Lee Jooheon has issues. His father left when he was only six years old. His mother is never home from working two jobs, and his school life because he really didn’t care about his grade or about being at school at all. He didn’t get along with anyone at school and he pretty much hated everyone. Lee Jooheon is a brooding seventeen-year-old filled with teenage angst and emotional baggage.

As a child, Jooheon was bright, expressive and curious. He was a friendly, inquisitive kid who was always full of laughter and questions. He was a warm cute kid, always flashing those dimpled cheeks whenever he smiled. Even after his father left, Jooheon stayed that way for the first few years. But as the years went by, his demeanor changed, he gradually became dark and solemn. The more he understood what was going on around him, the deeper he dove into the darkness. He didn’t have a normal life; he realized that at some point. When he hit puberty, he was a totally changed kid. He was no longer that bright child that everyone knew and loved.

Growing without a father, and a mother who works two jobs to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table, Jooheon started to gravitate towards the wrong crowd. Most of his so-called friends were older than him. The group of older kids that he hangs around with were mostly just delinquents. They’d skip school to hang out and do nothing all day, tag graffiti on public walls and mostly get themselves into a whole lot of misdemeanor acts. While it was all fun and games for Jooheon, there was actually something that he enjoyed the most while being with them. And that was rapping and making music. Some of them were really talented and smart just as Jooheon is. If there was anything that Jooheon was passionate about in his life, it would be music. Rap and hip-hop to be exact. Music was his outlet and his only escape. At a rather tender age, his talent in writing lyrics even exceeds some of his older friends.
 

 

The night started just as any other weekend nights for them. They would hang out at one of his friend’s house before they head out to find something to do. And tonight they would head to a club where some of the most influential Korean underground rap artists would be hanging out. There was going to be an open mic rap battle there and Jooheon was all in for it. Every time this opportunity surfaces, Jooheon gets really excited, hoping that one day his talents would be noticed by some of these influential people. That would be his ticket to change his life.

Even though Jooheon was underage, he never had a problem with getting himself into a club. His friends would get him in without fail. The club was especially loud and obnoxious that night. Jooheon stayed by the bar, his eyes scanning through the sea of people in the club. He was content and feeling the beat blaring through the surrounding speakers. That was until his eyes caught the few familiar faces that he did not quite fancy. It was the rival group. He cursed under his breath; just by looking at their faces was enough to agitate him. He decided to ignore their presence and went on to enjoy the night.

The night went about without a hitch in the beginning. He had a couple of drinks here and there. He even had a brief conversation with a few of the underground artists and the night was going on great, Jooheon thought. The rap battle started, and he was really enjoying the show. Some of these people that went up the stage really inspired him. It was all good and dandy until one of the rival group members went up the on the stage to take the mic. Kim Yooseok. This insufferable pain in the . The one that he dislikes the most amongst the group. Jooheon couldn’t hide his annoyance when the guy got up on the stage.

Kim Yooseok had briefly hung out with Jooheon and the rest of the group before. He was a stuck up bratty rich boy who was seen as a lame wannabe rapper. He had rubbed a lot of people in the scene the wrong way but had always managed to get away with it in the end because he was rich. In Korea, cash is king, after all. While Yooseok was hanging out with them, he bad mouthed a few people in Jooheon’s circle. When he was found out doing so, the guy jumped ship and joined another group of people. From then on, the whole group had been putting Jooheon’s group down and also tried to sabotage them a few times.

“Yo, Lee Jooheon!  The fatherless kid! Come on up here and show me what you got!” His rival on stage called him out and challenged him openly in front of the crowd. Jooheon clicked his tongue in annoyance, he really didn’t want to deal with this a-hole but he wasn’t going to back down and let him have the last laugh.

It was going to be a diss battle. Jooheon walked up onto the stage with confidence. Inside, he was drowning in annoyance, but he knew he shouldn’t lose his cool and make a fool out of himself. Not tonight. He had some people he needs to impress. The club goers on the floor cheered, some were chanting on Jooheon’s name, some were chanting on his rival’s name. He graciously took the mic and signaled for Yooseok to start first.

The first few verses that were thrown at Jooheon were mostly weak low blows. Jooheon replied with his own verse, dissing his opponent with hard blows and strong lines. His rap came out smooth and effortless. His opponent was clearly taken aback a little, looking a little lost for words but he decided to stoop lower. He started to rap about Jooheon’s personal life, about how poor he is, about how he was an unwanted child that caused his father to leave. It angers him, of course. But he was able to play it cool. He took it all in calmly, smirking at his opponent’s weak and nonsensical strings of rap lines as he went. Even the audiences thought it was bad.

It was the last few lines that got to him, though. Yooseok had brought up Jooheon’s mother on his diss lines. Implying how Jooheon’s mother is a e and if she isn’t one yet, she should become one so she could make more money to support themselves. At that, Jooheon saw red. He didn’t remember how it started, but by the time his vision came back, he was on top of his opponent planting hard punches into Yooseok’s face.

Yooseok was startled, he took in a few hard punches before he was able to collect himself and fight back. In a matter of seconds, they were full-on fighting, some people were cheering on them, some people just decided to be a bystander. Some of Jooheon’s friends leaped in to try and pry them off each other but to no avail. This was not what Jooheon had in mind for the night. It was a mess.

It probably wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it did if Yooseok had shut his mouth, but instead, he kept on hurling derogatory insults about Jooheon’s mother. That only poured more fuel into the already blazing fire. They scuffled around the stage, throwing kicks and punches at each other. At some point, they had gotten to the edge of the stage and fell off. Yooseok had pulled Jooheon along with him when he missed a step and slipped off the stage. Lucky for Jooheon he landed on top of Yooseok. Same couldn’t be said for the loose mouthed brat, he had somehow landed in a way that caused his leg to twist in an awkward way. He yelped in pain, and Jooheon got himself off the fallen young man. He still saw red; he wanted to beat Yooseok into a pulp even though at this point, Yooseok was no longer trying to fight. In his blinding rage, he somehow caught a glimpse of an untended beer bottle on the edge of the stage closest to him. He grabbed it by the neck and broke the bottom part of it, instantly making the beer bottle it into a dangerous weapon. He brought the broken, sharp edges closer to Yooseok’s face. He was really tempted to stick it in Yooseok’s face. Right in the mouth-- to be exact.

“One… more… time… you have something to say about my mother, I will ing end you! You hear me?” Jooheon warned and then threw the makeshift weapon to the side and walked away from the scene.

His clouded mind slowly became clearer, though he was still burning in anger; the murderous rage had subsided as he walked away from Yooseok. Some people asked if he were okay as he was walking out of there, some even cheered on him. But Jooheon didn’t respond to any of them, he made his way towards the bar, intending to calm his racing heart down.

One of the eldest friends in the group followed suit, making sure that the younger was okay. Physically, he was. The fight ended with a split lip and minor scratches here and there. His knuckles were pretty bloodied up too, but other that, he was fine. At this point, he just wanted to go home and sleep it off. He was so done with the night.

He told his friend that he was going to leave, and his friend offered to leave with him. He didn’t think it was necessary but decided not to waste his breath. As they were about to leave, a few policemen made an appearance and made their way towards Jooheon and his friend. Realising the situation, Jooheon sighed. He wasn’t at all fazed, though. He had gotten into brawls and fights multiple times before. He knew what was going to happen. He let the policemen do the talking and he didn’t mutter a word. He didn’t even try to defend his actions. He followed whatever that was instructed for him to do until he was brought in to the police station.
 

 

Jooheon sat bored on the chair in the police office. His mother was not going to be there to get him anytime soon. She won't be off work until late next evening. He wasn't allowed to do anything there. He wasn't allowed to even use his phone as it was confiscated away from him earlier. This . He thought to himself. It really did that he had to waste his time at the police station, but he didn't regret it one bit. He thought that the rich brat fully deserved it.

He was brought into the police station around 2 in the morning. A few hours later Yooseok briefly made an appearance in the police station with his right foot bandaged, limping and spotting a pair of crutches. He was there to give his statements to the police on what had gone down. He had cried wolf and placed all of the blame on Jooheon alone for what had transpired at the club earlier.

In the past, whenever he would get into trouble with the authorities, things were settled quite some warnings were given, and sometimes some fees were paid. But today was different. He had to wait nearly 10 hours until he saw his mother's tired face in the police station. It would be another hour and a half for her to try to settle it with the police. Yooseok's family lawyer was there, this time she wasn't just dealing with the police. She had to deal with Yooseok's lawyer and try to negotiate something with him.

Worry was evident on her weary face when she first laid her eyes on her one and only son. Instinctively, she was checking on his son's wellbeing, asking if he was okay and if he was in any pain. He wasn't. He was just visibly tired and pissed off that he had to spend hours and hours twiddling his thumb, doing absolutely nothing.
 

"Let's just go... I'm tired." Jooheon brushes his mother off.

Worry turned into sheer frustration. She was at a loss. She had been at work non-stop, came all the way to the police station in a state of panic to learn that her son had drunk alcohol while underage and had gotten involved in a serious fight at a club that he wasn't even supposed to be in the first place. To have him brush her off carelessly was unfair.

Her eyes were hot with tears. This time Jooheon wasn't getting off easy with just a warning. The lawyer had made it clear that if the authorities weren't taking any actions, their client would. And it wouldn't be pretty. The snooty lawyer had threatened her with filing the case under attempted murder because Jooheon had picked up a weapon and tried to use it on Yooseok. At least that was the claim.

She watched her son walked away from her and her heart broke into a million pieces.

Why is he doing all these destructive things? Does he not care about his future? Me? His own self?

 

 

The ride home from the police station was a torture. They had taken the bus and his mother was visibly upset with what had transpired. Her eyes were red and she was sniffling softly. It was obvious that she was trying really hard to hold herself back from crying in public. It was getting too much for her to handle. Every time Jooheon gets into trouble she would blame herself for not being able to do more to fix their living situation. Besides not being able to spend her time with her son due to her two jobs, she didn’t know where she had gone wrong in raising him. At this point, she truly felt that no matter how hard she tries she could never be the kind of mother that she needed to be. It kills her to see her once cheerful son become a brooding troubled young man.

 

 

They finally arrived home after what it felt like forever. The space they call home is a cramped apartment way too small for two.  There was practically no space for one to avoid the other in the house unless they were in their respective rooms. Taking off his shoes, Jooheon slid into his room without a word. He didn’t want to face his mother at the moment. He knew that she was upset with him and he didn’t want to deal with it. Didn’t know how to deal with it. He was never good at expressing his feelings in emotional situations. He does that mostly through his music, instead. Settling down in his room, he did exactly just that. He immersed himself in music, jotting down ideas and lyrics on his new song.

When dinner time rolled in, his mother called him out of his room to eat. He momentarily thought about just skipping dinner altogether, but he was hungry and his mother wouldn’t let him be even if he decided on that. Begrudgingly, he let himself out of his cave and made his way to the dining table where his mother was hovering over, setting down the lasts of the prepared dishes. Dinner was simple as always; kimchi jiggae, rice with pan-fried spam slices and egg rolls as a side dish. Glancing over what’s on the table, he seated himself and waited for his mother to join.

The atmosphere was heavy and awkward. The disappointment etched on her face was still very obvious and he couldn’t remember his mother being this upset at him. Jooheon wanted to just finish his food and bolt out of there as soon as he could. The thick silence between them broke when she muttered something about Jooheon risking away his future with his problematic behavior. And then it started.

“I’m not bailing you out of this mess this time. You’ve gone too far with this. You could have gotten the guy seriously injured. You could have killed him.” She choked. “YOU could have been killed”. Her voice quavered. She regretted the words just as they left , but Jooheon needs to learn to be responsible for his actions. She had been too soft with him. She had swallowed her disappointment each time Jooheon had gotten into trouble. She had countlessly bit her own tongue from saying anything that could possibly cause a rift between her and her son. She had indeed in a way enabled his behavior all these years.

“I’m not going to talk them out of their decision. I think 6 months being under their program would do some good for you. It’s better than getting jail time…” She couldn’t bring herself to look up to her son. She was trying so hard to keep herself together. Jooheon, on the other hand, couldn’t take his eyes off her. His plump lips slightly parted, shock evident on his face. He couldn’t believe that his mother was going to let that happen.

“I’m not sure what’s the program is going to be like, I haven’t gotten the full details yet, but you’re going in a week or two.” A part of her wanted him to leave for the program as soon as possible. Only so he could come back home as soon as possible as well. Working two jobs doesn’t leave much room for her to see her that much, but she couldn’t imagine not having him around for 6 months.

Jooheon seemed to freeze at the moment. He still couldn’t make sense of it. He felt rather betrayed by his mother’s words. He had gotten in trouble here and there with the authorities a few times before, but he had always gotten out of them.

His dark eyes fixated on his mother as if waiting for her to say something more. “Eomma!” He protested exasperatedly, his brows knitted together in annoyance.

She wasn’t looking at her son, but she could definitely feel dagger from Jooheon’s eye directed straight at her. She reminded herself that she was doing this for her son’s own good. For his future. She offered him no more explanations, she kept her eyes in her bowl and kept eating to avoid Jooheon’s glare.

With that, Jooheon smacked the chopsticks that were in his hands on the table and abruptly got up from the table and dashed towards his room. He slammed the door so hard that the wall shook, making a clear statement that he was royally pissed off.

The single mother gasped at the loud bang. She let out a heavy sigh. “Great…now  he’s going to hate me forever…”