A/N: Hello readers. This as well was originally a seuldy fic, but it’s now a Seulrene version. It’s an emotional read, and an idea I wanted to do for so long. I do hope that there will be some enjoyment from this. I’m not officially back yet, but I did want to post this. It was a piece I am particularly proud of and wanted to re share.

People say that with grief it gets easier with time. Such a concept is foreign to one, Kang Joohyun. It’s been a year since she had to say goodbye to the love of her life, soulmate, and other half, Seulgi. The pain had not lessened, and nothing has gotten easier with time. It has been a year, but she will still reach over for her, bear-like wife, only to be met with the cold side of the bed. Joohyun, finds that she makes all her favorite foods, half expecting that the slightly taller woman will come through the front door any minute. She looks up sometimes, awaiting the familiar smile, only to never see the door opening.

She doesn’t even know how many times she has played videos of, Seulgi on her phone. Videos of her talking, laughing, singing, and being her adorable, silly self. Sometimes, it feels as if she plays them too many times, other times. It feels as if she doesn’t look back at them enough. Her friends, worry for her, and her mental state. Joohyun has always been a bit of a homebody, but now it’s as if she never wants to go out. She apologizes constantly to her friends when they ask.

“I’m sorry Joy, but I can’t meet today.”

“I don’t feel well, Seungwan. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Yerimie. I won’t be able to go to the movies with you today. Maybe next time.”

There is never a next time. There are only empty promises. Joohyun knows they loved Seulgi too. She was their close friend, but it’s not the same. They didn’t lose their soulmate, or half of their heart when she died. There is a huge part of her heart missing and it’s with, Seulgi, always. Sometimes in the worst stages of her grief. Joohyun wished to die too, if for no other reason than to see, Seulgi again. She never fully understood the possibility of broken heart syndrome, until she lost her wife. If it hadn’t been for their friends, who knows what she might have gone through with.

(Flashback)

It’s been two months since, Joohyun buried Seulgi. Sixty-one days since she watched her take her last breaths. It’s been 1, 460 hours since her heart began to ache, and never stop. Their friends have been worried because she’s stopped answering calls, or opening the door when they try to visit. She spends most of her time in bed, or in Seulgi’s home studio. She’ll be dressed in, Seulgi’s oversized sweatshirts, trying to engulf herself in the fading scent of her partner. Today is no different as she sits gazing at pictures of her beautiful, sweet bear-like love.

“It’s not better. It’s so hard to be without you, baby.” Joohyun whispers, running her fingers over her face. She doesn’t know if she can live in a world without, Seulgi. She has no idea if she even wants to.

“I just want to be with you.”

There’s knocking at the front door. She tries to ignore it until she hears the voices of their friends.

“Joohyun-unnie, please open the door.” There’s Joy, begging with her to answer.

“Unnie, we’re worried about you.” Yeri says next.

“Joohyun-unnie, we know it’s hard. We’re your friends, and we want to help you.” Seungwan, her wife’s closest friend adds last.

She hears them. She truly does, but it doesn’t matter. She’ll be with, Seulgi soon, and then everything will be okay again. Everything, will be fine when she’s in, Seulgi’s warm arms again. Joohyun wants for the pain to end faster, so taking pills won’t do that. The dark-haired woman enters the kitchen for a knife. All she needs is one good swipe of the blade, and she’ll be with her wife again. Her heart will be whole, and she will be happy once more. Her fingers slowly caress the blade.

“I’m sorry guys. I can’t take it anymore, my heart hurts so badly. I need to be with her.”

“No!” Joy shouts first. It’s clear to them what Joohyun means.

“Please don’t do what you’re thinking, unnie.”

“I’m sorry.” She apologizes again.

“Unnie, you can’t.” Yeri says with a slight crack to her voice. “Open the door, so we can help you.”

Joohyun wants to open the door, but she wants to be with her wife again, so much more. She starts to bring the knife to her wrist.

“Unnie, Seulgi wouldn’t want you to do this.” Seungwan speaks. Her voice makes the dark-haired woman pause. Seungwan is the only other person who knew, Seulgi well.

“She would never want for you to take your life. She’d want you to find ways to move on, and live your life. We are your friends. We’re grieving her too. Let us help you.”

Joohyun slowly starts to put the knife down. Seungwan is right. Seulgi wouldn’t want her to do this. It feels as if, Seulgi is with her now, hand over her own, forcing her to put the knife down.

“Don’t do this, Hyunnie. You have so much to live for.” She hears her voice in her head.

She gets to the door, with fresh tears in her eyes.

“I just wanted to hold her again. I’m sorry.” The smaller woman tells them, only to be wrapped up immediately in her friend’s arms. She didn’t go through with taking her own life, but she’s still not okay. She’s far from okay.

(End)

Her friends were supportive, kind, helpful, and tried their best to be there. Joohyun would only allow them to be there but so much for her. She preferred to be alone. Today, however, they are here with her. They came to help her pack some of, Seulgi’s things. Much of her clothing can be donated, and possibly some other belongings. Joohyun has been putting this off for so long. She’s never ready to part with anything of, Seulgi’s.

It doesn’t seem as if she’s ready now, either. Every time they show her one of, Seulgi’s shirts, jeans or a favorite jacket. She shuts the idea down. She really freaked out when, Yeri showed her a box that had stickers covering it. A box that held some of her wife’s miscellaneous personal items, such as her matching couple tea cup, special stationary from Japan, sketches she made while they were dating, and music albums she could never part with.

“What do you want to do with this, unnie?”

“No!” The raven shouts. “We’re not getting rid of this.”

“Unnie, we haven’t put anything away for donation yet. You keep putting it all back.” Joy gently tells her.

“I’m not giving away this. These are some of her personal things. I won’t throw them away.”

Her friends understand, for Joohyun it would feel like throwing, Seulgi away. It would be her finally starting to say goodbye to her wife.

“Unnie, just because we start boxing some of her belongings up. It doesn’t mean she’s gone.” Seungwan softly explains.

“I’m not throwing away her belongings. This is her cup to the purple one I have.” She picks up the orange mug that reads “Good apart, better together.”

“These are her things, and she’s my wife.” Joohyun whispers with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I want to be alone.” She decides. Nothing gets done. Seulgi’s clothes go back into closets, and her personal dressers. The box of items gets placed back into the home art studio.

Seulgi, spent a lot of time here creating, sketching, and painting. Many nights, Joohyun would have to come help her to bed, because she would fall asleep at her desk. Sometimes, make her hot chocolate and leave it on top the desk. She’d even kiss her sleeping bear awake, only to get pulled into her arms and more kisses. Now, the dark-haired woman spends most of her time here.

She’ll play some of, Seulgi’s favorite music, and look through her sketchbook. She had always found artists fascinating, and Seulgi was no exception. The dark-haired woman would often watch her sketch, even at times, Seulgi wasn’t aware she was doing it. Joohyun sits down at the desk, and looks through one of the drawers. She has already looked through quite a few sketchbooks. There are still some she hasn’t looked at yet. When she takes out a stack of books she hasn’t seen yet, a note written on adorable stationary paper with tiny bears on it falls out. She curiously opens the note.

“Plans for our 5th year anniversary.” In Seulgi’s handwriting.

“Oh…” Joohyun whispers. This is her first time seeing this note. Seulgi was probably trying to be sweet and romantic. It’s a list of things, Seulgi wanted to plan for them.

1. Trip to Hawaii where we spent our honeymoon.
2. Ask Hyunnie if she would like to renew our wedding vows.
3. Try to bake a cake (scratch that, buy a delicious cake)

Joohyun chuckles at the adorable way, Seulgi scratched out bake a cake. There was also the start of number 4, but it’s left blank. She wishes more than anything to find out what else, Seulgi wanted to do. It would have been their 5th year anniversary soon. Sometimes she’ll flash back to how they first met during that first year of college.

(Flashback)

It was her very first day of school as a transfer student from Daegu, and she’s running late. The pace of the busy city of, Seoul has been throwing her off, and she has been practically late for everything. She may be running late, but she’ll be damned if she misses her entire school day, or her name isn’t, Bae Joohyun. Well, going to the wrong class itself , wasn’t a part of her original plan. She stands in front of an art class instead of her music one, looking so red faced , and embarrassed. The professor told her that it was fine, and not to worry about it. Unfortunately, for Joohyun the damage had already been done. She wonders if it’s too late to go back home to Daegu.

“Professor Kim, I can help her find her class.” Someone speaks up. The dark-haired girl looks to see where the voice came from. She is stunned to see what has to be one of the most beautiful girls she has ever seen in her life. Wow, was she stunning. Her eyes were bright, sharp monolids, brown hair pulled up into a high ponytail, showing off the most adorable, round ears that look so kissable.

“Wait, what?” Joohyun thinks to herself. She hopes that she doesn’t embarrass herself in front of this goddess. A goddess who is currently standing in front of her right now.

“Hi, I’m Seulgi. It’s nice to meet you, and you are?”

 

“Teddy bear!” The shorter girl mutters suddenly, as that’s what she looks like. She looks like an adorable teddy bear. Everyone is looking at her as if she has lost her mind entirely. Seulgi, is stunned for a moment. Soon, she lets out a cute laugh. The very sight of her laugh warms, Joohyun’s heart to see.

“Yeah. I’ve been told that I look like a teddy bear, come on let me help you find your class.” Seulgi nicely offers.

Joohyun, smiles in gratitude. She doesn’t know if everyone will be as nice as Seulgi is, but she is certainly happy to know this girl right now. The monolid girl, ends up helping her locate the right building and room number. It’s hard to focus on anything other than how pretty, Seulgi is, even when they are about to part ways.

“Well, here you go. If you need any help I’m always around. Oh, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Irene.” She uses the English name she’s been going by for some time. She isn’t sure if she wants to say her Korean name yet.

“I-Iree?” Seulgi sounds out in confusion. She looks so cute that the smaller girl laughs in amusement.

“No, it’s Irene.”

“Irenee?”

“No, it’s Irene?” She says it slower for Seulgi to follow along.

“I-Irene?”

“Yes!” She nods happily. It’s not lost on her how difficult that was for her to say. Not to mention, Seulgi still looks so cute and adorable.

“Hey, you can call me, Joohyun. If that helps you.”

“Yes.” Seulgi nods in relief. That sounds so much better to her ears than Irene. “Hi, Joohyun. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Seulgi.”

(End)

Almost right away they became inseparable. They bonded over their shared love of dancing, and would dance together often. Sometimes for classes, other times just because they enjoyed dancing with one another most. They bonded over music they enjoyed, and it wasn’t long before they were having impromptu duets. Feelings soon turned romantic, well at least on Joohyun’s end first. She was so sure, Seulgi didn’t understand she liked her as more than friends. Not until, Seulgi became super jealous when someone asked her out. It was adorable to see a jealous, angry bear, try to explain why she shouldn’t go out with anyone, that wasn’t her. Once, they both finally admitted they wanted to be with one another. They became that couple. The kind that was so loving, sweet, and sickening to be around for their friends. It didn’t matter though, not when she, and Seulgi were so in their own little bubble nothing fazed them.

Joohyun, takes the note with her when she goes to bed that night. She reads it one more time. It’s easy to imagine how they would have celebrated their anniversary together. It’s difficult to think of how they will no longer get to do that. She’s wearing one of her wife’s favorite nightshirts to bed, and finds herself gazing up at the moon and stars. She hasn’t wished upon a star since she was a small child. It seems silly now, to even think of doing it. She can’t help it though, not when she would give anything to have one more day with Seulgi.

“I don’t know if this is just silly childhood hope, but if I could be with her one more day. It would mean everything to me.” She whispers softly, before turning over in bed to sleep. It is silly, after all what did wishes on stars ever do for anyone.

The following morning when, Joohyun awakes, it’s to the bright, warm sunlight peeking through the curtains. She sits up, stretching her arms while yawning. She thinks she had some dream of, Seulgi last night, but she can’t remember what it was about. The clock on the nightstand reads 10:00 am. She would normally have been awake long before now. Most days, now she sleeps in until she’s able to bring herself to get out of bed. Joohyun, gets up and walks over to the window to let the sun in more. While her back is turned she doesn’t hear the front door open. She misses the footsteps, and screams when someone wraps their arms around her waist.

“Ah!” The dark-haired woman shouts at the top of her lungs.

“Hyunnie, sweetie calm down. It’s only me.” The familiar voice hits her ears. She covers as it’s all she can do to not scream again. There is no way she should be hearing that voice.

“Seul?” She whispers hesitantly.

“You could always turn around to find out.”

The dark-haired woman, is terrified to turn around, although the arms feel like her wife. Her voice is right, playful tease, and god her delicious semi-citrus like smell too. She does turn to see bright, monolid eyes, round ears, cute and y face, brown locks. It’s Seulgi, alright, but how.

“Baby?” She cups both of her cheeks in her hands. There are tears slowly streaming down her eyes. It feels so real, like she’s really touching her wife. Seulgi, leans into her touch just like normal.

“Hi, Hyunnie.”

“Are you here? Is this real?” She caresses her cheeks.

“I’m here.” Seulgi nods. “Don’t cry, honey.” She tenderly tells the dark-haired woman. The way she tells her not to cry, only makes her do just that. She starts sobbing as she hugs, Seulgi tightly around the waist, burying her head into her chest while doing so. Seulgi carefully wraps her arms around her.

“Don’t cry, it’s going to be okay.” She whispers to her over and over. If this is nothing but some dream, then Joohyun knows she doesn’t want to wake up from it. She would be fine if she were to never wake up again. If it meant that, Seulgi was right here with her, and she in her arms.

She follows, Seulgi down into the kitchen. The brunette helps her sit down so she can make her a cup of tea. Joohyun notices that she uses, the purple mug that is the missing half to her orange one. The dark-haired woman, should be freaking out more about the fact her deceased wife is making her tea. It’s comforting however, to see Seulgi in their house again. Even if it’s highly possible she is losing her mind, or dreaming.

“Here you go.” Seulgi smiles, then places the cup down in front of her.

“Thank you?” She says hesitantly, since she isn’t sure what’s happening. Seulgi, takes a hold of her hand to give it a squeeze. Seulgi sits down across from her in the seat she normally would sit in.

“You’re worried.” The monolid woman tells her.

“Well, yeah. You’re not…”

“I’m not?”

In that moment, Joohyun decides on one thing. This might not be happening, and it could be a dream at best. If so, Seulgi is currently by her side, just as she wanted for so long. The dark-haired woman wants to spend whatever time she can with her other half.

“It’s nothing.” Joohyun smiles. “Are you hungry? Let me make breakfast.”

“Sure, Hyunnie. Whatever you want to do, it’s your day.”

Just as she suspected, it’s not real. She begged for one day more with her wife, and this is what she’s going to get. It’s her one day with Seulgi. They have so much to do before it’s over. She makes chocolate chip waffles, something Seulgi loves to eat because she puts the right amount of chocolate chips in them. Seulgi wraps her arms around her waist while she cooks.

“Mm, smells good.” She grins and kisses her cheek.

“Me, or the food?” Joohyun finds herself teasing her, just like she would normally.

“The waffles of course, but you’re okay, too.”

“Yah! Get out!” She tries to hit her with a nearby spatula. Seulgi, laughs in amusement, before sneaking in another kiss. Joohyun turns back to cooking with one final smile. They soon sit down to breakfast. Seulgi praising her cooking, per usual. She wipes her face, and sneaking kisses in between. It feels so much like every morning thing for them.

“Hey, so what’s on the agenda for today?” Seulgi wonders. “You must have plans for us?”

She had many plans for them. Joohyun wanted to go on their romantic getaways, they normally plan separately to surprise the other. She wanted to start a family, and raise kids with her. She wished to grow old together,  and see possible grandkids. Those plans are no more. She has today only.

“Let’s go to our favorite ice cream place. Remember, the chocolate ice cream with the brownie pieces you love?”

The monolid woman gives her a curious look.

“Why wouldn’t I remember my favorite ice cream, Hyunnie? Let’s go as soon as you’re ready.”

She hurries to get ready. A part of her worried that, Seulgi will disappear at any moment. She comes back to in record time to see the brunette standing in the backyard at a fruit tree. Joohyun walks over to her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm.” Seulgi turns. “Nothing, just do you remember how I asked you to marry me, right here?”

“I do.” The dark-haired woman nods. She could never forget one of the best days of her life.

(Flashback)

Seulgi had surprised her with such a nice, fancy dinner at a restaurant you normally end up having to wait months to get into. Then she drove out to a nice neighborhood. When she parked the car, it was at a gorgeous two floor house, with a nice front yard. The kind of house you’d want to start a family in.

“Babe, we’re not here to rob these people, are we?” Joohyun teases.

“No, of course not. I just want to show you something.”

Seulgi notices how hesitant, Joohyun looks. She grabs her hand gently.

“No one is living there. We won’t be trespassing. Trust me, okay?” She kisses her cheek.

“I trust you. I’m just going to run if someone calls the cops.”

Seulgi laughs, before ruffling up her hair.

“Your legs are too short. Now come on.”

“You’re not that much taller!”

She still walks hand in hand with her monolid girlfriend. She notices that they are walking around back. Seulgi doesn’t seem particularly nervous, so perhaps it’s all going to be okay. There’s a fruit tree in the backyard, overall the house looks in good condition. So, the previous owners must have taken good care of it.

“Babe, what are we doing here?”

“We’ve been together a while, right? About four years.” Seulgi tells her.

“Yeah, just about. You’re not breaking up with me, in a house for sale, are you?”

She’s joking, but hopes that, Seulgi isn’t about to break up with her. They have been together all through college, and live together too. Also, the bear-like girl is the love of her life. She doesn’t want to lose her.

“No. I’m here to ask you something else.”

“Okay, what is it?”

Seulgi smiles softly. Joohyun can tell she’s nervous however, so she takes a hold of her hand.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. Well, except for one thing.”

“What is it?” Joohyun wonders.

“The only thing that’s wrong is, you not being my wife. You should be, Mrs. Kang, and I would love it if you would please make me the happiest woman ever, and be my wife.” She takes out the simple, but pretty diamond ring. The shorter girl looks like her eyes are about to pop out of her head.

“Seul, I swear this better not be a joke.”

“It’s not. I had to work my off to save up for this ring, Hyunnie. Will you be mine, always?”

“Of course, I will. There is no one else I’d want to be with, Seulgi.” She nods and kisses her lips, hard. The couple make out for several long minutes, celebrating their now engagement. They break away with identical smiles.

“Hey, are you sure we won’t get arrested?”

“No.” Seulgi promises. “We own this house.”

“We do?”

“We do. My uncle, he knew the previous owners. He helped me work out a deal. We should have a house to celebrate our soon to be marriage, right?”

That makes, Joohyun cry. Her wife to be, is the sweetest person alive. She has no idea how she got so lucky, but she will gladly spend the rest of her life loving, Kang Seulgi.

“What’s wrong? If you don’t like the house, Hyun…”

“I love the house.” She nods. “These are happy tears. I love you so much, Seul.”

(End)

“It was one of the best nights of my life.”

“Mine too.” Seulgi promises with a kiss to her ring covered finger. “You agreed to be my wife.”

“I’d agree a million times, Seul.”

They drive to the ice cream shop. It’s familiar, like old times. They hold hands the entire time, they place their orders, and even while sitting at their favorite table.

“Ice cream always tastes so much better with you.” Seulgi smiles, eyes forming crescents. Joohyun can’t help her own smile. It feels like forever since she has seen, Seulgi smile.

“It was your favorite flavor.”

“It was?” Seulgi stops while taking one more bite of her ice cream.

“It is.” She corrects. If this isn’t real, how come Seulgi is acting as if it is. It doesn’t make sense, but maybe that’s part of the problem. She should be enjoying her time with her wife, and not questioning everything so much.

After ice cream they walk to what looks like a nearby festival. It’s the first time since earlier where, Joohyun enjoys her time. They play games and, Seulgi wins her a giant stuffed bunny. They eat a lot of street food, and ride on several rides. The couple hold hands everywhere they go. Joohyun is having so much fun with Seulgi. She forgets her actual reality. It all comes back to her, when they are standing on the observation deck in a connecting building. She breaks down in tears so hard that it concerns, Seulgi.

“Honey, talk to me?” She wipes her tears.

“It’s not real.” The dark-haired woman whispers.

“What’s not real?”

“You’re not.” The raven cries. “You’re not real, baby. No matter how right this feels, and how much I want to be with you. It’s not real.”

Seulgi looks down at her with such a sad expression. It always pained her to see her other half in distress. She wraps an arm around her and leads her out of the building. They make it outside to sit at a nearby bench. Seulgi holds her the entire time.

“Don’t say, I’m not real.” Seulgi whispers to her. She leaves a soft kiss to her forehead.

“You’re not, real. Seulgi, honey I watched as you took your final breaths. I broke that day when I lost you.”

“Talk to me, Hyunnie. Tell me everything you need to say.”

“I saw you die, Seul…” She cries. “I was there with you.”

(Flashback)

It’s been 6 months since, Seulgi told her the truth of why she has been going to doctors so often. It wasn’t some simple fatigue, and the monolid woman did her best to hide how sick she truly was from her wife. It’s hard to keep secrets from your other half, however. Someone, who isn’t just your wife, but your best friend too.

Joohyun finally got her to confess the truth. It was a rare form of liver cancer. It broke her heart when she found out, more so that Seulgi felt the need to hide it. Rather than being upset that Seulgi tried to keep it from her. She chose to support her. She went to all her doctor’s appointments. Helped her through chemo, and did everything and more for her wife. Until, it got to the point where her body was rejecting the therapy. The doctors just said it simply. They were waiting for Seulgi to die. Joohyun wasn’t however. She wasn’t about to give up on her wife.

As time passed. It was clear, Seulgi was getting worse. She was so thin, frail, and sick in ways Joohyun has never seen before. What’s worse is that sometimes, Seulgi will still try to avoid her help. Like now, she can hardly get up from the bathroom floor. She’s so thin.

“Honey, please let me help you.” Joohyun practically begs from nearby. She’s too weak to protest. So, she allows the help.

“I didn’t want for you to see me this way.” Seulgi admits when her wife helps her sit in her wheelchair. There was the option of going to hospice. Seulgi didn’t want to spend the rest of the time left in a hospital, and Joohyun knew no one could take care of her wife, as well as she would.

“I’m your wif,e Seul. I’m here to help.” She gently caresses her face.

“Can we go outside? Just for a little while.” She looks hopeful. It’s probably not the best idea to go out with as sick as she is. Still, Joohyun can’t say no to her. She dresses her as warmly as possible. Then wraps a blanket around her.

“Ready?” Joohyun smiles.

“I look like a mummy.”

“A, beautiful mummy.”

She then wheels her outside to their backyard. They sit by the garden they planted here years ago. There are various vegetables, and fresh herbs here as, Joohyun loves to cook. The garden also reminds her a bit of being home in Daegu as well. Seulgi inhales a weak breath.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Seulgi nods. She doesn’t look fine, but Joohyun is trying her best to remain strong. Seulgi drifts off a few times.

“Sweetie, if you sleep. I’ll start to think you don’t enjoy my company.” The smaller woman teases, with a kiss to her cheek. Seulgi coughs while she laughs.

“I always enjoy your company, Hyunnie.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a little while, until Seulgi slowly reaches for her hand. Her fingers caress her wedding ring finger.

“I just want you to know I love you so much. You mean…” Seulgi swallows. “Everything to me, Joohyun.”

The smaller woman nods and holds back her tears.

“I love you more, baby. You’re my world.” She gives her hand a soft squeeze. The monolid woman smiles, tiredly.

“Hyunnie, remember you used to always sing to me. When I couldn’t sleep?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Can you...sing to me now? One more time.”

The raven doesn’t like the way she says one more time. She agrees to sing for, Seulgi, as she always had. Seulgi holds her hand, while she does this. It’s clear that the bear-like woman is doing her best to keep her eyes open. She does seem to be enjoying her singing. She smiles a few times, before Joohyun notices how much weaker her touch is. She keeps trying to feel, Seulgi’s hand in her own. Until, she finally doesn’t feel it at all, because Seulgi has dropped her hand completely.

It becomes difficult to sing with a steady voice soon. All, Joohyun can see is how her breath starts to even out. Her eyes close completely, and then everything gets so still.

“B-baby?” Joohyun says with a cracking voice. Seulgi, could be sleeping. She doesn’t have to be…

“Honey?” She drops to her knees in front of the monolid woman. There is no response. Seulgi is not moving, and she knows what that means. She doesn’t even remember the scream that erupts from . The smaller woman just remembers wrapping her arms around her still warm body.

“Seulgi, I love you so much. Please don’t do this to me.” She holds her body close to her. She’s still warm, that doesn’t mean it’s over just yet. No matter how still she is in her arms.

“I love you.” She cries, no sobs harder. “Do you hear me, Kang Seulgi. I love you so much…”

(End)

Seulgi listens intently as, Joohyun finishes her tale of what happened a year ago. She kisses away each tear from her eyes, and moves to kiss her cheek.

“Is this what you needed to say to me? To say goodbye, properly?”

“I didn’t get to tell you, I loved you one last time. I could only watch you stop breathing, and when you dropped my hand. I knew you were gone then, but it was hard for me to accept.”

The monolid woman, wraps her arms around her in a loving embrace. It’s comforting to the dark-haired woman as she leans into her chest. The way she caresses her hair helps her to not cry as much.

“I’m never gone, Hyunnie. I’m always here.” She tells her with a hand to her chest, covering her heart. “I’m always here, and you’re always right here, too.” She takes one of, Joohyun’s hands to her own heart.

“I love you.” She tells the brunette, with a kiss to her lips. “I love you.” She repeats.

“I love you too, Hyun, are you ready to go home?”

“I guess our day is coming to an end, soon?”

“It’s not over yet. Come on, let’s go.”

The drive home is silent, save for the radio playing. Joohyun looks down at their joined hands. She hopes to never have to let go of her wife again. She prays somehow, someway, Seulgi will be right there with her in the morning. When they get home the, bear-like woman tells her to take a picture.

“Why?”

There is no point in taking a picture when this isn’t real. Seulgi just repeats to her that she should take the picture.

“Use my phone, though.”

“Your phone?”

“I know you still have it, right? There’s pictures on there you like to look at. Take the photo of me today on my phone.”

It sounds ridiculous, but Joohyun does go to retrieve Seulgi’s cell. She does keep it charged so she can look at certain pictures on her phone. There are videos too, and sometimes she has called the number just to hear the voicemail.

“There.” Seulgi smiles after it’s done. “Now, let’s take a selfie.”

“Seul?”

“Humor me, okay.” She back hugs her for their selfie, and adds in the kiss to her cheek. Joohyun wants to ask her what the point of that was. Seulgi is making her way to the kitchen. The dark-haired woman follows her.

“Hey, Seul?”

“I’m pretty hungry, Hyunnie. Can we have dinner, it’s not over yet.” She refers to the day. Her wife gives a nod, and starts to make dinner for them. Seulgi is waiting for her at the dining table when the food is ready. She kisses her lips as she has done many times. It feels so much like their real life. It’s almost enough to make her cry, thinking of how perfect it all is right now. They even eat dinner much as they would normally do. There’s animated conversations, and it feels like Seulgi is home to stay.

They retire to the living room to watch a movie together. She leans comfortably onto, Seulgi’s chest. The brunette has her arm wrapped around her. The silence is comforting unlike when it’s been deafening. Joohyun can fall asleep right here and she’d be fine. Seulgi is waking her up soon, though.

“Hey, let me help you to bed.”

“I’m comfortable here, Seul.” She pouts cutely. Seulgi nods, running her fingers through her dark locks.

“I know, but you’d be more comfortable in some pajamas, and in bed.”

“You’ll stay until I fall asleep, right?”

“I’ll stay.” Seulgi nods.

Seulgi waits in their bedroom, while her wife showers. She looks around the familiar room. The bed is still the same. The carpet feels the same as well, soft, and fluffy to the touch of bare feet. There is very little difference outside of some new plants, and Seulgi sees a photo of herself on the nightstand. She picks it up and looks at it for a while. Joohyun probably looks at this every night before bed. She sets it down, and notices a note folded neatly on the dresser. She picks it up and reads it. What’s the last one? Where’s the missing part to the list. Her eyes frantically search for it, but there’s nothing. Joohyun, returns then, and she places the note back down.

“Do you feel better after, your shower?”

“I do. Can we cuddle then, like we used to?”

The brunette agrees, then gets into bed with her. She wraps her arms around her smaller wife. Joohyun settles comfortability into her warm arms.

“Seul?”

“Hm?” She acknowledges.

“I found a note earlier in one of your sketchbooks. It was for our wedding anniversary, this year. It wasn’t complete, do you remember what you wanted to write?”

Seulgi doesn’t. She has no idea what was supposed to go on that list. So instead she rubs her arm comfortingly.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

“That’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here, or you might be here. I’m still not sure, it feels too much like a dream but…” She stops, not wanting to give into the possibility that she might not be crazy. She also doesn’t want to think of the real possibility, she might be crazy. After all, who dreams that their deceased wife is alive for one day.

“Are you sleepy?” Seulgi wonders, while pushing her dark locks out of her face.

“A little. I’m scared I’ll go to sleep, and you’ll be gone.”

“Then stay up with me a little longer. Hyunnie, remember you used to sing to me when I couldn’t sleep.”

“Hm.” She nods with a soft smile. “Do you want me to sing to you, now?”

“Yeah, it would make me feel better to hear your beautiful voice, Hyun.”

She never could say no to her wife before, so if she’s somehow a ghost or a figment of her imagination. Joohyun won’t say no to her now. She sits up and changes the position. So, she is the one holding, Seulgi. She sings for her, just as she did before she died. She sings like she once used to while she was living.

“You are so beautiful, Hyunnie.” Seulgi tells her, with a kiss to her lips.

“You’re more beautiful, Seulgi.”

She doesn’t want to sleep, as she said. She’s terrified to go to bed, and wake up alone. Seulgi holds her again. It’s too easy to start drifting off to sleep with her wife’s arms wrapped around her.

“I’m grateful for this day, Seul.”

“Me too.” She promises.

“Please, no matter what happens. Just know, I love you so much, you’re the love of my life. I won’t ever love anyone else in the same way I love you.” Joohyun tells her. She promises this to her, because she didn’t get the chance before.

Seulgi understands. She won’t ever love anyone as much as she loved, Joohyun either.

“I’m always yours, Hyun, no matter what.”

The dark-haired woman ends up losing the fight with the sleep that comes for her. Seulgi, smiles at how at peace her wife seems. It’s better than how upset she was earlier. The monolid woman carefully gets up, and pulls the covers back then over her. She leaves one last kiss to her lips.

“Sleep well, Hyunnie. I love you.”

Seulgi shuts the lights off and makes her way down to the living room. It won’t be much longer now, and at least things feel better. They’ll be reunited again one day. A love as strong as theirs won’t stay apart forever. She thinks Joohyun had a good day, or at least she hoped that she had.

“Bye Hyun, I’ll see you again soon.”

When she wakes, up there are covers wrapped around her, only she doesn’t remember getting under any. Joohyun looks around for any sign that, Seulgi has been there. She finds nothing.

“Honey?” She calls out, hoping somehow there will be an answer. Her heart doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it has. She takes it as a good sign. The smaller woman gets up and out of bed, and puts on one of Seulgi’s sweaters over her. She has no idea if it was a dream or not. She sure doesn’t feel as if she went crazy or anything.

“The phone!” Joohyun remembers Seulgi’s cell phone. The only way to know if yesterday was real. She hurries to where she keeps her wife’s old phone. She unlocks it fast and begins scrolling through images. All of them so far are dating back to a year ago and prior. There doesn’t seem to be any sign of the ones from yesterday.

“No…” The raven whispers softly. Then, it wasn’t real. None of that happened. She didn’t get to talk to, hold, kiss, or sing for her wife one last time after all. She is about to give up entirely when she sees what looks like, Seulgi from yesterday, could it be really? Then, finally, their selfie.

“Oh, my god baby, were you really here?” She can hardly believe it is true. It still seems like wishful thinking. Her heart does feel so much lighter at the images on the screen, plus the accompanying date. She’s going to go with somehow, she was able to spend time with, Seulgi again. No matter how hard it is to fully believe.

“I love you, honey. I love you so much, and I always will.” She promises and places her hands to the image of, Seulgi on the phone. They’ll see each other again, someday.

A/N: Okay, kinda freaky ending. It’s left to your minds to think if Seulgi was somehow there or she could have dreamed it all up. This was no doubt the saddest, angstiest writing I’ve done in so long. I needed to get this out of my system, and over all I’m proud of this work. Hope it was an okay read for you guys.