The Fallen

“BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP”
The alarm was going off so obnoxiously it made me cranky as soon as I opened my eyes. I turned it off and checked the time. 9:00 AM. I rolled on my side and nudged the person beside me to wake up. 
“Hmm?” he groaned in reply.
I remove myself from the bed and immediately look for my shirt, he s an arm around me. “Going so soon? You don’t really have to right?”
I put on my shirt and quickly regret it as it smelled like sweat. “I have to” I replied. As much as staying in his place made me feel peaceful and safe, I still had to get school to work on somethings, it’s not like I’ll be able to work on anything with him around, I’ll end up tired every single time, without being able to finish anything.
“Hyuuuukkkkiiiiie” I try my best to ignore his calls, as soon as I fall for it, it’s over for me. 
I purse my lips and stop by the doorway. “Mind going with me?” I ask, knowing what he’d say, but it wouldn’t hurt to try right?
He plops back into bed. “No sir, I’d rather stay in bed. I don’t wanna go out, it’s too hot.”
Knew it. 
I pick up my backpack and leave after locking his door .
Something felt wrong.
I took my phone from my bag and checked for messages. 
4 notifications.
Nosey Classmate: I need your report. 
Siwon: Send this to four people, and you’ll be blessed tomorrow.
I snort, does he actually believe that kind of stuff? 
Kyu the great: Game tomorrow, wanna come? 
Sora the Sassy: Mom’s asking when you’ll be coming home. . . . . It’s been a while, Monkey.
I sigh and didn’t even bother to answer any of them. I can always make excuses.
I head to school wearing the usual cap, covering half of my face with a handkerchief in hand. If anybody makes the slightest eye contact, I look down, it scares me to see how others people perceive me. Something heavy on my chest keeps weighing me down, and no matter what I do, it won’t go away. 
Something’s really wrong. 
Walking through the corridors of my college, I started to feel uneasy, how I wish Ji Ho went with me. 
Look down, look down, look down. I repeat to myself again and again. Quickening my pace until it looked like something was chasing me. I arrive there quite early, seeing that my classmates were still lined up outside our room. I wish I had come here a little bit later. 
“Isn’t that the guy who keeps skipping classes to stay at his boyfriend’s place?”
“I heard he’ll still be in uni for three more years.”
Did they really think I couldn’t hear? 
“Hyukjae right?” a person with black hair approached me. 
I nod, pursing my lips at the suddenness, I wasn’t prepared to have a conversation with anyone.
“You probably don’t know me, since you ughhh, don’t attend class much.” He says hesitantly as if trying not to offend me, I don’t know if I liked the way he said, or if I’m just over thinking.
The whole time he said it, I tried maintaining a small smile, just to make even the tiniest bit of a good impression. ”Sorry about that, I got a few things going on.” Safest excuse. Good. 
“Anyways, I’m Yesung. Your partner for midterms, let’s work hard together.” Despite the dark looking clothes, and sharp eyes, he felt very sunny and warm, wish I was as well. 
Only then, did it hit me, I had to work on the midterm with him, I had to talk to him. I didn’t know what was worse, that I’ll end up looking like a dunce within the process, or the fact that he’ll probably be one of the people who knows who I really am before the end of the semester.
Panic was starting to crawl into my skin.
Somebody approached him and I saw her eyes go from my face, down to my feet, to my face again, to meet my eyes and send me a glare.
Or maybe I was just imagining things. 
I look at the floor, avoiding all possible eye- no, human contact.
The professor arrived and told the students go in, watching them all go inside, my insides started to churn. I couldn’t do it, this was another one of those times.
I felt tears form in my eyes, I was scared, I didn’t want to go, I’d have to endure their scrutinizing eyes. 
I won’t have that. 
I slowly backed away from the door, when I was sure I was in no ones view, I ran. 
I can always come to class next week, right, next week. 
It’s fine,.  . . . Right? 
Without looking back, I got to the terminal, being taken away from my thoughts, by the sound of cars and busses. 
I’m going home. 
I arrive at my apartment, and quickly took off my shoes, and shirt, relief rushed through my body, until I passed by the mirror attached to my wall. 
“disgusting” I mutter to myself, glaring at my own reflection.
I went straight to my desk and got out my sketchbook, let my hands do the work, letting it take me away into another world, where there’s no noisy destructive thoughts. 
But my mind had other plans, letting me remember the glares I got earlier, I clench my fists, close my eyes shut, and breathe.
Not working, not working, not working.
“” Realizing I had messed up with the line art, and that I broke the pen’s needle, before it made more of a mess, I threw both in the bin. 
I lay there in my bed looking at the ceiling, screw eating.
I put a hand over my chest, and I feel my heart beating fast. 
“What’s your problem” I groaned, asking myself. 
I’m fine, I’m just overreacting, I’m just having a few bad days, is all.
Nothing’s wrong,.  . . . Right?