Felix stared at his phone for the nth time today, words stopped processing in his brain and he was just in too much thought with everything.

Hey Chan! When are we going to hang out?

He texted. Clearly out of the blue, although it partly doesn't make sense, Chan is his ex after all. Well not really his ex but Chan was his "the one that got away". They didn't have a relationship, but they almost had one until Chan decided to stop seeing Felix as his parents doesn't like the younger, they became friends and supported one another in their respective relationships like when Felix and Jisung started dating and Chan and Minho started dating as well. They were in good terms though occasional flirting comes by when they're really not in a relationship and both are single.

Felix met Changbin and was happy with the latter. They were almost in their first year of relationship and the younger couldn't ask for anything more than what Changbin is. Changbin made him feel loved and special and even though he could be dramatic over small things such as not being able to respond to Felix's text, not bing able to see him and so on,  Felix loves him. 

When I'm free? Where are we going tho?

My house? Just chillin' I don't really want to go out

They exchanged. Felix doesn't know why there's this subtle feeling of missing Chan. He doesn't know why he suddenly felt nervous. He pushed that thought away and continued thinking. 

Okay sure? I'm free next week. 

Tomorrow? I don't have classes 

Why what's up tomorrow?

Nothing I just like it tomorrow

Okay sure, meet me at 7Eleven, I kinda forgot how to go to your house. 

Sure

He replied. It was already 2 years since Chan went to his abode, it was reasonable. They talked even more and Felix asked about Chan and Jeongin. Jeongin is Felix's friend. One day he approached Felix asking if the older of the two could introduce Jeongin to a fine guy who could be his fake boyfriend because the latter needs it for a reason and he couldn't ask Felix unless he want to get kicked by Changbin. Felix didn't like the idea first but he tried and introduced Chan to Jeongin. 

The two were fine with the idea, besides Felix is confident enough that the two would fall for each other in no time as they're quick to fall in love with someone they met and talked to a lot. He was not wrong because after a week they both told Felix that they have this tiny crush with one another. He was happy his friends are getting along but it was temporary, it only went on for a month and they both started to feel forced with everything. 

The latter was guilty, he was the one who introduced them to one another. Jeongin shared that he fell for Chan and he wanted to be with him but the older didn't make a move yet, he didn't want to look quite needy, but he'll be waiting. Felix was heart broken with that fact and that hopeful smile Jeongin has but he dropped the topic.

Asking Chan now, he breathe and chatted

What's your plan with Jeongin? 

I don't know... 

Do you still like him or?

Why does it have to be Jeongin? Why can't it be you? 

Felix's heart stopped. He was confused why his heart dropped, why he suddenly felt like he's on the verge of tears. 

Why me?

I know you more, I'm comfortable with you and ... 

And what Chan? 

It's just...

Just what Chan? You can't just say that... 

Nevermind

Felix really want to cry all of the sudden, maybe because he was stressed or what but he just doesn't know why 

Let's talk about this tomorrow. 

Okay

--

Hey I'm here at 7eleven~ Pick me up~

Chan texted. Felix stood up and took his sweater and went out to pick Chan. It was a 3-minute walk and he already saw Chan lining at the counter. The younger sat and waited for Chan to finish and when the older was done he went out and walked home. It was quiet, too quiet for Felix's liking and he couldn't do anything about it either. It was awkward so he tried to joke and cue in some small talks. It's a 3 minute walk but it felt like hours. 

They reached Felix's place and settled in. They said a movie would be good, but the internet was too ty it won't load so they ended up watching Coco. Despite having a full coach on the side, they both squeezed themselves in a tiny chair. The first half was fine until Felix got hungry and popped a bag of popcorn and went back. 

Chan adjusted the pillow as he saw Felix's back hurting, in a couple of minutes Chan was already playing with Felix's hair. It was clearly domestic so to say and neither one even complained about it, Felix was subtly liking it as he was being babied again by Chan. Maybe he did miss Chan after all, Chan treats him as if he's the most special kid in the whole world and babied him a lot, Changbin ofcourse does that, but in a different way. Changbin still reminds Felix he's old enough, he would comfort the younger but not as much as how Chan would offer virtual hugs and kisses. To be honest, if Felix doesn't ask for one Changbin would just talk and make him loose his focus on the problem. Neither one is a bad thing, but it was a note to be compared. 

The movie ended and they went on their own agendas. Chan with Felix's phone, watching random videos, more lik videos of Twice and all, Felix with his laptop as he tried not to be bored. He stared at Chan and started casually throwing pillows and a couple of playful slaps and punches. Chan just let the child be until the younger decided to tickle him and he just lost it. 

They ended up cuddling for a couple of minutes. Felix felt weird, there's this feeling that he doesn't feel when he's with Changbin and begged not to compare but he can't. It felt even warmer with Chan maybe because he's used to him a lot, Felix was confused. 

"Hey Chan, why does it have to be me?" Felix asked. The older of the two went quiet, he just continued the youngers hair. "Would it make a difference if I answer that question?" Chan asked. 

"You know you came back at the wrong time right?" Felix asked. Chan sighed and nodded

"I know,"

There was silence until Felix started feeling sleepy. He napped for a couple of minutes and Chan took the chance and kissed his cheeks. He stared at the sleeping boy and a pang of pain just went ahead and knocked his heart. Hey playfully dropped Felix's head so he could wake up. "Hey Lix, I need to go," Chan said, Felix was still too sleepy and moved over so Chan could stand. 

The older stood up, fixed his bag, went to the bathroom and went back out to get his shoes. He stared at Felix and playfully mixed his hair, "Lix~ Wake up!" he said softly, "5 minutes" the younger said, "I need to go, walk me to the bus station," Chan said, "You're old enough, you can do it on your own," Felix lazily said. It was the side Chan adores the most, the side that is really child-like and when Felix looks like he doesn't need to worry about anything else other than his food and his sleep. It was a side he loves the most, were Felix acts as himself. Chan continued messing with Felix hair and then he contemplated. 

He knows the only way to wake Felix up easily but he'd rather not to. He stared at the softly snoring boy, Maybe for the last time? he thought. He leaned down and kissed his lips. He knows he's wrong and this is considered cheating on Felix's part, it was so wrong yet it felt right and he regreted a part of it. Felix stirred awake and groggily stared at Chan. "Chan," he said softly. The latter couldn't stare at him nor look at him in any manner, he felt guilty yet happy.

Felix drifted to sleep for a second again, faked to be exact. He knows Chan would kiss him again and he didn't know either he likes it or not. He couldn't think straight, he missed this yet it is so wrong and thoughts about Changbin was filling his mind, yet he fakes his sleep in hopes Chan would do it again. He wasn't wrong, Chan did kiss him again and tears suddenly filled Felix's eyes. "Chan, seriously you're making me cry," he said waking up, looking at the ceiling. His heart races with thoughts of Chan and Changbin. It was unbearable and he tried to stop his tears, Chan couldn't look at him still. "I'll get going now," he said and stood up.

Felix stood up as well, got his shoes and walked Chan to the bus station. It was the same silence as earlier in the morning, but it was a lot heavier. They both knew it was wrong but they missed each other a lot, but neither one really mentions it. It is forbidden and it would only cost hurt for everyone, to Chan, to Felix, to Jeongin and to Changbin.

They didn't even reached the bus station yet when Chan said goodbye and ran himself. Felix didn't bother to follow him, he know he's doing it for the both of them. He knows and he understand yet his heart drops. He stayed on the other side, doing his best not to be seen, waiting for Chan to ride the bus, but the latter looked back and saw him. Felix ran home. 

He wanted to cry, but he shouldn't. Making a quick phone call, he breathe. 

"Changbin, you know I love you right?" Felix said with a bitter smile.