Time.

Four letters.

They say that the experience of time is subjective, that is built by the brain.

Because a moment of fear can seem eternal while there are times when the hours seem to fly.

Our experience of time is subjective and we can only measure the speed with which it runs, which is the ticking of the clock.

I wonder if all the suffering you experienced during your life felt like an eternity. Maybe that's why you decided to end everything too soon.

Maybe, every day was a whole life. Maybe, Every minute was stealing more and more the desire to continue. I wish I could have done something to stop even for a moment your suffering.

We made so many mistakes. Once I heard you say that we were terrible together. When I think about it, I think you were right, Because I always did what I wanted. I never stopped to think that one day you could leave me. I never took care of the wonderful love you gave me.

And you, you always let me do whatever I wanted. Every time I did hurt you, you just would only smile with that a sad look in your eyes and ignored your own pain.

We did terribly bad together. Because you never let me missing you and I never let you love me.

Time.

Everyone tells me that in time everything will happen.

That in time I will find someone again.

Time heals everything, right?

But the truth is; can I really replace the shape that you drew on me with the figure of someone else? Can I mold my heart, just to erase your silhouette that I can still see in the dark?

They say that in time, I will move forward and I will be able to love again, and may be. Maybe one day I will be able to find someone who will smile every time he sees me. Maybe I could find someone who, when he kisses me, can make time stop and make my head float. Because that's what you did. That was the reaction you provoked in me.

I wish I had noticed how your mind gradually created situations to leave. I wish I had been able to read your thoughts every time your sight was lost.

I still remember the first time you said you loved me. It was so many years ago, but it seems like yesterday.

I don't forget the torrential rain and my damn fear of the thunders that I still can't overcome. We were both soaked under a tree, trying uselessly to cover us. I clung to you, as if with that, the noises were going to disappear. Suddenly, of nowhere you looked at me like it was the first time, you leaned your head and press your forehead on mine and you just said it.

"I love you."

It was like a whisper. A warm sigh that covered me with the cold rain that fell without mercy upon us.

I wasn't able to give you an answer. Suddenly the words were stuck in my throat and I was unable to tell you that you were the most important thing in my life. That I needed you so much, that sometimes it was unbearable. That all my life I had dreamed of someone like you, and you were even better than that.

I remember that I just stood there, looking at you, unable to do or say anything that would stop you. Maybe if I had spoken, if I had given you some inkling that you were my world, I might have been able to stop the great avalanche that was growing inside you.

I always knew there were monsters in your head, ghosts that wouldn't let you sleep in peace. If only I had known how strong and real they were, maybe today you would still be here with me.

Today is raining again and those damn thunder wakes me up in the middle of the night. Unconsciously I'm looking for your presence, your smell is still in my Pillow. I still can feel like you're here taking care of my dream.
But the truth is that you are no longer here with me. I let go your hand and you left.

Every single time I listen to our song I think of you and how you used to sing it over the phone just to make me feel ashamed. More than once we argued for that reason. You always said that I was ashamed of you, of us.

But the truth is that I was afraid. I was terrified that you would realize that everything reminded me of you, that I could never get rid of those little details and notes that you always left on the mirror, every time you left.

I was afraid that you would know that you had become my world, that every time you left, my body missed you, that your voice could erase all the bad things that could have happened during the day.

The words never were my strength. That's was you. Your sweet words makes me fell for you. I tried to show you how much I loved you, but I guess I could never get my love through you.

I wish I could go back in time and amend everything that went wrong. I wish I could Take your hands in mine and hold you so tight, that maybe you could feel that you never were a mistake. I'd like to go back in time and erase everything that made you leave me missing you every second of the day.

I'm sorry.

I miss you.

I love you.

Don't go.

Come back.

Those are the words that today I can't stop repeating again and again. Ironic, because if I had only pronounced them once, today you would be here. If only I had said them to you, if only I had left my pride and my fears aside, today you still would be here with me.

Maybe I could have scared away the monsters that convinced you to leave forever.

If only I had dared to enter to that coffee where you waited for me day after day for weeks. I was there every day, watching you from the distance. Afraid to lose myself completely if I saw you face to face. I never was that strong or brave. You were who always fought for the both of us.

Now I'm facing what's left of you. A simple memory, a simple piece of cold stone where even your true body isn't there.
You were always good, kind, too kind. And I hate you for that.

Your last wish was that there were no farewells, so nobody would have to cry. You donated your body for a better cause, 'why should I let it rot six meters underground, if I can help others when I'm no longer here?' It was what you said. You were too noble... I loved you and I hated you for that.

Now I hope you're finally at peace. I really hope that you finally are at piece with your demons and that wherever you are now you know that you were my world, my love. The only place I could really call home.

Until I see you again. My true love.

Forever yours. Krystal.

A/N: Hi everyone.

first at all, I know I have a couple of fics  outgoing, and I'm writing, but I really needed update this.

It's been in the corner of my mind for a few weeks, but it's a sensible subject so I waited for awhile to update it.

The things is what happened with Jonghyung hit hard. Shinee was one of the first groups that I knew in kpop. They are fx's brothers after all. So this is my way to release my feelings after the news.

Please guys if you follow and admire some idol, singer, etc. pleased support them. Love them and never said bad stuff. After all, they're just people like you and I, and sometimes they get hurt because of us. So let show love to ours idols and let's show love to fx. To all the girls.

be safe and be happy guys. Everything it's gonna be fine in time. Remember that always is someone that care about you. You are the world to someone so take care of yourself.

xoxo for everyone and thanks for reading <3