Yixing's POV - 

 

I sigh as I look at my phone, no text or call, he must be busy at work since he's not answering. I've texted him asking where he is and if he wants dinner, but he hasn't read them. 

 

Yifan usually answers me immediately and tells me if he'll be home late, but he hasn't tonight, he hasn't answered his phone and let me leave voicemails. I only left two, they were two hours apart because I didn't want to bother him. I have made him dinner, I was bored waiting and thought he'd be hungry when he got home, it isn't much because I'm tired but I hope its good enough for him. 

 

Maybe I could go get his favorite drink to help him relax? I'm sure he'd appreciate it. I smile a little, slipping on my converse and a hoodie, along with my phone, calling a taxi. I only wait for a few minutes before I climb into the car, directing the driver to Yifan's favorite bar, he doesn't drink often but when he does he usually goes there to have a drink. 

 

Its silent as we drive through the streets, me looking out the window and watching buildings pass and people walk on the sidewalks. Me and Yifan have been together for three years, I try to be best boyfriend I can for him because he deserves the best and I don't think I can give him everything he deserves but I try my hardest. 

 

I love him very much, I can't imagine myself without him even though there's a possibility he might not want me forever but I chose not to think about that. I just want to keep him happy and keep making happy memories with him, and if in the future, he decides to move on without me, I'll accept his choice because he'll happy. That's all I want, his happiness. 

 

When the car stops, I politely thank the driver with a smile, which makes his frown flip into a small smile as I give him what I owe for for ride before getting out, not forgetting to wave to him before closing the door. I turn to the small bar I was dropped in front of, its cute because its not big and isn't packed all the time, it's homey and smells differently then only alcohol and smoke. 

 

I walk in, smiling kindly to customers who look at me as I go to the bar. The bartender is tall, brown hair with puppy eyes, he's cute in the giant puppy kind of way and he's very sweet and nice. 

 

"Hi, Chanyeol." His eyes get wide at my voice, his head snaps up from looking down at his hands that hold a glass. 

 

"Yixing Hyung? W-what are doing here?" He sounds nervous and it makes me concerned,  but I give him a smile in hopes it'll calm him down. 

 

"I just wanted to get  Fan's  favorite drink for him, is something wrong?" I tilt my head, leaning in the bar as he gulps, his eyes get sad and he frowns but he quickly offers a fake smile and shakes his head.

 

I decide not to push him to talk, if he wanted to tell me, he would. Instead I just watch him make the drink Yifan orders when he comes, but I do notice his eyes keep flicking to a corner of the bar every second it seems.

 

Being curious, even if I probably shouldn't be nosey, I turn my head a little in the direction. Only to have my breathing pause and my heart drop down a few ribs when I see Yifan's tall figure over a shorter man with black hair and expensive clothing, groping and kissing each other. 

 

I quickly look away, paying attention to Chanyeol who seems to have noticed and now I understand why he acted the way he did.

 

"I'm sorry, Xing. You don't deserve that, you're to good for him anyways." He sets the drink on the counter, probably not expecting me to grab it from the shocked look on his face.

 

I smile at him, its sincere as always but I still feel pain in my chest, "It's okay, Yeol. Thank you for the drink and kind words, don't tell him I was here please. Have a good night, tell Baekhyun I said hi." 

 

I pay him and give a small head bow before exiting the small building with the drink in hand. I don't bother calling a cab, I just need to walk to think over what I'll do in the morning when I'll have to face Yifan.

 

I can't act like it never happened, I can't pretend I didn't see him touching and kissing another man, I can't do that because then he'd be unhappy and I'd be hurt even more. I have to talk about it, ask him why and prepare myself for whatever he says, I have to be prepared to break up even if I find the idea even more painful. 

 

But if being with that man makes Yifan happy more than I can, then it'll be worth the pain I feel, his happiness is more important to me then the pain I feel in my chest and body. Besides, what if that man is a better boyfriend then me? I can't be in the middle of them, keeping them from being together and happy. 

 

It's better if I just let them be together instead of starting a big mess of fights and negative feelings towards anyone, that'd be unnecessary. 

 

Before I know it I'm walking into my shared apartment with Yifan, I put to drink in the refrigerator then go to the bedroom and strip from my hoodie and converse. I sigh as I lay down, pulling the covers up to cover my mouth and nose, trying my best to clear my mind and sleep so I can forget tonight for a few hours. 

 

~~~ Yifan's POV~~~

 

I quietly enter the apartment, seeing that Yixing left the hallway light on for me, only making me hate myself even more. I sigh as I go to the kitchen, seeing food on the counter wrapped up and a small note saying how many minutes to heat it up and to enjoy. 

 

For a second, I smile at the note and the food that he made for me, glad I have such a caring boyfriend and happy that I managed to claim him before someone else could. But it quickly flips into a frown when I think about tonight, being tipsy and that man flirting with me that lead to somehow making out in the corner of the bar, groping his body as if I didn't care for my boyfriend.

 

My frown deepens as I remember that my selfless, caring, seemingly innocent and gentleman of a boyfriend has no idea and probably thinks I was kept at work from his text messages and voicemails. I cheated on the worlds real angel, real unicorn and adorable little lamb or rabbit, I cheated on the purest soul in the galaxy and I feel horrible.

 

I can't imagine how he'd react if he knew, in fact, will he know? No, of course not, I'm not telling that adorable pure and sweet man that I cheated. I don't think I could handle whatever he does,whether it be crying, hitting me which I deserve, or just calmly leaving me forever. No, I simply can't handle that so my boyfriend will never know of the huge, universe size mistake I made. 

 

I shake my head, angry at myself as I open the refrigerator to get a water, only to freeze seeing the cup with the Bars label on the side sitting in it. My heart drops to the floor and my breathing stops fully, no wonder Chanyeol glared even harder when I walked out, no wonder the other customers said mean things in whispers. 

 

They all knew that I was cheating on the sweet dancer, who came in to get a drink, Chanyeol probably told him and others overheard or seen the hurt on his handsome face.

 

I slump against the counter, seriously questioning my decisions I made over the last hours, why I went to the bar, why I drank, why I flirted with that man when Chanyeol was trying to shove my phone in my face, saying words that I couldn't make out because of the alcohol. 

 

And especially, making out and nearly sleeping with a stranger if it wasn't for Chanyeol coming over and slapping me across my face and demanding the man to leave, actually, maybe he did that after Yixing left. 

 

I couldn't believe he did that, but now I'm thankful, he forced water down my throat until I wasn't as drunk and told me to come home. Never once mentioning Yixing, just glaring at me and saying the most hurtful thing I've heard from him; "He doesn't deserve you." 

 

His words float around in my head like a balloon, not leaving as if tied to my wrist and I'm unable to untie the tight knot. They haunt me as I forget about eating and go to the bedroom, where I immediately see the lump in the blankets where Yixing is sleeping. I frown even more when the thought of him hating me comes to mind, I sigh quietly as I strip from my clothes, leaving my boxers on as I climb in the bed. 

 

Hesitantly wrapping my arm around the small figure next to me, when he doesn't do anything, I relax and close my eyes. It's not long until I'm half asleep and feel the body next to me disappear, the quiet sound of the door opening then closing. 

 

~~~

 

I wake up to the spot next to me empty, the pillow missing and the bed made neatly. I frown, getting up and quickly throwing in the sweats that sat folded on the corner of the bed for me, I stop mid step and look down at the pants.

 

Even after what I did, he still reminds me to wear pants and leaves them on the bed for me. Chanyeol was right, I don't deserve him. 

 

The smell of bacon and eggs get my attention off the sweats, I quickly walk from the bedroom into the hall that leads to the living room and kitchen, glancing in the living room, I see the missing pillow and a blanket on the couch. 

 

Guilt fills me immediately, I was the one in the wrong yet he slept on the uncomfortable couch instead of yelling at me, he just let me sleep in the bed without fighting. I turn into the kitchen, seeing him in baggy skinny jeans and a red hoodie, the sleeves pulled up as he puts bacon on a plate with eggs already on it. His short brown hair covered with a black backwards cap, his lips in a small frown. 

 

"Xing?" My voice makes him look up, his lips forming a small smile which makes his dimple more noticeable. 

 

"Good morning, here you go, you must be hungry since you didn't eat last night." He offers me the plate while I feel my guilt rise, he knows what I did but he still cares for me, his smile is sincere and he shows no sign of hate to me. 

 

I take it, staying on the opposite side of the counter so I'm in front of him, I don't eat, I have more important things to do right now. "Yixing, we need to-" 

 

"Talk? I know, Fan."  His voice is the same, calm and sweet, not yelling or showing anger at me just like his smile and eyes. I watch in surprise as he grabs the drink from the bar from the refrigerator, placing it front of me.

 

"I got this for you last night, it's early to drink but it'll go to waste it you don't." He got me this, not himself, the hate I feel for myself is enough for him to hate me thousands of times over, maybe even life times. 

 

"You got this for me?" It's a stupid question, I know, but I just need him to elaborate on why he did. 

 

He nods, "Yes. I thought you were at work so I wanted to help you relax when you came back, I went out to get that for you." 

 

I want to slap myself. He's too good for me, I don't deserve him, I never have but now especially. He does so much for me, he cares and loves me as much as he can, he doesn't complain when I do something wrong, he cooks for me whenever I happen to mention I'm hungry or when he's bored, he does so much without complaining or without an attitude because he wants to do those things for me.

 

What did I do in return? Go get drunk and cheat. I'm to worse boyfriend in the world, I feel like the worse person in the world, I hurt the most positive and pure man in the universe and he's still calm and caring.

 

He should hate me, he should slap me, he should kick me out, he should be yelling yet he doesn't. He sets out my pants, he makes me breakfast, he smiles and looks at me with soft and pure eyes, he's calm and it makes me feel more guilty but I can only hope this is his way of making the guilt rise. Even though I know its not, he's just being himself.

 

"I'm sorry, I really am." Is all I can form while staring at his calm features, his soft and seemingly dazed eyes, those dimples as he keeps that tiny smile. 

 

"It's okay, I understand." I blink, he understands? That's great, maybe he'll forgive me then, since he knows I was drunk and didn't mean anything by it. He's forgiving, he'll forgive me, hopefully. 

 

"If that man makes you happy, I can't keep you away from him. If your happy with him that's all that matters to me, I'll accept it because I've tried to keep you happy, if he can do it better then I'm glad you found him." He smiles, though I know it's a sad one. 

 

My heart sinks even more, he think I've been cheating regularly with that dude and he's fine as long as I'm happy, he's still being selfless in this situation and its the saddest thing I've seen. 

 

He just wants me happy, even if its not with him, and he's not minding how he feels, I know he's hurt because of what he seen, I know he's sad or angry but he won't show it. He wants to make sure I'm happy before he even thinks of showing his emotions to this whole thing, its such a selfless act that I shouldn't be surprised with him, but I am.

 

And a little upset, because he's not willing to fight for our relationship, instead he'd just give it up to make me happy. I won't tell him that, I won't raise my voice and I won't get angry at him though, because he doesn't like fights, he's trying to have a calm conversation and that's the least I can give him.

 

"No, Yixing, that guy didn't make me happy. I don't even remember his name, that's the first time I ever did something like that and I regret it so much. I was drunk and I ignored everything around me, I - he was flirting and I couldn't control my body. I'm sorry, Xing Baby, it won't happen again."

 

I drop my head in my hands that rest on the counter, not wanting to see his face because the calmness and hint of hurt in his eyes  will break me even more. I didn't mean for anything to happen with that guy, I didn't even mean to get drunk but one drink lead to another, things got way out of hand. 

 

"Did anything besides groping and kissing happen?" I cringe, he seen that, he seen my hands on another man, not just us kissing, he saw my hands roam and grab that stranger in a bar. 

 

I shake me head pathetically, "No, Chanyeol finally slapped me and forced water in my mouth after kicking the dude out. Nothing else happened." 

 

I can imagine the nod when he doesn't say anything, probably considering his options since he hasn't thrown me out yet or hit me. 

 

But instead, I hear him hum, "Are you okay? Did he hit you very hard? I should have told him not to do anything before I left, I didn't think he'd hit you."

 

I look up, only seeing him staring at me with concern. He seriously is worried if it hurt? What kind of partner worrys if a cheater is hurt? I decide to ignore the growing annoyed feeling, he's just being himself, he's not a violent person, he's just making sure I'm okay. I also decide to ignore the question, because I deserve to hurt, it did hurt and I'm glad it did, I even thanked Chanyeol when I was sober enough. 

 

"It didn't mean anything, Xing. I didn't mean to get drunk, I didn't mean to do anything I did last night, it wasn't planned. I planned on one drink then coming back to you, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry you seen what you did. I regret everything, every decision I made, I regret it." 

 

I actually feel like I'm losing everything, I love Yixing, he's the only man I'd imagine myself with because he's the opposite of me and that makes him even better. He's positive and doesn't let negative things cling to him, he has a child like personality and seems innocent and dazed, he's the most selfless person alive and only wants peace. 

 

I'm not that, I'm not always positive and I let negative things cling to me on bad days, I have a very different personality, I'm not innocent or look dazed at times, I'm selfish most days and I get angry or annoyed easily. We even each other out, he calms me and makes me feel better on bad days, he reminds me theres always light at the end of a tunnel and that tomorrow is a new day. 

 

He's okay with me being selfish because he knows I can't help it, just like I know he can't necessarily help bring selfless because he grew up that way. I need him in my life and I'd be unless in my mind without him, especially knowing I lost him because of this mistake. 

 

I'm surprised when I feel his soft and gentle hand on my , rubbing it comfortingly, "Its okay. You explained what happened, it's enough for me, as long as your happy with me, I'm happy." 

 

Looking to my side where he's standing, I see his smile, sweet dimples, and loving eyes. I can't stop myself from hugging him, holding his small body  against me with my face in his neck, making sure to breath on his hoodie so I don't accidentally tickle his neck. His head rest on my bare shoulder and his arms wrap around my waist, not pushing me away and just welcoming my hug. 

 

"I'm only happy with you, Baby. You're the best thing that happened to me, I don't want anyone else besides you and I'm happy your mine even if I don't deserve you. I promise you, last night will not repeat, I will answer your calls and definitely not get drunk without you with me." I smile a little when he giggles at the last sentence, pulling away only to hold out his pinky finger. 

 

"If you promise then pinky promise me, it'll only be real then." I can't control my small laugh at the childish act but do so anyways, wrapping my pinky around his, watching his smile grow like his dimples growing deeper. 

 

"I promise, Xing Baby." He hugs me again, allowing me to gladly hold him. 

 

"Good, I forgive you, Fanfan." My hold on him just gets tighter hearing the words, he was never upset, just hurt and needed an explanation of what he saw. 

 

But the thought of him leaving because he didn't believe me is enough to fear he'll decide I'm not worth his trust and leave. I move his head from my shoulder, quickly kissing his soft lips, he responds a few seconds later and allows me to pull him even closer.

 

It's a soft and short kiss, but one I think we both needed.