Kim Minseok was an ordinary boy.

His daily routine consisted in fighting against shyness and anxiety and standing up at other people’s expectations.

Minseok had the funny (well, not that funny) habit of biting his lips till the bled, tasting the metal savor of his deep red blood. His poor lips were always bruised and swollen, and his cheap lip balm couldn’t do anything against it.

Minseok was good with everyone. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, not even the ones he didn’t bear. That’s why he was an easy target at school, always doing homework for half of his classmates; but it was the only moments when they approached him, and he was happy, or what could be the closest to happiness.

Minseok loved, loved a lot. He gave his love to everyone, stranger or not, and he had always some encouraging words for everyone around him;

But at the end of the day, there was no love left in his heart for himself.

Minseok spent lots of sleepless night, staring at the ceiling, and every time he couldn’t help himself from asking:

“who’s gonna catch me when I fall?”

Things changed when he met him

Luhan was a boy like all the others,

but not to Minseok

the two met randomly on a social network in a cold winter. They started writing on their dms and then exchanged phone numbers.

Minseok and Luhan got immediately close: they didn’t have many things in common, besides their almost insane addiction for soccer and TVXQ, but they loved spending time talking to each other; and while months passed by, they never got tired of each other.

Minseok and Luhan met the first time in a spring day.

They had planned that meeting since months ago, carefully programming every second of that day

Minseok remembered well the hot wind that caressed his cheeks while he was running to hug Luhan.

Luhan remembered well the time spent waiting for him, with his dog barking next to him and the music on low volume.

They looked at each other in the eyes like they were their whole world.

Luhan’s white room had been filled with colorful laughs, jokes and sweet word for the entire day.

Minseok felt like it was a dream, Luhan petting his hair while singing, laid on the soft blankets of the younger’s bed.

it was like a dream, and Minseok didn’t want to wake up.

Minseok and Luhan met again during a summer.

Minseok was dressed elegant that day, to impress Luhan.

Luhan bit his lower lip: Minseok was too gorgeous for his health.

A night the pair was returning to Minseok’s home, after eating in a Japanese restaurant.

Luhan had his arm locked around the other’s waist, smiling tenderly at him, while a tipsy Minseok claimed that he wanted to befriend with the little mermaid.

Minseok’s giggles and smiles lit up the empty street and effortlessly made their way to Luhan’s heart.

It was when Minseok stopped walking, standing in the middle of the dark road that Luhan went straight hugging him tight and kissed his chapped red lips.

Minseok’s heart skipped a beat (maybe more than one).

Days passed too fast for Minseok, who find himself, without even notice, at the train station with Luhan.

The elder was biting his lip, trying to not seem too sad, when Luhan took his face with his hands, and kissed him gently.

Minseok smiled dumbly and, when the other asked him about becoming his boyfriend, he couldn’t help but crying a little, nodding furiously

“who’s gonna catch me when I fall?” Minseok thought, staring at the ceiling, when his phone buzzed, showing a message from Luhan.

Minseok smiled

It was a rainy day in an ordinary autumn when Minseok first noticed something was off

Luhan didn’t talk to him like he used to

They rarely used to skype anymore, and their calls lasted only a few minutes.

Minseok didn’t know what to do

His lips were more swollen than usual, bleeding almost every day.

Minseok couldn’t lose Luhan.

Luhan, who he loved with all his big heart;

Luhan, who made him believe that he deserved love too;

Luhan, who knew all his deepest secrets;

Luhan, who could make him forget of all his fears and shadows inside his mind;

Minseok couldn’t function without Luhan anymore.

It was like a nightmare, and Minseok wanted to wake up so badly.

Months passed, seasons passed, but nothing changed.

Minseok tried to talk about it with Luhan, but the other seemed to not having time for his boyfriend.

Minseok’s heart ached every time.

Minseok cried himself too many times, became more and more quiet and hoped every day for a message from the old Luhan.

It never arrived

Minseok didn’t care in which season he was when Luhan broke up with him.

He stared with blank eyes at his phone screen for minutes, or maybe hours.

Tears ran over his cheeks, while he added bruises on his lips

His friends told him he didn’t have to be that shocked, it was evident that Luhan was cheating on him;

But Minseok just couldn’t believe it.

His Luhan was truly and deeply in love with him;

His Luhan would never cheat on him;

He was his Minnie, his ray of sunshine;

And while his friends went back to their lives, Minseok find himself trapped in a maze without exit.

( Minseok, let’s break up: it’s better for the both of us ✓✓)

Time flew slow, too slow for Minseok’s liking.

He tried to escape form that maze, to continue living even without Luhan, without half of his beating heart.

He drifted away from his friends, from his family, letting loneliness and darkness creeping silently in his body and devouring him all, without mercy.

“Luhan deserved better than a simply guy like me” , Minseok always repeated to himself, hoping that the pain could go away, but it was useless

He added every day new bracelets to his wrist

It was in a freezing winter night when Minseok found himself up on a platform, above the dark sea.

The cold breeze hit his cheeks, reddening them.

He took a minute to admire the beautiful stars up on the sky.

Would he become like one of them at the end?

He grinned, sweeping away his salty tears.

He was sitting on the edge of the platform, with his phone next to him.

He checked one last time:

There were no notifications from him. Not a single message…

Minseok knew it was his fault

It was his fault for ruining everything

It was his fault for not being enough

He blamed himself every day, he started hating himself that much he was now covered in thousands of little thin red cuts.

But he was so tired of wandering in that endless maze.

So tired of being unhappy and being such a delusion

He stared at the waves beneath him, the ones that soon would cover and hid his hopeless body

He started laughing out loud

Laughing about how pathetic he was in that moment.

He laughed till he didn’t have any oxygen left in is lungs.

He must have seemed mad in that moment, but there was no one looking at him, there was no one here with him, there was no one here to save him.

He stood up and started counting.

3

The city lights were beautiful from up there, the light noise from the distant roads made him feel almost nostalgic

2

He breathed deeply, smiling

“who’s gonna catch me when I fall?”

1

He closed his eyes and jumped

What Minseok didn’t know was that few minutes later, Luhan would write to Minseok, telling him he had been so dumb and that he wanted a second opportunity, because Minseok was so important for him.

What Luhan didn’t know was that the day after he would receive a letter that would break his heart in a million pieces

“who’s gonna catch me when I fall?”

“no one Minseok…no one”