Chen feel his cheeks wet. He bring his hands up to his cheek and looking down while touching it, ‘Why am I tearing up? What is this feeling? Why I feel so bump and empty? Why?’  He never feel so lost.

It’s have been four month after he got discharged from the hospital and resting at home. There is an accident that caused him hospitalized for almost three month. It’s happened when Xiumin’s brother which  what people said is his boyfriend got kidnapped, and he goes for the rescue. Being reckless he is, he doesn’t listen to his little brother, Sehun.

He barely remembered what happened. Sehun told him that Sehun arrived with the cops by the time he was falling down after being attacked from the back. Got hit hard wih the wood chair cause him to laying down on the floor and bleeding pretty badly.

After a few day he woke up from his coma, a figure came barging into his room and hugged him. He don’t know who he is. He was crying on his chest and hugging tightly. “You idiot! Why you risk yourself like this!? You  could be killed! You stupid dino!” The male is hitting his chest gently. Chen looked down at the male with confused faced, “I’m sorry but... who are you?” The male pulled away in shocked, “ I- I’m Junmyeon! Suho! Your boyfriend! You didn’t recognize me!?” Suho hold Chen’s arm and shook him a bit violently causing Chen making uncomfortably expression.

Sehun saw his expression, he quickly goes to Suho and grab his wrist to stop him, “Come with me.” Suho about to protess but when he saw how serious is Sehun’s face is, he just obeyed and walk with him. Glancing shortly at Chen who no longer looking at his direction, he stare blankly out of the window. Suho cant help it but to feel so hurt inside of him when Sehun slowly closed the door and Chen still didnt looked at him.

“Hyung. I’m sorry. I should tell you over the phone first.” Sehun look at Suho with unreadable expression. Suho hold on Sehun’s shoulder, “Tell me what!? Tell me Sehun!” Sehun bit his lower lips slightly before he decide to tell, “ Chennie hyung...... he lost some of his memories. He couldn’t remember things. Even me he remember faintly.’ Suho couldn’t believe what he just heard.

Suho slowly fall down, sit on the floor weakly, “He doesn’t remember anything?” He whispered. Sehun crouched down and hugs Suho tightly, “He got hit pretty bad. Please be strong hyung.” Sehun tighten his hug around Suho. He knows its hard for him to accept the truth especially, they supposed to be married in three month.

Sehun bring Suho to see the doctor to ask if there is anything they can do. Dr. Kangjoon sighed as he lean to his chair, “ Joon hyung. Please help us.” Kangjoon was Sehun’s senior in his college and have been the Kim family’s doctor after his father.  Kangjoon pinched his nose bridged gently, “You see. This memory loss could be temporary but I cant confirm for how long. You can try to help him remember by giving him smell a familiar scent, pictures, music or anything. But I can’t say it will worked on him. It’s depend.” Sehun nodded as Suho already lost in his mind.

After Chen finally got discharged from the hospital, he have been resting at home with Kangjoon’s help who is coming by every weeks to check upon him. Suho however didn’t gives up at all. He coming by everyday, after his work but sometimes didn’t go to work at all.  None of his work is working. Chen always ended up screaming while holding his head when Suho try to make him remember.

After two weeks, Suho have been banned from coming to Kim’s resident, Sehun couldn’t do anything when their big brother get involved, Lay. When Chen seems to be recovered, he allowed to go to work but under Sehun’s supervision. Luckily he also working under the same company with Chen since their parents are partners with the Kim. Sehun saw Suho. He seems not in good shaped, “Hyung? Are you okay? Have you eat and rest well?” Suho smiled and nodded, “I did! Don’t worry! I wanna see Chennie.. Can I?” Sehun who still worried with Suho’s condition, he nodded softly. Suho never give up, he tried again and again but this time ain’t pushing like before.

Until one day, “Chennie! Wait!” Suho running chasing Chen who walking fast to get away from him. “Go away! Stop pushing me! And stop trying to make me remember things I can’t remember!” Chen slap Suho’s hands away when Suho grab his hand.

Suho feel his heart crumped, he just bit his lower lips slightly, trying to hold his tears. “If you can’t remember, then let’s restart again! I am more than willing to wait! Please!” He try to hold Chen’s hand once again and of course Chen slapped it away again a bit harder this time, “No! I don’t like you! Stay away from my life!” Without checking either there is cars or not, Chennie crossing the road with anger. He too angry that he couldn’t hear a thing except someone pushing him forward  causing him to fall down on the street and Sehun’s voice shouting faintly. He groaned when he tried to wake up, he turned and he saw Suho’s body a few meters from him, bleeding. He quickly rose up and runs to him.

Ignoring the pain on his knees, palms and elbow, he crouched next to Suho panickily and shortly Sehun is crouched in front of Chennie while calling for the ambulance. “O Oi!” He put Suho’s head on his thigh as he try to wake him up, “Oi! Ya! Kim Junmyeon! Wake up!” After a few shook on Suho’s body, Suho slowly opened his eyes and looked at Chen, he smiled weakly as he tried to reach up and touch Chen’s cheek. Chen saw Suho’s lips moving a bit, like he try to say something. He hold Suho’s hands which touched his cheek before while leans down, leaning his ear to Suho’s lips and heard faintly, “Kim Jongdae. I love you and I am sorry.” By that, Suho’s hands falls down from Chen’s grip to the ground.

Chen feel his cheeks wet. He bring his hands up to his cheek and looking down while touching it, ‘Why am I tearing up? What is this feeling? Why I feel so bump and empty? Why?’  He never feel so lost. The fragment of his old memories slowly become clear, Chen hugging Suho’s lifeless body tightly as he crying out loud, “No! No! Kim Junmyeon! Come back! Please! I’m sorry! Please come back! Don’t leave me! NO!!!!!!” Sehun hugs Chen and Suho’s body tightly as he started to cried too.

Until now, Chen still can’t forgive himself and every night he cried himself to sleep with Suho’s letter in his arms. How he wish he could turned back time and tried  and let Suho help him to remember again who Kim Junmyeon in his life and how important Suho in his life. 'How I wished.. but it’s too late.'