~Being the Hyung~

It was spring and everyone was happy. The flowers bloom and the green leaves on the trees were beautiful waving with the warm spring wind. It was kind of calming to just enjoying the sun that shines warm down. The birds were singing and from far away you could hear children playing on the playground. Being with the bunch of people who you love the most. Being part of it. Talking and playing around like a normal boy...

"Yah! Don't do that!" Minseok was pulled out of his daydream as he heard Kyungsoo's angry shout towards Chanyeol and Kai. As he looked into their direction he can see that Kai and Chanyeol were trying to tickle the poor Kyungsoo. The three of them began to laugh as Kyungsoo finally gave in and tickled back.

Minseok sat in his chair in the corner of the room. He watched the trio with enviously. He is the oldest out of Exo. Being the oldest is being a role model. Always taking care of the others being there for them. He has to behave. Sometimes it's a burden... He also knows how to play but never gets a chance to show it. He loves his dongsaengs but at one point he just felt tired to be the Hyung to all of them.

He watched for a while seeing how everyone began to play the game of the trio too. After half an hour he looked at the watch. In 3 hours they have to be ready for a photo shoot. Minseok closed his eyes absorbing the laughter of his group members. He loves this sound so much. It was reassuring and gives him strength. The only thing that would make him more happy would be able to act like a maknae for one day too. How fun would it be not to behave and play around like the others do? But it was useless..

He didn't know at what point it happened but he gave up on that wish long time ago. It's probably just wrong for wishing something like that for him. He remembered the times during interviews and shows they have been. Minseok was so happy that they ask him to do aegyo. That are the only moments he can be like the others.

Minseok shaked his head. He doesn't have time for this. They have to get ready so they will be there in time! Standing up and making eye contact with Suho was enough. "Guys let's stop now we have to get ready." Suho said with his leader voice. In an instant everyone stopped and gave up their play.

later this day

The photoshoot went well and the members are on their way to the dorm. Minseok was tired but he couldn't sleep in the van. Baekhyun, Jongdae and Chanyeol were playing finger game quite loud. They laugh and friendly nocked each other's shoulders. Even Suho and the not so playful Kyungsoo turned torwards them to laugh with them.

Minseok felt like a outsider. He is part of the very well known Group Exo but at moments like this he felt alone. Suho asked him one day if he was alright as he recognized that he acted differently around them. But even when he really wanted to tell someone what he feels he couldn't bring himself to tell Suho. As the leader he has enough to deal with and his silly concern would only make him worry. So he decided to keep this for himself for the time being hoping everything will be better when time pass.

Last Year Minseok wanted to change himself. He acted more cute around the others and for a while it was a absolut amazing time. He felt free and more like a member than before. But this feeling didn't last long...  in the inside he felt unsure and insecure. It seemed so wrong for him acting like that. One time on a concert he hugged his favorite member Jongdae. He wanted to do fanservice as the other too! He put all his love into this hug... But after 2 seconds hugging he was rejected by Jongdae padding his hand, telling him to stop as if he didn't liked it.

One time he tried to play with Kyungsoo. But gave him only a "are you serious" look.

On a day off he wanted to go shopping with Baekhyun but he and some other members had already decided to do something together. They didn't even ask if he wants to join...

The time during Travel without Manager was great! Minseok really enjoyed this trip with Jongdae. But at the park as he joked around that this was a couple path, Jongdae distended himself to him.... again. Clearly embarrased about Xiumin's behavior.

This may seem silly for everyone who hears this but theese little things were enough to make him closing out everyone and distance himself to them. Even to his loving Jongdae he was so close with.

After arriving at the dorm he showered and made his way to his room. He sleeps alone. At first he was very happy about that! No one who is loud or messes up the room. He likes the silent in the room but now after some time it only feels lonely. In the past as he had to share a room he always argued. But now it felt like he is being cut off from the others. From the living room he can hear Jongin, Baekhyun and Jongdae playing video games. They laugh and seem to have fun. He also had fun like that in the past! Baekhyun and him were playing LOL in a live broadcast with Heechul. He didn't said much but the memory was precious to him. That time was so fun and he laughed so much with Baekhyun by his side.

There is a member who probably would sense that something wrong but he isn't with them right now... Lay would be able to see his struggles. He missed Lay.... Lay was one of the members that would be by his side hugging  and telling him that everything will be alright without speaking much...

He closed his eyes and didn't even care about the lonely tear that escaped his eye. For Minseok it's not something unusual to fall asleep like that..

Laying on his bed curtains closed and light turned off.... like his heart.

❃╮∙∙╭❃

"Hyung are you listening?" Chanyeol who was staying with him in the Kitchen preparing breakfast was trying to make a conversation but Minseok was not really listening. Not because he didn't want to but he just couldn't... He was tired. He didn't slept well, nightmares were holding back his sleep. Minseok was the first one awake in the dorm to wake the rest of the members, an early bird.... at least that's what the others think. The real reason was simple : he didn't sleep at all.

"I'm sorry, what do you said?" slightly sorry for not paying attention to his dongsaeng he spoke up. Chanyeol gave him a worried look. "Are you alright hyung?"

No he was not okay... He was tired and he felt unwell. Since a few days he couldn't eat, sleep or rest in peace... "Of course, sorry I think I spaced out. It's early" Minseok answered with a smile. Chanyeol who wasn't really satisfied with his answer wanted to say something but before he could say it out loud a tired looking Baekhyun came in, yawning loudly. "Is breakfast ready?"

Seeing his chance to escape, Minseok turned around with a smile. "of course, sit down!"

Without looking at Chanyeol he began to fill cups with coffee. He could almost feel Chanyeol looking at him but he decided to ignore the taller.

The morning passed by and trying not to get attention from the others Minseok didn't said a word without being asked something. He felt really bad. His chest and stomach hurts. This will be better after breakfast, right? Chanyeol seems to give him glances from time to time but to not let him worry Minseok smiled at him when their eyes met.

After cleaning up he decided that the rest is probably ready for leaving for practice. Today they want to film the dance practice to their new song Electric Kiss. Minseok packed a few things in his bag as the world suddenly goes darker for a second! He realized too late that he was slowly losing his balance... With a hard knock he hit his head on the chair in the room while falling down! After a few seconds all turns normal again. He stood up still dazed about what happened. But after breathing for a few times he felt better.

"Hyung! Are you ready?" Suho's voice was coming from outside of his room followed with a knock on the door. Minseok stood up in panic. "Yeah... I'm almost done!" he replied as normal as he could. This will be a long day for him... Hoping that the practice will went well he shakes off the dizzy feeling and left the room.

right before practice...

The steps are learned and everyone was ready to make an other practice video for the fans that are waiting. The first tape was a "practice" and as some things were discussed the choreo hyung decided to film.