"Begin Again" by: Taylor Swift 2013. After an hour of sorting out and throwing different clothes that didn't pass my standard and quality check, as I imagine how would I look with the ones I have chosen, I've finally decided which one to use for our special night out this time. I immediately wear it and face the full-length mirror. This version of me deserves a comeback, too. This better be me again. I straightened up the simple white, knee-high dress and slightly tilted my head to stare intently at the beige-colored, closed shoe with two inch stiletto heels which I am wearing right now. This is who I was. This is what I used to love wearing as a teenager during my stay in the Philippines. "It suits you well." I hurriedly looked behind and saw Bom eyeing me from head to toe with her arms crossed in front of her chest while leaning against the wall. "Your comment sounds familiar, Bommie-ya. I wonder who tweeted that and to whom." "Stark must be giggling now, somewhere. The L of Mr. L stands for LUCKY bastard tonight." And we both laughed. I looked back to the ahjumma— who looks so ladylike right now in front of me. I couldn't even recognize that it is the same Sandara. I look... err... different? Oh no, no. I've sported this kind of attire before so there's no difference at all this time. Girly? Oh, yes! Girly is the right term. "Isn't this too much, Bom?" "What is?" she raised her eyebrows "This. My outfit? We'll just visit Yesung oppa's coffee shop again and I'm wearing this?" I lifted the side of my dress a bit, "He might think that I'm making so much effo—" "That's just fine. It looks decent and appropriate compare to the street style you wore last time. That was hilarious!" Bom laughed and I just glared at her "Not funny, Bom." "And by the way, it's another date with Mr. L, Dara ahjumma." she teased again "It's not a date, Bom! It's just a night out— and Jongjin's gonna be there, too." I retorted, Bom just went to me and fixed my hair a bit "Of course, he's one of the owners, duh! But his brother must have briefly informed him about you two so he surely won't stay around you, lovebirds, 'cause that would be so awkward. And that's being nosy, too!" "Bom." I said in a warning tone "What?! But seriously, Dara, I want you to be careful, not only because of any paparazzi that might caught you. I know you had your training with the best ninja in town but, yeah..." "I've thought about that already, Bommie. I'll double my ninja skills against them, promise." "No. Not only with them, with Mr. L also." "Wae?" I wrinkled my forehead "I just have this gut feeling that Lee Donghae is really a smooth operator, you know. There must be something dark and dirty behind that oh-so-good-and-clean-looking guy. You'll never know, one moment he'd be asking you 'gummy bears or cotton candies', the next thing you know you'd be choosing if lights on or lights off, top or bo—" "Bom! He's not like that!" I countered "If you say so, but looks can be deceiving, Darong. Well... yeah, alright then, prepare now. Be quick, you only have..." she glanced at our wall clock, "...20 minutes to fix yourself, darling. Go-go-go, attagirl!" Bom hit me on my behind and just gave me a knowing look then went out I stared back at my reflection, from my blonde head to my two-inch-high-heeled-shoe covered feet. I heaved a deep sigh. When was the last time actually? When was the last time I went out with a guy— who is not Jiyong— wearing this kind of girly attire? Am I really that old that I've really forgetten about that? or was I too hurt to even want to remember anything in the past? Took a deep breath in the mirror He didn't like it when I wore high heels But I do From now on and for many more days to come in the future, I will restart my life and will wear something ordinary to me but very new to some. This is somehow the new, 'old Dara'. Dress. High-heeled shoes. Simple, neatly combed blonde, straight hair. I miss this version of me. Jiyong had always wanted me to wear what he is— snickers, rubber shoes, unique hiphop pants and weirdly oversized clothes that we both have. Anything from our hundreds of couple items, name it. What Jiyong has, Dara surely has. So, it's never the sweet and girly style for me, especially when he wasn't around. Stricly no skirt, short shorts, y top or sleeveless blouse unless it's needed for our group's concept. But if not, only expensive and branded uni clothes that we would wear almost at the same time. Turn the lock and put my headphones on He always said he didn't get this song But I do, I do "Whatever happens, good or bad, just call me right away, Darong. Text me or Chaerin, okay?" Bom said while leaning her arms against the opened car window "Yes, I will. Don't let Minkki stay up too late, Bommie. I'll be back by 12." I reminded her before I fix myself here on the driver's seat. "Sure. Take care, Cinderella. Bye!" she waved at me before she slowly stepped backwards and stopped to see me leave our place On my way to Mouse Rabbit, I felt excited and anxious. I can feel my heart beating fast as I drew closer to the place even though it wasn't my first time to visit there. I need something to calm me and my mixed emotions. So, while it's still red for STOP, I just play some MYMP music, one of my favorite musicians in the Philippines. I remembered that one time when Jiyong was so irritated and stressed about his album preparation. He laid his head on my lap while I just massaged his forehead. To make him feel even more relaxed, I put my headphones on his ear while Juris of MYMP was singing a Filipino song. Then he suddenly creased his forehead and said, "Can you play an upbeat one, baby girl? I'm not in the mood to listen to slow songs and what is that? What is she trying to say?" I just did what he requested since I know he was too tired to care that it was a special song for me. But deep inside me, I felt a bit sad. I thought, for a genius musician like him, language was never an issue. And that's one of my favorites that we were talking about but he commented like that. Hays. "Who cares now if he doesn't like MYMP?! Right, Juris and Chin?!" I pretended to talk to the singers when in fact, I knew very well that I was just telling that to myself, "Well, at least there's a friend of mine who appreciates you, too." Walked in expecting you'd be late But you got here early and you stand and wave I walk to you I wore my coat, face mask and my beanie before I get off my car. I looked around first before I continue to walk my way to the coffee shop's entrance. When I'm almost near, I saw someone who has the same get-up as me. He's also looking around, attentively observing his surrounding. When he suddenly glanced my way for a second, he looked again, maybe to confirm if it was me. He removed his mask down a bit and smiled. He waved at me. He came earlier than me... He didn't make me wait for him... That's a first in a while now, within the last months or a year, at least. I am actually not sure anymore. Before, Jiyong was always so late when we were still together. During the last months of our relationship before we broke up, he's had a hard time prioritizing our schedule. Same as me, but I made sure that he would come first, on top of all my priorities. He's always busy with business, shows or travel— and maybe, with Kiko, that time, so usually I would arrive before him at our meeting place. If it's a restaurant or tea shop, I would be there first to order our favorites for us. Then we would just eat and have a small talk, then he will send me home eventually. We became... boring? It's like we had become worn-out clothes, the water that we usually drink— or even like getting up in the morning. We had become something that is just being done out of habit, a usual thing to do or something we were so used to including on our daily activities. But one thing I was so certain of that's why I never gave up before so easily— Jiyong was something I used to need so much in my life. But as the time went by, the excitement of seeing each other faded like the color of a beautiful daisy— withered like the flowers that used to blossom on the path that we once filled with love and loyalty. My lips curved automatically by the sight of this amazing human being. I removed my mask a bit and waved back. I walked quickly to approach the flower boy. You pull my chair out and help me in And you don't know how nice that is But I do "How long have you been standing there, Donghae? Didyou wait too long?" I asked him with a very soft voice while we walk Donghae opened the door for us. I was welcomed with a smile by Jongjin and he accompanied us to find a good seat, a bit private place to settle. "Not too long, well, I also came earlier to ask him about Yesung hyung..." he answered while caressing his nape and looking down When we found the best spot, Jongjin left us for a while. I removed my big coat, fix my hair and straightened up my dress a bit. Then I noticed how he looked at me with something in his eyes that made me feel weird... here... in my stomach. When we were struck by an electric shock with our sudden eye to eye contact, we both felt shy and looked away. My cheeks felt a bit hot, I don't even have any idea why. "Ahh... So, how's Yesung oppa in the military? Is he— Oh! T-Thanks..." I was taken aback when Donghae suddenly pulled the chair and offered the seat for me to sit on "S-Sure..." he stuttered while smiling shyly Aigoo~ Look at this boy, such a gentleman... I am so gonna tell Bom about this! Chivalry ain't dead, girls... When he's sure that I'm already comfortably sitting with my coat on my lap, that's the only time he went to the opposite side of me and also sit. He smiled at me again. While I can only stare at him, my entire being was just filled with awe at the wonderful sight. And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did "Hyesun noona really did that? You two are so... So hilarious!" Donghae, Jongjin and I shared a good loud laugh with an old memory of Hyesun and I when we first met I never realized how funny that memory was until I saw how it made the three of us, especially Donghae, guffawed like this. I almost forgot that it's so late at night and I should act so ladylike because of this dress and heels. Good thing, there's only one old man who looks like a foreigner who usually visits here every night and one middle-aged couple, who are both Mouse Rabbit's loyal customers according to Jongjin, at the moment. I think it's safe to have them stay there, they don't seem to recognize Donghae and I. Jongjin closed the shop a bit early and just let them finish their orders here as they are their patrons. "But wasn't she supposed to debut with you as one of 2NE1 members?" Jongjin asked "Yeah, that's right." I simply answered "But Hyesun noona is a better actress, for me. It's a good decision." Donghae commented "I agree. Maybe that's why Sajangnim changed his mind so..." I said then I sip at my tea but I was surprised to see that I emptied my cup already "Let me get you some more, noona..." I looked up at Jongjin who got up and asked for my cup "Oh no, thanks. I'm fine." "Noona, I insist. Or, should I get you a different one? Our bestseller?" Jongjin has been persuading me so much that I felt the need just to say yes "S-Sure, thanks." I smiled awkwardly and gave it to him "I better leave you two, don't wanna be a er..." Jongjin murmured then they both giggled a bit Am I missing something here? I creased my forehead while looking at the two alternately. I was very curious,