The small cracks of the sidewalks seemed to shine with the moonlight’s glitter, but it extends forward endlessly with each step. Jungeun remembers walking down these streets with Jinsol, hand in hand, talking into the night while the wind was cluttered with a sort of peace. But now that she’s walking alone, the streets intimidate her, pulling her hoodie a bit closer around herself and quickening her steps.

 

The nights have gotten colder, each breeze whizzing past her like it’s trying to escape a horror hidden in the night's camouflage. Actually, it reminds Jungeun of horror movies without the music, but there’s something more threatening about the silence. As if the silence itself was waiting for something, for just the right moment. It echoes back, blaring and personal. Like it knew all her secrets. Jungeun can’t help but wish for some frat party to magically pop up, blasting mind-numbing music of an unhealthy volume, anything at all that could help her ignore the silence.

 

A step, another, and despite the cold and despite the fear, Jungeun continues to make a habit of late-night visits.

 

At first it was just to clear her head, have a distraction from her life. Sometimes with an excuse at the tip of her tongue, sometimes with no other reason than that it felt like as good of an idea as any to come see Jinsol. Sometimes to force a little courage in her system.

 

It never works.

 

Because, usually, she gives up midway, turning around after the silence creeps at her for too long, any sense of bravery replaced with common sense. Usually.

 

The nights have gotten colder, clinging onto her back, heavier with each step, but this time she’s not turning back.

 

Jungeun needs someone to talk to, someone to comfort her, someone that’ll let her fall asleep in their arms. She needs her. Needs to let her heart out and try to make sense of everything. Needs to feel loved. And, at this point, what’s the worst that can happen?

 

Maybe that Jungeun forgets she’s there to talk, that her impatience convinces her to just kiss Jinsol until the weight on her shoulders doesn’t feel like it exists anymore, and to hope for the best only afterwards. Live in the present, care about it later.

 

Truth be told, Jungeun can’t tell what exactly she’s feeling. It’s something like sadness, maybe a bit of desperation, maybe it’s just that everything’s been happening lately and she can’t take dealing with it alone anymore. Maybe she’s just falling in love and decided to do something about it.

 

So, eventually, that’s how Jungeun finds herself knocking on Jinsol’s window in the middle of the night this time. Jinsol’s more than a little confused when she wakes up.

 

“Jungeun?” she asks, her voice groggy and rough around the edges, staring down at Jungeun like she’s not sure if the younger girl is really there.

 

“I wanted to talk,” Jungeun says vaguely as an explanation, looking away to inspect the little potted plant on the window’s ledge. She’s never noticed it before. It’s kinda cute, even in the darkness.

 

“Are you okay?” Jinsol asks, worried now, as she opens the window further and extends her hand out to help Jungeun climb in. “Did something happen?”

 

“Nothing-” Jungeun tries, but her voice cracks a bit, “Nothing happened. I was walking around and I decided to go visit you.”

 

“Uh huh,” Jinsol nods, not believing the lie. “In the middle of the night, huh?”

 

“...It can’t wait until later.” Jungeun has waited, though, made herself wait by pushing all her feelings for the next day and the next, pretended they don’t exist for a little longer.

 

Jinsol leads Jungeun to sit on her bed, choosing to sit on her desk chair in front of Jungeun, leaning forward like nothing else matters except the girl in front of her. “Okay. Talk.”

 

“How can you tell when you’re falling in love?” Jungeun blurts out, mentally facepalming at how cliche that sounds.

 

The question catches Jinsol off-guard, who was expecting maybe a deep personal conversation. Talking about crushes felt like gossip, but Jungeun wouldn’t be here in the middle of the night if it wasn’t important. “Uhhh, happy...?”

 

Jungeun tries to stifle her laugh but fails dramatically.

 

“Hey, at least I’m trying!” Jinsol complains, spinning in her chair a bit.

 

Jungeun quirks an eyebrow up, staring at Jinsol with wide eyes. “Wait, have you never fallen in love?”

 

Jinsol hums unsuredly. “Depends.”

 

“Depends?”

 

“Not the right way,” Jinsol gives as an explanation, gesturing randomly with her hand. “Never with the right people.”

 

“Nothing that was ever meant to last?” Jungeun offers.

 

“Yeah,” Jinsol answers, nodding sightly. “Something like that.”

 

“Well, how does it feel?”

 

“It feels... happy,” Jinsol says again, but this time she’s a bit more serious about her answer. “Like just seeing them for a few minutes lights up my whole day. Then it’s sad, because sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.”

 

Jungeun stays quiet, staring intently at Jinsol.

 

“I-I don’t know how else to explain it.”

 

Jungeun sighs, her back falling onto the bed with a bit of a bounce. “You’re no help.”

 

“Sometimes I fall in love with friends,” Jinsol confesses, as if that could expand the subject. “So I see them all the time and I just feel so happy, but I don’t want to admit it.”

 

“...Friends?” Jungeun questions. Their social circle consists entirely of girls.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then how does it feel to fall in love with your best friends?”

 

Jinsol’s laugh is a little high pitched. “That would be like asking me how it feels to fall in love with you.”

 

It’s meant to be a joke, something to ease Jungeun’s seriousness, but it backfires as Jungeun pushes herself up from the bed to stare directly at her. She looks at Jinsol with a soft look in her eyes that Jinsol can’t begin to explain. “You’re avoiding the question,” Jungeun points out.

 

Jinsol sighs, stands up and pushes the chair back into her desk before walking to the bed. She lays down next to Jungeun, taking Jungeun’s hand to push them both back down onto the bed. “I fell in love with a girl once,” Jinsol confesses quietly, her voice weak.

 

“Really?” Jungeun exclaims before quickly noticing how oddly excited she must seem to Jinsol. “I mean, you have?”

 

Jinsol nods, closing her eyes. “I felt really alone so I never told her how I felt.”

 

“I think I’m gay,” Jungeun blurts out, quickly biting her lower lip in an attempt to stop messing up.

 

“Nice,” Jinsol answers, smiling softly. “Same. Is that why you’re here?”

 

“Kinda?”

 

“When did you know?”

 

Jungeun twirls a bit of her hair around her finger. “It’s a long story.”

 

“Well it’s the middle of the night and I ain’t gonna fall asleep any time soon thanks to you.”

 

“What about you?” Jungeun tries to get the focus off of her. “When did you know?”

 

“Fell in love ‘couple times,” Jinsol answers tiredly like it’s old news, shifting her weight to her shoulder so she can look at Jungeun better. “Didn’t think it was an option. Kissed a pretty girl once. No lie, that was awesome.”

 

“Who’d you kissed?”

 

“You,” Jinsol answers, a sheepish smile playing on her lips. “I don’t think you remember though.”

 

Jungeun’s face burns up visibly, the blush making Jinsol giggle a bit. “W-what?”

 

“Truth or dare,” Jinsol gives as an answer, trying not to smile.

 

“T-truth?”

 

“No, silly,” Jinsol rolls her eyes, “I meant it was during truth or dare.”

 

Jungeun stares up to the ceiling and tries to remember, but she can’t even conjure up the image of her kissing Jinsol. Though the thought is incredibly appealing, now that she’s actually trying to imagine it. Somehow, Jungeun turns even redder.

 

Jinsol laughs. “And here I thought you were trying to forget about it.”

 

“I don’t remember…” Jungeun says after some time. “Were we drunk or something...?”

 

“Geez you made me question everything and you don’t even remember,” Jinsol jokes. “I think you got dared to drink wine and got a headache?”

 

Jungeun doesn’t say anything for a few moments, just stares at the ceiling like maybe that’ll help her remember. “Are you sure you kissed me though?”

 

“Pretty sure it was you. You’re the only other blonde except for Chaewon, and Hyejoo would have killed me by now if I kissed Chawon.” Jinsol plays with Jungeun’s hair, twirling it around her fingers like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “You helped me come to terms with it. I mean, if I get to kiss someone as pretty as you, I’m cool with it.” She hesitates for a moment, her fingers faltering before distractedly letting the hair fall. “What about you?”

 

Deciding to come clean, Jungeun turns herself towards Jinsol. “I think I’ve known for a few years.”

 

“Then I don’t know how the hell you don’t remember I kissed you.” Jinsol playfully flicks Jungeun’s forehead. “What made you notice?”

 

“Just been thinking a lot. What do you think I should do?”

 

“Get yourself a girlfriend,” Jinsol suggests without a single ounce of hesitation. After a beat, she adds, “I can volunteer. If you’re into it. Into me.”

 

Not knowing how to answer, Jungeun just distractedly says, “You are being really forward right now.”

 

“Happens.” Jinsol nods. “I gotta make up for all the time you didn’t know I kissed you.”

 

“Does that imply you wanna kiss me again?” Jungeun answers with all her inexperienced flirtatious elegance, her heart beating faster with every second that passes.

 

“Only if it helps you remember,” Jinsol flirts back, a tad more sure of herself. She caresses Jungeun’s cheek with her thumb. After a moment, she adds, “Only if you want me to.”

 

So Jungeun surges forward, kissing Jinsol softly to test the waters. Their noses bump accidentally, making them both stop because they start laughing too hard. Jinsol smiles as she kisses Jungeun again, cuddling closer and deciding she isn't letting go until morning.