Lei exiles herself for several days.

After Kai’s revelation regarding their mother, she ran away. Well, she ran back to her room, locked her behind her, closed the windows, and threw her phone in the corner. After about 20 minutes, she moved to the bathroom and shut the door then—to stop herself from hearing the desperate knocks and yells.

The first was Wendy. Then it was her brother, Kai. Baekhyun, strangely enough. They even called Ren to try to talk to her on speakerphone. And finally, Lucas. At the sound of his voice, Lei ran to her bathroom and closed it.

She hasn’t heard about anything since. It’s a good thing that the human body can survive a month without food, and it’s a better thing that she has an unlimited supply of tap water in her room. All of this lasts for…five days? Six if she counts today.

And today is the day where the dam breaks.

Her father was the best thing that ever happened to her. It wasn’t her first trip to France or her first time riding a horse. It was her father, an honest man who listened to her stories while everyone else listened to her brother’s. Because of her father, she never really felt too bad about herself. Sure, her brother had (and still has) the spotlight, but her father was the lone man clapping for her at her dance recitals and most certainly the man who knew all the secrets of her heart. In fact, it was her father who first taught her how to control the fire she has.

Everything was so good. In fact, Lei doesn’t remember it being—in any way—sour. They were a normal family, they had their troubles, they had their fights, but it wasn’t anything that made her stay up and worry about. There were no fights between her father and mother. Her father never hit her or hit anyone. If he had enemies, she didn’t know about them. And if rumors circulated the news outlet, she’d never have to question them; she knew they weren’t real. All she remembers about him is love.

Until last December 21st.

Lei won’t ever forget that day.

It was the day her mother screamed so loud that Lei woke up and rushed to the master bedroom, where the screaming, cursing, and crying were. As far as she knew, her mother was supposed to be on a business trip—with her being the Queen, the firstborn of the past king and queen, the figurehead and symbol of Helios. Her father, the king who married his way into royalty, was supposed to stay and watch over Helios while she was gone. And that was what he did. He watched over Lei and Kai though he didn’t really have a need for it. At the time, they were well-behaved.

But as soon as Lei arrived at the master bedroom, she knew that everything would change. Her father was in bed with another woman, and her mother stood at the doorway, crying and cursing all at once. Kai dashed in the scene, and everything descended into the hell. The unnamed woman ran past Lei, and Lei would have chased after her, but her feet remained frozen on the ground. (Now, Lei wishes she could go back in time and run after that woman.) Meanwhile, the Queen slapped her father and slumped onto the ground with Kai by her side, consoling and holding her.

Lei could only stand and gasp. And her father… He looked at her like she was nothing. Like he wasn’t sorry. Like his face had too much Botox, and he didn’t want to spare her even a twitching lip.

December 21st. The Royal Court sentenced her father to prison. The king—or, it’s a crime to call a traitor that now—was dead to the world. It was all over the news for a good week. Ex-king of Helios sentenced to prison for royal treason. The Queen forced Lei to smile and nod at interviews, and Kai ushered her to places when her legs felt like lead.

And now, at least a full half-year later, and Lei still has never felt so confused. In the beginning, it was easy to numb herself from feeling, but as time went on, she found herself torn in between loving or hating her father. And it’s only going to get worse. Especially since her mother found someone else.

Her stomach growls against her ribcage, and she slumps on the tiles of her bathroom, choking on tears, the lights blurring into glowing circles. She’s always been a daddy’s girl, a daddy’s princess. With him, she never ever felt like she didn’t fall short of expectations. Because after the crucial month in which her father went to prison, everything changed.

She remembers exactly when she wanted to run away. How could she forget? Her mother yelled at her and told her that she couldn’t have social media accounts because she’d be “irresponsible” on them. Apparently, she shouldn’t even have thought of making social media accounts because as of recently she was “underperforming.” Whatever that meant, Lei didn’t care, so she ran to her room and tried to climb down the balcony in a desperate attempt to prove something—to run away and live independently. Of course, nothing ever turns out her way, so she fell and bruised her ribs.

Lei can still feel those bruises lining her ribs even though it happened ages ago. She’ll never forget like she’ll never forget the tears streaming down her mother’s face, the emotionless expression on her father’s, and that horrid pit in her stomach. Well, maybe not that last part. It’s been a while since she last ate…

Should she go back? Lei stands up on shaking legs opens the bathroom door. Her room is exactly as she last left it with the only difference being that there’s no mad men knocking at her door, trying to ease her to unlock it. The thing about controlling fire is that everyone’s afraid of her, and so her door is fireproof and probably a few inches thick. It’s the subtlest way to say you’re dangerous and wild, but Lei’s the one laughing now.

With slow hands and timed breaths, Lei cracks open the door. She looks to the left and the right of the hallway, her abdomen stretching as far as it can with her feet still planted in her room. When she sees that no one’s around, she starts to take a step—only to step in something. A flower.

Lei frowns at the singular flower under one foot. It’s the middle of the night, so the hallway isn’t exactly flushed with right nor are the lights all , so she picks it up for a closer look. And she drops it as soon as she can identify it. The flower is a marigold. The flower her father always picked out for her in the store. The flower whose seeds she planted all in a special section of the royal gardens with her father one summer. The flower whose plants she thought she all burned a few months ago.

Yet it’s in her hands again.

She burns it into cinders and blows the cinders as hard as she can into the hallway.

Then she shuts the door and sleeps, her face pressing tightly against a wet spot in her pillow.

- - - - -

Lucas is no longer an option, so Lei has to swallow her nonexistent pride and drag her feet downstairs. She feels like a demon possessing her own body. Her feet don’t feel like her feet, her ribs don’t feel like her ribs, and when she stretches her hand in front of her, she can’t believe that those veins are her veins, and those fingers are her fingers. Every step she takes is a surreal high, and tastes like lead. After a week of no food, she thinks for a second that maybe she did consume lead, and maybe this is her bitter death. But how does she know what lead tastes like? And just like that, she blinks and catches the eyes of those seated at the dining table.

“Lei!” Her brother (of course, he would) is the first to rush forever and engulf her with arms. He stands back, holding her by the waist as if she has a chance of collapsing. “Oh my, god. You’ve lost weight. You need to eat something.”

“Let her sit down.” Wendy has always risen from her seat to help her. She holds one of Lei’s hands and guides her to the familiar spot on the table.

Baekhyun, in the seat adjacent to Lei’s, pours a glass of milk for her. “Hey, good morning.”

“Are you okay?” Kai bursts out once he’s reseated himself. “Lei, you can’t do that again! We thought you died or something!” He gasps and gasps in unbelievable breaths, and Lei actually worries that he’s swallowed his own throat. “That was selfish of you to do. Did you think about how worried everyone’s been? You literally—”

“Prince Kai,” Baekhyun interrupts him with a cough, “please. Let her rest and eat.”

“Alright,” Kai agrees, occasionally looking back at her.

Kai allows Lei a good 20 minutes of clinking silverware and half-silent munches of food. Unfortunately, he is still Kai, and he can’t help himself from asking questions.

“Do you feel ill, Lei?”

“That’s a stupid question,” Lei says with a voice that sounds too raspy to be hers. The cold milk she drinks is soy, and it tastes sweeter than she last remembered. “After,” her voice sounds more distinguishable now, “what you said about mother, I think I’m going to feel ill for a while.”

“Please, mother is a lot happier now,” Kai reasons. He sets down his eating utensils, and Lei knows that a speech is imminent. “I know that the last few months have been especially difficult for you—considering you had a great relationship with father.” Lei freezes, and she looks up from her chicken salad. “I miss him too, and I love him too—”

“Who is mother screwing with now?”

The room freezes over with silence. Kai’s mouth opens to an O, and Baekhyun—who had been drinking something from a cup—chokes on the liquid.

“Lei, I understand you’re upset,” Kai whispers. (He does this when he’s angry and trying to control it.) “But that is no way to talk about your mother. If you were married and your husband cheated on you, you’d be trying to do the same. Trying to forget. Trying to move on. Why? To find happiness—which is what mother has done.”

“I asked a question, and you didn’t answer it.” Lei ignores Kai’s idiotic statement about happiness in marriage. Everyone knows that marriage is a contract, and love is an added bonus.

“Some guy whose last name is Zhang.” Kai shakes his head. “It doesn’t really matter. You need to—”

“I don’t care about what I need to do.” Lei scoffs and stabs her fork through the salad leaves and chicken. “Need to be more open minded. Need to be thankful. Need to help others. Need to stay quiet. Need to do this. Need to do that. It’s always about what you need me to do, and it never aligns with what I want and what I need. Well, I’m sick and tired of that.” She swallows the painful lumps forming in and coughs, trying to brave the urge to cry. “What if I want to see father again? What if I don’t need to like mother’s…boyfriend?” Lei frowns as hard as she can to keep the tears from spilling. “It’s not fair, and you know it.”

“You’re a royal,” Kai replies after a moment of silence, “so you should know that nothing will ever be fair to you.”

At the sound of his answer, Lei stands up in mixture of frustration and anger, and she strides out of the dining room with protests behind her.

“Leave her to cool off,” says Kai, and the guards do nothing to stop her.

She runs into the royal gardens, crying and gasping, nearly falling over dead logs. burns with lumps that don’t go away, and she wishes that she could tear her soul out of her own body in attempt to lessen some of this inferno.

As she sits on the dock with a shaking body, a hideous pain racks through her torso and seeps to her fingertips and toes. She knows what’s coming; hell will break lose.

To staunch the pain, Lei tugs off her shoes and dips her feet in the water. The cold water causes her to gasp in shock and the water to bubble. Its iciness pierces through her skin and almost leaves her feet numb. As a result, a smoky cloud ascends into the air with cotton-like puffs, and she covers her face from the assault of its hotness. But she leaves her feet in since it rids the pain from that area. Within minutes, the water stops steaming, and the stabs of agony in her torso begin to fade away.

Lei dips a hand in the water, and she wonders if there’s anything stopping her from jumping in now and drowning her sorrows.

She leans in forward, dipping her forearm into the water and swirling it in ellipses.

Maybe she should jump in…

“Are you thinking about jumping in fully clothed?”

Lei pulls her arm out of the water and whips around to see who the source of the voice is. After one glance, she sighs in defeat. It’s Baekhyun, but she can’t get angry now. Her body is too exhausted from the close call.

“What are you doing here?” She kicks the water gently to relax herself.

“You ran off. I had to make sure you were okay.” Baekhyun sits himself beside her, and she scoots herself as far as she can from him. “Are you?”

“You’re not on fire, are you?”

“Fair point.” He crosses his legs and leans his weight on his palms. “The clouds look pretty today. They’re so fluffy. I wonder what they would taste like.”

Lei curls her lip upward. He really is a Yosulian. “They’re made out of water. They’d taste like filth since that water came from the earth too.”

“I bet they’d taste like candy.”

Lei frowns at Baekhyun whose eyes still roam the canvas of blue sky. From this angle, she can still tell that his eyes are a beautiful shade of pale green with his eyelashes being a dark brown. Her eyes trail down to his neck where he’s wearing that choker again—the thick white one with the red crescent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Baekhyun doesn’t look at her, but he says it, and his pink lips move only slightly.

“No.”

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