TRUE LOVE

 

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

Gulping the water down, Junmyun still felt the tiredness. His shirt is drenched in sweat and his towel is not much different than his shirt. He sat down as he put his head against the wall.

“Hyung, have you heard?”

Junmyun is still catching his breath, he glanced back at the fellow trainee in response.

“Our company is debuting another girl group.”

“I know.” Junmyun opened another water bottle. He remembered the day Soojung cried in happiness as they stayed in each other embrace. He smiled as the resurface of the memory.

“There’s this tomboy in that group. They are that tomboy and another member are something-something.”

 

A frown appeared upon Junmyun face as he looked at the trainee with a warning. But the trainee doesn’t stop.

“Isn’t that hot? There’s also rumor that it’s Soojung. I saw you and Soojung are close, right? What do you say?”

Junmyun is disgusted by the look.

“Stand up!” Junmyun forgot about his tiredness. He knew he’s angry and he knew there are a lot of people near them.

“Hyung, what?” Even if the trainee is dumbfounded he still stands up. That’s the way it works. He is the boss in the trainees. His period is the longest and everyone had to listen to him.

“You understand that you are being disrespectful towards your potential seniors.” Junmyun glared hard till the trainee bow his head down.

“I am sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear the rumors again. If I hear one more of that, there will be a report. PRACTICE RESUME!”

By the time Junmyun left the practice room, there’s nothing left in him to keep pretending. His kneels give out as he sat down on top of the stairs.

 

A cool sensation jolted out Junmyun. That’s the cool drink out of the fridge. He looked up to see Amber.

“I heard.”

“Annyeong Ha Se Yo.” Junmyun got up to give a bow and greeting. That’s the part of the training, to be proper and ready at all time.

She laughs. Junmyun knows it would be a bit ridiculous to those foreigners that he’s so proper all the time but that’s his strength. That’s how he stayed as a trainee, he worked hard.

“Here,” Amber gave out the energy drink.

“Thank you.” Junmyun took it with a bow. He knows he doesn’t have to bow all the time to someone who’s younger than him just because she is about to debut earlier than him but he did anyway.

 

“If you are going to be like this, things are really about to get awkward.” Amber sat down on the stairs, gesturing him to also sit down.

“That’s part of my training. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Ok. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks.” Amber put out a hand to Junmyun’s chest, who is about to bow again.

“About what happened in the practicing room? No need. Soojung is like my sister.” Junmyun sit back in relax position. He opened the can and drink it.

“You know that’s not true.” Junmyun glanced at Amber to get what she really meant.

“They wanted to talk bad about me, not Soojung. Soojung is just… carried away because of me.” Junmyun understands this. That pained expression of being discriminated.

 

“Hey.” Junmyun started in English. That got Amber’s attention, she looked at Junmyun expecting what he would say next.

“You’re beautiful.”

Junmyun smiled as he put out his hand to fist bump with Amber. But got shocked because Amber hugged him.

“Next time, I will call you Oppa. I’m a year younger and now, I think I got a slight crush on you.” Amber said as she released him.

Junmyun raised his brows. That wasn’t what he expected. That’s refreshing how Amber just go ahead say what she had in mind. Only if he could be that open with Soojung…

“It’s my honor, sunbaenim.” Junmyun joking bow and said as Amber hit him.

 

“Junmyun Oppa. What are you two talking about?”

It’s Soojung, Junmyun knew even before he turned his head to see the person. It’s the voice he would or could never go unnoticed.

“Soojung-ah, do you wanna go grab something?” It’s Amber that called out, she stood up.

“You two go, I have to practice.” Junmyun said giving them space.

“Nonsense, you have to come. We are having noodle.” Amber link her arm with Junmyun as she put her other arm around Soojung. Soojung glanced at Junmyun as she saw Junmyun was also looking at her. Soojung couldn’t explain what she felt as she diverted her glance.

Whatever. She tried not to think.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

The only thing that made him hold out is Soojung. Sometimes it just get too tiring. Practicing is hard. But what’s harder is seeing your friends, your juniors debuting and all you can do is happy for them. He’s always drenched in sweat. When he is not in dance practice room, he’s in vocal room.

He only could occasionally met with Soojung. These days it’s getting harder.

 

“Oppa, Victoria unnie said we have to go to busan this week. I miss you.”

Junmyun controlled his shaky voice.

“Are you well? You got skinnier.”

“I am well. Luna unnie wants to lose weight. Do you think I have to lose weight also?” Soojung voice is the same. The more Junmyun heard Soojung’s voice, the more he missed her.

“Of course no. Don’t skip meals. Okay? Do you want me to come to busan? I could skip training one day.”

“No. No. It’s okay. You’re just gonna come for nothing. I would be busy all the time.”

“Alright.” Junmyun couldn’t hide his disappointment. It’s been a long day. He missed Soojung and he’s tired.

“I have to go. See you later.” Soojung ended the call.

 

Junmyun closed his eyes in defeat. He is not sure how long he could hold on.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

There are ups and there are downs. Junmyun is finally getting used to the days without seeing Soojung. He hanged out with fellow trainees who are boys. He is not interested in dating instead he spent his energy and time in practicing.

He decided he won’t give up. He go against his parents to be SM trainee so the least he could do is not give up halfway.

 

“Hyung,”

“Hmm?” Junmyun looked at Sehun who is like his younger brother. He is so small.

“Nothing.” Sehun quickly shrugged it off. It’s obvious that he has something to say. Junmyun looked at Jongin who is also not trying to focus his attention on elsewhere.

Junmyun looked at Sehun who is about to cry. He knows now. It’s something about debuting. If not, it’s about girls. They both are so young. Both of them haven’t even graduated yet.

 

“It’s ok.” Junmyun touched the nape of Sehun, causing Sehun to tear up.

“Hyung…”

“Hyung doesn’t need to be told to know. Hyung knows.” He hugged Sehun. Jongin also joined in. He had to toughen up times like this. He is ‘hyung’ here. They both looked up to him because he never broke down in front of them. Both Jongin and Sehun joined a year later.

 

“What if we couldn’t debut?” Finally Sehun said during sniffling.

Junmyun smiles sadly. That’s something he couldn’t lie. He would never lie.

“Are you tired of trainee life?” Junmyun said it softly but firmly.

Sehun quickly shook his head.

“I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being in other group separating from Hyung.”

That is… that is the same with Junmyun. Sehun’s words hit him hard. He was thinking that every other day. He is not friendly with everyone. He is social enough but there are few he cares about.

Junmyun couldn’t say another word. He is ‘Hyung’. He couldn’t break into tears. He hugged both of them as he tried his best not to cry.

“We will be okay. We will be okay.”

That’s all Junmyun could say and they all sat together at bay of Han River till the sun starts to rise up.

 

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

“Happy Birthday!”

Junmyun is so shocked he is incapable of reacting. Jongin, Sehun and other trainee keeps “ow”-ing and his ears reddened in shame. Soojung is now quite popular these days. Junmyun knows he’s receiving looks of both envy and jealousy because it’s Soojung that is showing up with surprise birthday cake.

 

“How?”

“I never forget you birthday, Oppa.” It’s fluttering to hear things like this but Junmyun mustn’t waver. He must not forget Soojung is no longer just Soojung. She is f(x)’s Krystal now.

“Thanks.” He opened his arms inviting her to come. It feels so right. Soojung in his arms, her other arms hugging his back tight and her hair, smell like expensive shampoo.

That got him back to the reality. He removed his arms as he kind of push Krystal out of his hug.

 

Soojung acts accordingly but she knows it’s him that stopped first. They used to stay in each other arms in brother-sister way numerous, countless times for minutes long. This hug that last for merely seconds felt wrong. This felt sad. Soojung cannot blame Junmyun as she understands exactly why Junmyun did this.

 

But that’s the start.

Junmyun could only blame himself.

He introduced his Soojung to his brothers. He introduced Soojung to everyone. Not just everyone, to the one that will be future boyfriend of Soojung.

That’s the start of Soojung and Jongin.

Everything is so incidental for both of them.

And it’s all thanks to Junmyun.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

“Debut chukhakhae OPPA!!!” It’s again with cake. This time there aren’t a lot people around, just him and Soojung.

“Gomawo.” Junmyun felt light-headed. He only received news yesterday. He called Soojung as soon as he knew. He felt disappointed when Soojung doesn’t pick up but she called back so late at night but thankfully he wasn’t sleeping.

 

“I have only two schedule tomorrow. I can come to trainee room. Also, I have something I’m hiding from you.”

That’s what Soojung said in the phone. Junmyun didn’t ask what. Soojung told him everything. Literally everything that happened to her. When she caught the cold or when she felt sick or tired. Junmyun and Soojung stayed in contact through texts and video calls.

 

“So, what is it? You said you’re hiding something.” Junmyun said with a glint in his eyes. He wish it’s just some stupid things Soojung felt she needed to tell Junmyun.

“I have… I am interested in someone.”

 

Do you ever felt the world you’re on is shaking so much that you needed to sit down? That’s what Junmyun felt then. Soojung… he was planning. He knows he is always planning. He planned to confess to Soojung on the day he actually debuted. He wanted to buy couple rings for them. Junmyun’s gaze caught the shiny thing on Soojung’s finger.

“Wow. Already dating?”

Junmyun had to act casual. He sat down on the floor, putting the cake on the ground. He needed to get away from her. He can’t congratulate her for something like that.

 

“No. Actually… I am to give answer on the day he debuted.”

Junmyun’s world stopped.

Everything just stopped then.

Then, his mind flashed back to Jongin secret phone calls and texting and everything. Every time Soojung came to him, she came with energy drinks for everyone.

It’s like a betrayal.

Even though Junmyun knows that is not a betrayal. Not even closed.

 

But he can’t help how he feels.

Junmyun saw then. Soojung trying to shook her head and mouthing “bad timing” towards the door. His gaze follow Soojung and saw Jongin.

Jongin was about to run off. But Jongin saw that Junmyun had seen him.

 

He quietly come into the room as he stood up besides Soojung.

“I asked Soojung out, Hyung.”

Junmyun can’t believe… he felt like a older brother of Soojung, judging the appearance of her boyfriend. That’s now what he wanted to be for Soojung. But now, he will have to do with what he could be.

“Without me knowing?”

“Hyung… It’s not… I was just hiding it from everyone. No one knows.”

“Sehun seemed to know.” It was a bluff. Because Junmyun noticed how Sehun grinned sheepishly at Jongin when he is into his phone.

“He is…”

Junmyun regretted know this. He thought Sehun would not do anything like that.

 

“Soojung-ah, we two need to talk alone.”

Soojung looked at me like she is asking for favors. Now, isn’t it ridiculous. Junmyun felt angry that Soojung would looked apologetic for Jongin.

“Oppa…”

“Soojung-ah, Oppa promise you. It’s just between bros.”

Soojung nodded, giving Jongin a ‘take care’ glance and she’s gone.

 

“How long?”

“6 months.”

It’s surprising that Soojung would take this long. Junmyun nodded. He gestured Jongin to sat down in front of him.

“Why would you hide from Hyung? Did you really think Hyung would disapprove of you two? You are my little brother and she’s like my little sister.” Tears would make his eyes shine. But he’s not interested in hiding.

Jongin shook his head as he kept his head down. He is afraid of… no he’s embarrassed of looking at Junmyun Hyung. All the soft voices and all the soft gestures are making him wanting to cry.

“Just to be sure… Are you serious about Soojung?”

 

Jongin was confident. Soojung felt like the one. No one ever caught his eyes like she does.

“I’m serious, Hyung.”

Junmyun nodded as he stared right at Jongin. He must let Jongin know that he’s all serious.

“I have no objections as your brother or Soojung’s brother. I am happy. But… one thing, if you ever hurt Soojung, Jongin, I hoped you will not. I won’t forgive you. All right?”

 

It was a long moment. Jongin doesn’t blink. He wasn’t exactly offended by Junmyun’s threat. He just stared. What is it he felt then? Was it sadness? No it wasn’t all sadness because he’s also happy that Junmyun support his love life. But… Is it because Junmyun doesn’t believe in him? Or… he is not sure. He just… He swallowed all those undescriptive feelings.

“I won’t, Hyung.” Jongin said.

Junmyun is finally satisfied with that and he let the matter go.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

“I can forget everything. I can give everything up. But I can't give our friendship up.”

—————————————————————

There’s always an invisible line between Soojung and him, Junmyun always noticed. He always wanted to break that line. But now, he is the one that must make the line visible and strong. He needs something between Soojung and him.

Soojung is unchanged.

She still likes to hangout with him and tell him things that happened to her. Junmyun wanted to ask ‘aren’t you supposed to tell those things to your boyfriend?’ when he’s bitter.

 

Junmyun wanted something more and he knew he can’t. Jongin trusts him. He won’t break that trust, even when his heart bleeds from loving Soojung, secretly and one-sided.

“Oppa, are you free tonight?”

A call from Soojung. Nothing special but…

“Hey, is Jongin next to you?”

“Un.. no? Why?”

 

Junmyun kinda felt good and bad. Bad because he felt good. He shouldn’t feel good about this. He shouldn’t even feel anything.

“Soojung-ah, sorry, I’m busy right now.”

“But can we meet tonight? I have something to tell you.” Soojung voice is not good. Junmyun is close with Soojung for many years to know the difference.

“Text me the place and time. I will call you back, ok? Everything will be alright.” Junmyun said regardless of his original plan to stay away from Soojung.

 

“Hyung, you are coming with us right?”

It’s Baekhyun. He’s new trainee but he got along with everyone really fast. He’s now everyone’s favorite person to hangout.

“Ah… sorry, I had something to take care of.” Junmyun couldn’t look at Sehun who is staring at him.

“Jongin is also joining later.”

“Jongin?” Junmyun furrowed as he met eyes with Sehun. It’s as if Sehun knows something and he’s not saying it out loud for his sake.

“He seemed to have some troubles with Soojung.” Sehun came near as he spoke to Junmyun only.

 

“Sehun-ah, make sure you brought Junmyun. See you there!” Baekhyun shouted as they retreated to the destination.

“What do you mean?” Junmyun asked. He’s worried. He knew Jongin and Sehun are really close. Since Jongin confided in Sehun and maybe Sehun knows something more than him.

 

“Are you… are you and Soojung in love?”

That shocked Junmyun. The half-truth and the ridiculousness of it shocked him.

“What are you talking about? Soojung is dating Jongin and we both knew that!”

“I…”

“What did Jongin say?” Junmyun asked knowingly. Sehun is being very awkward with him. Sehun clearly did not want to have this kind of conversation with him.

“Jongin once mentioned about you and Soojung. That Soojung is always talking about you. That you two are always together while Jongin is the boyfriend, it’s… you seemed more like her boyfriend.” Sehun spoke so fast without looking at Junmyun and Junmyun almost didn’t catch what he said but, Junmyun did get.

 

He worried such thing would happen to them. His closeness with Soojung would cause something uncomfortable and unwanted to Jongin, that’s what he afraid most. What he worried and afraid most had happened.

“Soojung is like my younger sister, like you, my younger brother.” Junmyun stared right into Sehun’s eyes. He strictly said it. He wanted to convince himself too.

“That’s all she is and that’s all she will gonna be.”

Sehun nodded.

“I’m not doubtful about you. It’s just that… Jongin was so down when he came to me.”

“Was he?”

Junmyun did not think it is a good idea to say that he was now meeting Soojung.

 

“Are you coming with us?”

“I… I don’t think I can. Tell Baekhyun, next time I will. Okay?”

Sehun didn’t say anything but just a nod. Junmyun patted his back as he left.

 

Junmyun kinda felt guilty that he wasn’t telling the truths about meeting with Soojung tonight but he felt right about not telling. He wasn’t doing anything. He was just meeting. But if it was nothing why couldn’t he say anything?

Junmyun shook this feelings away. He just want to meet with Soojung. He missed her.

 

It was rooftop of their dorm. Soojung has got back from the schedule. Junmyun had been to their dorm many times so their rooftop isn’t unfamiliar to him.

“Oppa.”

When Junmyun arrived, Soojung was facing outside so Junmyun couldn’t see her face. When Soojung sense the presence and she saw Junmyun, she ran to hug Junmyun. That’s when Junmyun see her face and he saw the evidence of tears.

“Soojung-ah…”

 

Junmyun’s hand naturally went up to her head, her hair and holding her. Junmyun doesn’t know what to say or what’s wrong. Soojung seemed to be so sad. She cried as she buried her face in his chest.

“What happened?” Junmyun asked with the softest voice. He only wants to comfort his Soojung.

He could see Soojung is shaking her head.

“Shh. Shh. It’s ok.” Junmyun doesn’t want to force Soojung if she doesn’t want to tell.

Soojung shook her head again.

 

“It’s not ok?”

Soojung nods this time. Junmyun smiled at Soojung.

“What is not ok?”

She cried but it’s a pause. She shook her head again. She doesn’t want to say anything.

“Soojung-ah? Our Soojung-ie, look at me.”

She listened as she looked up. Even the tears couldn’t ruin her beautiful features. She had her makeup removed.

“What is not ok?”

When Junmyun asked the question, Soojung looked really sad. She looked at Junmyun as if he is going away and not coming back.

 

“Nothing.”

Soojung finally said but it’s a lie. Both of them knows it.

“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay. I won’t press on. But if you won’t tell me, I won’t know. If I don’t know, I cannot make things right.”

Junmyun knows Soojung is listening. She always listened even though it didn’t show. He knows when Soojung’s eyes are sharp and focus on one place but not looking at him. That’s how he knew if Soojung is listening.

 

Soojung did not say anything as she hugged Junmyun the hell out of him, so tight and not releasing.

“Just keep that in mind.” Junmyun whispered, planting a kiss on Soojung’s head. It was a sweet and innocent gesture between brother and sister. It was also seemed like a gesture between lovers. One could misunderstand but shouldn’t.

“Thank you.” Soojung also whispered back. She meant the words.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

After that night, Soojung did not ask him to meet again. She only called every night to update him with her daily things. Sometimes, Junmyun wondered why the change? Soojung’s calls were preciously lessen when she started dating Jongin which is understandable.

It’s not that Junmyun didn’t enjoy the phone time with Soojung, it’s just that he enjoys it too much.

The time for debut is drawing near. They are practicing hard and restless. He saw everyone’s spirits are up.

Simply, they go out together. It’s a large group, 12 of them are eating together and sleeping together.

 

“How are things with Soojung?”

Junmyun knows that eventually, someone would ask. And eventually, he will know. His curious ears peck up.

“We are taking a break.”

 

“What?”

“For real?”

“Really?”

Junmyun’s eyes shot up to Jongin. Jongin was drinking the shot up. Then, he looked right at Junmyun. Junmyun is really confused but then he remembered that night with Soojung. She was really sad but she couldn’t say what’s wrong. It must be it.

 

“It’s nothing wrong. I thought… I am getting busier. I can’t give enough time for her. We just thought we should take a break. It was mutual feelings.” Jongin shrugged. Junmyun knew for the best that Soojung would never propose such idea. She would never do that.

“Jongin, private chat with me.” Junmyun got up from his seat. He didn’t say it polite. He say it short and hard. He expects Jongin to stand up and follow him. Jongin did.

 

“Did you bring this up to Soojung? To take a break?” Junmyun keeps his voice down but obviously he is not calm.

“Yes, did Soojung say anything?” Jongin asked. He thought Junmyun already knew. Soojung always tell things to Junmyun Hyung.

“I just know.”

It was unexpected for Jongin.

“Really?”

“Of course. Why would you do that?”

“Hyung…” Jongin doesn’t want to make Junmyun Hyung angry. It would make him feel worse if Junmyun already knew this from Soojung.

“Just answer me. Why would you do that? When was it?”

 

Jongin looked down at the ground. He did not want to answer but Junmyun Hyung looked scary times like this.

“Two weeks ago.”

It all makes sense now. That was two weeks ago when Soojung asked him to meet her on the rooftop.

“Did you two fight? Was it because of the fight?” Junmyun tried to ask more softly. He doesn’t want to be seemed like some protective brother. But guess that question already made him looked like one.

 

“No. Don’t answer me.” Junmyun took a step back. He sigh out loud.

“I’m not on Soojung’s side. I am not on your side. I am not in the middle. I need you to know that, Jonginnie.” Junmyun clarified. He meant it. Because of his feelings for Soojung what Jongin did, make him angry. But it’s not his position to question Jongin’s actions. He does not have this right, not even as Jongin’s brother.

 

“Hyung, it’s not that…”

Junmyun did not let Jongin finish.

“You can take care of that. I won’t interfere. If you want to tell me I’m all ears but if you want to keep this? You can keep this to yourself. But, don’t hurt Soojung, alright? That’s all I asked.”

Jongin stared at Junmyun for a good old minute. Then, Jongin nodded. Junmyun knew Jongin was thinking. Really thinking. Jongin is a good kid. Junmyun decided to trust Jongin.

The gathering dinner finished. They were going home.

 

“Oppa, do you have time?”

 

The power of the question from Soojung is just big. He can never say no to Soojung. Not when her voice is clingy and snappy at the same time, usually. But right now when he picked up the phone, her voice is low and unsure. That worried him. Soojung is never unsure about anything.

 

And just like always, his answer is,

“Yes, where are you?”

 

This time they are not at the rooftop. They are just on the side of Han River. The place Junmyun love.

“Annyeong.”

Soojung doesn’t seemed sad or anything. She looked… she’s out of it.

“Had you had dinner?”

Soojung smiled at Junmyun’s question. There’s only one that would ask her if she had meal regularly out of concern. That’s Junmyun. She loves him for that. Like a brother!

“Yes.”

There’s this silence. They both are staring out to the dark. It’s like they’re in their own world and there’s no one in it.

 

Actually, Soojung had a lot to talk about. She wanted to tell Junmyun everything that she’s not feeling ok. She wanted to ask him about Jongin if he still likes her. She wanted to ask Junmyun if he knows that they are going through some sort of breaking apart.

But Soojung did not say a word of it.

She looked at Junmyun’s handsome side profile.

 

“Sometimes, I’m really glad to have a friend like you.”

That’s when Junmyun’s eyes fall on her. She hold the gaze for 2 sec and her eyes are back to the dark air. She can’t. She doesn’t know why but Junmyun’s gaze burns. It’s been like this since… since very beginning. She could never hold this kind of intense gaze from Junmyun.

If she does, because she tried it before, and it all feels weird insides. She freaks out. So never since then, she never tried to look Junmyun in the eyes.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

“Sometimes, I’m really glad to have a friend like you.”

 

This haunts Junmyun even in his sleep. This haunts him every time he missed Soojung. Because this is now how Junmyun feels about Soojung. Junmyun doesn’t want this yet, that’s all he got to have. He is just a brother, a friend to Soojung. He reminds himself of this but sometimes he wanted to break free of everything.

He can’t even let his love known.

Not even to his closet member Sehunnie.

 

They are going to debut. Junmyun doesn’t have time to think about a lot things. He is barely eating. He practices and practices. He ignored calls from Soojung. He texted her every time he got missed calls from her though because he just can’t act heartless to her.

 

But as days add up, the amount of calls he get from Soojung get thin. And then one day, she stopped calling.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

They debuted.

It’s a good day for everyone. Everyone is smiling bright. Everyone is saying jokes, having fun and b with excitement.

Jongin is not usually the loud one instead, he watched. He is very pleased with the present. He likes to joke around of s. He likes to dance. He doesn’t get much line in the group, the same with Sehun and that’s nothing new. They all follow what the company decided.

He doesn’t regret about the songs just… their leader Hyung,

He gazed at Junmyun Hyung and he thought, how can one be this selfless?

 

People see him and see the top figure. People did not see him as artist but the talker, the leader, you know someone with intelligence. Of course Junmyun Hyung is intelligent but he is a singer too like Jongdae Hyung or Kyungsoo Hyung.

The company gave him a role of leadership and speaker. That’s his regret.

He wanted more for Junmyun. His leader who is always trying so hard till he broke.

 

“Hyung I can’t sleep.”

Sehun seeks out Junmyun. Sehun, Junmyun and Jongin, they shared one room.

“Sehunnie? What’s wrong?”

By the voice, Jongin knows that Junmyun is already half-way to his dream land. But that stupid Sehun had to wake him up.

“I am just worried. Tomorrow is the interview right? I am nervous.” Sehun got up from his bed. He went to Junmyun’s bed which is big for tiny Junmyun.

“It’s okay. Just treat it like visiting to other relative. They are going to be nice but not real. You only needed to be polite, just like you always are.”

“I’m not polite.” At that, Junmyun laughs. Sehun is always like that. He always deny the compliment to get more compliments. He is only that way to Junmyun Hyung.

“But you can when you try. Right?”

 

“I will.” Sehun answered obediently.

“What if we freeze? What if we don’t know what to say?” It’s Jongin. Jongin dances. He is a dancer. That’s why they both looked up to Junmyun. Junmyun always know what to say. To elders or to friends or to any other in whatever situations.

“Yah! You two! What am I there for? I’m here to back you guys up. Just trust me, okay? Now, you guys should sleep. It’s late.”

Junmyun pretended to scold. But it’s really late. They have to get up early. Sehun got up and returned to his own bed.

 

“Goodnight hyung.” Unintentionally, both of them said at the same time.

“Night.” Junmyun’s hyung reply was sleepy.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

Soojung and Jongin relationship was like any other. They are on again off again. Junmyun stays peacefully as a bystander. He never involved in any of their problems. Jongin would occasionally update him about their relationship status but never the details. Soojung would call him to meet up but never hinted about the issue.

Junmyun is fine like that.

He never wanted to take side. Both of them are his precious little dongsengs.

 

Something inevitable comes. The breakup.

It comes at the time he least expected. And from media.

 

It somehow angers Junmyun. He should know this from Jongin or Soojung or anyone. He woke up to this news.

Soojung won’t pick up her phone. Junmyun had to call her manager.

“Hyung, what happened?”

“I think you should go to Soojung.” Manager Hyung also does not want to say a thing. Because Junmyun met Soojung a lot alone, he knows that Junmyun cared about Sooojung a great deal.

“Where is she right now?”

 

Junmyun immediately goes without wasting a second. He is worried and angry. He was preparing for EXO comeback and he couldn’t contact with Soojung for two months.

Junmyun rang the bell. He is being reckless he knows but right now all he could think about is Soojung.

 

Not long, the door opens. He saw the Manager.

“She’s in her room.”

Of course he knows where Soojung’s room is. It’s not just once or twice he been to her room.

“Soojung-ah, open the door.” Junmyun called but he knows he is not going to get her to open the door. But to his surprise, the door opened.

Junmyun could see Soojung had been crying. He is lost at words when her eyes met his. He opened his arms like usual and she went into his embrace like usual. The small sobbing sounds coming from Soojung hurts him more than they should. Junmyun really did thought after all these years, he got over Soojung. But all those feelings came back, making him suffocate.

 

“Oppa. I don’t know anymore.” Soojung said like she has no life left.

Junmyun couldn’t say a word. Who is he to say anything? He just wants to comfort her. He just wants to stay next to her.

They stayed like this for a long time. Junmyun doesn’t know how long, he lost track of time. He did not want to let Soojung go but she moves.

“Do you want something? Drinks?” Soojung face is bare. Her dark circles are prominent. She is still pure girl that Junmyun fell in love.

 

“Water, please.”

Soojung got up but Junmyun won’t let her go alone. He stayed close right behind Soojung.

“Did Manager Oppa call you?”

“No. I just woke up and saw the news.” It is sad. Soojung looked apologetic but she doesn’t apologize. Because it is also Junmyun fault if he think thoroughly. He is the one that doesn’t keep in close contact. He is the one that shut her out and he can’t blame her when she actually shut him out in turn.

 

“Have you talked to Jongin?” Soojung asked as she poured the water down. In excuse of that, Soojung did not look at Junmyun.

“No. I ran to you.”

“I have schedules in two hours.” Soojung gave him his water. It is practically asking him to leave. He does not want to complain. He wants to give Soojung the space she wants.

“Ok. I’m always here for you. Keep in mind.” Junmyun drink up the water. Soojung stays far from Junmyun.

 

Junmyun is about to leave. He paused as Soojung called him after.

“Oppa.”

He does not want to leave. He is still in love with her.

“For me, Oppa will always be my favorite Oppa. You know it right?”

Somehow it relieve some of the pain in his chest. Maybe it’s the Soojung’s soft gaze. Or maybe it’s her voice. Junmyun prefer not to think at all.

“Of course.” He smiled as he left.

 

Tears came out as soon as his back is turned and the door is closed. He rubbed those away as he spotted Soojung’s Manager’s around the corridor.

“Suho-shi.”

“Please call me if there’s anything wrong with Soojung. Or my manager. Thank you, Hyung.” Junmyun was embarrassed. If Manager saw him shedding tears,...

“I will.” He promised as he patted on Junmyun’s back.

 

Junmyun headed right to his dorm. His head is hot with anger. He thinks he deserved some sort of explanation from Jongin. What happened? What did he do? That’s all he could think. Then, Soojung voice echoing inside his head again.

He went to his room. Junmyun shut out from everything.

“Is Hyung in his room?”

“He’s been locked in there since he returned.” Jongin nodded at Jongdae. He’s thankful for the information. Junmyun Hyung must have returned from Soojung’s.

 

He knocked.

There is no answer. He tried to open the door which wasn’t locked.

 

Jongin prepared for the worst. He knows Junmyun must have really angry with him right now.

“Hyung.” His voice is small. Junmyun was doing muscle training. Jongin couldn’t see Junmyun’s face. He was working really hard.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jongin couldn’t raise his head. He never wanted this. He always wanted… He always… Now that he is thinking, he realized he never knew what he really wanted. He wanted to be with Soojung even when he knew his leader have not so innocent thoughts towards her.

“I told you I will never forgive if you ever hurt Soojung.” Jungmyun voice is cold. His stare is even colder. Junmyun stopped what he was doing and face Jongin. Jongin met the eyes of his Leader Hyung and he couldn’t understand. Junmyun is never angry. He has always been… kind.

 

“Hyung…”

“Get lost.” Jongin looked at Junmyun who has now turned his back and who is breathing hard.

“Hyung… I… I never wanted to hurt her. It wasn’t my intention.”

“GET OUT! Before I punched you. GET LOST!” Junmyun punched the wall instead. He can’t lose his temper but he is angry. Mad. He can’t think how sad and heartbreaking Soojung will be right now. Soojung… his jewel.

He expected this. He knew Jongin isn’t the relationship type. He was afraid the dating news is going to cause serious fanwars. Things turn out the way he was afraid.

 

He was so glad when the company approved of their relationship because Dispatch got real pictures. The pictures of them going into the backdoor of hotel room was mailed to the company and that if the company denied, they will release them through internet.

He had to express his opinions. He tried his best to protect Soojung and Jongin back then. He thought as long as they are happy, he could live with that thought in mind.

But now, Jongin is ending. He didn’t want to face the angry fan posts or he wanted to see the haters of Soojung turned out to be his fans.

 

“Junmyun Hyung, please....”

Junmyun slapped the hand that is going to touch his hand. If he let Jongin touched his hand to apologize him, he does not know if this touch will end up in ugly outcome of him punching the life out of Jongin.

The hurt look on Jongin make Junmyun regretted his un-leader like action. He weren’t like this. He should not be like this.

“Just go, Jongin. I am not ready to talk to you or forgive you.”

Right now, he couldn’t act like a brother to Jongin. Right now, he is a friend and a brother to Soojung, like he always had been.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

Members can’t take it anymore. The pressure in the room when both Junmyun and Jongin are present is unbearable. One has to take the action to solve this problem.

When one is talking with Junmyun, Jongin will pretend like he is not in the room. The same with Junmyun, even more intense. Sometimes, Junmyun would leave the room if Jongin is actively participating in conversations or he is in the middle of the conversations.

Normally, it’s Baekhyun or Minseok Hyung but this time it’s Sehun. Sehun can’t just watch and wait anymore. He shared a room with both of them.

Jongin, Sehun and Junmyun are a team. They hanged out and joke around together so many times and Sehun missed it. Sehun needed them to be a team again. Sehun wants to talk to both of them.

 

“Just lock it. I am going to take all the blame.”

 

So they did.

 

That’s how both Junmyun and Jongin are ended up in the same room.

 

“Open it up!” Junmyun shouted from insides. He is about to shower. He only got a towel on his waist. Jongin seemed like he wants to pee. He looked uncomfortable.

“Whoever did this is going to have to deal with me after.” Junmyun threatened but no one answered.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“What?!” Junmyun shouted. He’s annoyed as hell and he is cold.

“I wanted to pee.” Junmyun glared hard at Jongin who didn’t deserve. Junmyun turned his back on Jongin as Jongin started to take care of his business.

 

How could he forget to lock the door? It’s not that Junmyun forget actually. He lived in the dorm with 11 other guys. No one really care of being seen so they don’t normally lock the door. And one of them took the advantage of it.

Junmyun still turning his back when he heard the flush down from Jongin.

 

“Hyung.” Jongin called again. Junmyun ignored him. It’s their idea to let them talk it out and make peace but it’s not going to work if he keeps his mouth shut. They have schedules tomorrow and the door will have to be opened.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry.” Junmyun still don’t want to speak. He does not want to say ok. He wants to punish.

“For coming into the bathroom without checking. And for breaking the promise about Soojung.”

At the mention of Soojung’s name flare the anger from Junmyun.

 

“You are not sorry.” Junmyun says, looking at Jongin. He can’t just keep ignoring Jongin. Maybe s did a good job. He will have to talk it out with Jongin.

“I am. I really am.” The denial is instant.

“Did you apologize to Soojung?” Junmyun asked with a straight face.

“Of course I have. I did. But I did not ask for her forgiveness.” That’s new to Junmyun. Junmyun still hadn’t got contact with Soojung.

 

“Hyung, I really… things were not going to work between us. Soojung said she understands.”

“You believed that?” Junmyun doesn’t know what is what anymore. He was so sure Jongin dumped Soojung. Because Soojung left him a voice message, crying that things are over between she and Jongin.

“Hyung, both Soojung and I… we already lost the feelings. We shouldn’t be with each other if we stopped loving each other right? She deserved someone who loves her unconditionally and someone who willing to take the world on just for her.”

Jongin sounded so sincere. And Soojung also doesn’t love Jongin anymore? Was he wrong? But why would Soojung cried and called him?

 

“Did Soojung say that? That she does not love you anymore?” Junmyun is confused.

“She did says she’s sorry that she didn’t try to make things right by being honest.” Jongin is being truthful.

“What?”

Junmyun forgets everything about his anger. It’s like the burning core is extinguished. Suddenly, there’s no reason to get mad. The thing about anger is, when it is burning, it only does one thing. It burns. When it stopped suddenly, it’s dark. Junmyun couldn’t get used to that darkness, that confusion. He sat there. He looked at Jongin and he really looked this time. Without the burning anger, he saw for what Jongin really is feeling right now.

 

Jongin also is suffering.

Jongin also is heart-breaking.

 

“It will be okay. Time heals.” Junmyun said in attempt of comforting Jongin. Jongin looked at his hyung. His heart warmed at the effort. He really could give everything up for this friendship. That warmth Junmyun’s eyes is radiating towards him, and that kind gesture and words, he really would give all up, even Soojung.

~♦~♦~♦~♦~

 

“I love you. But I can't go to you. How can I? Knowing that would ruin your friendship with Jongin.”

—————————————————————

 

People says time heals.

But Soojung doesn’t know what is time supposed to heal because she is not heart-broken. She is able to continue with her life. Life is hard, cuss and malicious comments kept coming at her even when she is just sitting.

Her band is practically over. She don’t see the future in immediate years. Amber and Luna are trying to be independent artists. Song unnie is in China, making her way through. And maknae is trying to cope with life herself.

 

She…? Company discussed her about modeling and drama. She wants to do both. She also wants to sing. Like Girls Generation unnie or like BoA unnie but maybe she’s not good enough. So she decided to join her sister in America. She needed a trip to get away from her love life.

She wants to see Junmyun Oppa one last time though.

 

It’s not the last but she…

She look at her phone. She wants to call Junmyunnie Oppa but she can’t. Every time Junmyun Oppa looked at her with those longing eyes filled with love, her regret and guilt killed her once more. She was stupid. She was young. She doesn’t understand love. She doesn’t know what is true love till so late. Everything is so late now.

She can’t do this.

She won’t do this to Jongin and Junmyun Oppa. Because it will ruin everything.

 

The happy ending every girl hopes for, and most get, she won’t.

 

It’s better if she just disappear from their life. She could live with the fact that Jongin and Junmyun will be brothers again without any bad feelings. She doesn’t have to have Junmyun just because she now realized that she is in love with him.

Who wouldn’t?

Junmyun is such… a man that every girl dreamed to have. Considerate, loving, passionate, kind and sometimes funny in his own sense. He’s the best one could have. It’s such a terrible waste that Soojung couldn’t have that man. But does she deserve such man? Soojung blink multiple times to contain those tears in.

 

She will never confess Junmyun. Even if her heart were to be torn into pieces because of that, she will never take Junmyun away from Jongin.

She won’t become the girl that ruined brotherhood and everything.

She just want to be in their lives, both of them. In order to do that, she needs to act. She needs to pull off the biggest act of her life.

 

The one true love that will have to stay hidden, just like Junmyun Oppa managed to do till now.

~♦~♦E~N~D♦~♦~