Yoongi came out to the group.

It wasn’t really a surprise to them — like, c’mon, he literally said on an interview that his ideal type wasn’t limited to girls (and it still confused Hoseok for reasons he didn’t understand, but he never asked). What really surprised them thought is that he said he’s panual, and it looked like only Seokjin, Namjoon and Taehyung knew what that meant, what made Hoseok almost sigh in relief ‘cause then he didn’t need to be the one who asked what that meant.

“That means that I’m attracted to people and that I don’t really care about the gender they identify as or their biological ” Yoongi explained calmly when he saw the confused faces of Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok.

“Oh, okay” Jimin smiled “Thank you for explaining, hyung”

And maybe Hoseok was still a little confused, ‘cause he didn’t knew that was a thing.

Listen, he wasn’t completely ignorant, thank you very much, but until now he didn’t put that much thought on it with so many things to distract him everyday with their work. But one word that defines Jung Hoseok is curiosity, so he was really excited to learn more about the different genders and ualities that-

A cough interrupted his thoughts and he frowned when he saw everyone looking at him with different expressions of concern.

But what surprised him was Yoongi, who stared at him with not only concern but also insecurity, and it made Hoseok’s chest tight.

“Are you okay with it?” the older boy asked, looking a little anxious “You’re the only one who said anything…”

“Ah, sorry, hyung, I just spaced out for a second” Hoseok laughed a little to make the growing tension in the room vanish “I’m totally fine with it, don’t worry. That doesn’t change a thing, you’re still a pain in my ”

“Brat” snorted Yoongi, the relief clear on his voice as his face softened and his shoulders lost all the tension.

And the rest of the evening was like any other. They chilled, chatted and laughed, and Hoseok tried to look as normal as he could while he tried not to run to his room and start his research.

 

---

 

He started his research only three days later.

It wasn’t his fault, really. Being an idol means you’re always busy with practices, events and stuff that just needs your total attention or you’re going to things up for the entire group, and another word that defines Jung Hoseok is perfectionism.

But he didn’t forget what he wanted to do. Of course not. He couldn’t forget it, even more now that Yoongi came out and was more comfortable to talk about all the cute people he saw wherever they went, including some guys, so, yeah, thank you, Yoongi, for being a reminder.

It was almost 9pm when they finally got on their dorm after they practiced almost the entire day the new choreography for their comeback and everyone was dead. Some of them went to bed without even taking a shower, but Seokjin and Hoseok just couldn’t do that.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” asked Seokjin after ending his shower, getting out of one of the bathrooms and seeing Hoseok on the dinner table draining his hair with one hand while doing something on his phone with the other.

“I’ll go in a minute, hyung, I just need to see something” Hoseok gave him a small reassuring smile.

“Ok, then… Good night, Hobi”

“Night, hyung. Dream with me~”

“You wish”

Hoseok laughed to himself and waited until Seokjin closed the door of the room he shared with Yoongi to finally start his research. He opened Google, and then…

…

And then he noticed he didn’t knew where to start.

He groaned to himself and looked across the dark room like it would tell him what he should search for first.

‘Maybe I should start looking for a more detailed definition for panuality’, he thought to himself. Yes, he was a genius.

A lot of results showed and he looked for a link that took his attention. When he found it he clicked on it and waited, starting to read with attention when it loaded completely.

Panuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological . A panual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, inter, or agendered/genderqueer.

He knew what transgender and inter meant, but, wow… Agendered? Genderqueer?

Agender is a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity.

Oh my God, that’s cool.

He looked at the definition of genderqueer and all the other different identities that appeared on the related links. And then something caught his attention more than the other things he read.

A demiguy (also called a demiboy, demiman or demimale person) is a gender identity describing someone who partially, but not wholly, identifies as a man, boy or otherwise masculine, whatever their assigned gender at birth. They may or may not identify as another gender in addition to feeling partially a boy or man.

Hoseok gulped.

Demiguy can be used to describe someone assigned male at birth who feels barely connected or disconnected to that identification, but does not experience a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria.

So… Hoseok really likes his body. He worked hard on it and it is perfect to dance. He also likes his , thank you. He has no problem being a born male. But sometimes… some things he does, like some clothes he wears, and even how he acts, makes him feel so… wrong.

Ok, maybe he looks at girls and not only see their beauty but also some of the things they wear and has a weird feeling of want. Maybe when he was a child he wore some of his sister’s clothes when she wasn’t home and felt pretty. And when she found out and put makeup on him, maybe he felt even prettier. And maybe he likes too much to wear that skirt that was trending in Korea, but for different reasons that other guys have. And… maybe he felt free like he didn’t feel many times before on his life when he wore skirts, dresses and fishnet stockings for the ‘Singles’ photoshoot…

Um…

.

 

---

 

“Is everything alright? You’re so quiet lately” Namjoon asked a week later, with so much concern in his eyes that Hoseok felt guilty for not talking to them about this.

Ever since that day where he learned more about romantic and ual attraction and gender he felt more comfortable with himself, but also nervous about it, ‘cause one thing is when you accept yourself, but what about other people? While in your head everything seems easy, but actually talking about such personal things with someone is hard, and he forgot how hard that was.

He always knew he liked guys, and maybe he wasn’t so subtle about that as he likes to think he is. But he never actually said that out loud, and never really found a word that defined what he felt. And then the word ‘Panromantic’ appeared. He understood now why he felt so surprised when Yoongi explained what that was, cause that was actually what he felt, just attracted to people, but… just in a romantic way. And he didn’t knew that was possible.

Yes, he isn’t a , and his first time was sweet, ‘cause it was the guy’s first time too and they laughed the entire time when they didn’t know what to do. He thought he didn’t feel pleasure because he was the bottom, so when he tried again with another person as a top to see what he would feel. And that felt even worse. He tried to have three times more with two girls and one guy, and… well… he just accepted he didn’t like it.

And then, with this research, he found not only that he was a demiboy and panromantic, but also aual.

Can someone be these many things at once? Or was he just being dramatic?

And how the hell do you talk and ask people about that?

So, yeah, that’s why he didn’t say anything. He’s allowed to be scared, okay?

“I don’t like ” he cursed his mouth for never obeying him.

“...Ok?”

“And I like everyone like Yoongi-hyung does”

“That’s totally-”

“And I’m not cisgendered”

“Oh… You have a lot on your plate, don’t you”

“Yeah…”

Namjoon gave him a comforting smile “It’s still totally normal, you know that, right?”

“Is it?” Hoseok grimaced “Am I not being dramatic or something?”

“You know… the thing about our generation is that we’re more open to some things like uality, and this is amazing, ‘cause it’s so much easier now to find yourself in the world, and it’s beautiful” Hoseok smiled at Namjoon’s words. This was so much like him to be this deep about anything, and it always soothed him “Some people are comfortable enough just saying they’re gay or whatever, but people like you and me feel like that’s not enough and need to be reassured”

“You?” Hoseok widened his eyes, surprised.

“Yes. I like to define myself as demiromantic and demiual, which means-”

“That you only feel romantic and ual attraction to someone you know really well?” Hoseok said, and then explained “I did my research”

“Of course you did” Namjoon smiled softly “So, yeah, no need to be worried. And if you need anything you can talk to me. And you know I have skirts, you can wear them too”

Hoseok smiled at him and fell on his chest, hugging the taller boy “Thank you”

“You’re welcome. Now let's go eat something”

 

---

 

Some days later, when he and the boys decided to go shopping, they were looking at all the showcases on the street and then he saw a piece that got his attention.

“Can we go there?” Hoseok tried to ask as casually as he could. They all agreed.

The good thing was that the shop was big, so he easily separated from the boys and started to search for that piece he wanted.

And now he was wearing a circle skirt he discreetly got.

With no trousers underneath it to make it look 'masculine'.

He was wearing just a simple white t-shirt he found and a skirt.

Hoseok put a hand on his mouth, looking amazed at himself in the mirror with wide eyes. He turned around so he could see how he looked in all the angles. He ran his hands through the soft fabric of the baby blue skirt while looking at himself from the bottom to the top.

He felt so pretty and so right. His legs have lots of muscles, but he still looked and felt delicate. Hoseok was smiling and laughing alone on a dresser on a baby blue circle skirt and couldn’t be happier.

Now he understood what people on the internet meant. He was truly being himself. It’s like he finally found what was missing and everything made sense now.

Today was a day where he wanted to feel pretty and he accomplished that. That’s totally okay and now he felt happy. Maybe tomorrow he won’t feel the urge to put on a skirt and that was okay too, cause he was still himself.

No need to prove anything to anyone. No need to act in a way to make other people accept you. The only one who truly knew him was him, so he needed to accept himself.

And he was.

“Hyung, you look so cute!”

Hoseok jumped, noticing that he wasn’t alone anymore. There was Jimin looking at him with that soft smile of his. The elder’s heart almost jumped off his chest.

‘Why are you panicking when you just said that you accept yourself?’, said a voice in his head and Hoseok felt the urge to fight it.

“Jimin!” Hoseok pushed Jimin inside the dresser and closed its curtain, looking at the blonde boy in alarm “What are you doing here?”

“We were worried cause you didn’t come out of here for a long time now, so I came looking for you” explained Jimin like it was obvious, and then smiled again “But, seriously, hyung, you look so cute on that skirt!”

Hoseok shushed him, blushing more and more as Jimin giggled “You need to understand the concept of privacy, you know. Now, get out and let me change”

“Ok, but you’re buying it, right?” Jimin looked serious at him now.

“I-I don’t know…”

“You really look amazing on this”

Hoseok looked at himself in the mirror again and smiled softly “I really do…”

 

---

 

He bought the skirt. And it was on a box inside his wardrobe and only Jimin and Namjoon knew what was inside it.

 

---

 

Namjoon and Jin came out as a couple to the group.

Hoseok wanted to laugh cause they didn’t really need to come out when everyone — literally everyone, even the fans — knew they dated. But if it was important to them, he will try not to be an and keep his face straight.

‘Straight…’, he giggled to himself.

“It’s a good thing this is official now, cause then I can continue calling you mom and dad” Jungkook smirked at them, making the couple scoff, but they couldn’t hide their smiles.

“I…”

They all looked at Hoseok when they heard his voice, and the boy blushed, looking at his hands.

“Hobi?” Namjoon called, softly, knowing what his friend is about to say “Do you wanna say something?”

Hoseok lifted his head and looked at their curious faces, sighing and just letting himself say it before he couldn’t “I’m panromantic”

Hoseok swore he saw Yoongi's ears lift like dog ears as he looked at him with big eyes and a happy expression.

“That’s-”

“And aual”

“You-”

“And a demiboy”

“What’s a demiboy?” asked Jungkook, interested.

Hoseok gave the younger a tiny smile “I don’t feel, like…” then he frowned. On his head it sounded easier to explain “I’m just not totally cis? I don’t know, it’s different for everyone, but I like to wear feminine clothes sometimes and to feel... like a girl? Sorry, I don't know if this helps”

“It does!” Jimin said excitedly “Guys, you should’ve seen hyung on a skirt, he looked so adorable!”

“Oh my God, Jimin, shut up”

“I’m gray-ace, Hobi” Seokjin smiled at him “You’re not alone here”

“Literally not alone as everyone in this band is queer” Taehyung giggled.

Hoseok just laughed cause he couldn’t believe how easy it was. He must’ve helped a whole country on his past life to be this lucky and have all his bandmates being so understanding. And gay. And that’s amazing.

And the best part of finally coming out to them is that he can walk around their dorm on skirts, dresses, crop tops, shorts and he would be showered with compliments.

(And would be checked out by Yoongi, but he was trying to act like he didn’t notice so the elder wouldn’t feel embarrassed.)

He was happy on his own skin and that’s all that matters.