Jonghyun has had many great things happen to him in his life, along with a few others that he does not want to remember. But in between those he so hard tries to forget, there is one that he keeps in his heart, untouched by the need and desperation to vanish everything bad that might have happened at that time. He keeps that memory in his mind, protected and always cherished, folded neatly in the crevices of his mind.

There’s two, actually; but one led to another. It was a gift he did not deserve, but a gift that gave him a million more chances to love and love greatly.

2014 was the year he saw a picture of her for the first time, all blurry and grey-ish. He didn’t understand what was going on, but he soon did, and shock isn’t the correct word to explain what went through his entire body. He does remember the sudden need to smack a certain someone up in the head for being so insensitive as to just send him a picture through email with the words sam-chon.

That same year, just a few days before saying goodbye to 365 days of hardships and pain, he got the call. He remembers quite vividly how the annoyance he felt eight months earlier and the thought of being the cool uncle vanished once he saw her. Her little fist covered her face, but despite that he could clearly see the face of the new owner of his heart.

His best friend had asked if he wanted to hold her, and in Jonghyun’s mind, he was unworthy and quite a threat because he has never held something so new and tiny and fragile in his not so delicate arms.

“Are you crazy? I can’t hold her Taem.”

“Oh shut up, you. Take her.”

Jonghyun remembers the speed of his heart-beat and how he felt a little light-headed after forgetting how to breathe for a minute. She was in his arms, and it felt so strange to hold a life so young. He isn’t sure if she realized that she was no longer in her parent’s hold, but in a stranger’s arms. He isn’t sure if she heard him every time he sang to her, or every time she kicked his palm. He almost starts panicking when her tiny head moved to the side, but all worries were gone once she let out the cutest, smallest sneeze Jonghyun has ever heard. It took him all of his energy to not start crying on the spot; she was just so precious. He soon realized his attempts were futile, for a few tears did escape his eyelids. He couldn’t help it.

“Crybaby.”

“Shut up Minho.”

The days after that day stretched into long, lonely work days and nights, and Jonghyun found himself jittery with the anticipation of a text notification from his best friend. They always came, and along with a short greeting, it always came a picture of a princess. It often was her sleeping, or smiling a sleepy smile after being fed. Sometimes you could see two fingers poking her rosy cheeks and Jonghyun would always reply, annoyed, to stop bothering her while she naps.

“Leave her alone!”

“But look at her cheeks Jjong. Look.”

“Don’t bother her!!”

One day, Jonghyun woke up to a picture of the little baby with her eyes wide open for the first time. She had opened her eyes before, but never like this; it was never so big, never so attentive. He could really see whose eyes she took after; the shape and the color. And the magic they held, Jonghyun found himself enchanted by them, enamored by two little orbs that glowed so big and already told him that he was to do as she said. No exceptions.

“Sam-chon, tell daddy I have papa’s eyes.”

“She doesn’t.”

“I’ll block you.”

Jonghyun often found himself visiting them when he got bored and felt an urge to hear her blabbering on and on about things only Taemin and Minho seemed to understand. He was determined though, to master this new language, and that’s when his singing came back just for her. It did wonders, and his heart melted when her big eyes focused on his face as she listened to his voice carefully, a small, drool-y smile adorning her face. Not even her daddy or her papa could make her eyes drift away from his. So he took all his heart and put it in the song, so she could hear him and, hopefully, feel the love he felt for her, because it was a lot and he did not know how else to convey it.

She fell asleep on his arms for the first time, and Jonghyun had never felt peace so strong as this. And as his best friend pointed out that he was remembered, he had never felt a happiness so pure.

“She remembers.”

“What?”

“When you sang to her; she remembers it all.”

There were days that his best friend was tired, and rightfully so. As their princess grew, her energy did too, and it never depleted. Perhaps she didn’t get her papa’s eyes, but she indeed got his activeness. Jonghyun remembers when they were younger, little Taeminie was like a bouncy ball; always moving, always jumping around—and always when you thought it would stop bouncing, it jumped back to life and it was lost in some corner of the room. It was only fair Ms. Lee got her revenge personified in her granddaughter.

Days like those, Jonghyun remembers, they lazily hung out in the house, and more often than not, they all fell asleep on the couches or on the floor; wherever sleep decided to knock them out. But, often, sleep never took her. Maybe for 10 minutes, but never enough for her tired parents to fully recharge their batteries. Times like those, Jonghyun would always take her out of her daddy’s arms and to somewhere else in the house just so they could sleep some more. She would always smile at him and would always babbler that baby talk he never understands but acts as if he does because it made her happy.

“Where is she?”

“Where is he—Oh.” In the middle of the hallway, with toys scattered all around them, was Jonghyun and their daughter. Both asleep.

Despite being called multiple times uncle by Taemin, it never really clicked on Jonghyun’s mind who he was for the little girl. You see, he is not Taemin’s brother, nor is he Minho’s brother. They are just friends; best friends, if you will. The little girl had started to blabber the words daddy and papa, but whenever Jonghyun came in the picture, she still blabbered nonsense. That got Jonghyun thinking what he should teach her to call him.

“What is she supposed to call me? Jjong?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… I’m just Jonghyun.”

“Jonghyun, you are her uncle. Don’t be silly.”

It wasn’t a big revelation, nor it was something to make big celebrations about. But there was something about hearing his best friend tell him that he is an uncle to his kids, that made Jonghyun’s body stand up tall. It was some sort of pride, and if his heart already felt love for the little girl, what he felt now was responsibility. He isn’t just Jonghyun anymore; he is his princess’ uncle. Jonghyun was determined to love her unconditionally, and most importantly, to teach her how to say sam-chon.

Jonghyun has seen several videos of babies giving their first wobbly steps into their parents’ arms, and he always smiles real big because not only does the baby look adorable, but the parents’ faces are a sight to behold. When she gave her first steps, it was only him and Minho as witnesses; only Jonghyun was a witness of Minho’s face of pure happiness.

It gave him goosebumps, to see someone he cares about deeply be so joyous. To be present in that important event in his life and in hers; it was a privilege. She doesn’t know what she did, but she just took away her daddy’s worries and all his struggles; all of them are gone with just four little steps into his arms. This moment, Jonghyun decides, he will keep neatly folded in the crevices of his mind.

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