Throughout your entire life, you’ve known two mommies.
 

How could you not, when there are two women whom you consider the greatest in the entire world?
 

One of them is Taeyeon, your umma, who gives the best cuddles and the best tickles. She’s the one who’s been there since the beginning – the first person you saw once you had opened your eyes and let out the loudest cry you could muster with your tiny baby lungs.
 

You could see how tired she gets every night when you try to tell her you’re hungry or cold in the only way you know how, but you stare in wonder at how she immediately lights up upon picking you up and holding you in her arms, smiling at you like you’re her entire world. Her smile makes you stop crying, makes you reach out and boop her nose to make her smile even wider.
 

You love your Taeyeon umma, but nothing beats the smile of your other mom.
 

Tiffany—or whom Taeyeon calls ‘Fany’—your mama, has the best smile in the world because her eyes smile too. You try your best to copy it when she holds you in her arms, and you watch her laugh and show Taeyeon each time you do it.
 

She’s also been there since the beginning, the first person Taeyeon passes you to in the hospital. You love your mama Tiffany because she sings you the best songs to sleep and gives you a kiss on the forehead every night.

***

They’re both playing with you in the living room when you reach your first milestone.
 

“Can you say umma? Uuuummm-mmmaaa!” Taeyeon has been repeating this for days now, and your mouth quivers with this innate urge to copy her.
 

“She’s really smart for her age,” Tiffany says. “I’m sure—”
 

“Uuuum…mma!” You give it your best shot.
 

And you shut the two adults up into silence, their heads both whipping towards you in shock.
 

Then you proceed to look on helplessly as Taeyeon cries right in front of you.
 

You turn to Tiffany for help, lifting your arms for her to carry you. “Umm-mma!!”
 

You drop your arms to your sides when she bursts into tears as well.
 

Tiffany struggles to form words. “Taeyeon- I’m not- “
 

“But you are,” Taeyeon cuts her off with a sniff. “You’ve been here, for her, for me, since the start—and even before then.” Taeyeon then turns to you. “Are we your ummas, baby?”
 

You nod, because they are.
 

Taeyeon smiles through her tears and finally picks you up, giving you a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You’re amazing, and I love you,” she tells you earnestly, making you giggle. “But Fany is an American girl, so I think she would prefer to be called ‘mama.’”
 

You watch as Tiffany laughs, making her eyes smile again. “Mama?” You call out to her hesitantly.
 

The smile she gives you is probably the most beautiful one you’ve seen, so you nod and point to her, repeating “Mama” with more conviction. You want her to smile like that all the time.

***

At the age of one and a half, you start to recognize a routine in you and your moms’ lives.
 

Mama Tiffany is the one who picks you up from your crib every morning when you wake up, giving you a good morning kiss that always makes you smile. She does this with as little noise as possible, because your umma is still sleeping on the bed next to yours. She changes your diaper and clothes before setting you down on your high chair in the kitchen and giving you breakfast.
 

Taeyeon umma would then sit beside you, giving you a sleepy kiss on the cheek. She watches over you as you eat your food while mama Tiffany would leave you both for a few minutes, always coming back smelling like berries and wearing really nice clothes.
 

She tells you she has to go for a while, and a few months ago, you would cry and beg her to stay or bring you with her, but now you simply nod and patiently wait for a goodbye kiss, knowing that she will always come back at the end of the day.
 

You always wait for her to give your umma a kiss too, but she never does. She just gives her a pat on the shoulder or a soft smile before leaving.
 

Taeyeon umma would then stay at home with you for the rest of the day, feeding you lunch and playing with you until you get tired and want to take a nap in the afternoon.
 

When you wake up, usually mama Tiffany will be back to play with you. Your umma will always ask her about her day, and she would proceed to talk about colors you recognize in your storybook, among other things. She would also show you drawings of people wearing a lot of different clothes, and you’re always itching to grab her sketchpad and make it your new coloring book.
 

Tiffany will then ask umma about you: what you ate, what you played, when you pooped. Sometimes you would be the one to tell her, gushing about the new toy Aunt Sunny bought for you or the story Taeyeon umma read to you.
 

She’s always excited about the things you ramble on about—maybe even more excited than you are—and it makes you want to hug her, so you do.
 

For the rest of the night, mama Tiffany plays with you and gives you a bath, while Taeyeon umma places a big box on her lap and types a lot on the couch.
 

You get sleepy real soon, and mama Tiffany settles you on her chest beside your umma. She begins to sing to you with her sweet voice. Sometimes, your umma joins in, and their voices lull you to a peaceful sleep.

***

Your weekend routine is different, because mama Tiffany is the one who usually stays with you during the day—or the both of them do, making it your favorite days of the week.
 

You also go out with them sometimes, walking around a really nice park where you can chase birds around or pet friendly dogs. They also take you shopping, making you try on different clothes and shoes. You always hear your umma complain about the amount of pink you wear, but you don’t mind, because mama Tiffany seems to smile a lot more when you do.
 

You arrive home very tired, sometimes falling asleep even while you’re still outside. They let you nap before they wake you up for dinner, and after that, you all spend a few hours together on the sofa, watching a movie of your choice. You love movies with animals in them, like The Land Before Time series or 101 Dalmatians. You sit between your two mommies and hold each of their hands as you enjoy the film.
 

One night, you ask them both a question that they struggle to answer.
 

You ask about your daddy.
 

You read about daddies in books and even see daddies in films, and how they always seem to be with the mommies. So you ask them if you have two daddies, since you have two mommies.
 

They don’t answer you right away, looking at each other nervously.
 

Finally, your umma responds. “You only have one daddy, baby. Well, a father. Definitely not a daddy.”
 

You stare at her in confusion, not quite understanding.
 

“He…isn’t around, and honestly, I’m okay with that. But I’m sorry that he’s not here for you, but I love you so much, and your mommy Tiffany loves you so much too, and I hope our love can make up for it.”
 

The tiny wheels in your head turn, trying to understand, and you turn to your mama Tiffany. “But don’t I have a daddy from you too?”
 

Tiffany laughs, ruffling your hair a little bit. “No, baby. Your umma was the one who gave birth to you; she’s your real mommy. I’m just…I’m just her best friend. And- “
 

“Just my best friend?” Taeyeon repeats, looking offended. “Fany, you’ve done more for me than I can ever repay you for.” Your umma looks at you and says, “Your mommy is the bestest friend I know, and she loves you a lot. And I think she loves me a lot too, because she’d been there for the nine months you were in my tummy, and I was baaaad. And yet, she’s still here with us.” She looks back up at Tiffany with a watery smile, and you turn and realize that mama Tiffany is crying too.
 

You reach out and hug your mama Tiffany. “I love you too,” you tell her, making her cry harder. “And I know you love umma a lot too.”
 

You tell her this because it’s true. You see the way she looks at your umma, especially when the latter is not aware of it. Her usually bright eye smile is dimmed a little bit, but in a way that makes the smile look a little funny to you. Like it’s a smile, but it also seems a little hopeful, a little sad, but definitely all the more beautiful.
 

You also know that sometimes, your umma smiles at your mama when she isn’t looking too. It’s the type of smile that she gives you: a smile that makes you feel ten feet tall, like she would give you the moon if you ask her to.

***

It’s when you’re two years old that the world feels like it’s falling apart beneath your little feet.
 

Your mama tells you goodbye one morning, and you wait for her to come back at night, like she always does, but she doesn’t.
 

You wait and wait, staring at the front door with utmost determination.
 

It’s when your umma quietly tells you that your mama won’t be coming home that night that tears begin flowing down your cheeks in fear.
 

“Whyyyy?” You wail at her.
 

“She…she says that she has to live somewhere nearer to her work.”
 

“But…but….mama lives here!” You tell her, hiccupping between your sobs.
 

You umma picks you up and hugs you tightly, and you feel her trembling. Maybe she’s scared too, and that thought makes you cry harder, because if your umma is scared, then it truly is the worst. You both need your mama Fany.
 

You try to think of the reasons why your mama Tiffany would leave.
 

Was it because of you? The thought makes you cry harder.
 

You struggle to think of any other reason, and you remember noticing how your mommies seem to not talk to each other much these past few weeks. Mama Tiffany would focus all of her attention on you, like your umma wasn’t even in the room.
 

Is it because of that guy that seems to always be with your umma? He said hi to you a few days ago before he and your umma left you with your mama Tiffany.
 

Is he your daddy? It would seem like your mama doesn’t like him much. In that case, you decide that you don’t like him either.
 

“Mama…” you sob out, struggling out of your umma’s hold.
 

“It’ll be okay, baby,” she tells you, trying to sound sure of herself. “Your mama said she will still visit a lot, okay? She just won’t be sleeping here anymore.”
 

“But…can…can we live with her?” You plead.
 

It takes a long time for your umma to answer. “…Not right now, baby.”
 

You cry again, because that isn’t the answer you want to hear.

***

One night, the heat makes it worse, and you’re impossible to calm down. You cry for your mama, pushing Taeyeon away when she tries to pick you up.
 

“I want my mama!” You yell at her, trying to make her understand how much you miss Tiffany.
 

You don’t let her near you, not until she picks up her phone and you hear her say, “Fany…” to the person at the other end of the line.
 

You scramble off the floor and try to snatch the phone from her hands, jumping up and down. Mama Tiffany calls you every day, and she already had this morning, but you still want to talk to her.
 

Taeyeon sits down on the floor and clicks a button, and now you can hear your mama at the other end of the line.
 

You cry upon hearing her voice, and you beg her to come back. It’s what you always do, but this time, she does.
 

In a few minutes, Taeyeon umma opens the door for her, and you run as fast as your little legs can carry you, crushing her with your hug.
 

She stays for the night, playing with you and reading you stories. You notice your umma keeping her distance, so you announce that you will watch a movie together, forcing the two of them to sit on the same couch with you, like how it used to be.
 

You hold their hands with your own, but this time, you bump their hands together. You relentlessly do it until Taeyeon umma finally gets the hint and holds mama Tiffany's hand. Tiffany stiffens beside you, but she doesn’t push your umma’s hand away, making you smile and look up to finally focus on the movie.
 

Mama Tiffany stays for a long time the next day, but after dinner, she tells you that she has to leave. Before you can start wailing your little heart out, she promises to always come visit and continue to keep calling you every day, twice a day if you want.
 

You nod quickly, telling her that you want her to sing you a lullaby each night. She laughs and hugs you, agreeing, and you hug her back with all your might.
 

Before she leaves, she and your umma talk to each other near the front door. They try to converse as quietly as possible, but your mama talks really loudly sometimes, and you end up overhearing one sentence of hers: “I just need some time, Taeyeon-ah.”

***

Your mama Tiffany keeps her promise to you, visiting frequently and calling you to say good morning and good night.
 

One day, she tells you that you’re going to Lotte World, and you scream for joy around the room until you collapse on the floor, completely out-of-breath. At first, your umma tries to chase you, warning you to be careful, but mama Tiffany just keeps laughing, and soon, Taeyeon umma stops running and simply joins in with her laughter. You don’t really know what Lotte World is, but the way your mama said it in such an excited manner made you excited too; your mama’s moods are quite infectious.
 

As it turns out, Lotte World is a park with a lot of people doing so many different things. Some are just eating on the benches, while most would be lining up to go to places that make a lot of noise. You and your mommies line up for a lot of these places, and you end up enjoying every single one. There was a magic show, two musicals, a train ride, and a ride on an elephant that brought you high up in the air, but not in a scary way.
 

After all that, you are now the most tired you have ever been in your life. You fall asleep in your mama Tiffany's arms as you all take a cab home.
 

But as tired as you were that day, you still count that day as the best and most magical day of your life. Not only because Lotte World was amazing, but because something may have happened between your mommies that same day.
 

You conclude this because the next day, your mommies tell you that they’re going out together.
 

Mama Tiffany comes over smelling like really yummy berries, her lips red and her face prettier than ever. And you tell her so, making her smile the smile that you like so much. She plants a sweet kiss on your cheek as a thank you. Umma chuckles at you after the kiss, and she uses a mirror to show you how mama Tiffany's lips have marked your cheek.
 

You rub at your skin curiously, while you hear your umma murmur, “Lucky girl.”
 

You think that your mama heard her because she turns a little bit red, her cheeks now almost the same shade as her lipstick.
 

They bring you to your Aunt Sunny’s house, telling you that they’ll be back at nine to pick you up.
 

This begins to happen frequently, and you’re more than okay with it, as long as they always take you back home again.
 

You also like how your mommies’ secret smiles for each other aren’t so secret anymore.
 

They would always hide it before, looking away when the other would turn towards them, but now, they just let them catch them amidst the blatant staring. And the amazing thing is the other would smile right back.

***

In less than a month, mama Tiffany tells you that she’s going to be living here again.
 

You smile and nod, exuberantly happy, although you do realize that she has been sleeping over practically every day for the past few weeks anyway.
 

You note how happy your mommies are, back to the routine they had set before, with a few slight changes.
 

Now sleeping on the same bed, your mommies take turns in picking you up from your crib and changing your clothes. Sometimes, you even get to sleep between the two of them.
 

Once mama Tiffany is all dressed and ready for work, she gives you a goodbye kiss. She also gives your umma a goodbye kiss—sometimes even kisses, which makes you a bit jealous, so you also demand more from her, making her laugh and tickle you silly.
 

While you play with your umma during the day, sometimes mama Tiffany will call you and Taeyeon to check up on you, and it makes you happy, because you’re able to see her face through the phone screen.
 

Mama Tiffany would still come home at the same time, but during some days, Taeyeon umma will dress you up and bring you to a restaurant with her, where mama Tiffany will be meeting you both. You enjoy these little outings, because they also let you have a few bites of yummy dessert. Your favorite would have to be the chocolate cake or the ice cream.
 

After dinner, you all go home together, and they bathe you before they take turns changing their clothes too. You stay up later than before now, so you get to play more games with your mommies before they put you to bed with a bedtime story and mama Tiffany's usual lullaby, which she now always sings with your umma.
 

Your umma had told you that mama Tiffany isn’t your real mommy, but it’s hard for you to understand that when she gives you so much love and treats you with so much care. For you, Tiffany is your mommy just as much as Taeyeon umma is. And you hope that someday, you’ll be able to give them the same amount of love they have given you all these years, and more.

A/N:

Halfway through this baby POV I was like..."this was a baaaaad idea." Sorry if it's a bit fill-in-the-blanks; the baby's perspective is a little limited, but I tried to do the best that I can.

Someday soon, I'd like to do a retelling in Fany's POV to make things clearer. Also because I kind of...want...some...y...between them. Heh. No babies allowed in that chapter! XD