It's one of the days where Shihyun felt lonely again.

Plopped down on his bed,with blankets wrapped around him,he stared at the ceiling blankly.

Despite of having wrapped in blankets like a cocoon and having the heater ,he still felt cold.

It was cold,as if it represents the icy feeling that was embedded in his heart for months.

He thinks about it again. Was it the right decision? Was it worth it?

Yes it was. As long as Longguo is happy then it's all fine for him.

_____________________

•FLASHBACK•

Shihyun watched Longguo by the door as the latter packed his things into the huge suitcase in front of the closet.

He smiled bitterly. It was a day before Longguo would move into JBJ's new dorm. Which meant that he would be left alone.

"Hyung...are you finished?" He asked,pretending to just have come inside the room.

"Not yet.I still have to fold some clothes and pack it." Longguo answered without looking at him.

He ignored the painful feeling in his chest when the older didn't even look at him. It must be really important for him...

He subtly sighed and went inside to help the older. Longguo looked at him confusingly when he reached out for the clothes and began folding them.

He avoided the older's burning gaze. "I'll help you.You'll be done in no time and then rest." He smiled softly "You need lots of energy for tomorrow!"

He looked up when he felt Longguo's stare linger on him. Now,it was his turn to look at him confusingly.

"Yes,hyung? Do you need help on other things?"

Longguo's eyebrows creased. "Are you okay with this?" The older asked with surprisingly gentle tone.

Shihyun mirrored Longguo's expression. "Why wouldn't it be okay for me? I'm happy for you,hyung." He smiled gently and continued folding clothes.

•FLASHBACK END•
_______________________

It was a lie,of course. He wasn't okay ever since Longguo accepted the decision of joining a project group.

But he doesn't want to be selfish. He knows that it's Longguo's dream. The sparkle in the older's eyes when their manager told them was really bright. He doesn't want to take that sparkle away,never in his life.

That's why even if it wasn't okay for him,he supported Longguo all the way. The loneliness that he always felt,it was fine by him as long as he sees Longguo smile and laugh brightly with his new members.Even if it isn't me who makes him happy....

______________________

•FLASHBACK•

After helping Longguo,he told the older to take a rest and sleep.

He helped the older tuck himself into bed. He's going to miss this. Tucking the older into bed was his self-proclaimed duty.

It started when Longguo came back from his Produce 101 filming. The sparkle that the younger saw from the older was changed into devastation. Longguo didn't complain when Shihyun tucked him into bed at that night.

Starting from that,it was Shihyun's duty to make sure that Longguo is tucked safe and sound on his bed.

"Shihyun-ah..." The older called as he was just about to open the door.

"Yes,hyung?" He turned back almost immediately.

His heart ached when Longguo smiled at him gently. Yeah,I'm going to miss him.

"Can you stay with me for this night?"

His heart almost dropped at the question. Is he dreaming?

He knows that Longguo isn't the type to say and ask these kind of things. Heck,even their fans know that.

Longguo must've sensed his hesitation so the older sat up and mouthed a small, "Please?"

Shihyun sighed and went to tuck himself beside the older. He hates how he's weak for him. He hates how it just takes a smile from him for Shihyun to agree.

Silence covered them as they laid side by side. Until Longguo faced him and decided to ask him something that made Shihyun's heart beat one hundred times faster.

"Would you even miss me when I'm gone?"

Why is he asking this?

He feels Longguo's gaze on him.Why does he stare so much today?
He didn't dare to return the stare and just remained at his position,trying to hide his pink tint cheeks.

"What kind of question is that? Of course,I would." He whispered his answer.

Longguo didn't answer and just remained silent so Shihyun decided to face him.

"I want to know what's on your mind." Longguo told him,not even bothered by their close proximity.

Shihyun tried to even his breathing before answering at Longguo's weird question.

"What I'm thinking? Hmm nothing? My mind is blank?" The older chuckled at his answer.

"I hope you take care of yourself while I'm gone." He froze when Longguo fixed his hair.

At that point,Shihyun tried to hold back his tears as he realized that by tomorrow,he would be alone. Longguo wouldn't be there for him anymore.

Even if it looks like Longguo pushes him away oncam,the younger notices the subtle care that the older gives to him. Like,giving him water whenever he's thirsty,holding his hands whenever he's too nervous to even go up the stage and the hugs that Longguo silently offer whenever he feels down.

This is wrong. He's falling deeper now. And he hates it. He hates how he let himself fall into someone who's not even willing to catch him.

He tried to smile to Longguo,as if he was conveying his answer there and shifted back to lying down on his back.

He turned his head away when a tear rolled down from his eyes.Damn,you promised not to cry,Shihyun-ah...

He tried to calm down but it was suffocating him. He sniffed and it was when he knew that Longguo knows that he's crying.

"Shihyun-ah..." Longguo stood up and moved at the other side of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Longguo reached out for his face but the younger dodged it.

Silence covered them. No one spoke. Shihyun was afraid that he might spill out his true feelings. On the other hand,Longguo was confused and scared to say something wrong.

Longguo moved back to his side of the bed.

"Goodnight,Shihyun-ah." Longguo sighed when Shihyun didn't bother to reply back.

•FLASHBACK END•
_______________________

He decided to turn on the TV and just watch some movies. That way,it'll somehow distract him from thinking about Longguo.

Just as he was about to drift off to dreamland,he heard some sort of sound downstairs. Most probably from their Kitchen.

He stood up and sticked his ear into his door,trying to hear the sound coming. . What if someone's gonna steal something here? Wait but what's even to steal here?

He shook his head and opened the door. He went slowly and silently to the Kitchen and peaked a bit.

He froze. Eh? Why is he here?

Instead of someone unfamiliar,he was greeted of a very familiar broad back. Jin Longguo.

Longguo turned around with a glass in his hands. Shihyun's eyes widened.

"Hyung? Why are you here? Aren't you suppose to be in JBJ's dorm?" He asked rapidly,rubbing his eyes,not really believing that Longguo is here with him.

Longguo shook his head and chuckled. "Oh uhh we are disbanding?" He saw how the older gave him a pained smile.

"Isn't it too early to come back?You're technically not yet...disbanded."

Sensing the younger's confusion,Longguo can't help but laugh softly. "They gave us a choice...if we would stay or go back...I chose to go home...here,with you."

Shihyun felt his heart skip a beat. He chose to go back here with me...

They remained silent. Mostly because both of them didn't know what to say.

"Your feelings...is it still the same?" Shihyun's forehead creased in confusion.

What is he talking about? My feelings...? No...it's not possible,right?

Longguo pulled out a small paper from his pocket and that was enough for Shihyun to know what the older was talking about.

How even...?

The younger opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again,as if he's afraid to say something wrong.

Longguo walked forward and stopped right in front of him. Not too close but also not too far. Safe distance was kept.

"Is it still the same,Shihyun-ah?" He shivered at how his name slipped out of the older's mouth.

He nodded wordlessly.

Longguo advanced towards him,closing the safe distance and gave him the small paper. "Open it." The older whispered and it was enough to make Shihyun's legs turn jelly.

He opened the small paper and was greeted by his familiar handwriting.

Dear Longguo hyung,

You're leaving tomorrow. I'll be alone then. I want to hate you for it. I want to hate you for choosing them over me but I just love you too much to even hate you. I'll respect your decision and support you,always. You asked me if I was okay with it and I meant it when I said yes. It's sad,of course,but it's the right thing to do. I don't know what to say other than 'I will miss you'. I hope you take care of yourself always. Don't skip meals and rest when you have the opportunity to do so. Till we see each other again. I'll end this letter by telling you how I really feel. I love you,Longguo hyung.

He didn't know how Longguo got the letter. He didn't give it to him. He didn't even have the plan and guts to give it to him.

Shihyun's eyes widened when he caught a sight of the small writing down in the paper. It wasn't his handwriting.

I love you too,Shihyun-ah.

It was Longguo's.

He tore his gaze from the paper to look at Longguo and he didn't expect to have the very close proximity between them.

"I love you too." Longguo whispered,snaking his hands on Shihyun's waist. "It's long due but I love you too,Shihyun-ah. You don't know how much I wanted to run back here to you once I read your letter but I couldn't,it was too late. You could've said it to me. I will always choose you,Shihyun-ah."

Shihyun tried to calm down,he stepped back only to be pulled near again by Longguo.

"Hyung..." He pleaded.

They can't talk like this. He won't be able to tell him things properly if they talk this close. Damn,my heart is beating so fast.

He feels like he's in heaven. Hearing the person that he loves the most say those magical three words to him and being close,skin to skin with him.

"Please tell it to me. Tell me what you really feel."

He felt Longguo's hand on his waist tighten. Shihyun sighed.

"I love you,hyung. More than you can ever think of. Those sparks in your eyes when they said that you'll be forming a project group...it was shining brightly. I didn't want to take those beautiful sparkle away. You deserve the best,hyung. Always the best." He smiled gently at the older.

It was true. With no hard feelings,he supported Longguo with all his heart. He always supports him,until now. Maybe that's what love is.

"Maybe that's why I let you go.As long as you're happy,I'm also happy,even if I felt lonely at times,just watching you perform happily makes my heart flutter already and makes me forget how lonely I am. Hyung,I love you that's why."

He felt Longguo draw circles on his waist while pursing his lips. That simple touch even makes Shihyun's mind go haywire.

"I love you too. I don't care how many times I'll tell it to you but I love you too. If you just told me...I wouldn't have left you. I hesitated about accepting the offer...but I saw how you were eager to make me accept it. I told myself that I'm gonna accept it for you, just because you told me so. If I have known..." Shihyun's breath hitched when Longguo suddenly buried his face into his neck.

"It's always you before anyone else,Kim Shihyun. Only you." Longguo whispered and breathed into Shihyun's neck.

Shihyun smiled. Is it even possible to be this happy?

"Hyung...you're warm." Shihyun hugged him back. Longguo pressed their bodies together more,face still buried into Shihyun's neck.

Shihyun just shook his head and chuckled.

"Hyung...where's Rcy and Tolby?" Longguo finally looked up to him and pointed his lips to their living room.

"They're sleeping there so let's be quiet here." Longguo kissed Shihyun's forehead gently and smiled.

"I love you,hyung." He suddenly blurted out and looked down when he realized what he just said. He totally felt his cheeks heat up.

He heard Longguo chuckle and felt his hands on his cheeks,gently making him look into the older's eyes.

"I love you too,Shihyun-ah." Longguo gave him a small peck on the lips.

It was only a peck but it almost gave Shihyun a heart attack.Damn.He's just...really worth it.

He looked back at the memories. It was as if the cold and lonely winter time in his life never happened. It was all warm now. Longguo is really worth the wait.

He bit his lip,surpressing a smile from where he sat.He's definitely enjoying the backview of his boyfriend cooking.