“Let’s go.” She said as she heads towards the door, so eager to go outside. It was the perfect weather to hang out after all. The sun was shining brightly, not too hot nor too bright, and the breeze was calming, not too cold nor was it too strong. Everything was just right. Perfect, you could say.

“I’ll be right over.” I call out as I tie my shoes and grab my phone and wallet. Pushing the door close with my foot, I caught up to her by the elevator.

She was radiating with so much energy and it is somehow contagious as I feel myself grinning big which made her smile back at me and instantly I knew, right there and then that I’d do anything to keep that smile on her face.

Inside the car, she’s awfully quiet. I was a bit baffled and clueless as to where she wanted to go, but instead of questioning her, I just sat there and closed my eyes with my ears on full alert if ever she does say something to break this silence, though it wasn’t an awkward one.

A few moments passed, and I found myself looking out towards the road we were on. Somehow, this day feels like a part of their everyday routine. It doesn’t feel like they’re out to enjoy the bit of freedom that is scarcely given to them. Part of me should’ve known.

The car pulled up at the parking lot and I’m still contemplating if it was the right decision to agree to this so-called ‘hang out’. For one, I know luck isn’t on my side. Two, even if I rejected her invitation, she’d still insist on going.

When they got out of the car, she abruptly hooked her arm on mine, tugging me to walk. I did. It was rare, nowadays, to see her clinging to me. Somebody else does this way better than me. I can’t help but feel dejected and I couldn’t show it. Not when she’s smiling brightly as if nothing could ever ruin this day. And as I said earlier, she’s contagious so I smiled alongside her. I would never ruin this kind of day for her. Today seemed special for her.

Anyone could tell she’s happy. The way she walked showed it, the way her eyes sparkled showed it, the way she smiled showed it. She’s happy and that’s all it matters.

You’d say, “But you’re not. What about your happiness?”

I won’t lie, I wanted to leave. Every step I take seemed so heavy. I was dreading the moment she’d pull away from me and into her, but I can’t do that. I can never do that. My heart was weighing more than I can manage. It winces with every step.

When that moment did come, I didn’t just feel pain in my chest. I felt numb all over.

But, it was a familiar feeling. I’ve felt it before and I’m sure I’ll feel it again and again and again. I’ll endure the feeling. For her.

She was ecstatic. No hesitations whatsoever, she flung herself to her. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t have ill intentions, nor do I detest the girl, but I just can’t help but have this thought. This one thought that, if I voice out loud, would ruin everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING.

Why can’t she be mine instead?

And so, your lonely protagonist strikes a genuine smile as I tell her that she did great, which she really did and not to worry about the performance cause we all know she would obsess over it. Small talks here and there and it was time to head back. To face the crowd once more, but now without her by my side.

The couple walked in front while I followed behind. They’re a cute couple, no one can argue otherwise. The perfect couple.

Yes, at the end of the day, I was the third wheel. I still smile as we head out of the building because they were happy, and I should be too.

I caught a glimpse of the sky and in my head, I said:

Such a beautiful day to feel pain.