Waking up to no one by her side, physically or mentally, is an everyday routine for her. All the years spent alone – the loneliness lurked together with it - has been ingrain deep in her subconscious mind. So deep she feels the feelings she’s experiencing, the loneliness she puts up with is something normal everyone else feels. There’s nothing wrong with feeling lonely, right?

She pats herself on the back on gathering herself to start the day. It’s the weekend and with nothing else to do, she flips open her laptop ready to browse through thousands of videos to eliminate the seldom loneliness she feels. She scrolls through an infinite number of videos ranging from the famous YouTuber she subscribed from years ago to crack videos she finds so amusing she kudos the creators for their amazing. She’s never the type of girl to express herself to someone, some stranger and she’s never the type to say nice words freely like most people do. To her, those kinds of words are meant to be uttered with a sense of sincerity – in which she couldn’t find it in her. A simple like will do. She mumbles as she taps on the thumbs up.

Through millions of crack videos, she especially fond of gay cracks which are flooding in on her feed. The ones she watches are usually the group that she likes and no one else’s’. She has no intention to get to know the new generation of Korean pop. The new generation of boy groups and girl groups irks her. Scratch that. The new generation of boy groups and girl groups’ fandom irks her. She recalls the day when the Korean pop community was a place where you meet new friends, having a blast getting to know one another without comparing which group was the better one. With no hate and toxic feelings. Just pure love and supportive comments. She scrolls past those videos and chance upon a familiar face. A host of a famous variety show, which invites various groups to their shows, looking all confused and was very done with whatever conversation they were having. She’s got to admit the show is kind of funny - depending on which group was invited, of course. The episode with Infinite where they were asked to do something cute and Woohyun just straight up ‘ace’ that cracks her funny bone in more ways you can imagine.

With no effort to resists the temptation but with zero intention of being a fan, she clicks the crack video with nothing to lose. The video starts off quite nice and relax with a hint of background music – Grieg In the Hall of the Mountain King. The three-minute video is enough to make her laugh for the next 5 minutes and rouse her curiosity with the group in the video. The video is relatable, and she can understand how Doni must have felt when they were shooting. Though she rejects the idea of the new generation of Korean pop, her best friend didn’t. She updates her on the latest songs and boy groups there are which only a few info got through her. NCT? Yeah, she heard of that name, brand, whatever. Doyoung? She knew him as Gongmyung’s little brother. Mark? Of course, she heard him from her friend. All the constant “Is he not tired having to run to one performance to another?” and “He’s a freaking work mule for SM, I tell you!” and other incoherent compliments she heard about Mark from her best friend. Her bubble on SM’s new boy group is just that there’s a Canadian rapper who appeared in High School Rapper and is a part of a few more NCTs. That’s it. The fact that there’s 3 groups and limitless numbers of members to come is new to her.

She remembers there’s this guy her housemate hooks her up with. The guy asked if she had heard of NCT U’s new song. Being the ignorant , she was, she replied “Oh not yet. I like Fire Truck though.” And that was the last she heard of him.

The recommendation lists always know what’s best for her, what is her interest and yes, you guessed it. A video titled ‘NCT?? MORE LIKE GAY-CT’ is the first video to be recommended. She clicks it, likes it, and is hook. She looks through the recommended list again, clicks and hit the like button. The cycle continues until she runs out of gay cracks to watch. Then she remembers the gayest member in NCT – a sweet Thailand boy with a sweet smile. She searches his name up in the search bar only to be wrap around the Thailand boy’s fingers. The way he smiles captivates her, making her smile as well. The way he moves his body so freely, without a care for this world is something attracts her seeing how constricted her world is. She’s for one who can feel someone’s true emotions through their expression and his was true bliss. That is how, boys and girls, how I start liking Chittaphon Leechaiyakul.