THE 4 STAGES OF A CRUSH

 

First Meeting

                                                      or the time

when jaemin

finally talked

to jeno

 

It was as if stars clouded his vision every time he saw Jeno. Jaemin didn't know what came over him every time he saw Jeno but he made him happy and that's what mattered.

Jaemin continued to watch Jeno discreetly as he laughed along with his friends.

That eye smile of his - goddarn beautiful smile where his face seemed to light up and his eyes formed little crescents along with his dimples - yes,that eye smile had Jaemin whipped from the beginning.

Jaemin was positive that he was the cutest human he had ever seen. This crush,as much as Jaemin was denying it, had gone for so long.

He’s sure that knowing Jeno’s peculiar - adorable - habits without ever having spoken a word to him wasn't normal,right?

But Jaemin figured he would never be able to talk with Jeno.

Their standing on the social ladder of highschool differed far too much for them to have a real chance or at least that’s what he had been conditioned to think.

Truth be told, Jaemin couldn't even think of talking to him without the feeling that he would puke his guts all over. Jeno made him so nervous.

 

Despite this,he leaned forward on his table,resting his head on his arm and continued to stare. To anyone else ,he might as well have looked like he was daydreaming with that lovesick look etched on his face.

Before he could even process what he had done, Jaemin leaned far too much and knocked his things off of the table.

 

The entire classroom almost fell into a dead hush at the abrupt interruption making Jaemin their centre of scrutiny,which made him uncomfortable.

He slowly bent down trying to pick up the books whilst trying to be noiseless at the same time. He hated every second of this mess,that is,until Jeno came over to help.

At that point,Jaemin couldn't care less about everyone else - it was his dream from every other movie come alive.

 

He quickly whispered a thank you to Jeno who in reply just flashed that smile of his,leaving Jaemin’s heart in a mess much more than that of his things.

 

 

Infatuation

or the time

when jaemin

fell for jeno

so hard

 

Jaemin didn't even think it was remotely possible but he fell even harder for Jeno after that incident in the classroom.

He hadn't expected for anyone to even come forward and help - it's like Jeno was an immediate shield to him which helped him escape any of the teasing Jaemin would face later.

Nobody had ever been so sweet to him and it meant so much to Jaemin that he was determined to help Jeno in any possible way ever.

It came easy to him given how Jaemin could almost think of a hundred compliments for Jeno on the spot but he didn't have the courage to even face Jeno.

That is,

until after the music club tryouts.

Jaemin had been watching the auditions,eagerly waiting for one boy.

When Jeno performed his composed song on the guitar,it was almost as if a firecracker burst inside Jaemin.

He couldn't believe how beautiful everything about him was.

Jeno looked truly at peace on the stage performing his song that Jaemin forgot his surroundings for a moment.

He just wanted to jump up and dance to the tune.

He would do it if it made Jeno happy.

Jaemin whispered continuously under his breath,”Pick him”

 

-----

Jaemin was in a mad frenzy trying to find Jeno. He hadn't been picked and it was almost as if Jaemin's own heart had been broken. He couldn't bear to see Jeno sad just as he had been during the tryouts.

He didn't care that Jeno might be surrounded by his friends.

It didn't matter to him.

He just wanted to check up on Jeno. He just wanted his sunshine to be happy.

 

Like the whipped fool that he was, he was carrying an ice-cream in his hands. Despite the fact that it was melting quickly under the sun and the cream was making his fingers sticky,he didn't care.

When Jaemin finally found Jeno in a secluded portion of the school garden,he could breathe again.

Jeno was here.

Jeno was okay.

That's all that mattered.

Jeno didn't even notice Jaemin until after he sat down beside him when Jaemin wordlessly ed the melted ice-cream into Jeno’s hand.

 

Jaemin tried to pick up the tiny bit of courage he felt before, to comfort Jeno the best he could.

 

“I saw your audition. You were great on stage.” He whispered, trying not to stutter.

 

“I can't hear you”, Jeno whispered back.

 

What came out next from Jaemin could only be interpreted as a long string of incoherent words.

Somehow,Jeno understood him.

 

“Thank you,I suppose,however,in the end,it wasn't enough”, Jeno answered,tracing his hand on the tree bark.

 

“ I am sorry. I wish I could say something else that would help but I am not good at this.I just want you to know that you were great. You read were. You shine on stage. It's okay if you didn't get in this time,perhaps next time”

 

Jaemin added as an afterthought, “I can help you?”

 

Jeno smiled. If only by a little.

“Thank you. At least someone out there likes what I presented. If I made at least one person happy with my song,it's okay. It's alright. There's always next time”

 

“Or maybe we can try out this time. The tryouts for duos are still open and I don't know if you want a partner but I can play the piano kinda we can do a cover together ; it isn't the best solution there is but we can try. It's okay if you don't want to really -” Jaemin whispered in a frenzy

 

Jeno laughed.

He laughed.

Jaemin couldn't believe he made Jeno laugh.

 

“ I really wanted to get into the music club.It was the reason I chose to go to this school.

And after today, I felt like it was all for naught.All those years of practice leading up to that moment failed me.I failed myself. I always had an inkling - I am not great at anything really but I thought if I pushed hard enough,maybe I can get in. I didn't plan on a solo initially - I wanted a group to cover up my flaws but my friends aren't musically inclined and I was too shy to ask anyone else for a group performance. So I thought maybe there's a chance I can get in now. On my own. But thank you so much.This offer for a duo? I almost feel like there's hope again. Thank you”

 

Jaemin’s heart broke for the second time today. He was at a loss of words and was trying to think of anyway possible that he could tell Jeno of how much he loved his performance.

 

Jeno was the first one to break the silence.

“ Sorry,that was too much, right? I didn't mean to but it was like word vomit it just poured out.”

 

“No no no,it's okay. I am happy that you told me. I mean,I am happy that you could confide in me. Not that I didn't think your performance is great because it was great. Like amazing. I wish I could show you the performance through my eyes “, Jaemin stumbled over his words, frantically waving his arms around.

 

Jeno laughed.

Again.

Jaemin couldn't help but laugh along. He felt as if he was as light as a feather and would blow away now - that's how happy he was.

 

“Can we start practicing today? Like after school. We will go over to your house,okay?”, Jeno looked at Jaemin,hoping he would say yes.

 

Jaemin nodded,his heart beating far too fast for him to speak.

 

“ Thank you . I'll see you after school,then?” Jeno got up,wiping away the melted cream from his uniform.

 

Jeno smiled at the sun,seemingly lost in his own thoughts while Jaemin,who was still sitting, felt his mind in a frenzy until he concluded,

 

he liked Jeno so much.

 

Dating

or the time

when jaemin was

dating jeno long before

he even knew it

 

Despite what everyone thought, none of them had ever asked each other out.

Jaemin didn't know what to name his relationship with Jeno. He didn't know what Jeno felt for him so he always figured they were best friends but based on the whispers at school, apparently they were dating?

 

Jaemin always figured he would be the type of person to throw a big romantic gesture to ask Jeno out but Jeno had never really said that he liked Jaemin.

 

Were they dating? It seemed like it. Almost.

It went from music practices in Jaemin’s garage and eating together to Saturday night dates and Sundays spent at Jaemin’s place.

 

Jaemin desperately wanted to give their relationship a name, preferably a couple, but he didn't even know what Jeno wanted and he was much too shy to ask.

 

“Nana!”, A shrill voice from across the garage broke him out of his trance.

 

Jaemin instantly smiled at the mention of his nickname. His first ever nickname and his favorite one too. Jeno kept it for him the day of the music club tryouts and he instantly liked it.

 

“Yes,Nono?” Jaemin laughed as he watched Jeno run over to him, a bounce in his step and smiling so bright it could light up a thousand suns.

 

“Lame. Why do you insist on call me nono? It doesn't even make sense” Jeno pouted,playing around.

 

“Anywho, I wrote a new song - do you want to hear it? Maybe,if you like it, I can submit it to the club director to see if they like it?”

 

“I will most probably like it ; I like everything you do”, Jaemin shook his head,smiling.

 

The first few verses of the song instantly gave away that it was a love song. Jaemin liked it immediately - the chords accompanying the lyrics were soft and melodic - he lost himself in the lyrics of the song.

 

Just as it always was,of course, Jeno’s voice turned Jaemin to absolute mush on the inside. But today was different.

He started to tear up.

This song was coming directly from Jeno and Jaemin wished to be his inspiration. It meant so much to Jaemin but he knew Jeno couldn't like him. Had he liked him, he would have known, right?

 

-

Once Jeno was done with the song,the chorus still rang clearly in the room.

 

                    “nono loves his nana”

Jaemin blinked a several times,still reeling from the shock of the words.

 

Jeno was staring earnestly at him, “Nono does love his nana”

 

He couldn't even believe it.

Do people you like actually like you back? He didn’t think so yet here he was being confessed to .

 

“I - I mean, Nana loves his nono too. Always has.” He whispered quietly.

 

Jeno’s entire self seemed to shine,”I really don't like nono - you're lucky I love you”

 

Jaemin smiled. He shyly held Jeno’s hand and whispered a thank you.

 

“Na Jaemin,thank you for coming into my life. You gave me hope.”Jeno said softly,pressing his lips against Jaemin’s forehead.

 

Love

or the time

when jaemin

had everything he

ever wanted

because of jeno

 

It came easily to Jaemin - the love,that is. The world faded out in monochrome when he was with Jeno. He was young,yes,but he knew that Jeno was the one he wanted by his side for the rest of the days that he’d live.

 

Jaemin knew he would never feel this way with anyone else ever again. The way Jeno’s eyes beamed when he was with Jaemin,the way their hands fit perfectly with each other, the way they moved in perfect symphony - it all clicked in.

 

They were lying side by side on Jeno’s bed, cuddled amongst each other and many blankets when Jaemin turned to face Jeno,”I know we're young but this is the one thing I am sure of - I want to spend the rest of my remaining days in love with you,Lee Jeno”

 

A smile slowly found its way on to Jeno’s face - much like the smile that first caused Jaemin to fall for Jeno,”I know.I want the same for us.”

 

                          [the end]