Shownu fixes the strap of his duffel bag on his shoulder then unlocks the brass doorknob to enter the cold, dark, and empty practice room with a sigh. He proceeds to the sound system then set his bag down on the floor before removing his cap and running his fingers to his hair then shortly sat down next to his bag.

 “It’s so cold” he closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall behind me, picturing how lively this room used to be “What happened?” He mumbles to himself and opens his eyes to look up, tears were threatening to come out and pour down, similar to the rain pouring down outside.

He got his phone from the inside pocket of his jacket and looked at the date and time; 13^th of May, Forty-five minutes before midnight. He chuckled at the sight “So, will this be the first time I’ll be spending our anniversary alone?” He asked himself, still staring at the phone.

He then verted his gaze from the time to his lockscreen, it’s him and the boys-all happy and not anxious for their own future, just 7 boys, enjoying what they’re doing. Where are the 6 boys? Shownu has no clue.

Their leader, Shownu, has no idea and it’s quite depressing that they made him feel for still holding on with what’s long gone but what can he do if this is the only home he could come back to? The only sanctuary that he can reach?

What can he do if more than half of his sould belongs to monsta x and monbebes alone? “s” Shownu chuckled and closed his eyes again, visualizing the boys fooling around, hyungwon and wonho chasing each other, minhyuk and kihyun teasing each other, and jooheon and changkyun composing lines or maybe are in a freestyle battle.

But now, all that Shownu could conclude is that monsta x is no more. And it’s all his fault. s said it isnt but all proof and signs point to him, son hyunwoo. He watched the members crumbe infront of him as he just let things be, as he let monsta x disband and monbebes broken upon the news.

He saw how hyungwon had a sudden outburst, trashing around the place and punching the walls with all his might, how wonho had a sudden panic attack and no one could help them, jooheon being too awfully quiet and isolating himself from the others, minhyuk was thinning slowly, dark circles getting deeper and the one bright aura he had was replaced with something gloomy, kihyun suddenly couldnt control his anger and became so sensitive even with little things meanwhile changkyun tried to console s by telling them the words he wished someone would tell him.

Shownu tried to reach out, he really did, but there was something restricting him to do so, something that keeps holding him back, like there were chains over his arms, stopping him from reaching out a hand to help.

“Ah, i’m sorrry my dear members, i’ve failed each and every single one of you” shownu places his head on the palms of his hand and started to cry. Ever since that day, he did nothing but to sit on this space and cry.

Cry, cry, cry.

Shownu should’ve been more prepared than ever since from the beginniing, he already knew that there will be an end in monsta x-theres no forever in monsta x.

 

But he didnt know that it would be too soon.

 

By now, Shownu’s head is pounding due to crying and he cannot collect his thoughts anymore, but what he is very well aware of is that theres a few minutes more before it’ll strike twelve and he’ll be celebrating their anniversary alone. 

Just as he let go of that last word, Wonho, the second eldest, entered the practice room and rubbed his palms together, blowing inbetween it, in hopes to warm his cold hand. Shownu’s face lit up upon the sight of wonho and saw how better he was getting, his old complexion is back along with his build.

After wonho’s appearance, the others showed up, and Shownu felt like jumping for joy to see them all together again “Guys!” was what shownu to say, but there it was again, the chains.

It was ing heavy and shownu couldnt bare the pain anymore so he just sat and watched as the others discussed and greeted each other with a “hello” or “it’s nice to be in our practice room again” or a “you’re still short” from hyungwon to kihyun.

But shownu felt like something was missing, ah there it is, he thought to himself, they aren’t happy at all. Shownu could feel the voids in their hearts and the saddness in their eyes. Shownu couldn’t be decieved.

 

They were making him feel again. They cant fool shownu, they cant lie to themselves either, so who are they doing this for?

 

Kihyun brings out a cake and sets it on the floor “Here! Baked it by myself’ Kihyun proudly announces and taps his chest with his fist but wonho replied with “Probably store bought”

Kihyun was ready to punch the older but minhyuk shushes them then brings out something that shownu couldnt see and set it next to the cake. They all sit down around the cake and held hands, as if they were praying.

“I want to see it too” shownu’s heart broke to see them starting already without calling him or even noticing him in the same room. He felt invisible. He felt so little. He couldnt handle it, it was so ing suffocating.

 

If they wont invite him over, he’ll invite himself instead.

 

“Hi shownu hyung.” Jooheon says, and shownu stops, chuckles a bit before rushing his way next to him to see the cake and the thing minhyuk brought out for them to gather here “It has been three years, hyung.” Jooheon chokes in his words and shownu felt dead inside.

“Hyung, we’re sorry for not being able to stop over and celebrate for the past two years but here we are! Complete and in one piece” changkyun adds. The leader noticed everybody’s hands clenched each other’s as if they’re reassuring themselves that everything’s alright.

“monsta x might not exist now but the monsta x soul lives, we’re all still bonded by this” Kihyun smiles at his words but shortly quivers “we miss you hyung” he opened his eyes and looked at the rectangular item minhyuk brought out

“We will never forget you hyung. Your voice, your deeds, everything.” hyungwon mumbles “Please watch over us with a smile for we will look at you above with a smile” 

Shownu smiles, “They never forgot me” for there, next to the cake with the words written ‘Happy death anniversary to our hyung and monsta x’ was the same photo he had on his lockscreen, the last photo they took with him.

changkyun was the first one to break, tears were rapidly flowing out of his eyes and chokes of sobs were coming out of his mouth “hyung, i’m sorry. If only i wasnt careless that day” he was followed by jooheon, then wonho, minhyuk, hyungwon, then kihyun.

“you werent at fault changkyun, i was the one at fault” shownu mumbles and places a hand on changkyun’s shoulder but what’s the use? He cant feel nor see him because he’s nothing but a soul stuck in this place.

 

Shownu couldnt help but feel helpless and cry again. But somewhat feels satisfied, because that’s what it all took for him to move on to the otherside, for him to finally get out of this loop.

 

For all of them to reunite again and remember shownu in the place they all loved to spend time on, their practice room, which was used to be filled with songs on repeat, screams, shouts and laughter-which is now replaced with their sobs and the flames that was melting the candle wax.

“this hyung loves you all. i’m sorry for failing to be one, for failing to be a leader. For failing in everything. But i hope as time progress, each and every single one of you would still be like this, comforting each other and bonding over something. Please dont change this.”

shownu could feel himself fading, he feels lightheaded. He wanted to hug them and comfort them because it hurt to leave them like this again, but seriously, what the hell can he do to do so? Did he have the right?

All that shownu could do was to stare at them afar as he feel himself fade away and it’s driving him crazy “WONHO MINHYUK KIHYUN HYUNGWON JOOHEON CHANGKYUN PLEASE ANSWER ME!” he shouts but there is no use, he feels himself falling into deep slumber

 

“Thank you” shownu’s tears werent stopping “Thank you so so much, Monsta X. Thank you for making me happy when I know I cant anymore. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being the part of me I learned to love the most” those were the words that shownu left before finally disappearing into thin air.

 

BREAKING NEWS

 

MONDAY- Monsta X’s Shownu found dead due to being hit by a eighteen-wheeler becuase of ‘running suddenly across the street’ claims the driver who was going back to the company after delivering products. Members-who were also in the scene-has no comments on this. Even before the ambulance can arrive, the leader’s condition was so bad that they had to right away tell the members that there was no chance. "we were just having a hearty dinner" changkyun replies when asked what were they ding before the incident happened "we were all enjoying ourselves, we were all just happy."

 

All of this happened on the 14^th of May at around one in the morning. Fans around the world are grieving at the loss of someone so talented.