How long as it been? Weeks? Months?

It doesn’t matter anymore.

It’s over.

It’s finally over.

Jinhwan opens his eyes as he stares at the window, the soft rays of light peeking into the room, greeting him with warmth and a sense of peace.

Peace…it’s been so long since that was last felt.

He purses his lips into a thin line as he tears his gaze from the window, eyebrows furrowed upward as he tries to control his breathing, his hand balled into a fist. His eyelids flutter close as he inhales deeply.

Slowly.

Slowly, he exhales. Slowly, he loosens his grip. Slowly, his breathing calms down.

If you keep frowning, you’ll get wrinkles.

He would’ve chuckled at that comment. He would’ve relaxed from those words. He would’ve felt at peace because of that voice.

The voice that Jinhwan does not know when will return.

Maybe soon.

Maybe never.

He can feel a lump forming in his throat, his chest tightening, eyes stinging. In his peripheral vision, he can still see the steady, almost mechanical heaving.

Mechanical yes, but steady nonetheless.

What’s with that face? Come on! I already stopped singing loudly cause you guys said it’s too loud. I don’t understand though, it’s not THAT loud.

A small sound escapes his throat as his hand immediately covers his mouth in an attempt to muffle it. A laugh? A sob? Something between the two.

No.

No tears.

He has to be strong for all of them. As the eldest, he must be there for them.

Nani, how many times have I told you that it’s fine? You don’t have to be strong all the time. No one expects you to. But if you really have to, just remember that you’re not alone okay? You have me after all!

Slowly, few of his tears trickle down his cheeks as he squeezes his eyelids shut. ‘But you’re not here anymore.’ Jinhwan wanted to scream. He wanted to pull his ears and pinch his cheeks to wake him up. He wanted to grab hold of those shoulders and shake him back to reality. He wanted to pound his chest to emphasize how worried they were, how worried he was.

Instead, he lifts his free hand—albeit shaking—and reaches out slowly. His fingertips lightly brush against his cheekbones, not daring to put any force into the touch for fear of breaking something—someone.

Don’t worry hyung, I can’t be hurt. I’m doing jiujitsu remember? And I recently got promoted! I’m strong! You don’t have to be afraid, I won’t get hurt. I can protect myself. I can protect you, and I will protect you, hyung. That I promise.

“How can you protect me if you’re no longer here?” A broken whisper finally breaks free from the eldest’s lips as he tries to keep his cries in. Gently, he holds his hand as he brings it to his trembling lips, pressing a delicate kiss on the cold surface. After taking a few short breaths, he clears his throat. “We got him. We got the person responsible for Yun and for you. It’s over, Junhoe-ya. It’s finally over.” He swallows thickly, releasing a shaky exhale. After slowly intertwining their fingers, he gently lowers their hands as he tiptoes and leans forward carefully, placing another delicate kiss on the sleeping vocalist’s forehead.

See? I told you, Nani! I told you that it would be over in a flash!

His resolve finally crumbles as a broken sob escapes his quivering lips and he ducks his head, trying his best to hide his tears from the person that he loves the most. “Please…”

Yah! Where are you guys going? I told you to wait for me!

Sobs begin to rack his body, his shoulders shaking. “…just please…”

Aish! I told you guys that I was just going to get my phone!

Jinhwan shakes his head, his trembling hand slightly squeezing the calm, unresponsive one. “…come back to us…”

You guys, really! It wasn’t even a minute! At least Jinanie-hyung waited for me.