Why do I even bother?

 

Tzuyu wondered to herself as she stared out the window of the van, her face resting on the palm of her hand. They were heading home after filming some promotional material for their latest comeback. It hadn’t been anything too crazy, just an announcement video and some dance practice videos, it hadn’t take them long to finish up. 

 

Dance practice 

 

The words playing in her mind, causing her face to turn down into a frown, a sigh escaping her lips as she kept her gaze out the window. Once again starting to get lost in her thoughts 

 

“Tzuyu-ah?” a soft voice finally spoke, snapping the young girl from her thoughts. She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes spotting a pair of heads peaking over their seats at her. 

 

Dahyun and Chaeyoung 

 

For a moment she had forgotten the other two girls were also in the car, not having really been paying attention the majority of the car ride. The six older girls had piled into the other car, so it was just them here, not that Tzuyu minded. She’d rather not have to see a rather raven haired Japanese girl. 

 

“Tzuyu-ah?” The voice asked again a bit louder this time, the latter realizing it belonged to Dahyun. She pulled away from the window, looking over at her two closest friends. It wasn’t that she wasn’t close to the older girls, cause she was. It was just the fact that the trio was the closest in age, roommates, and practically spent all their time together. Tzuyu instantly felt at ease when with with them. 

 

“Are you Okay?” Dahyun asked as she looked at her, a hint of concern evident in her eyes. “You’ve been sort of out of it since the second dance practice video” she added. 

 

From the corner of her eye, Tzuyu could see Chaeyoung’s big brown eyes filled with Curiosity, but also sharing the concern of the older girl.

 

Tzuyu opened to speak, but closed it just as fast she had opened it, the dance practice coming to mind once more. 

 

______________________ 

 

“Alright girls, now we’re gonna film a dance practice version for once.” Their manager had spoken looking down at a sheet. “Just be yourselves and interact with the camera when your individual parts come on” 

 

All the girls had nodded in agreement and  got into their positions, to start the dance. As the song started they all began, everything was going well, each girl doing her thing and interacting with fans. That was until everyone else started to Reenact their music video scenes. First Jihyo doing her Love letter scenes, then Momo dancing the Lala land choreography, followed directly after by Mina and Dahyun doing their headphone scenes. The sight had cause Tzuyu to laugh slightly, seeing the brief panicked expression on Mina’s face when Dahyun suddenly appeared behind her, she hadn’t been expecting it. Dahyun’s smug smile only adding to the hilarity of the situation. 

 

As the time for the second chorus, the one she shared with Sana, Tzuyu decided it was probably a good idea to reenact their dance scenes from the music video. 

 

The youngest girl always worried she was bad at interacting with fans, not really sure how to do things like this due to the fact she was so shy. It was a constant worry in her mind that fans would think she didn’t like them, and wasn’t putting in an effort to try, which in reality she really was. In times like these she’d would look to her Unnies to try and figure out what she should do. Everyone else was doing music video scenes in their pairs, so they probably should too, right? She had really enjoyed doing the dance with Sana, their roles playing opposite of one another. 

 

Once the second chorus came on Tzuyu felt a pang of excitement, moving towards the center as she began to do the dance. She figured Sana would join, as she caught her moving forward from the corner of her eye. The youngest girl danced happily at first, that was until she turned towards the older girl. Sana wasn’t paying any attention to her, and instead had dragged Jeongyeon towards the center, reenacting their ghost scene while also trying to land a kiss on the protesting girl. Tzuyu suddenly get herself thrown off, a discouraged feeling running through her body as the scene unraveled in front of her. After a second of staring, the realization that the camera was still rolling, her face clearly displaying the feelings,of her feeling awkward and out of place. She quickly pushed the dumbfounded expression from her face, instead pressing a small smile to her lips as she she began to back away into her usual position. On any other given day she would have gotten into position with no problem, but today wasn’t one of those days. Without meaning she found herself backing into Dahyun, embarrassment quickly found it’s way into her chest, making her face flush. She hurriedly moved to her position trying not to let all her sudden feelings show on her face. 

 

After getting through the rest of the hellish video filming, in which Sana proceeded to flirt and play with every other girl in the room except for her. Tzuyu felt relief wash over her, as the girls packed up their belongings and prepared to go. While everyone else was talking and laughing the youngest, didn’t feel like participating in any of it. Her mind still thinking about the dance practice. 

 

______________________

 

How come she was so thrown of because of Sana? This was normal behavior, on the matters part, so why couldn’t she just ignore it and move on? Had she even apologized to dahyun for bumping into her? 

 

“Tzuyu!” Chaeyoung called this time breaking her from her thoughts, a frown on her face clearly impatient from Tzuyu’s lack of response and focus. A small sigh escaped the latter’s lips, as she glanced down at her hands. 

 

“I’m sorry for bumping Into you during the dance practice” The youngest said softly, directing her words towards Dahyun. The eldest girls furrowing her brow in confusion as she stared at her.

 

“That’s wasn’t what I was referring to Tzu” Dahyun said softly looking at her. “No harm was done, and I’m not upset over it” 

 

Tzuyu began to fiddle with her hands, not looking up at either of the two girls in front of her. “Then what is it?” She asked nonchalantly. 

 

“Your feelings regarding a certain Japanese girl” Chaeyoung cut in suddenly, her voice soft “you know the one who’s name starts with an S and ends with an A.” 

 

Tzuyu felt herself slump down into her seat a bit, something the girl never did considering her perfect posture. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” she mumbled, still not meeting the other girls gazes. 

 

“Sure you don’t” the shortest girl responded, even without looking at her Tzuyu could tell she was rolling her eyes. “Don’t think we didn’t notice you’re reaction and change in mood when Sana started dancing with Jeongyeon instead of you” 

 

“Not to mention how you completely turned stoned every time she danced or messed with anyone else” Dahyun added, her time softer than Chaeyoung’s. 

 

Tzuyu felt herself shrug slightly, now playing with the hem of her hoodie. “I’m not upset, It’s just Sana-unnie being Sana...” she began but cut herself off, knowing very well that regardless what she tried to say, the other two girl weren’t buying in. They knew their Maknae all to well. Another sigh escaped the youngest girls lips, as she brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. 

 

“I know it’s just sana being sana... and that I should be use to it by now.. but for some reason I just couldn’t look past it...” Tzuyu said exasperated as she covered her face. “It’s not even a big deal, I don’t even understand why I’m so upset it” she murmured. 

 

“Because you like her” Chaeyoung said simply looking at her youngest friend knowingly. 

 

“Why do I even bother?” The young girl finally spoke, a sad smile pressed to her face. “It’s not like she’s ever gonna reciprocate my feelings anyway...” 

 

“Tzu...” One of the girls began, it may have been Chaeyoung, but Tzuyu wasn’t really paying attention to them anymore. 

 

“She’s always so busy trying to flirt or tease someone.. Momo.. trying to kiss Chae or Jeongyeon, always clinging to Dahyun wherever we go..” Tzuyu continued, the two other girls quite swallowing back their words. 

 

“I’m not upset at you guys.. you’re with Momo After all Chae, and Dahyun’s got Mina” She said looking up at both girls, their cheeks tinted red, at the mention of their girlfriends. 

 

“I’m not even upset with Sana.. it’s just the way she is... I know that” The younger girl sighed softly looking down once more. “It’s just she’s this way with literally everyone expect for me...  she doesn’t even pay attention to me.” Her voice was just above a whisper now, as if she feared of saying the words too loud. 

 

“Tzuyu..” Dahyun said moving from her seat to sit beside the taller girl, wrapping her arms around her. Chae reached her hand out, taking one of Tzuyu’s hands in her own as she squeezed it gently. 

 

“Why’d I have to develop feelings for her?” The youngest felt herself choke out. “Why’d I have to like her?” 

 

“We can’t control who we fall for Tzu.. it just happens” Chaeyoung spoke softly, still holding onto the younger girls hand. She truly hated seeing her best friend hurting.

 

“I’m tired guys” Tzuyu said after a long silence. It was a phrase she’d started to use often, though she didn’t feel like anyone truly grasped the weight of the words. 

 

“We should be home soon..” Dahyun said with a slight nod. “When we get home you can..” She began but Tzuyu just shook her head, cutting her off. 

 

“I’m tired feeling my heart heart, over something I can’t control” the youngest girl said. “What the point?” She asked as she pulled away from both girls, moving back to the window, focusing her attention outside once more. 

 

“What are you saying Tzuyu-ah?” Dahyun asked frowning slightly. 

 

“I’m.. I’m just gonna stop trying...” 

 

“Are you sure about this tzu?” Chae asked looking at Tzuyu, her brows furrowed in uncertainty. “You can’t just just bury your feelings..” 

 

Tzuyu didn’t bother looking over at either girl, as she shrugged slightly. “I’m tired” she repeated. 

 

The rest of the car ride had been quiet, occasionally Dahyun & Chaeyoung would sneak glances at the youngest girl, they caught her wiping away at some stray tears a few times, though she never made a sound. 

 

They had arrived at the dorm first, the other girls having stopped to pick up something to eat. After changing into more comfortable clothing, Dahyun and Chaeyoung all but dragged Tzuyu to the living room to watch movies with them. The last thing they wanted was to leave the Youngest girl alone to wallow in her thoughts. After a bit, they finally managed to crack a smile out of her, feeling accomplished for lifting the girls mood even if it was only a little. 

 

The good mood however, was short lived as the house’s door swung open and the remaining six members piled into the living room, food in hand. Tzuyu watched as Momo came over pulling Chaeyoung off the couch to wrap her in a hug. 

 

“I missed you” she mumbled as she hugged the small girl, who instantly hugged her back repeating the words back. 

 

From the corner of her eye, Tzuyu could see Mina standing off to one side, ever so often sneaking a glance towards Dahyun. Tzuyu gently nudged at eagle girl’s shoulder, motioning towards Mina with her head. 

 

“But..” Dahyun began, not wanting to leave the younger girl alone, but Tzuyu simply shook her head. 

 

“Don’t keep Mina waiting, I’m alright unnie” She said softly, as she nudged her up off the couch and towards mina. She watched as Dahyun wrapped her arms around Mina from behind, pressing a few soft kisses to her neck, causing the quite girl to jump slightly. 

 

Tzuyu smiled softly looking at her friends happy, with their respective others. Though she was happy for her friends, she a pang in her chest. She suddenly felt someone sit beside her, a familiar strawberry vanilla sent hitting her. 

 

Sana.

 

“Tzuyu-ah!!!!” Sana said excitedly as she leaned closer to the younger girl. A joyful expression present on her face. 

 

“H-hi Sana-Unnie” Tzuyu felt herself stutter for a moment, before composing herself once more. She felt herself scoot back a bit, though it just made Sana scoot forward once more. 

 

“I felt like I haven’t seen you all day” the older girl said, her big brown eyes focused straight on Tzuyu. Those eyes.. brown, appearing as though they were stained with the color Hot chocolate, something about the way Sana stared at her with those eyes instantly made her feel warm, as if she had engulfed in a warm blanket. 

 

“Yeah” Tzuyu simply agreed with a small nod. 

 

Except I saw you.. you just didn’t see me.

 

Sana continued to speak, telling random stories about the day, the latter nodding ever so often, forcing a laugh or smile when needed. It took everything it had in her not to really look at sana as she spoke, knowing it’d be hard to push her from her mind if she did. She’d admit that it felt good to have Sana’s attention for the time being.

 

Even if it was short lived. 

 

They were joined on the couch by Momo and Chaeyoung. Jeongyeon also joining them as she sat on the floor in front of the couch. Within seconds Sana was back to her usual antics, teasing one of the other girls, trying to steal kisses, an uproar of giggles spreading across the living room as all the other girls laughed at the usual scene. Well everyone but Tzuyu, that is. After watching for a little while, she felt self grow more and more upset, the scene in Front of her no longer bearable, She could feel her discouragement returning. She suddenly stood up, a bit faster than she meant to, though she’s not sure anyone even noticed and quietly started to retreat out of the room. 

 

“Tzuyu-ah?” Jihyo called out loudly, causing Tzuyu to stop in her tracks, everyone else seemed to stop their giggling their attention now focused on her. 

 

So much for quietly sneaking out. 

 

Tzuyu thought to herself, letting out a small sigh. 

 

“Where are you going? We were just about to sit down to eat” Jihyo continued looking at the younger.

 

“I was just going back to my room” she said softly, looking back at the older girls. “I’m not really hungry right now” 

 

“Are you alright?” Nayeon spok