When I think about my life, all I can see are regrets. A little bird told me that if a person has nothing to regret, life gets boring. But now that I think of that, it went overboard. 

                              

A ding of a bell sounded throughout the school, an indication that the break time has ended. 

"Huh? Where's Rui?"

"She just ran up to the rooftop crying..."

"Huh? Why?"

"Um...That's because... She got rejected by Mark yesterday."

                                       ×•×•×•×

 

Rui

 

I've had enough! I want to disappear! 

I open the door to the rooftop of the school, and stumbled in. Tears already b my eyes, and all I could wish for is to get swallowed by the ground in so much embarrassment. 

"Ugh! Mark that stupid idiot! He hasn't meet my eyes all morning!"

 I kneel, and pin my crimson face on the cement, cushioning it with my arms. Streak of tears keep dropping, wetting the surface. Despite the sticky feeling because the wisp of my hair keep sticking on my face, and uncomfortable position, I continue on ranting. 

 "The one who's in shock is me! Do you know how much courage that took?!" I sobbed. 

I wish I didn't confess! If we had just stayed as childhood friends... Now, I am stuck in this dilemma. How stupid I am to act so recklessly! 

I was weeping my heart's out when I heard squawking nearby. I sniff, and wipe the moisture on my cheeks with my palm. By squawking, did I just hear crows? 

I sit upright, still kneeling, and palms pressed on the cement to support my weight. My red rimmed eyes drifted in the sight of crows scattering around the place on the rooftop; the tower. It has a beautiful vintage, and has a huge clock affixed on its wall, serving as everyone's clock. Though, it's already 12:50, but by any chance, what would crows doing in such an early afternoon? 

                                         ×•×•×•×

 

"Why the roof?"

"In our middle school, we have a rumor about the Hell's Clock, right?" A girl in a ponytail answered, "When we were talking about it before, her face suddenly last colour, and she ran away.

There's a ghost girl who lives here. And the clock she possesses can freely manipulate time. If you make a wish under the large clock on the rooftop, she'll appear, and lend that clock to you.

But in exchange, you have to give her something important."

"Well, it's just a rumor, right? Who knows if it's really true?"

"Yeah. It's just a rumor."

                            ווו×

Rui

 

The squawking continue, and when I stare at the huge clock. There's just this weird feeling about that clock, I suddenly reminisce that time...

 

"Huh? Mark... You're moving schools?"

I was in my seat, staring at Mark being surrounded by his friends, talking about his soon farewell.

"Yeah. 'Cause of my parents' jobs. We're moving to Incheon." Mark answered, and I remember the corners of his lips quirking into a faint sad smile.

"It's too soon to leave after the first school term!" His friend blurted out, saying the obvious in a crestfallen tone.

As a matter of fact, it really is so sudden.

And I remember that time before my confession. When I was also surrounded by my friends, bugging me to quickly make a move, and confess to him my true feelings... 

"Rui, are you alright with not confessing?"

"You've liked him since forever, right? You have to tell him properly!"

When I confessed to him afterschool... On my way home...

He was walking ahead of me, and his hands were dug in his pockets. I didn't knew that I was completely left out because of me contemplating whether I'll just confess or not. I just realize it when he called my name, and turn to me, noticing my absence in his side. 

I mustered all my courage and, 

*"I...love you!" I blurted flat out to him. I was keeping my hands in front of my chest. I hung my head low, afraid to look at his reaction, "I've never been able to... tell you that..."

I was so flustered, and my heart is throbbing so fast in my chest, like it's threatening to jump out of my ribcage. I was more nervous, and sad, and I felt like the galaxy has fallen over me with what I heard next...

"Sorry. I can't see you as anything more than a childhood friend."

Since then, he hasn't looked me in the eyes. Even if he's just beside me, it felt like he's miles away from me. He's so distant. If it was going to be like that, I wish I didn't confess. 

And so I do what a reckless girl do next. 

"Ghost... I'll give you anything! Please lend me your clock!" I begged as I bow my head. Again, I feel my eyes heating up, and the second thing I know, I started to cry again. 

I want to go back to the time before I confessed! 

Flapping of wings, and ticking of the clock along my cries is what I heard that filled the open area. I raised my head. The visual has taken me back to the world. Only black feathers of the crows floating in the air. I can't see anything strange. 

"...What am I doing...?" I muttered to myself, cursing myself mentally. "I'm an idiot. As if something so unbelievable would be real..." 

"I'll... 

A strong blast of the wind interrupt me, blowing my hair to the side. A rustling noise was heard from my prone position. I saw the crows lining up in the railings as a sphere object connecting with a chain was already close to dropping on the floor near me. It was floating.

 My eyes widen when I discern what it was..  

"Huh? A clock?!"

No way! This is real! 

Could this be...?

 I gasp.

 It's the ghost girl! 

 

"And the clock she possesses can freely manipulate time."

 

I blink several times, trying to get rid of the sight as if it was a disease. But the visuals still in there; the clock in chain that was floating, the crows aligned on the railings. I knew it was anything but not a figment of my imagination. 

I reluctantly stood up. My knees buckling, and my hands trembled. It doesn't help that my heart is pounding in a fast pace. Though I know I shouldn't be scared because this is my chance. My palms were sweating as I open them to welcome the Hell's Clock.

 I was determined to do it. 

I want to make it so that it never happened! 

"Please... Bring me back to yesterday!" I plead. "To the time before I confessed to Mark!"

All of the sudden, the huge clock on the tower shone, emitting a blinding light that agitate me. I could here the clock keep ticking, backing onwards. 

"Rui. Rui!" 

I popped my eyes open as a gasp tumbled past my lips. I focus my gaze upon a person. I couldn't believe it. Mark is right in front of me, staring at me like a curious dog. He was still wearing his uniform, and a bag hang loosely on his shoulder. 

"Whoa! What's wrong with you?" He asked, "Scared me there. Were you sleeping while standing?"

Huh...? Mark?! I was so confused. I was just... on the roof... 

"So, what is it?" He continued. 

"Huh?"

"You just said you had something to tell me."

No way... 

This is the moment just before I confessed??

No way! 

And it clicked on me. My hands drifted upwards to touch my chest, and that's when I hear a faint clinking sound. The clock! I was wearing it as a necklace. I reverted my eyes on Mark. Thank God, it was hidden underneath my blouse. There's no way he could see it! Though I could still hear the 'tik tok' sound that was coming off indistinct. 

But not just it. I really went back to the moment before I confessed!

"Oi!" Mark called, staring at me with droopy eyes, a telltale that he's tired. 

"In..." I stuttered, sweat began to drip from my temple. But I tried to bring back my usual tone, "In the winter holidays, when you come back, make sure you call me, okay?"

It should be fine with this. I clench my hands, feeling disappointed. It's all right. I'll eventually forget this feeling.

 It's fine like this. 

                             ×•×•×•×

When I came back to school the next morning, I was meet with my friends with excited looks on their faces. However, myself is as opposite. 

I sit on my accustomed chair while they surrounded me, sitting atop of my desk. 

"Rui, how did it go yesterday?" My friend Erika questioned, eagerly, "You two went home together, right? Did you say it?"

"Nope..." I answered, my voice seemingly drained with energy as I put my bag down. 

"Huh?!" Eunji exclaimed in dissatisfaction, "What were you doing?! You don't have any time left!"

Time... 

Come to think of it, it's just yesterday when I used that Hell's Clock. I wonder if it doesn't have an effect anymore if by any chance, I may run into something, and have to use it again... 

                                      ווו×

 

"Argh! Are you alright with the things like this? You always regret not being able to do something!" Mark was bugging me in the break time when I have a few minutes alone with him.

I assume he was pertaining about the incident yesterday on the way back home. I stare at him. He really was so bemused. As a childhood friend, he knows when something's amiss about me. It's because he knows me for a very long time. 

It is when he turned his head at my way that I notice that I am staring at him way too long, "What are you looking at?"

"I-I'm not looking!" I lied. 

 

When my friends confronted me about him at the girl's restroom, I don't want to say anything. It's because I couldn't. 

"There have been other girls who've hastily confessed, right?" Erika blurted out, saying the obvious while putting her lipstick on. 

"If you don't confess, what are you going to do?"

The best option I have is to lie. Even if I was even making a fool of my heart. 

"Ahaha!" I laughed, and my friends stared at me as if I am an alien with three growing heads,"I'm through with Mark. "

"Huh?"

I faked a smile, "Since it's been decided that I'm nothing more than a childhood friend."

 

                                       ×•×•×•×

 

"Rui, what do you want me to get you?" Mark questioned as we sit side by side each other on our chairs in our classroom.

I was reading a particular book when I turned to him. His brown orbs also smiled into me as he lifted his hands slightly to show a small pocket notebook, which were I presume the souvenirs, and the names who want souvenirs are listed. 

"Huh?"

"Right now, everyone's requesting what they want to get as souvenirs." He retorted, seemingly very happy. He was even giving ray light to everyone like his happiness is like a contagious disease. "You write something, too!"

"You're looking forward to it. Hmm?" I addressed, "Even though, you're going to move school, and leaves us, you don't feel lonely?"

The corner of his lips twitched to form an affectionate smile, "Will you get lonely?"

"No, not really!" I disapprove, abruptly, I fake a tired look, "Since I've been with you since we were young, I've grown bored of looking at you! 'Him again?!', I have that sort of feeling!"

Mark pouted, "I'm going to write 'crab'!"

 I don't have an idea if he take even a single word of it seriously. Even though my heart says the very much opposite. I know I will miss him more than anyone, and I will never get bored of looking at him, even just in the picture later on. 

"To make sure I don't get lonely..." He muttered, softly. His eyes weren't on me now. He was looking straight ahead, blankly, "I'm trying to enjoy myself the best I can."

I keep a mum. I just perceive something. It was he's always like this. He was always looked forward. I'm no good. I always look back, and regret. 

During 6th grade when I dropped the baton on the relay... When my pet dog, Jiro, died from an illness...

"Don't cry, Rui. Cheer up!"

That's what Mark has always said to me. He probably doesn't remember those things though...

 

When I arrived the next day, the first thing I saw was a handwriting on a blackboard that says, 'Afterclass Ceremony', and below of that was 'Mark's farewell party' in a big bold letters. 

 

So, after class, we toast Mark for starting a new lease of life. It was toasting with juice since we're still high school students, and alcohol is highly prohibited.

"Mark, let's take a picture!"

"Me, too!"

"What time's your bus? You're meeting your parents at the station, right? Don't go!"

"Hahaha!"

"He's so popular!" Eunji commented, "Even people from other schools are here."

"Huh? Where's Rui?"

I was promenading in the hallway with a plastic bag full of snacks. I wonder if there are enough food for everyone. 

I was nearing the door of our classroom when Mark appeared in the hallway all of a sudden, startling me. He was wearing his cheerful, and dazzling smile that show off his canines."Rui!"

"Woah!" I was in shock. I almost spilled the contents in the plastic bag. When I composed myself, I asked him,"What are you doing alone? You're the main character!"

"Toilet!" He exclaimed. He sure is hyper, huh, "That's right. I heard from Erika... that you have someone you like?"

What... 

I look away, "N-Not telling!"

Why would Erika said something like that? I already mentioned that I'm over him. 

Mark took a few steps, "What? If I knew, I would've help you out."

An unknown acrimony bubble up inside of me. Him, saying that, it's hurt. You're the one that I like, idiot! I wanted to shout at him. But if I do that... If I do that, it was like turning back at the whole point why I am here... 

"It's fine. I don't need any help." I uttered, nonchalantly. 

"Who is it?" He asked, "Do I know him, too? Is he popular?"

Yes! He's popular. And that's you, moron. 

"If you're going to confess, you should do it quick!"

I balled my hands into fists. Stop it! 

"I can tell him for you!"

"Shut up. It has nothing to do with you." I said, firmly, "Since he's gone. I'll never confess to him! Never!"

I could already make out his shock face at my sudden outburst. My eyes started to heat up, and before I could stop it, it started to flow again. My tears. 

"Just... Leave me alone..." I begged. 

He keeps a mum for a while before replying in a serious tone, "I got it."

The next thing I knew is he walk past me without turning back. I stifled a sob as I cover my mouth with my hand. 

"Mark, you're late!"

"Sorry!"

This is horrible! This feeling...

Even though he was having so much fun  at his farewell party, and the two of them helped me out... 

...this is the last time. 

I really am full of regrets. 

 

                                    ווו×

 

The next day when I woke up, mom's in my room, currently opening the curtains, which were blocking the sunlight. When she opens it, there's no warm, and light that welcomes me. The weather's so gloomy. Just like the reflection of what I am feeling right now. 

"Hey, Rui." Mom called, "Isn't today Mark's departure? When are you going to sleep until?"

Right now, I wonder if they've finished. He should be waiting for the bus right about now. 

But then something dawned on me.

 Hell's clock! 

I quickly sit upright. If I go back in time and make it so that we didn't fight... 

I held the clock on my hands, and stood up. My eyes automatically darted outside, towards our backyard. In Jiro's grave... flowers... There are flowers... 

"Mom... Who put flowers at Jiro's grave?"

"Oh, flowers?" She mused, "It was Mark. Early this morning."

"Waahh! Jiro!"

"Don't cry anymore, Rui."

We were just grade schoolers back then, sitting in the balcony after we buried Jiro's body on the backyard. 

"If I had noticed Jiro was sick sooner..." I spoke in between sobs, "And had taken him to the vet..."

"Argh! Listen, Rui!" Mark shouted, and I crane my neck to look at him,"Jiro... that dog appeared in my dream. 

  He said that he had heaps of fun, playing with everyone, and being cared for. He didn't have any regrets!" He pick up a flower beside him, and raise it to show it to me. "See this? Jiro gave it to you so you would cheer up."

As he gave it to me, I was in silent, just listening Mark lightening my mood up. 

"Whenever you're sad, Jiro will give you a flower."

I smiled. 

"Don't cry anymore, Rui! Cheer up!"

I frantically run outside, a flower in my hand that I pluck from the flowers Mark placed atop Jiro's grave. 

No matter what, I'll always end up regretting something, and I'll get hurt a lot but...if I don't move forward... 

I was nearing the station, and that's when I saw Mark walking on the other sidewalk. 

 

...nothing will ever change. 

 

"Mark!" I don't know if he heard me over the humming engine of vehicles that keep passing, and the honking sound they reverberate. But when he his head to the side to look at me, I feel a little hope arising within me. I stared at his eyes that held so much confusion, and remorse. 

"Rui...?" The noises were overlapping, but I heard it. I heard my name. 

I was panting when I took steps forward, "Mark!"

I at the Hell's clock that was serving as a necklace. I pull it with much force so that it was remove off me. 

I tossed the Hell's clock to the ground. I don't need this anymore! 

"I...I...love -"

I was interrupted by another honk. It was when I realized that I am already in the middle of the road. A truck was going to hit me any seconds now. I was so alarmed, and afraid. I look at Mark. His eyes filled with fear. 

Loud screech, and wham filled my ears. I was no longer holding the flower. And I feel a sudden moisture under my shoes. 

 

"She'll appear, and lend that clock to you but..."

 

"Oi! A kid got run over!"

"Someone called the ambulance!!!"

I was sitting down the asphalt. My hands were trembling, and my legs, too. My eyes taken in the visuals that laid in front of me. My eyes widen to see Mark. Crimson blood pooling around his lying body. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. He's the one... He's the one who got hit by the truck! 

"No...No way...!" I scramble to him, my hands were quivering as I barely touch his shoulder. 

"Don't move him!"

Tears started welling in my eyes as I chanted Mark's name, telling him to wake up. 

 

"In exchange,"

 

"You have to give her something important."