Yixing stared at the green icon on his phone screen, the square positioned to the corner so that the face smiling up at him wouldn't be covered in any way. He flipped to the next screen, where no apps were placed, and took the cell phone into his hand before leaning back into his pillows again. That gummy smile and the thick eyebrows that softened with his countenance had made their way into many of Yixing’s dreams in the past year, not that he would ever like to admit that to the subject of the photo. He kept many of those thoughts to himself; the thoughts about kissing those pink lips, and running his hands through the luscious locks that seemed to change color like a chameleon.

When Yixing noticed the time at the top of his phone had changed to nine-thirty, he scrambled to find the messaging app again.

Perhaps it was a little obsessive to message Yifan at the exact time he got off of work, but it had become a habit in the past year. It was a routine, and knowing Yifan, the elder man wasn’t a big fan of even minute changes. Yixing didn’t mind the fact, and he knew his tendencies had just rubbed off on the other.

 

Xingxing

last night i had a dream where we went to an amusement park…

you forced me onto the roller coasters!!

but it turned out you were the one afraid of them lol

kris uwu

how cute :)

 

Yixing felt his lips curve upwards, and he dived face-first into his favorite pillow to cover the look, even if the elder could definitely not see his embarrassment. While his dream self did go to a nameless amusement park with the elder man, it wasn’t as friendly as Yixing would have liked to admit. Every moment he saw Yifan’s face in the dream, a kiss was placed onto his lips. Was it actually true that dreams were hidden desires? Yixing always believed Freud to be full of .

Having messaged Yifan, Yixing finally rolled out of his cocoon of sheets and blankets and made his way into his ensuite to get ready for the day.

 

∆

 

Even though it was Yixing who followed him, Yifan was the first to open a conversation. In a panic, all could say in that first Weibo direct message was something along the lines of: “I love your choreographies and your composing is amazing. I actually can’t believe you would follow me.”

After that day of frenzy, Yifan was talking to the multitalented Zhang Yixing every day. In the beginning, they were only talking about their shared interest in music, and how Yifan always wanted to compose his own music but never had the free time to do it. At some point, it evolved into Yixing telling Yifan what he had for lunch (or that he didn’t eat anything for lunch, as it mostly ended up being), and Yifan complaining about his job at a restaurant by his apartment building.

Probably sooner than they should have, they were exchanging addresses, and a saddened Yifan replied with, “You live across the Pacific Ocean.” Both of them felt rather defeated by the distance.

It only had Yixing saying more and more that Yifan needed to visit him, and vice versa. Yifan hadn't been back in China since he was ten years old, and Yixing had never even been out of his country. They had too much to show each other–and they were both too excited by the idea.

 

Yifan believed the first time he saw a real change in their status of friends was when Yixing messaged him past midnight in his timezone. The younger was always set on getting a full night of rest, no matter what complication arose, so seeing Yixing’s name pop up in his notification bar when he was getting ready for work was rather surprising.

“I don't know what to do anymore,” Yixing had sent, “You're the only person who won't call me names if I tell you about everything I've been feeling.”

Yifan took a sick day for work just to talk to Yixing.

 

∆

 

Xingxing

AHHHHH

gege i saw your pictures

why would you go to chicago

but not visit me??

GEGE

kris uwu

i visited kevin

his mom paid for me to fly out

xingie

you know id buy a plane ticket to you immediately if i had the money myself

Xingxing

:(

well!!

i hope you had fun then :)

kris uwu

it was nice :)

i was happy to see kevin again

it’s been so long

Xingxing

good!!

also

you should be asleep gege :(

kris uwu

can’t sleep :/

Xingxing

maybe if you got off your phone…

kris uwu

couldn't sleep even when i wasn't on my phone

Xingxing

well! im forcing you to sleep!!

go to sleep gege!!

sleeeeeeep!

kris uwu

okay okay

good night yixing

Xingxing

sleep well :)

 

Yifan placed his phone down on his nightstand, the screen against the wood so no notifications would disturb the darkness of his room. How awkward, Yifan thought, wiping his right hand off with a few tissues he pulled from the box by his bed. How awkward , that he had to reply to Yixing with his hard out of his sweatpants, his face flushed and his hand gripping around his length. How awkward , that the reason he was in the middle of such a thing was because Yixing was doing something similar in his dream. He took care of himself quickly before finally resting his head.

 

∆

 

Xingxing

i’ve never been kissed, i wouldn't know

 

kris uwu

i'll take your first kiss then

 

Yixing panicked. His bedroom suddenly felt like a Californian desert, though he never been to confirm that. He just assumed the way his face heated matched the climate. He sounded like a mouse, before he slapped a hand over his mouth. His fingers traced down his lips when he had finally calmed his breathing, and he couldn’t help but wonder what that would be like. In all the pictures he had seen of the elder, Yifan’s peculiar lips stuck him just after his big eyebrows. Yifan was surely a good kisser; the elder had told him of the numerous relationships he had been in. He had kissed a lot of people.

 

Xingxing

haha

what’s that supposed to mean?

kris uwu

aren’t platonic kisses a thing?

 

Yixing’s rose colored world suddenly felt dismal.

 

Xingxing

i guess they are

kris uwu

so, i’ll take your first kiss

if you haven’t had your first kiss when we meet

Xingxing

and if i have had it?

kris uwu

i’d still give you a kiss

Xingxing

what if you’re dating someone by then?

i don’t think they would appreciate you kissing another man

kris uwu

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Xingxing

it’s a serious question fan

kris uwu

i honestly doubt i’d be dating anyone

 

∆

 

Xingxing

finally free!

summer is here!!!

kris uwu

now i can monopolize all your time >:3c

Xingxing

you were already doing that

my notifications? all you

i’m eating breakfast? “would ge like this?”

i’m practicing? “i want ge to see this”

 

Every single inch of Yifan’s body sang like a choir of angels with the messages Yixing sent him. A smile graced his lips at the idea that Yixing thought about him just as much as he thought about the younger.

 

Yifan had bought a plane ticket the moment he learned Yixing’s schedule at the end of the school year. More than anything, it was on a whim, and his wallet was feeling a little heavier than usual, so he clicked to purchase tickets for a roundabout flight without a second thought. He had never been to Changsha before, and didn’t know anything about the city, but he trusted the younger would show him everything about his hometown.

 

∆

 

The lack of response from Yifan was drilling a hole through Yixing’s forehead, and he couldn’t stop his dull fingernails from jumping against the neck of his guitar. The obsessive tapping only numbed the anxiety in his head for a few minutes, until he missed one beat. He was ready to tear his hair out at that point.

He didn’t want to constantly send Yifan messages, as he had already sent him nine since he woke up that morning. They were just little updates on Yixing’s day, like what he made for breakfast and what songs he was trying to practice. He wanted to pat himself on the back for the lack of panicked messages, asking the elder where he was, if he was okay, and the like.

Yixing read through the messages between them from the night before, when Yifan seemed to be quite busy. Yixing didn’t want it to affect him; he didn’t want to think of what could be the reason behind the elder’s concentration elsewhere.

His mind always supplied those thoughts anyway.

“He’s dating someone,” Yixing whispered to himself, letting his chin rest on the edge of his guitar as he slowly scrolled through Yifan’s profile. That gummy grin greeted him in every other post. “He doesn’t have time for me anymore because he’s found someone else. That’s it, isn’t it?”

Yixing almost banged his jaw on the hollow wood when his phone vibrated.

 

kris uwu

i had this big surprise planned out, but the more i think about it, the worse it sounds

i bought a plane ticket

and flew to changsha

i was going to surprise you at your apartment

but i’ve never been in changsha before

i don’t know what i’m doing

i’m so sorry if this sounds creepy

 

Were there tears streaming down Yixing’s face by the time he read through the texts? He didn’t really care. He was already putting his guitar back in its case and slipping into his shoes, his hand clutching his phone tightly as to not drop it as he tapped out a response. A tear dropped onto the screen, but he couldn’t be bothered to wipe it away.

 

Xingxing

you’re so stupid

you should have told me

i was sitting here worried sick about you all day

are you at the airport still?

kris uwu

i am

 

∆

 

Yifan stood stiff, with his hand on his suitcase while the other one grasped his cell phone. Even with his height towering over most of the crowd, he still stood on his toes, as if that would give him a better chance of finding Yixing. The younger had told him to wait outside of the airport, rather than in the mess indoors, which Yifan immediately followed through with.

He was almost beginning to lose hope, until a head of curly black hair emerged.

Yixing was definitely shorter than he expected.

He had stumbled through the slowly dispersing crowd, his eyes wide when they settled on Yifan. The elder grinned when Yixing finally stopped in front of him, far enough where Yifan still could not touch him. It was like Yixing had become a bunny stood in front of the headlights of a car, his brown eyes wide and his hands held up against his chest as if he would faint at any moment. “Yixing?” Yifan said softly, a faint smile on his lips. He held his arms open, and before he could even blink, Yixing was in his grasp, with his thin arms wrapped tightly around Yifan, like a snake holding its prey.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Yixing gasped, his voice shaking, yet muffled against the elder’s cotton shirt.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Yixing shook his head, pulling away just enough to tilt his head back and look up at Yifan. “You’re here.”

 

∆

 

It was a surprise that Yixing didn’t cry. He expected himself to, and he had always told Yifan that he would either faint or sob upon meeting the elder, but all Yixing could feel was shock and bliss mixed into one. “How long are you staying?” Yixing asked as he inserted the key into the doorknob, barely glancing back at Yifan as he opened the front door to his apartment.

“For as long as you’ll have me,” Yifan said simply, following the younger into the home. He set his suitcase down and removed his shoes, putting the large sneakers next to Yixing’s smaller Vans. He looked at the younger and shrugged his shoulders. “Or, a week at the least.”

“What about your job?” Yixing questioned, picking up the elder’s luggage and carrying it into the extra room himself. Yifan followed behind him like a puppy, taking in the apartment with every step.

“I have this week off,” he muttered.

“Which means you’re staying for a week. I don’t want you to be in trouble because you’re in a different country.”

Yifan looked around the guest bedroom, which was still decorated as if it was lived in. The only thing that concerned him was the small twin bed, covered in lilac sheets. His longs legs definitely wouldn’t fit with that. “What if I want to stay for longer though? I can just call them and tell them.”

“Ge, come on. You know you shouldn’t do that.”

“But I want to spend more time with you,” Yifan pouted, sitting down on the bed. He looked up at Yixing with a look that someone with his height could never truly pull off.

“You just got here. You have a whole week with me,” Yixing smiled, putting his hands on Yifan’s shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re already wanting to spend more time here, and your time hasn’t even started.”

 

∆

 

When they finally decided they needed to sleep, after talking and laughing well into the night, Yifan realized that the bed in the guest room really wouldn’t work out for him. He struggled with his positions, moving his long limbs in different ways, but nothing was comfortable enough for him to drift off into sleep.

Yifan walked across the hall and knocked on Yixing’s door, which was opened only a minute or so later. Yixing’s eyes were drooping with sleep, his hair mussed up and his body only covered in a flimsy tank top and boxers. “What is it, ge?”

“The… the bed is too small,” Yifan said after a moment, his brain trying to process the words instead of just focusing on the adorable sight in front of him.

Yixing was trying so hard not to just fall asleep right there, so he nodded his head sluggishly and wrapped his thin fingers around the elder’s wrist. “Come sleep with me, then. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” Yifan whispered, already being pulled down to the mattress. It was a lot bigger, a bed that seemed too much for a skinny person like Yixing, but it was definitely more comfortable for Yifan.

“I’m sure,” Yixing mumbled, speaking into the blanket that he had pulled over them. To accommodate the elder’s height, the blanket was up in front of Yixing’s nose, sitting on the bridge, while it only went as far as Yifan’s neck. Yixing’s eyelashes fanned against his smooth cheeks, his black curls falling over his thin eyebrows. He shuffled around a bit, his hand falling to rest against Yifan’s arm. Yifan didn’t get much sleep that night.

 

∆

 

“It’s funny, I always said I was going to cry when you come to see me,” Yixing said softly, pulling his feet up onto the sofa and resting his elbows against his bare knees. “Neither of us actually cried, though.”

Yifan glanced at the younger, before his focus was back on the film playing on the television. “I guess there’s a lot of stuff we promised to do that we haven’t,” he chuckled, shaking his head a little.

The couch moved as Yixing readjusted himself, his chin falling to Yifan’s wide shoulder. “I still haven’t been kissed. There’s a promise you gave me.”

Yifan shot up straight in his seat, his back rigid against the sofa cushions. He looked at Yixing with his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth drooping at the smile Yixing had. “You haven’t?”

“And you said you’d kiss me no matter what.”

“Well, I, yes. I did say that, but-”

“Yifan, I’m twenty-three and I’ve never been kissed. I’d prefer it to be you than somebody else.” Yixing leaned closer as he spoke, his eyebrows pulled together and a pout on his plush lips.

The elder didn’t think of anything else at that moment, as all he could see was Yixing, Yixing, Yixing. Yixing was real, and right in front of him, with his knee brushing against Yifan’s legs. He was asking for a kiss, and Yifan was the only person in the position to give him one.

Their noses brushed before their lips even met, and Yifan swore he saw the younger’s mouth break into a smile before they both shut their eyes.

Nearly ten thousand kilometers of distance was gone. Yixing’s lips were soft against Yifan’s, just like he pictured. They felt like Yixing, even if Yifan had never kissed him before.

Yixing’s hands were winding around his shoulders, dangling behind his neck as the younger tilted his head to the side. When a curious tongue was tickling against Yifan’s lips, he immediately pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” Yixing instantly said, his face as red as a strawberry. He covered his mouth with his hands and looked down at the space between them.

Yifan shook his head and pulled the younger’s small hands away, holding them in his own. When Yixing still didn’t look up at him, Yifan bowed his head and gave him another peck. “Are we stupid?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yixing asked, breathlessly, and he finally met eyes with the elder.

“You, and me. We’re stupid.”

“What are you talking about?”

“We’re blind. We’re stupid,” Yifan laughed and looked down at Yixing’s hands, running his bigger thumbs over the back of them. “All this time, were we really supposed to believe we don’t like each other?”

When Yixing opened his mouth, Yifan spoke again.

“I’ve had dreams about you. Ones that aren’t dreams you would have about someone who’s just a friend. The way we talk to each other, I’ve never talked to another guy like that. Even with the ones I’ve been interested in.”

“Yifan,” Yixing mumurred, which kept the elder from saying anything else. Yixing took his hands out of Yifan’s grasp and brought them to the elder’s flushed cheeks. “Me too.”

“Really?” Yifan whispered, his head leaning down without him even realizing it.

“I like you too.”

 

∆

 

“I keep wanting to message you in the morning,” Yixing laughed, covering his mouth with his left hand as his right held onto his fork. “But you’re literally next to me in bed.”

Yifan smiled and nodded his head, the silver prongs of his fork moving in circles over the egg on his plate. “Yeah, me too. I’m just used to you being so far away. And, it’ll be like that again soon.”

Yixing’s hand fall over Yifan’s, his smaller thumb rubbing the taunt skin on the back of his large hand. “It’s okay, Yifan. It won’t always be like that, I think. I graduated this year, and my job is lenient. I can visit you next time.”

“Will it work? Having a relationship when we’re so far away?” Yifan asked, his brows pulled together. His hand had moved to encase Yixing’s, his long fingers gripping the other’s palm.

“We can make it work,” Yixing smiled. “We made a friendship work. The only difference now is our ‘I love you’s will mean something else. We have our little schedule, Fan. We can make it work.”

Those words made Yifan want to stay in that apartment forever.

 

∆

 

Yifan was the one crying. He stood with his eyes shut tight, but the tears still escaped the seal and flowed down his cheeks. Yixing was smiling when he looked past the moist rims of his eyelids, the dimple in his cheek making his emotions go haywire again. How long would it be until he could see that dimple in person again? He couldn’t handle the distance now that he had a taste of Yixing. “Fan, it’s okay,” Yixing whispered, his hands coming up to hold Yifan’s face. His thumbs dragged through the tears, pushing them away. “It’ll be okay.”

“I’m going to miss you,” Yifan muttered, his voice almost cracking under his emotions. He rubbed one of his eyes with the back of his wrist. “It’s not fair that I got to spend this time with you, and then I have to leave.”

“Don’t be a big baby,” Yixing shook his head and dropped his hands to hold Yifan’s. “Just call me when you get home.”

 

∆

 

kris uwu

i’m home

i’m so tired

Xingxing

make sure you sleep early

i’ll be here when you wake up :)

kris uwu

i just want to talk to you a little longer

Xingxing

but i want you to get a healthy amount of sleep

kris uwu

:(

Xingxing

fine you baby

kris uwu

:)

i already miss you by the way

like laying in bed alone is already weird

Xingxing

it is

i’m going to come visit you next, okay?!

and i’ll give you a warning so you can actually clean up and not have to have your messy apartment be the first impression of the guy you’re in love with :)

kris uwu

okay, ouch

your apartment wasn’t even messy

it just seemed like you, you know

Xingxing

messy

kris uwu

no

Xingxing

you’re just saying that because you’re too nice to me

 

The lack of a reply made Yixing sigh, but a smile still found his lips. Yifan wasn’t one to fall asleep without telling Yixing he was drifting off, so everything Yixing knew about the elder told him Yifan really was exhausted.

Yixing was Yifan’s last thought upon falling asleep, and the younger truly hoped it would always end up like that. Yifan was always his, too.