Hello, sorry it took so long. I've been consumed with work.

I also didn't proofread, yet. This is the time I will use my "English is not my first language" card. As usual, don't expect much and you won't be disappointed, hopefully.

Seulgi would always remember the first time they went to a radio show after Irene and Bogum were announced to be a couple. For any fans or outsiders, the atmosphere was light and full of teasing. The DJ never let anyone forgot throughout the one hour show that BoRene was official and their interviews would always bring them back to the topic.

She remembered what everyone did that day. Yeri was whining on how she should get a boyfriend too while all of her unnies chastised her and reminded her that she was too young. Irene was blushing and got shy whenever Bogum’s name was mentioned and she listened attentively to what everyone had to say about her relationship. Joy was revealing stories after stories on what she knew about the new couple a a horrified Irene tried to stop Joy a few times from telling too much.

Seulgi was really thankful for Joy though, because Joy’s carefree nature saved her and Wendy from having to contribute too much on the topic. Wendy was mostly smiling and laughing but all Seulgi could see was how the happiness did not really reach her eyes. She herself could only laugh and just added a remark here and there as the members spoke since she was too concerned over Wendy.

Seulgi almost murdered the DJ when the older woman suddenly turned the spotlight to Wendy.

“Wendy ssi! How do you feel now that your leader is dating? Any juicy gossips to share with us?”

Wendy hesitated a few seconds before she laughed and sit a little straighter while adjusting her headphones.

“First of all, I’m really glad that unnie has found someone to love and be loved. Bogum oppa is really nice and respectful to all of us so I can see how well he will treat unnie…”

Wendy’s voice trailed off and Seulgi knew why, she could hear the sob that was threatening to come out as Wendy pronounced the word unnie. It was subtle, but it was dangerous so she shot her hand in the air to turn everyone’s attention on herself.

“Ah! I have a story to tell!”

She could hear Irene groaned, feeling betrayed over Seulgi’s volunteerism as she grumbled on how Seulgi and Wendy were the ones she trusted most to not spill any beans. The maknaes were giddy with joy as they leaned closer to the table, eager to know about the story Seulgi was going to talk about. The DJ was clapping and laughing while encouraging her to speak.

But Seulgi could only focus on Wendy who was ducking her head and pretending that dust had gotten in her eyes as she wiped them quietly.

“Ah…Bogum oppa went to our Red Room concert in secret! He even recruited his friends to help him to get the tickets because he was too shy to ask from Irene unnie, isn’t that cute?”

“Unnie, this isn’t new information. Joy unnie spoke about this just now.”

“Yeah, why aren’t you paying attention, Seulgom unnie?”

Now the attention was on Seulgi’s blunder and everyone was laughing at how airheaded Seulgi could be at times and discussed about that as their new topic. Seulgi was relieved with this change of topic as Wendy could now participate in the conversation too, and her same aged friend really did. She did not mind being the topic of jest as long as Wendy could feel more comfortable.

When a song was played and their voices could no longer be heard beyond the studio, Seulgi apologized to everyone.

“I’m sorry, I guessed I was spacing out when Joy mentioned about Bogum oppa being at Red Room.”

“It’s fine, Seulgi.”

‘No, it was not fine at all,’ Seulgi thought as she glanced at Wendy who was playing with her own fingers.

*

Seulgi struggled to punch the code to their dorm with all the paper bags she was carrying in her hands. It was not groceries day but she still went ahead and bought some, along with some art supplies and other items she knew she would regret buying but did anyway. She just needed time off from the home that felt more and more suffocating each day.

As she was about to punch the last of the number, the door was opened by giggling Irene and Seulgi blinked as she watched Irene talking on the phone with one hand at the doorknob. When Irene realized of her existence, she quickly ended the call and helped Seulgi with some of the paper bags. Seulgi groaned a quick ‘thanks’ and kicked the door to close it shut before they walked together to the kitchen to sort out the things Seulgi had bought.

“I thought we don’t need to buy anything for a while,” Irene quipped, amused as she took the groceries ranging from cans of SPAM to fresh vegetables and sorted them out.

Seulgi just shrugged, knowing the older girl had a point. She helped Irene out before a thought crossed her mind.

“Oh! Why were you at the door, unnie? I didn’t ring the doorbell on purpose since I thought all of you were resting.”

Irene’s jaw dropped as she was reminded of the reason why she was about to go out in the first place.

“Oh no! I was supposed to follow the maknaes to the karaoke place and between answering Bogum’s call and seeing you, I forgot!”

Irene was about to bolt out of the kitchen when she backtracked and looked at Seulgi with one tilted eyebrow cutely.

“Do you want to come with us Sseul?”

Seulgi just smiled and shook her head.

“No, I’m a bit tired. I’ll just rest.”

Irene sighed, she expected that reaction. Suddenly she stood up straight and spoke seriously while looking at Seulgi.

“If that’s the case…can you look after Seungwan? She seems a bit…unwell these days. She won’t tell me what’s wrong but I think she’ll tell you. You can do that right?”

Seulgi wanted to laugh and scream at Irene’s obliviousness. How could she not see the reason why Wendy had been so gloomy, unlike her usual self lately? But she bit her lip and nodded; it would be best to get Irene out of the house as soon as possible before she attend to Wendy.

She continued to put away the groceries after she heard the front door was closed and when she was done, she carried her art supplies to the room she shared with Wendy. She knocked at the door and heard a muffled ‘Come in’ before she twisted the doorknob open.

Seulgi was greeted with the sight of Wendy who had tied her hair up in a messy bun and wearing an oversized shirt with really short shorts. An earphone was plugged in her ear while the partner was left dangling mid-air as she put her phone to the side and greeted Seulgi with a smile.

A familiar twist and ache in Seulgi’s stomach resurfaced as she returned Wendy’s smile with one of her own and placed the art supplies on her own bed before she jumped on Wendy’s bed and snuggled against the girl. Wendy shrieked as Seulgi’s cold frame hugged her and laughed when Seulgi hid her cold face at the crook between her shoulder and neck.

“Seulgi! You’re cold!”

“I know, that’s why I’m warming myself up like this.”

She smiled and felt Wendy shuddered as the other girl felt the side of Seulgi’s smile being pressed upon her shoulder blade.

“Seungwannie?”

“Hurm?”

Wendy hummed an answer as she took off the remaining plugged earphone and wrapped her arms around Seulgi, trying to warm up her cold friend.

“Do you still love Joohyun unnie?”

Wendy’s grip around Seulgi loosened and she was about to retract her arms when Seulgi pulled them back to place and murmured softly, “No, please stay.”

Somehow Wendy could hear the slight desperation behind the taller girl’s soft voice and she complied. She did not answer Seulgi’s question immediately and for a few moments, only silence filled between them. Wendy knew the answer for that but she was too afraid to say it out loud, for fear of breaking what Irene had and for fear of failing to contain her own feelings and be judged over them.

But this was Seulgi. Her soulmate, her other half, her best friend. They had shared so much together and Seulgi never hesitated to speak of her pain to Wendy before, so why should Wendy be scared? She wanted to nod her head but she did not want to make Seulgi, who was still resting her head on Wendy’s shoulder uncomfortable so she whispered her answer instead.

“I think I do.”

This answer was not a surprise for Seulgi but she felt a quiet pain silently crept in and gripped her heart anyway. She was used to pain, this was not much.

“But,” Wendy added quickly, “I’ll get over it soon. I’ve had tonnes of crushes before Joohyun unnie, so what’s another one, right?”

‘Wrong. None of them had ever looked at you like you have stars in your smile the way Joohyun unnie did.’

But Seulgi swallowed the words that were at the tip of her tongue and Wendy let out a half laugh, trying to cover up her own pain as Seulgi raised her head and hugged Wendy instead. This time, she was the one holding Wendy upright as Wendy placed her head on Seulgi’s chest and sobbed.

“I’m going to be fine, right Seulgi? This was temporary right?”

Wendy clutched at Seulgi’s button-down tightly, as if Seulgi was her lifeline, and she was drowning.

“I’ll eventually accept and support Joohyun unnie’s relationship with Park Bogum right?”

“Of course you will. You are the head of Joohyun unnie’s fans, you’ll never let her down.”

Seulgi tightened her hug on Wendy, wishing that she could take all of Wendy’s pain even if she had to bear them on top of her own.

Wishing that the girl she loved was not so broken because of the girl she loved.

‘And I’m your biggest supporter, Wan ah. I won’t let you down. I promise.’

*

Irene was very attentive to details, at least she would like to think so. She was feeling restless at the karaoke room right now as she felt she had missed something really important. She kept trying to recall what it was.

Was it something with the radio show they did today? No, the manager said it was fine to for them to talk about her and Bogum since they were known as the Korea ‘it’ couple after the news broke a week ago. Or did it have something to do with her boyfriend? It could not be so. Bogum had a filming right now and he had called her just now as she bumped into Seulgi to say goodbye for the night. Probably she was worried about Wendy? The girl had not been as cheery as she was these days and Irene suspected she knew the reason why, but she was not ready to confront the younger girl about both of their feelings yet. Not now, when everything was going so well with her boyfriend, her family, the management and fans.

Irene knew Wendy was not the reason why she was restless. She grabbed her glass of juice from the table and sipped her drink as she watched the maknaes danced and sang together, her brows furrowed in thought. As she tasted the orange juice in her tongue, she smiled as she was reminded of Wendy’s character in their Red Flavor comeback.

All of a sudden a realization hit her.

She got reminded of a tangerine scent that was with her a few hours ago, remembered peering into paper bags to look at the content. She recalled seeing Toblerones that Wendy was absolutely weak for and seeing replenished baking supplies. She remembered seeing a shade of blue among new art supplies that she knew Wendy really adored. She traced back her memory to hint of nervous smile and eyes avoiding hers.

It all came to Joohyun at once.

There was one glances too many that she noticed at the radio show but she dismissed as herself being too sensitive. Touches of reassurance that were given in the car on their way home after the show; thankful smiles being exchanged in the midst of commotion and she remembered Seulgi walking out of her shared room with Wendy, mumbling about having to go out and buy something and Wendy was in the bathroom, showering. There was a slight blush present on Seulgi’s cheek that Irene could recall so vividly now.

Irene gripped her glass.

She could not breathe.

Abruptly, she stood up and grabbed her phone, startling the maknaes in the process. Joy and Yeri stopped singing and Joy muted the audio of the karaoke machine, concerned over their oldest unnie frantic movement.

“Joohyun unnie, is everything okay?”

Yeri’s voice was soft, so unlike her usual playful self; she could see how unravelled Irene was at the moment.

“I…I’m sorry. I have to go home now. I need to check on something. Play nice okay kids? I’ll pay everything on my way out.”

She dashed out of the room, leaving her younger sisters behind. None of them spoke anything after Joohyun left and Yeri turned to Joy, as she always did when she was lost.

“Sooyoung unnie…do you think she has realized why Seulgi unnie acts strange these days?”

The sadness in Joy’s eyes and voice were unbidden as she looked at Yeri.

“I think so, Yerim. I believe she has.”

*

Irene was competitive, but she think she broke her own personal record as she got out of the manager’s car and rushed to her shared dorm with the members, one she had gotten comfortable enough to call as her home. Her foot tapped with unease in the elevator and her whole demeanour was jumpy. When she heard a sound indicating she had arrived at her floor, she ran out and quickly punched in the code at their front door. A hundred different thoughts ran through her mind at once but fear was her main emotion at the moment.

Irene was terrified out of her mind.

As soon as the door was opened, she barged in the house and stopped in front of the 94-liners’ room. Her hand trembled as she was about to knock the door but in the last minute, she changed her mind and latched on the doorknob before pushing the door open.

The sight that greeted her almost made her vision turned red from anger.

Wendy and Seulgi were both dozing off with the backs propped against their bed’s headboard. Seulgi’s arm were wrapped around Wendy’s waist tightly and Wendy looked serene as she rested her head on Seulgi’s shoulder. Meanwhile, Seulgi placed her head on Wendy’s as support and Irene absolutely hated how they depended on each other even when they were sleeping.

Granted, they had always depended on each other. As the years added up since their debut, the closer both of them got and Irene found out that both went to her less and less as the years grew, especially after both of them roomed together. Wendy used to annoy Irene with her endless questions about the things she was uncertain about (and there was a lot) and Seulgi would be teasing her at every chance she got. Now, she did not even remember how long had it been since she had one playful day with either of them.

Wendy was always looking at her with a sad smile plastered on her face and Irene could not bear the pain she felt in her own heart whenever that happened so she just avoided the younger girl.

And there was Seulgi, who avoided Irene suddenly and subtly that the leader almost did not realize it but now she understood the reason behind her avoidance; suddenly the hurt flashing behind Seulgi’s eyes that she detected before became more prominent.

Seulgi was in love with Wendy, who was in love with her.

Irene definitely had a problem with that because…she loved Wendy too.

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind from her thoughts and hoped she could chase away her anger in the process. Softly, she called out for Wendy.

“Seungwan. Son Seungwan.”

She watched as Wendy slowly stirred from her sleep, waking Seulgi up in the process. Both of them jumped apart from each other as they noticed Irene was at the front door.

“Unnie! I thought you went to the karaoke with Joy and Yeri!”

Irene could hear how nervous Wendy’s voice was and she hated it; she hated how Wendy felt like she was caught red-handed in the middle of an affair. Irene shifted her look to Seulgi and she noticed how the other girl just stared at her blankly, perfectly putting on a poker face she had worn for so long.

“I decide to come back early since you didn’t look too well. Come here, Wan ah. Sleep in my room tonight and I’ll take care of you.”

Wendy hesitated and turned around to watch Seulgi. Seulgi just gave nodded and gave Wendy a small smile. The silent permission seemed to relieve Wendy as she grabbed hold of one of her pillows and walked out of the room to the leader’s room. Seulgi was about to go back to sleep as Irene stepped in the room and closed the door. Seulgi immediately jolted up and in a voice thick of sleep, she voiced out a confused, “Unnie?”

“Stay away from Seungwan, Seulgi.”

Seulgi’s face hardened as she heard Irene’s words. The sleepiness she felt abruptly disappeared as she stood up and walked over to where Irene was standing. She stood straight in front of Irene but Irene seemed unfazed at all by Seulgi’s height advantage.

“She’s my member and roommate, why should I stay away from here? Besides, we are the only two people who have the same age in the group. It’s normal for us to be close, no?”

“Not when you have feelings for her that friends shouldn’t have.”

Seulgi’s calm expression turned shocked by Irene’s declaration but she chuckled almost immediately after she recovered from the shock.

“So that’s why? Because I like Seungwan a little too much? Why can’t I like her, unnie? She’s a big girl now, she should be able to think and make her own decisions herself. Why are you still trying to protect her? Or…are you trying to protect yourself?”

“I don’t want any discord within the group if anything happens between you.”

Seulgi ran her fingers through her hair in frustration at Irene’s words.

“Will anything happen between me and Seungwan when she obviously likes you?”

This time, it was Irene’s turn to be taken aback but she quickly recovered and put on her calm appearance again.

“I’m glad you’re aware of that. All the more reason you should stay away from her.”

“SHE’S HURT, UNNIE! Why can’t you see that? Why do you have to be so selfish?”

Seulgi raised her voice and pointed her index finger at Irene’s chest, trying to drum her point across. Irene who had been holding back her anger since she first stepped in the room could not handle the change of tone well and she exploded as well.

“I’m not selfish! I love her as well and she knows it! But I have to sacrifice for the sake of our group! It’s not easy for me as well, Kang Seulgi.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s hard for you to pretend to date a tall, handsome, kind and charming young man who is very obviously into you, geez. Whoever would want to be in your position?”

“Don’t be rude, I’m still your unnie.”

“And I’m losing my respect to you. You claim you love Seungwan, shouldn’t you be making sacrifice for her sake instead?”

“Love is not like fairytales!”

“FOR YOU! FOR YOU IT ISN’T! But I’m willing to give everything I have and more if I can if only I can make Seungwan happy! If she loves me, I’ll make her fairytales come true and not be a coward like you!”

Irene was about to shout something back when the door behind her swung open, almost hitting her if not for Seulgi’s fast reflex to pull her aside. Then they both froze, thinking it was Wendy but Joy and Yeri stepped in, panting as if they had been running.

“We…heard…raised voices.”

Joy spoke in between her panting and Yeri just nodded in agreement, too tired to even speak. Seulgi stared at the both of them, her hardened expression softened.

“It’s nothing, Sooyoung. Joohyun unnie is going to leave my room now.”

Joy nodded and tugged Irene’s hand, trying to drag her out of the room but Irene turned around at pointed angrily at Seulgi’s face.

“Stay away from Seungwan. Don’t meddle in our business.”

This time, Joy grabbed hold of Irene’s arm and pulled the oldest girl out of the room while Yeri stayed in Seulgi and Wendy’s room and closed the door as she watched her Joy unnie dragging her Irene unnie away. She looked at Seulgi and saw that the girl was sitting at the edge of her bed that was pushed together with Wendy’s bed a while back; Seulgi’s face was buried between her palms.

Yeri carefully approached Seulgi. She had seen Seulgi cried a few times. All of them had seen each other cried at some points but it scared Yeri to see Seulgi like this. Seulgi was a noisy crier, she did not usually hide her tears but this time, as she raised her head when she realized Yeri was there, Yeri did not see one drop of tears from Seulgi’s eyes. Instead, a hollow stare greeted her.

“Yerim ah. You’re still here? I thought you’re going together with Joy.”

Yeri sat beside Seulgi and leaned over to her unnie carefully.

“We decided on our way home just now that if something like this happened, we should separate the both of you.”

“Ah. I see.”

Seulgi nodded blankly and it hurt Yeri to see how the person she depended on became this broken. Her older sisters’ relationships were tearing all of them from the insides but Yeri could not blame them. She was not new to love; she knew how hard it was for someone to control themselves when they were in love so she was just prepared to be there for the damage control.

“Yerimmie. Why is loving someone so tiring…? I’m tired.”

Seulgi suddenly raised both of her legs and curled on her bed. Yeri could not answer the question and it seemed as if Seulgi was not really wishing for an answer anyway. The younger girl heard a sob breaking the silence in the room and as she scooted closer to Seulgi, she could feel the tremble from the girl’s body. Yeri tried her best to hug the Seulgi’s figure and she hummed a lullaby that she hoped would chase away Seulgi’s fears.

Tonight would be a long night.

*

Wendy woke up to whimpers of her name. She sat up instantly and realized she was in Irene’s room. The room was dark and the only source of light came from the gaps between the curtains and through it, Wendy could make out Irene’s silhouette.

Under the soft light, Irene looked even more beautiful for Wendy. Her pale face shone in the dark and her raven hair seemed to shine as it reflected the light. Just then, Irene whimpered again and Wendy realized why she was awake.

“Wan…sorry…stay.”

Wendy winced as she heard Irene’s words. She the older girl’s hair lightly and that seemed to work in calming Irene down as her breathing deepened and became softer. Wendy took the opportunity to stare at Irene’s face and just think.

She knew how Irene truly felt about her and she was not exactly shy either in expressing her feelings towards her group’s leader. They had been dancing around their feelings for years and while neither of them made the first move, their feelings were clear in their actions.

That was why Wendy felt betrayed when Irene came home one day and announced that she was dating Park Bogum.

Even worse when the news was announced to the public.

“Urgh.”

Wendy ruffled her bangs in frustration. Irene had treated her like she always did before the news came out but Wendy had tried her best to avoid the older girl. It hurt to see Irene’s smiles and laughter and it hurt when she felt Irene’s touch. She tried her best to be indifferent but it was hard to fake her smiles when in every schedule they had, she would be drilled about BoRene over and over again. It was exhausting and took toll on her in so many ways.

Even now, with Irene beside her, she felt a huge wall between them. She could guess the reason why Irene agreed to date Bogum, but it still did not make things easy for her. Irene had always wanted to protect her but why could she not see that Wendy could protect herself too?

Her head hung low as she fell deeper into despair with the one name that kept on repeating in her mind. Wendy shook her head and stood up, tried to walk to the door with her wobbly steps. She thought of getting a drink before she headed back to bed but as she walked past her shared room with Seulgi, she stopped and entered the room cautiously.

What greeted her was the sight of Yeri cuddling over Seulgi, and a smile unknowingly made way to her face as she saw the adorable sight in front of her. It was weird though, since Yeri would never leave Joy alone in their room unless if they had a fight. Even then, she would usually sleep at the couch rather than barging into the unnies’ room. Wendy tiptoed her way to the bed and grabbed a huge comforter to cover them both when she noticed dried tearstains on Seulgi’s cheeks.

She crouched carefully beside Seulgi and caressed her friend’s cheek tenderly. Now she could see why Yeri would choose to sleep with her. The question was, what happened?

*

Wendy walked out of her room, her mind was buzzing with thoughts. She wondered why Seulgi cried and when, since her same aged friend seemed fine when they were fooling around before she fell asleep. And why did no one wake her up? She’s Seulgi’s best friend for god’s sake! They were all close but Seulgi never kept any secrets from her, so Wendy should be the best choice to comfort her, right?

As she mulled over these thoughts, a raspy voice broke her train of thoughts.

“Yerim? Is Seulgi unnie okay?”

Wendy trained her look at the couch and was met with a sleepy Joy who seemed surprised to see her.

“Seungwan unnie? I thought you’re sleeping in Joohyun unnie’s room just now?”

“I felt thirsty so I woke up. Sooyoung ah…”

Wendy walked over to where Joy was, making the younger girl nervous. She hugged her knees to her chest as Wendy took a seat beside her on the couch.

“Why are you sleeping here? Does it have something to do with why Seulgi cried?”

“How do you know Seulgi unnie cried?”

“I went in the room to check on her and I saw tearstains on her cheeks.”

“Ah…”

Joy nodded at this but she did not offer more explanations. Wendy poked Joy’s thigh in frustration.

“Well, are you going to tell me why?”

Joy just shrugged and gave Wendy one of her eyesmiles.

“Who knows? Probably she’s crying in her sleep?”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re sleeping here and Yeri is accompanying her in the room.”

Now Joy was amused. Wendy was really sharp, but why was it so hard for her to see Seulgi’s feelings?

Probably she chose to not see it, since all she could see was Irene.

“You can ask her tomorrow, unnie. How would I know? I’m not the one who’s sleeping in there with her. Goodnight unnie.”

Joy pulled a blanket over herself as she pushed Wendy using her feet to get in a comfortable sleeping position. Wendy just huffed and muttered a response to Joy’s goodnight wish as she stepped to kitchen to get her glass of drink.

She could barely sleep for the rest of the night. The image of Seulgi with tearstains on her cheeks occupied her mind fully and she almost forgot she was supposed to be worrying about her feelings over Irene Bae Joohyun.

*

The next morning, the tension in the air was so palpable that Joy wished she could use a knife to cut it and made it disappear. Alas, she was a mere human. She could only watch as her unnies shuffled around each other awkwardly.

Joy was the first one to wake up, so she became the front seat audience to the drama unfolding between her unnies. The first one to wake up among the three of them was Wendy, as usual. She walked out of Irene’s room with dishevelled bun and greeted Joy with a ‘Good morning’ before she headed to the kitchen and started preparing breakfast.

Joy scooted to the kitchen, wanting to help Wendy but she was dismissed easily.

“It’s okay Sooyoung. I got this. Just prepare the table for breakfast and clean up the couch you slept on last night, okay?”

Joy concurred and started doing what Wendy tasked her to do. They worked in silence for about 10 minutes when Irene came out of her room, eyes wandering around looking for Wendy. Joy watched as Irene’s gaze softened when she saw the back of their main vocalist flipping pancakes. Joy and Irene greeted each other as Irene walked over to the dining table and started to set it up, having small chat with Wendy.

It was not long before Yeri and Seulgi walked out of Wendy and Seulgi’s shared room. That was when the calm that settled between Joy, Wendy and Irene turned tense. Wendy greeted Seulgi cheerfully, though the tint of worry underneath her voice was obvious. Seulgi just replied with a nod, not sure if her voice would not break if she spoke while Irene just glared at Seulgi. Joy quickly called out for Seulgi to help her clean up the living room while Yeri settled to help Irene and Wendy in the kitchen, in hope to diffuse the awkward air.

It worked for about 10 minutes, before they all had to sit down around a same table and ate. They did not have a fixed place to sit but usually everyone just went to the same seat anyway, with Yeri sitting beside Joy, Seulgi with Wendy and Irene as the head of the table. This time, Irene sat at the place Seulgi usually sat with a stone cold face, daring anyone who wanted to challenge her to move.