The happy ending. idk what i wrote, honestly. bullted my way after 2k.

It took Zhangjing two days to make time for this stupid exhibit. Continuous pestering by Lu Dinghao and Zhu Zhengting and eventually his fans who's been tagging him, talking about a certain artwork they dubbed "The Shrine" in his social media eventually made him decide on going. What was the commotion all about? He doesn't understand but he sees that as at least making time for himself and appreciating good art.

Evan's 色 was on it's last day. He could've missed it.

色. That was the name of the exhibit but all the artworks were in grayscale- it was the opposite of everything. A few of them reminded him of a certain someone. Where could he be? Three years is a long time, how much have he changed? Is he still making art? Is he happy and doing alright?

He gets lost in his thoughts as each of the artworks he passes by reminds him of that person. The guide speaking beside him explaining things long forgotten as he recalls some things he thought he's already forgotten.

The day they met, the cherry blossoms falling from the trees. He was in a black tshirt, his dimples visible as he smiles and waves back at him.

"White" is a cherry blossom tree.

The first time they both spend their holiday together was in the carnival. He remembers the ferris wheel they rode on, he was afraid of heights yet Zhangjing holds his hand and tells him it's gonna be alright.

"Teal" was the ferris wheel. The exact one they rode on and the same one that holds many other memories of them. Does he also ride the ferris wheel when he misses him? Does he still miss him?

That cozy afternoon they spent kissing and whispering "I love you"s to each other as they watch the ceiling fan lazily turn. Conversation dying down into soft snores and waking up in each other's arms.

"Pink" was a ceiling fan. A weird piece, but it made him smile. It really did.

Photos in black and white fill one of the walls. From blurred portraits to sceneries, random objects and places that weirdly makes him feel so familiar. He knows he isn't supposed to but his hand still runs over them, touching them like they were his own memories that he is looking back at.

"Noir" was a huge wall only looked sad from afar, but was filled with adventures that Zhangjing wishes he could go to. Things that they promised to do together, or things they enjoyed. It felt happy, but a huge part of Zhangjing just thinks that it's missing something.

He wants to go and put colour on each and every one of the photographs. Perhaps that's what they all needed.

The last work before the last room was surprisingly not named after a colour, but as "Evan's Autumn". It was a figure of a man that seems like it's dissolving into the gray sunset.

It reminds him of their last conversation. Pleading whispers, teary eyes yet he never listened to him and left. Zhangjing tries his best not to think too much. This is all just a coincidence, right?

He had to sacrifice to be what he is now.

The last room was pretty strict. 
No taking of images.

The guide who's been explaining things to him leaves as soon as he enters the room, a man was standing, observing what looks like the biggest piece in the whole exhibit. It was him, all in a million different colours.

Lin Yanjun.

There were a few moments of silence before he decides to speak.

"It's beautiful."

The man turns around, far different from the same man in the black tshirt he met years ago.

"You like it?"

He knows it's gonna end up as one of those awkward small talks. They were ex-lovers after all.

"So this is the thing they've been telling me about, huh?"

Yanjun gives him a small smile and a nod. Zhangjing knows this is not gonna end up well.

They didn't end well anyways, who is he to expect more?

"I missed you. I see you've become so... Purple— so royal."

Zhangjing chuckles when he gestures at his coat. Purple. He missed the way Yanjun would compare him to all the colours he could think of.

"I came here straight after my concert. I didn't have time to change."

He hesitates to tell him that he misses him too.

"Oh, good for you, Mr. Yu Changchin."

More silence.

Yanjun's about to leave.

He holds on the taller's sleeve to stop him from his tracks.

"I missed you too. So much. I don't know where to start— I'm so sorry for leaving you I—"

Tears manage to escape his eyes, a warm hug envelops him as he breaks into a sob.

He can't let go of him.

"I know."

He will never let go of him.

"I'll never— I love you, okay?"

Zhangjing wants him to still feel the same way he did. Selfish, he knows.

Yanjun wipes the tears off his cheeks.

"I love you too. No matter how much I try to forget about you. I just— I can't. I love you, I still love you."

He still does.

He still does, but he pushes him away.

"... But I don't know, Zhangjing. Will we ever be the same again if we get back together?"

A disappointed 'oh' masked with a smile. Of course. Yanjun smiles back. Does he not see that his heart aches?

Either way, it was all his fault. He should have known that leaving Yanjun for the stage would make everything different. A year in mainland and two roaming the world. Zhangjing is a hit but why is it that he can't have both? Why can he only have one?

"I don't know either, Yanjun."

Truthfully, he didn't know either but he's willing to do anything.

He takes a deep breath,

"Let's take it slow, hm? I don’t want the both of us to feel like… you know,"

Zhangjing nods.

"We can wait." He will wait.

He won't let Yanjun go this time.

-

Their relationship is surprisingly good after that. They are able to joke around and send each other messages just like normal friends.

But of course, that doesn't change the fact that Lin Yanjun is...

"... Evan Lin." He watches Yanjun stand up from where he's kneeling at and turn around, mumbling a soft 'yes?'.

It was one of those days where he wasn't busy with schedules. He finds himself at Yanjun's house, days after that whole exhibit idea. Yanjun's little room full of paintings and sketches both finished and unfinished stored in the room. It was beautiful and he's thankful that he did listen to the people around him or he would have missed it.

He would have missed the chance of seeing him again.

That night they catch up to the last three years they missed. Yanjun talks about his life, how he travelled, how he drew, how he took images, how he met new people that both did and didn't make an impact on him. How he found success in his artworks, using Evan as his pseudonym.

Evanescent. Like the moment he left him on that autumn day, Yanjun can't forget it.

Zhangjing misses the time when he would snatch Yanjun's sketchbook and realize it's filled with sketches of him— his face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. Though they both agreed to be friends again, Zhangjing misses so many things they did together. So many things he used to do for Yanjun. Sometimes he forgets that despite knowing they still love each other, Yanjun isn't still his.

"You look so gray." It was his way of saying that he looks so sad. Zhangjing laughs, "Do I?"

"You do. Is there anything wrong?" Zhangjing doesn't know whether he's supposed to be honest about it or not. How would Yanjun react upon hearing him talk about how he feels at the moment— that he just... he wants to hold him the same way he used to hold Yanjun.

"You know... This and that. Just... You're not gonna laugh at me, right?" He squints his eyes at the taller. As always, he will give him one of his dimpled smiles, doing a zipping motion with his hand over his mouth.

"I promise."

"I'm just worried about tomorrow." He pouts. "You know. It's my first time performing in a foreign place. Tokyo Dome. Huge place."

It was the truth, yet he calls himself a liar. It's not what he wanted to tell him.

"Hm. Let's see what we can do about that." Yanjun's hand reaches for one of the paint tubes. He tries to stop it, but he was too late. He screeches loudly when paint touches his cheek. He decides to do the same, chasing after him as he runs away.

Just like the old times. Paint all over their shirts and faces, newspapers scattered around even if they knew it wouldn't really help them clean their mess up, a canvas filled with different colours, handprint over handprint, a poor attempt of Zhangjing drawing Yanjun with a crown on top of his head, riding a white horse beside Yanjun's little sketch of his side profile.

Time passed by too fast, Zhangjing knew he needs to leave soon.

"Yanjun?" He calls, the younger hums as he watches the older dry his hair. "Would you watch me the next time I perform here in Taipei?" He asks. A random question, but he definitely wanted to know his answer. He wanted to hear Yanjun tell him that he will.

"Of course." That was what he needed to hear. "Anytime, I will come running as fast as I can to get in front."

"That's not how ticketing works, Yanjun."

"Who said I'd need tickets?"

"And how are you supposed to watch me, then?"

"Aren't I watching you right now?"

". Performing! I meant singing! A concert!"

"Hearing your voice is like... already listening to a concert, Jing."

"... Shut up. That was a lame attempt, Mr. Lin."

He turns away as an attempt to hide his face. Blushing. He can't believe he's blushing. Lin Yanjun is the only one who's able to make his cheeks turn pink.

Zhangjing finds himself going to his house more and more often, wearing a huge white sweater and a mask that covers almost all of his face. Yanjun always welcomed him.
What was once just talking about random things in life became ranting about dramas over dinner, movies at 3 in the morning, reading books together, listening, thinking, writing.

Words sometimes don't make sense even when together, yet even if it didn't, Zhangjing wishes it'd be heard. A tune stuck in his mind that fits perfectly with each word, it makes a song.

It makes a song and despite the first verse being for himself, he knows that the rest of them are for him.

-

Yanjun is afraid of heights. It's one of the first things he discovered about Yanjun. How he shivered at the mention of riding roller coasters and Vikings and how he cried in fear the first time they rode the Ferris wheel.

He still is up till now.

He tries not to panic when he feels Yanjun bury his face on his shoulder the moment the Ferris wheel started moving.

"I'm scared." he hears Yanjun say. He hugs the younger, patting him lightly and whispering that it's okay while he silently hopes that the younger doesn't feel his heart beat abnormally fast.

"It's gonna be alright."

"Are we on top yet?" He hums and maybe he regrets it when Yanjun lifts his head up.

"The sky's all blue. It looks so... Calm."

"Yeah, and you surprisingly calmed down quick for someone who's afraid of heights."

"I'm alright when you're holding me. I know I won't fall."

"Oh yeah?"

"I kinda feel safe knowing we'd fall together if we do." He pauses, "Though that'd be kinda painful. I mean— this is a really high place. If we fall and die today I—"

"Yanjun," He frowns, "Say something stupid one more time and I'll let go of you—"

Yanjun just laughs. "Will you really just let me go?"

Zhangjing doesn't answer. How could he let him go?

"So, do you know why I brought you here?"

"I don't know, to do this? Uh... Make you suffer because you're scared of heights?"

"Nope, look at my side, 'Jing."

He turns and lets Yanjun encircle his arms around his chest, resting his chin on his shoulder and he tries his best to stay calm. They've been this close so many times before but why does it always feel like it's the first time? He tries his best to ignore the fact that Yanjun's cheek was barely a centimeter away — Their bodies barely a centimeter away from each other.

Blue, blue, blue like Yanjun said, be calm.

"And what exactly am I looking at, Yanjun?" 

"The lights are pretty, right?" He n