“Do you even have any knowledge about astronomy?”

“No.”

“Then why are we even here?”

“Because the kids are asleep. Jaemin is practising and Donghyuck is at 127’s dorm so I have you.”

“So I’m your last option?”

Renjun turns to look at Jeno and gives him a sweet smile.

“Now what makes you think that?”

Jeno sighs as he trudged up the stairs behind Renjun who was jumping up the the stairs happy to go out and see the stars. It’s one of those rare days when their manager went to sleep before they did and so Renjun requested (forced) Jeno to accompany him to the rooftop to stargaze. Not that Renjun had any idea whatsoever about the constellations he just liked the peace and often dragged one of his friends with him. Usually it was either Chenle or Jaemin. Today he dragged Jeno with him.

Renjun opened the door to the rooftop and hummed happily as he stepped out in the open. Bless the manager for trusting that Renjun won’t do something crazy like Chenle and Jisung which he doesn’t. He just likes to lay down, eyes closed while humming some random songs.

“Come on.” Renjun gestured Jeno to follow him.

“We’re not gonna go to the edge right?”

“Scared of falling Jen?”

“From this height? Yes I am.”

Renjun laughs shaking his head, “Don’t worry you idiot we’ll be in the middle.”

Jeno hesitates but joins Renjun who was already lying down on the bare cemented floor. Jeno slowly sits down and lays down beside Renjun looking up at the sky.

“What the hell?” Jeno says. “We can’t see the stars!”

Renjun snorts, “We live in the middle of the city. A city filled with bright lights and you expect that you can see stars? Are you really that dumb Jeno?”

“Shut up.” Jeno mumbled as his cheeks heated up in embarrassment. “If you can’t even see the stars then why the hell are we even here?”

“Cause of the peace and quiet which is being disturbed thanks to your nagging.” Renjun says which offends Jeno.

“Rude.” Jeno mumbles under his breath but stays quiet otherwise.

Few seconds in this quiet and Jeno thinks that maybe it isn’t so bad after all. It’s hard to have this peaceful time nowadays because they are so busy practicing for their comeback stage. It’s just work, eat and sleep for them and sometimes it’s more like nap rather than sleep. It was exhausting but this was what they signed up for.

“Jeno.” Renjun whispers.

“Yeah?”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking about how exhausted we are.” Jeno replies. “You?”

“Same. And how cold it is.”

“Oh yeah. It’s really cold.”

It was kind of cold. The temperature has been dropping recently and it was windy up here so even though Jeno was wearing a jacket he was cold. Perhaps he should have brought up a blanket here but then it would seem like they were out here on a date which they weren’t. Jeno was just here hanging out with his friend.

Renjun then proceeds to shuffle closer to Jeno, so close that it would look like they are hugging one another.

“W-what are you doing?” Jeno stutters.

“What do you think idiot? Body heat. Closer to each other means we can help each other stay warm.”

“Oh. Right.”

Jeno tries not to be stiff but he couldn’t help it. Renjun was pressed against him. He could feel Renjun’s warmth, the movement of his chest when he breathed, the brush of hot air that he huffed out. Jeno could feel everything. And it was making him feel things like there was a flock of birds flying in his stomach, twisting his heart making it pound harder and faster and blood rushing up to his cheeks tinting it red. Jeno thanked God that it was dark here so Renjun couldn’t see his face.

“Why the hell are you so stiff?” Renjun asked.

“What?”

“I asked why the hell are you so stiff? You’re laying all stiff and it’s like you aren’t even breathing. What the hell?”

“Oh.” Jeno looked at Renjun to see that he was scowling at Jeno, “Um..I-I’m not stiff?”

Renjun looks at him incredulously, “Seriously? I’m right beside you and I can feel that you haven’t moved at all for the past few minutes.”

“It’s because you’re beside me!”

“Seriously? You act weird cause I’m beside you?” Renjun asks. “It’s not the first time a guy siddles close to you. I mean you and Jaemin are always together after all. You even let him sit on your lap and you freeze up when I just kinda barely hug you?”

“Uh...Jaemin is my best friend-”

“And I’m not?” Renjun cuts in sounding a bit hurt.

“You are! But Jaemin is Jaemin and you are..” Jeno trailed off not knowing what to say. How can you tell the person you like they are different from the others because Renjun only has to smile at Jeno and he’d be a mess.

“And I am not Jaemin you mean?” Renjun said sounding a little bitter but Jeno didn’t even notice. Perhaps he should’ve but Jeno never claimed to be smart.

Before Jeno could answer his question Renjun had already moved away from him.

“There’s too much talking. We came here so that we could rest. This isn’t working.” Renjun sighed.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We should leave it’s getting late.” Renjun gets up and dusts himself off looking at Jeno waiting for him to get up. As soon as Jeno sat up the other boy left him alone.

And Jeno wonders if he screwed himself up.

~~

“You screwed up really bad.” Jaemin deadpans. “Like how the hell are you so dumb Jen?”

Jeno groans, burying his face in the pillow as he hears his best friend confirm what he already knew. He was dumb and he screwed up.

“I panicked okay! You know i’m not used to people being touchy with me!”

“Don’t use that excuse Jen just say you panicked because it was Renjun.”

Sometimes Jeno cursed the fact that Jaemin knew him so well. Perhaps he shouldn’t have befriended that boy when they both entered SM.

“Wondering if it would have been better for you if we weren’t friends won’t change the fact that you are dumb Jen.”

“Why the hell do you know me so well?”

“That’s what best friends are for. But really you had to say that i was a different case to the boy who you are in love with and who loves you as well? That’s like a disaster.” Jaemin sighs flopping down beside Jeno.

“He doesn’t.” Jeno groaned.

“What?”

“He doesn’t love me. As a friend yes. Something more? No.” It hurt Jeno to admit it but it was the truth and there was nothing he could do to change it.

“Wow you really are so dumb is that why we are friends? Because I have the brain cells you lack?” Jaemin says.

Jeno gets up grabbing Jaemin’s pillow and quickly hitting him it, laughing as he did so. Jeno knew that no matter what happened as long he had Jaemin by his side he’d be fine.

~~

Jeno probably looked pathetic but he didn’t really care. Not as he watched Renjun laughing with Lucas. Jeno never made Renjun laugh like that. Jeno was probably nothing in comparison to Lucas. Lucas was funny and he was handsome. He may say stupid stuff but he was smart. And not to mention he knew chinese and could communicate with Renjun in his own language. Jeno knew how happy Renjun is whenever he is with their china line hyungs or Chenle and speaks in their own language.

And so Jeno stared at Renjun wanting to go there and shove Lucas away from Renjun and talk with him. To make Renjun laugh at him and to have Renjun look at him.

If Jaemin heard his thoughts now he’d probably give him a disgusted look and then call him a whipped . Again, Jeno wondered why he was friends with Jaemin.

“You can just go up there and talk to him you know?” Chenle popped down beside Jeno with a bright smile. “They don’t bite.”

“Funny.” Jeno replied dryly.

Chenle giggles, “you are so silly hyung. You know Renjun hyung would really appreciate it if you go there and talk to them right?”

“And disturb him when he laughing with Lucas hyung? He looks so happy talking to him. I can’t go and ruin that. He probably doesn’t want me there.”

“Wow.” Chenle nods. ‘’You really are so dumb hyung no offence.”

Jeno felt insulted. This was all Jaemin’s fault. He was really going out there and telling all of the members that Jeno was dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“You really don’t see how happy you make Renjun ge when you’re with him? The happiness when Renjun ge is with you is way more than when he is with the other members and that includes the China line.”

Jeno was a bi stunned. He makes Renjun hapy? Renjun likes to be with him? But that doesn’t have to mean anything right? It simply meant that Jeno and Renjun were very close. That’s all there is to that. You’re always happy when you’re with your best friend like Mark hyung and Hyuck. Or Johnny hyung and Ten hyung or Taeyong hyung and Jaehyun hyung and even Jaemin and Jeno. Only after listing all the names did Jeno realise that everyone on the list was dating each other except for him and Jaemin.

“Renjun and I are friends so of course I make him happy. I mean during 2017 it was just me and him because Mark hyung and Hyuck lives with 127 and you guys are young. Jaemin wasn’t even here back then. It’s because of that. We grew close together so it makes us comfortable and happy when we are together.” Jeno wasn’t lying.

Last year when Jaemin was on hiatus Jeno really had Renjun. Donghyuck and Mark were there for him but they had to promote with the 127 hyungs as well so most of the time they had to stay away. Chenle and Jisung are children and Jeno didn’t feel like it was fair to go to the kids and talk about his worries. He just needed his best friend. Renjun was with him at that time. He helped him, lent him a shoulder when Jeno needed, made Jeno laugh and listened to him. He was the only one aside from Jaemin who really listened to him.

It was then that Jeno realised that maybe the warmth in his chest or the strange fluttering in his stomach was a sign that the feelings he had for his little Chinese friend wasn’t platonic. The realization threw Jeno off and all he could think for an entire day was every moment he spent with Renjun since the day they met two years ago. He ended up calling Jaemin and poured everything out, nervous.

Jaemin merely sighed and said, “finally it took you so long I was wondering when you’d figure it out. You really are the slower one out of the two of you.”

Jeno was confused and Jaemin just told him to sleep.

But things had change ever since then. Now Jeno knew what the sinking and fluttering feelings in his chest meant. He understood why he couldn’t breathe when Renjun looked at him and smiled.

It was pathetic but Jeno never claimed that he wasn’t.

“You really are so dense hyung. How does Jaemin hyung not get frustrated?” Chenle asked us surprised.

“Who says that he isn’t? Most of our conversation is him lecturing how I should pay him because he has to tolerate my ‘stupid, idiotic, moronic, big head’ every day. And yes, he really used those three words to ‘emphasise’ on my stupidity.” Jeno sighed.

Chenle giggled at that and patted Jeno on his bac lightly. “You’ll be fine hyung. I have to go to sungie now. Bye.”

Just before he ran off to wherever the youngest was he looked at Jeno and said, “Hyung just take a step forward. Renjun ge already did and he is waiting for you to step up. He can’t do all these things alone. You have to do your side as well. Okay?”

With a bright smile the younger one quickly hopped away to find his best friend.

And leaving behind a confused Jeno.

~~

It was break time now so Jeno left the others in the room to get something to drink. They’d all been practising for their upcoming album us 18 members. They’d been at it for hours and Jeno really needed something to drink and probably some light snacks. He thought he’d be alone there but he wasn’t.

Lucas was there staring at his phone with a wistful smile and he hadn’t noticed Jeno come in. Jeno approached the older boy to see what he was looking at. It was a picture of Renjun and Donghyuck and Lucas was wistfully smiling