιᴅ ιт ғʀᴏм ʏᴏυ.

ᴀʟʟ ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ʏᴏυ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ι ᴡᴀѕ ѕтʀᴏɴɢ. вυт тнᴇ тʀυтн ιѕ, ʏᴏυ ᴀʀᴇ ѕтʀᴏɴɢᴇʀ тнᴀɴ мᴇ.

ι ᴀм ѕᴏʀʀʏ ғᴏʀ ɴᴏт нᴏʟᴅιɴɢ ᴏɴ мυᴄн ʟᴏɴɢᴇʀ. ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ. ʙᴜᴛ ι ᴊυѕт ᴡᴀɴтᴇᴅ тᴏ ʀᴇѕт. ι ᴀм тᴏᴏ тιʀᴇᴅ.

ᴘʟᴇᴀѕᴇ ғᴏʀɢιᴠᴇ мᴇ. ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴏмιѕᴇ мᴇ тнᴀт ʏᴏυ ᴡιʟʟ ʟιᴠᴇ. ᴅᴏɴ'т мᴀĸᴇ тнᴇ ѕᴀмᴇ ᴄнᴏιᴄᴇ ι мᴀᴅᴇ.

 

ᴄнᴏᴏѕᴇ тᴏ ʟιᴠᴇ.

 

ᴘʟᴇᴀѕᴇ ᴄнᴏᴏѕᴇ тᴏ ʟιᴠᴇ.

 

*~•°°`°°•~•°••°•~•°°`°°•~*

 

 

Jinyoung's tears won't stop falling after he read Mark's letter.

 

Why does this need to happen? Mark was always with him through his darkest days. But he was too immersed with what he was going through, that he didn't notice how bad things were going for Mark too.

He also needs help, but Jinyoung didn't know.

 

He clutched his chest.

 

"We should go inside now." the nurse said beside him.

 

Jinyoung held the note near his heart as he rested his forehead against the cold granite.

 

"I forgive you, Mark. And I promise, I will try my best to live. I promise, I will live because I love you."

 

❇❇❇❇❇❇❇❇❇

 

Now what did just happen here, sorry?

Are you guys okay after reading? This is the first fic that I posted here in aff, which does not have a happy ending.

I did it for real!

 

Anyway, I hope this is okay, and your hearts are okay. If I find some more time, I'll post some more angst. *evil laugh*

 

Toodles! :*

 

<3 nicapark