The wedding bells ring.

 

 

The song starts as I see you standing there near the altar.

 

 

You look so handsome in that tailored suit. Your hair styled. You wear that smile that I love. I can't believe that this day would come. That you and me would be facing the altar.

 

 

It seemed like yesterday when we met each other. I can remember each and every detail of that day - the day we came to each other's life.

 

 

 

*****

 

 

My 5 year old self was sitting in one of the benches in a playground near our house when I saw you. You were playing in the seesaw, however you're alone. That time I find you weird.

 

Then a group of boys came to you. They were maybe a year or two older than me. They were telling you to go away because the wanted to play. But you didn't want to saying that you're waiting for your friend and promised that you'll play there once he came. The boys got pissed with your attitude and started pushing you away. You fell down. They was about to kick you when I decided to stop them. I got between you and them.

 

I didn't know why I even go there when I knew of the possibility of me getting kicked or punched too. But I guess that time I felt sorry for you.

 

I threatened them that I'll tell my parents what they're doing if they continue but instead of getting scared they just laughed and pushed me down. Now we're both on the ground. They started kicking us as they laughed. Luckily your mom came and stopped them. They run for their lives, afraid of being caught by your mom.

 

Your mom help both of us. She took us home and treat both of our wounds. You kept on apologizing and saying how sorry you are on what happened to me.

 

At first I was angry. I was just trying to help but I ended up getting bruises.

 

You won't stop with all the apologies until I accepted them. You flashed of what seemed to be the most beautiful smile I saw as soon as I said 'Apology accepted'.

 

You and your mom took me home and explained to my parents what happened. My parents thanked you for bringing me home and apologized for the trouble.

 

You waved goodbye before you and your mom finally left.

 

Ever since that day, we often meet at the playground and play with each other for the rest of the day.

 

And that was the start of our beautiful friendship.

 

School started and we realized that we were attending the same school. We go to school together and sometimes go to each other's house to play after school or during the weekends.

 

In no time we started calling each other bestfriends and became inseparable.

 

Years passed by. We grew. We changed. But our friendship didn't. We grew even closer through the years. We tell each other things we cannot say to our parents. We became each other's go to when we're feeling down. Through smiles and tears we were there for each other.

 

I guess we didn't just found a friend with each other but also a brother since I was an only child and you have two older sisters.

 

After we finished middle school, we were so happy to get accepted in the same high school. And as expected we were always together.

 

Our classmates often teased us that maybe if one of us would have been a girl we would have been a perfect couple, but of course we're both boys and things don't go that way. Besides we only see each other as bestfriends nothing more, nothing less.

 

Also you already have a fiancée. You told me about it when we decided to have a sleep over at my house when my parents went out of town because of work.

 

-----

 

"Minki-ya"

 

"Hmmm."

 

"I want to tell you something."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Hmmm. I... I kinda..."

 

"Just say it already Jonghyunnie."

 

"I kinda have a fiancée."

 

"Ohhhh... WAIT WHAT? YOU HAVE A FIANCÉE?"

 

"Calm down Minki-ya."

 

"Sorry. I just kinda... I mean really? How? When?"

 

"Well I just find out about it recently. Apparently, my dad had this agreement with one of his bestfriends that someday they'll make their offsprings marry each other. And since his friend only had daughters and his youngest was about the same age as me, they decided that we should marry each other."

 

"Well I guess that's great news then"

 

"But..."

 

"But what?"

 

"Well you see. I haven't met her yet and I don't know if we're compatible. Also I'm not sure if I'll be able to love her."

 

"Don't worry. I'm sure your parents  won't force you to marry someone you don't love or someone who won't be a good wife to you. I think you just have to trust your parents on this one."

 

"So you're okay with me marrying her?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean are you okay if I fall for her and marry her?"

 

"Why are you asking me such things? You're the one who's going to marry her, not me."

 

"B... Because you're my bestfriend and I... I want to know your opinion."

 

"It depends. If you really do love her and she will make you happy then of course I'm okay with that."

 

"I guess we'll just see. I'm going to meet her next month."

 

"That's great. I think we should sleep now. It's getting kind of late."

 

"Okay. Good night Minki-ya."

 

"Good night Jonghyun-ah."

 

-----

 

Everything stayed the same as they used to. We stayed close as we used to be.

 

Although there are times when I think about that night.

 

Why did you asked me those things?

 

Why do want my opinion about that?

 

Is it only just because I'm your bestfriend or...?

 

Wait what are you thinking Minki?! Of course that's the only reason what else could it be? Stop thinking of ridiculous things.

 

A month passed and the day when you supposed to meet your fiancée came. You told me that you'll tell me everything after.

 

The next day we decided to meet in a nearby café.

 

"So how did it go?"

 

"It went well I guess."

 

"That's it? Come on tell me more."

 

"Well she's beautiful and nice. She's easy going and I think we would get along."

 

"That's great! At least now, what's left is to get to know her more and eventually fall for her."

 

"It's easier said than done."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean it's not easy to fall in love with someone."

 

"I guess you're right but the way you describe her I think she'll be perfect for you and I think both of you will soon fall for each other you just need to bond more."

 

"You're okay with that?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"I... I mean if I spend my time with her then we can't spend as much time as we used to with each other."

 

"Of course. It's not like we won't be seeing each other at school everyday right. Besides she's the one you'll be spending your life with so I guess I need to get used to it. Also it's not like we can't go out together right? Maybe I should go and find myself a girlfriend too so we can go out on a double date."

 

"Don't..."

 

"What do you me don't?"

 

"I mean don't rush into things like love just let it come to you."

 

"You're right but sooner or later I must find someone too. You're not the only who should be dating you know." I laughed and so did you.

 

We spent the day talking about random stuff. It ranged from our daily lives and our future plans. We talked about where we're going for college and what course to take. We decided to go the same university and took the same course.

 

The rest of the school year seem to went by so fast. And finally it's our graduation day. We celebrated together with our families. On that same day we told them that we got accepted in our dream university. It was indeed a happy day.

 

We entered college and everything went well. We're still the same. We go to school together and spent our free time together. However, recently you've become more clingy than you were before. Somehow you become possessive(?) I didn't know if that's the right word. And we almost got into a fight because of that.

 

It happened when one of our professors ask me to take some books back to the library. One of the seniors saw me and decided to help me. He was so nice and even offered to walk me home. But then you came and said that you'll be the one who will take me home and dragged me.

 

I was quite surprised with how you acted and took my hand from your grip.

 

"Ya! What's wrong with you?!"

 

"What's your relationship with him?!"

 

I was confused.

 

"What are you saying? He was just helping me."

 

"Just helping you?! I don't think so."

 

"What do you mean? Why are you acting so weird Jonghyun-ah?"

 

"I... I'm just..."

 

"What is it Jonghyun-ah?"

 

"I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't act like that."

 

"It's okay just don't do it again. Let's go home?"

 

"Okay."

 

I was getting more and more confused with your actions. But I just let it slide and didn't think about it much.

 

I thought everything will be just as what they used to be. Until that day come. It was a year ago.

 

You texted me to get ready cause we're going out. It wasn't weird at all since we used to hang out what's weird is that you asked me to dress up properly. I did what you told me.

 

We spend the whole day together. We went to the movies and eat dinner at a fancy restaurant. I was really surprised when you didn't let me pay for anything. You said you'll treat me for everything that day. At first I won't let you but of course you insisted and didn't stop until you win.

 

It was really a fun and memorable day. It was getting late and I thought we were about to go home but instead of taking me home you took me at a nearby beach. You said you wanted to spend more time with me.

 

We walked on the shore and decided to sit down when we got tired.

 

"Today was fun. Thank you Jonghyun-ah." I said and smiled.

 

You smiled as well with the same beautiful smile you showed me the first time we met. However your eyes say otherwise. They seemed sad.

 

"Are you okay Jonghyun-ah?"

 

You didn't answer me instead you looked me deep in the eyes as your face moved closer and closer to mine. My heart started to beat crazily fast and the next thing I knew was your lips on mine. I was surprised. But I didn't pushed you instead I kissed you back. You deepened the kiss and I replied it with the same passion.

 

I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't understand why you're doing this. I know this is wrong but I don't have the gut to push you away because maybe deep inside I too wanted this. I didn't realized that you're crying and tears started to fall from my eyes at the same time.

 

We kissed for I don't know how long. It seemed we forgot how to breathe and what only mattered was the two of us. What mattered is this moment. Your lips against mine as we hold each other tight.

 

We stopped the kiss but didn't let go of each other. We hold each other not wanting to let go because we both know that if we did we need to accept the reality that what is happening is something that we shouldn't be doing. That whatever feelings we had for each other is something that we shouldn't be feeling. That whatever this is, is something the society won't approve.

 

That night we realized that we did fall for someone we shouldn't have. Not because we didn't like it but because the society won't approve of it. No matter how much we want to be by each other's side. As much as we want to be together. We just can't and it hurts. It hurts that we can't fight for what we feel because it's against the norms, it's against what most people believe in.

 

 

 

 

 

*****

 

 

 

That was a year ago, and here we are now.

 

 

In front of the altar.

 

 

You're getting married today with me...

 

 

 

 

 

...as your best man.

 

 

The ceremony started and I can see how happy everyone is as you and your fiancée get married.

 

Deep inside I want to take you out of here, to run away with you. But I can't do that. I can't ruin this day. This special day.

 

You said your vows to each other and it hurts. It hurts to hear you say those words to her. It hurts to see you making those promises to her.

 

When the time came that the priest said "You may now kiss the bride." You look at me. You didn't say a word but I know what you mean. You wanted my approval. I nod and you kiss her.

 

That's when I remembered what you told me.

 

 

"I want my first kiss to be special. If not in front of the altar, I want it to be somewhere special."

 

 

Maybe that's the reason why you kissed me that night. You wanted me to be your first kiss. That even with just that I was your first. You silly bastard.

 

I decided not to go to the reception after the wedding. It's no use to hurt myself more. You're going to start a new chapter of your life with her. And I should start a new chapter as well. I need to move on and move forward. I need to accept that "we" could never be. Because that's how the society works. That's how the world works. As long as the society doesn't want to accept this kind of things then "we" will only exists in our dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

People say that "May the best man win."

 

 

 

 

But this time...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...the best man lost.