I have no idea what he's saying, Jinyoung realized, his heart sinking. Do all Americans talk this quickly? Am I an idiot for not catching any of this?

He bit into his ice cream, hoping Mark wasn't asking him a question. He probably was—that was what you were supposed to do when you were getting to know someone. When they'd first started talking, Jinyoung had known enough to catch the basics—What's your name? How old are you? Which grade are you in?—and he'd thought he'd been at a good enough level to go out with Mark for awhile for some one-on-one chatting. The poor boy had looked so nervous and terrified that it was the least Jinyoung could do to reach out to him.

And now here they were, in the park with their ice cream and mishmash of languages. Mark had definitely just asked a question—Jinyoung could tell by the rise in his voice and the way he looked at him expectantly. He could have asked about life as a trainee or what food was good to eat in Korea for all Jinyoung knew—either way, he had no idea how he was supposed to answer. He simply smiled awkwardly, shifting in place on the bench where they were sitting. “Um...” he said. He so desperately wanted to say something to make Mark happy, to let him know that in spite of these setbacks he really, truly wanted to be friends, but he couldn't think of a way to vocalize that in English.

He could see the realization dawning on Mark's face with all of its painful details. The disappointment was clear in his eyes, and the cloud of loneliness seemed to rebuild around him, turning him from optimistic to slightly downcast. “You...you don't actually speak English, do you?” he asked.

Those words were simple enough for Jinyoung to understand, and though it was a fair accusation, it hurt. He wanted to be a line of communication to this boy, this fish out of the water in a strange place, but now he realized it wasn't going to be that simple. He felt a sharp pang of frustration with himself, though he knew it was undeserved. He was trying, after all. But he didn't want to just try blindly with no results. He wanted to bring a smile to this person's face. He wanted to make him a little less worried in whatever small ways he could.

“I'm sorry,” he said in English. “I...I am...not good.”

“Ah.” Mark chewed on his lip for a moment, probably debating what to do. If he didn't know Korean and Jinyoung didn't know English, they'd probably already reached the extent of things they were capable of saying.

“I...” Jinyoung said again, but he didn't know how to express what he wanted to say. He barely even knew what he would have said in Korean—his thoughts were a jumble, and his feelings entirely unclear. All he could do was reach out his hand and place it on top of Mark's.

Mark's eyes widened a little, fingers twitching just slightly as if unsure of what to do with themselves with Jinyoung's on top of them. He didn't say anything for a long time, just stared down at Jinyoung's hand as if he was trying to read something off it.

“It's fine,” he said after awhile. There was for some reason a slight smile on his face. “It's OK.”

“Yes?” Jinyoung asked.

“Yeah. I think you're nice. So thank you.”

Jinyoung's mouth fell open, unsure of what he done to deserve this praise when he'd dragged Mark out here, pretending to be a competent English speaker when he knew next to nothing. “You're...you're welcome?” he said, trying to smile confidently. Mark immediately smiled back, and something instantly clicked inside Jinyoung.

It mattered. What he had done had mattered, even though he couldn't speak English. Mark wasn't unhappy to be out here with him—he was grateful. He thought it was a good thing, a sign that Jinyoung was a kind person he could potentially trust. It hadn't been what he'd been expecting, and perhaps he was still disappointed that they couldn't really talk, but more than anything he was just glad that Jinyoung had wanted to talk in the first place.

Relief flooded over Jinyoung. He had been able to help. Mark probably still felt worried and homesick, but he was smiling. That was a hopeful sign. If he continued to make an effort, perhaps that smile would grow bigger.

Finally, the English Jinyoung had been forgeting came back to him. He could say little things, pointless things, and it would still be a step forward. It would still matter and mean something to Mark.

He pointed to the remains of his ice cream. “It's good?”

“Very good.”

“You like Korea food?”

“Yeah, it's really good.”

“I will take you... to restaurant. You and me.”

There was that smile again. “Yeah. I'd like that.”

They continued on like that for ten more minutes before they had to go back. As they got closer to the company building, Mark cleared his throat.

“I'll try hard,” he said in labored Korean. “To learn.”

Jinyoung nodded. “Fighting, hyung.” He liked that thought. If Mark planned to stay here long-term, that would mean by time next year came, their conversations would go much easier than this one had.

“Thank you,” Mark said again. It still surprised Jinyoung a little, but Mark did look genuinely relieved.

“Next night,” Jinyoung said suddenly. “You and me...again.”

“Again what?”

“Go there,” Jinyoung said, gesturing in the direction they had just walked from. “Together.”

Mark seemed to get it, and the happiness that flickered there in his eyes sent shivers down Jinyoung's spine. “Yeah,” he said. “Let's go there.”

And so that's what they did every night, whenever they had nothing else going on. At first, it was pretty much a repeat of the first time, with them communicating about nothing important in the most basic English possible, but since Mark was also studying Korean, they slowly began to branch out into the subjects he had just practiced that day. They were just small, fragmented things like “I have three siblings” or “I was really tired today,” but even just those small droplets of information trickling in was exciting to Jinyoung. Each day, those simple sentences would get slightly longer with a new touch of detail that hadn't been there before. Since Mark seemed shy and a bit soft spoken even in English, all the effort and progress was truly impressive.

When they ran out of English or Korean, they'd do other things to communicate. Mark would show him Youtube videos or pull out his MP3 player and share his ear buds with Jinyoung, and they'd listen to his music together. He'd show him pictures of LA or the other places he'd been. And then sometimes he'd speak in his fast stream of English about whatever was on his mind—possibly any difficulties he was going through or worries he had, though Jinyoung couldn't be sure. Mark wasn't expecting him to respond anymore. It seemed to be enough for him that Jinyoung was there to listen.

It always felt like a moment of healing while it was happening. Jinyoung enjoyed the relaxed pace, the moments of comfortable silence, Mark's easy smiles, and the sound of his voice. Even just looking at him was relaxing in its own way with his soft, pretty features. It felt like one of the few moments in his life where he didn't have to be judged or nervous about not living up to expectations. In spite of the pressure he'd originally put on himself to communicate with Mark clearly, Mark put absolutely no pressure on him. If Jinyoung made mistakes, he accepted them unthinkingly. If they couldn't reach each other with something, he'd pick another way to communicate with a shrug of his shoulders.

It was only when Jinyoung went to sleep at night that he would feel a slight sense of dissatisfaction creeping up on him. Not at Mark, and not exactly at himself. With the way his schedule was, he couldn't beat himself up over not being a fluent English speaker when there were other things he needed to learn more immediately. It just itched underneath his skin, one thought constantly, over and over: There is so much I want to be able to say to you. There is so much I want to be able to do for you. I want to do it now rather than later. I want to talk to you more now, now, now.

“What are you staring at?” Jaebum asked during a break in the daily trainee practice. He tossed Jinyoung a water bottle which Jinyoung epically fumbled, as distracted as he was.

“Nothing,” Jinyoung said quickly, grabbing the bottle from where it had fallen on the floor. The other trainees from across the room had paused at the sound of it thunking on the floor, and Jinyoung met Mark's eyes for the briefest moment as he lifted his head. His lips were twisted into a smile. Not a mocking one at Jinyoung's mistake, but one of endearment.

“Come on, your head has been in the clouds a lot these days,” Jaebum persisted. “It's not like you.”

“It's nothing,” Jinyoung repeated. “Just... I was just wondering what they're talking about.”

“The foreign trainees? How much do you want to bet that they're thinking the same about us when we're talking?”

Jinyoung shrugged. “I just wish we didn't have to talk separately, that's all. It would be nice if we could all talk to each other easily.”

“Well, they'll get better if they're serious about this. Although, I bet some of them won't last. They'll go to different companies or back home.”

Jinyoung gave Jaebum a withering look. “Stop, hyung.”

“Why? It's true.”

That didn't mean he wanted to hear it. What if that happened to Mark? What if he got sick of all the exhausting practices, the hard to learn language, and the foreign culture and just decided one day to pack up and go home for good? What if one of the other foreign trainees bullied him or ticked him off and he decided to go somewhere else?

When they got together the next time, Jinyoung earnestly took Mark's hand. Mark always looked slightly taken aback when he did that as if he didn't get why it was happening, but the important thing was that he didn't let go. He'd let Jinyoung hold onto him and then, sometimes, would very lightly squeeze his hand back.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung said seriously. “You stay in JYP.”

Mark looked at him in confusion. “Why am I in JYP? I told you, they scouted me.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “No, I mean STAY here. Don't go somewhere different.” He repeated the same thing more clearly in Korean, in case that helped.

He was pretty sure Mark got it by the expression on his face, half happy, half surprised. “That's what you want?” he asked in Korean.

Jinyoung nodded.

“Why?”

The question caught him off guard for a moment, but the answer itself was common sense, so it came from him the moment he recovered. “Because I love hyung,” he said.

He'd thought that would be fairly obvious since Mark was one of the trainees Jinyoung most openly enjoyed spending time with. He loved Jaebum and he loved Wonpil and he loved Hyunwoo and he loved his cute little baby BamBam, and even though he'd yet to have a particularly advanced conversation with him without someone translating involved, he definitely loved Mark.

But still, Mark looked completely shocked. “You do?”

“Of course.”

Mark was silent for awhile, seeming to process this information slowly. “I also,” he said finally. “Love Jinyoung ah.”

Jinyoung nodded, happy to hear it. “Then stay.”

“I will.”

“Promise.” Jinyoung extended his pinky finger. After a moment, Mark wrapped his pinky around Jinyoung's and bobbed his hand.

In that moment, Jinyoung's lingering feeling of dissatisfaction went away. Yes, there was still so much he had left to say to this person and find out about him, but it was OK. Even without words, he felt like he knew him in a way that transcended everything else. He knew the promise they'd made wasn't a lie, and that the person whose pinky was still wrapped around his was worth loving, even without all of his blanks fully filled in.

As time passed, they started having actual conversations in Korean, and it was indescribably exciting, even though they were still technically at an elementary school level. With his better command of the language, Mark could express his opinions more clearly, he could speak more playfully, he could complain and compliment and ask questions. He was still on the quiet side, but you could tell now that he was actively listening and understanding more and more.

And just as Jinyoung had thought, being able to learn more about him didn't negatively effect the image of Mark he'd already formed in his mind. His words matched what Jinyoung had gathered from just watching him. He was a kind person. He was quiet, but rambunctious. He had a bit of a short temper, but was still caring. He was intelligent. He was active and adventurous, but at the same time very simple. He could spend the day sleeping and watching Youtube without getting bored even when the others for his lack of excitement.

He was able to get closer to the other trainees now, and some new foreigners had also joined in as well, but he still took the time to hang out with Jinyoung separately from everyone else, just the two of them. Jinyoung was beyond pleased, though he never said as much to Mark. Even if he may have been one of the trainees Mark had liked best in the past, he had the feeling he was being eclipsed by some of the newcomers, particularly some of the fellow foreigners like Jackson. But still, Mark always was up for spending their time together, and he never suggested bringing anyone else along even when Jinyoung offered to extend the invitation to his other friends.

On this particular occasion, Mark seemed to be in a bit of a dispirited mood. He was even more quiet than usual as they went on their walk and every once in awhile he'd sigh to himself.

“What's wrong, hyung?” Jinyoung asked.

“It's just...” Mark started, balling his hands. “How are you so good at everything? Singing, Dancing. Acting. Speaking. Jinyoung ah is good at everything. And me...I'm bad at singing and speaking and dancing and-”

“You're not.”

“Yes. I am. I am...no talent.” As misfortune would have it, he also mispronounced “no talent” when he was saying it.

“You're better than anyone at the martial arts-”

“Then should I stop being an idol and be an...” He paused. “I don't even know the right word for it.”

“It's not important,” Jinyoung said impatiently. “You're good at dancing and rapping. You're going to get better. Give it time.”

“What if I do not get better?”

“You will.”

“But maybe not! I will get removed from JYP and go to America and watch you on Youtube alone.”

Jinyoung grabbed Mark's cheeks and squeezed them hard. “Hyung. You promised me.”

Mark stared at him stubbornly for a minute, then finally sighed. “I know.”

“If you're not good enough now, work hard so you can be at a level where no one will kick you out, OK? You have to stay. Enough people have already left.” He gave Mark's cheeks another squeeze before letting him go. “And I'm not so amazing.”

“Yes you are. You're amazing.”

“Not really. Not compared to Jaebum, definitely.”

“You are both good.” Mark paused. “Maybe...if there's time...you could...”

“What?”

“With my pronunciation and...” He trailed off, searching for the word.

“Enunciation?”

He nodded. “You could help?”

“Of course I will. Just let me know whenever you need help.”

Mark beamed. “Jinyoungie is the number one best!” he said in a cutesy, high-tone voice.

Jinyoung grinned. For a hyung, this guy was seriously adorable. “Jinyoungie?”

“Mmmhm.”

“Nice try, but you pronounced my name weirdly, hyung.” He gave his cheeks another squeeze simply because his fingers wanted to be back on his warm skin. “Fighting to both of us, OK?”

Eventually, Jinyoung was informed that they were going to start getting serious about debuting, and it would most likely be him and Jaebum together in a duo. “You two have a good image together and great chemistry, so it's a good fit,” the company had explained. “It's been awhile since there's been a mainstream pop duo, so it's fresh.”

Mark had pouted a little when he'd found out. “Does this mean we're not going to be in the same group?” Jinyoung could only shrug. It probably depended on the kind of impact they had, but he didn't want to promise anything to Mark when he wasn't sure himself. For his part, he was incredibly excited about the news, but also a little disappointed at the same time. He loved Jaebum and knew it would be amazing to perform with him, but he felt envious of the others having fun and doing activities without him one day.

His schedule got busier, and his one-on-one hang out time with Mark was forced to lessen, though they still did a lot of group training together. He was pleased to see Mark was improving rapidly—his enunciation training with Jinyoung had definitely paid off—but it would be a shame that he'd be turning to whoever his groupmates would be in the future for help instead of Jinyoung.

As his duo training and practices piled on, he was able to see Mark less and less. The same was true of the rest of the trainees, but missing Mark stuck out more in his mind. He missed the healing nature of his presence and that he was missing so much of his language progress. He hoped that Mark was staying determined and motivated. He hoped Mark missed him just as much.

Debuting itself him into a whirlwind of schedules and activities, and it was hard to keep track of anything else but what he needed to do to successfully promote. All the trainees were supportive, but at the same time he felt like he was operating in a different world from them, one that only intersected with theirs at random times, not often enough as he would have liked.

It was a bit of a shock the next time he finally got to talk to Mark individually how much he had improved in his Korean studies. It was a happy thing, but Jinyoung felt a bit lonely at the realization that he'd missed out on so much of it. He couldn't help but think of all the talks they could have had, all the times Mark could have turned to him if he hadn't been somewhere else.

“You really are amazing,” Mark gushed. “Your performance is great. Everything about it is great. I'm happy for you.”

“You think so?” Jinyoung asked, a little sheepishly.

“Absolutely. You look perfect on a stage. That's absolutely where you should be.”

“So... you're not upset about not being in a group with me anymore?”

“Of course I still want to be in a group with you,” Mark said firmly. “But if not, I'm still going to be happy for you. You're too important—” He fell silent abruptly.

“What, hyung?” Jinyoung pressed.

“You're too important to me for me not to be happy for you,” Mark finished softly.

Jinyoung thought about those words for a long time. Long after they finished promoting and discussions were reopened about what exactly Jaebum and Jinyoung were going to do in the future. He thought about them long and hard, trying to decide why they made him so happy. They were kind words, of course, but he'd heard a lot of kind words in his lifetime, and he didn't tend to fixate on them as much as he was fixating on these.

He tried to put a finger on it, why Mark was so special, why he wanted so badly to continue to be looked at as important by Mark. It was different from his other friendships somehow, and almost selfish when he thought about it. He cared the most for Mark's happiness and sense of satisfaction with himself, but there was no denying that he held his own relationship with Mark as the second priority: he was happy for Mark speaking more because they could talk to each other, and he wanted Mark to succeed in the agency so they could stay together more easily. Other people didn't factor into how he felt about Mark and what he wanted from him, to the point where he got a bit defensive when someone else tried to creep into the role he was trying to fill in Mark's life. A huge part of him wanted to stay locked in the moments where it was only the two of them and the rest of the world was just an intrusion in the background.

But why?, he wondered. He couldn't figure out when those feelings had started and what the purpose of them were. He wondered if feeling that way made him a terrible person, wanting to monopolize someone who would be capable of so much with a lot of people to support him and give him the bravery he needed to break down his walls.

He sighed, burying his head into his pillow. He felt like he was back at the beginning, back when they couldn't talk to each other properly. This time, they both had the ability they needed to form sentences and have a conversation. He just didn't have the words to describe the jumble of emotions clogging his head. If Mark asked him right that moment how he was feeling, he wouldn't have a single clue.

At long last, they were back in the park together, ice cream in hand under a sky of night stars. Mark was bouncing a little in place on the bench as he tore through his ice cream. After a lot of discussion and deliberation, JYP had finally decided that Jinyoung and Jaebum would officially be added back into the lineup of the boy group the company was planning for the future, the same lineup Mark was also a part of. It was a bittersweet feeling overall, but when Mark was smiling at him like this, it was 100% sweet. It was nice to be assured that they would get to be together closely in the future with nothing driving them apart.

"This is going to be amazing," Mark kept saying. "With you there, our dancing and vocal quality will level up. And I've always wanted to perform with you, you and I definitely have-". He stopped speaking abruptly, noticing the somewhat distant look on Jinyoung's face. "Is something wrong?"

Jinyoung shook his head. "I'm sorry, hyung. It's nothing. I was just thinking about how good your Korean has gotten these days. Remember when we couldn't talk to each other when we came out here?"

Mark nodded. "Of course I remember. And I don't think I've told you this, but I'm really grateful for that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If it hadn't been for you, I probably wouldn't have lasted this long. It meant...honestly...it meant everything."

"Oh," Jinyoung said, surprised by how much his heart fluttered to hear that. "I'm glad to hear that it mattered so much."

"Of course it did." He looked at Jinyoung, a little nervously. "Why were you thinking about that?"

"I don't know," Jinyoung said. "I guess it's because it's a nice feeling, being able to talk to you like this now and remembering how we started. From the beginning, I just really wanted us to be close, and I'm just grateful that it isn't so hard now."

"I'm not sure why you wanted to talk to me so much," Mark said, muttering a little. "But thanks."

Jinyoung reached out and took Mark's hand. He'd stopped getting taken aback by it a long time ago, and Jinyoung wondered sometimes what that meant. Probably nothing, since Mark was warmer to everyone than he once had been—it wasn't as if Jinyoung was special in that aspect. Whatever the case was, Jinyoung was happy enough to be so easily accepted by him that the reasoning really didn't matter.

“Actually,” Mark said suddenly, “there was something I was thinking about too.”

“Yeah?”

“I think you're the person I like the most at the agency. Out of all the trainees and the sunbaes, too.”

Jinyoung stared at him, open mouthed. “R-Really?”

“Yeah. But the thing is, we're not best friends, are we? At least, I don't think of you as my best friend at the company.” He froze for a second. “No offense,” he said quickly in English, in case Jinyoung had taken that the wrong way.

But Jinyoung hadn't. It wasn't an unfair thing to say, because Jinyoung also felt the same. His best friend in the company was Wonpil. He even thought of Jaebum more in terms of being a best friend than he thought of Mark. But why was that? His relationship with Mark was so important to him, so why didn't he think of it in those terms?

“I think the same way,” Jinyoung said slowly. “We're not really best friends.”

“What are we, then?” Mark asked. “Why aren't we best friends? Is it the age difference?”

Jinyoung ran his tongue against his lips, his head reeling. What were they to each other? He was surprised to find that no matter how hard he thought, he couldn't come up with an answer. It didn't make sense. Even if Mark had been his age, he didn't think it would have made a difference. They were just something completely different, the two of them. But what?

“I guess we're just...us,” Jinyoung said lamely.

“I guess,” Mark said. He didn't look fully convinced. “Anyways, I'm glad you're going to be back with us. It's going to be fun.”

“Mmm.” Jinyoung nodded, but his mind was still somewhere else, trying to fit all the pieces together. He didn't know what was going on with him. Was he overthinking things again? Weren't they stretching too much trying to find definitions for everything instead of just accepting things the way they naturally were without wondering? They cared about each other, even before they'd fully gotten to know each other: wasn't that the only thing that mattered?

“Hey, Jaebum hyung,” Jinyoung said, pulling him aside after one of their vocal lessons. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“In a leaderly sense?” Jaebum asked.

“No, in a friendly advice sense.”

“All right. What's going on?”

“OK, so there's this person who is very important to me. Important to the extent where I always want to be making them feel happy and at home. But this person... for some reason, no matter how important they are to me, I have trouble thinking of them as a friend. Even though I want to monopolize them a little and even though being with them is an amazing feeling. And they don't think of me as one of their closest friends either. What do you think is up with that? Are we actually not as close as I've been thinking? Is it all superficial or something?”

Jaebum's eyes flashed in horror. “Park Jinyoung. No.”

“What do you mean 'no'?”

“I'm saying you can't. Not now of all times, right before debut. You absolutely are not allowed to get a girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Jinyoung blinked. “What does that have to do with anything? Why would I get a girlfriend?”

“Because you've obviously fallen in love with this person you can't think of as a friend, idiot! And as your leader, I'm telling you NO.”

Jinyoung's face instantly started flaming. “IN LOVE!?!? I was talking about Mark hyung!”

Jaebum got quiet, staring at him with a troubled expression. “I'm sorry,” he said finally, “but based on what you just said, my diagnosis is still the same. I can't figure out any other reason you would be reluctant to think of Mark as a friend, unless you only want a business relationship with him.”

“I don't,” Jinyoung protested.

“Then I think,” Jaebum finished, “you have just told me the only thing worse than that you're getting a girlfriend.” He sighed deeply. “Sit down.”

Jinyoung wobbled over to the couch, still reeling from what Jaebum had said. Was he in love with Mark? He wanted to say no, but as soon as the accusation had left Jaebum's lips, he'd felt a satisfied taunt from his heart of Yes, that's it, that's the exact word I've been looking for. But at the same time, he didn't exactly want to go with his heart on this. He wasn't an idiot. He knew exactly what all the consequences of loving Mark were, and he'd never been a throw all caution to the wind and screw the consequences person. He wasn't ready for this on any level, but he couldn't exactly run away from it either.

It was right. Jaebum was right. The level of importance he wanted to have to Mark wasn't comparable to what he wanted to be to anyone else. He wanted to be the one and the only, the most important, the one person who would sit with Mark under the night sky on their bench in the park. He didn't want to spend the next few years wondering when and with who Mark would fall in love. He wanted the answer to be the neat and simple 'with me'.

“What are you going to do?” Jaebum asked him gently. Jinyoung felt a sudden rush of appreciation for him. Who else would be handling this unexpected situation as collectedly as him?

“I don't know,” Jinyoung said, feeling suddenly exhausted. “What do you think I should do?”

“I think you should think long and hard about this,” Jaebum said. “I think you should decide if you're emotionally and mentally strong enough to handle any of the possibilties of what will happen if you tell him.”

“You mean if he rejects me?”

“Yes. Or if he doesn't.”

Jinyoung's heart surged at that. He wanted to think that was possible, as unlikely as it sounded. “That...would that be so bad?”

“It could be, if you fall out of love and break up. Do you want to spend however many years we'll be together with an ex as a member? And even if you don't break up... you want to hide that kind of secret for the next however many years?”

Jinyoung's heart sank again. He hadn't thought of it like that.

“Before you get depressed, I just want to say one thing,” Jaebum said quickly. “Because it's you, I'd cover for you, OK? Even if you have to worry about everything else, you'll never have to worry about me or the members.”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung said softly. “So...I guess I'd better get thinking, then?”

“Yeah. Do that.” Jaebum shook his head in amazement. “You know, I was counting on you not being the troublemaker of the group.”

“I was counting on that, too.”

“Just...” Jaebum hesitated for a moment. “Whatever you decide to do, just make your happiness a priority, OK? Troublemaker or not, you're a good person. You've earned that much, at least.”

Jinyoung thought about it. And thought and thought. He thought of the consequences, of every reason why he shouldn't. He thought of the reasons why he borderline couldn't. Sometimes he felt like he had himself convinced, but then he would see Mark again, and all of his sense of direction would be lost.

No matter how hard he thought, he couldn't think away the love. Whatever route he took, it would still be there, and that was the thing that kept him thinking in circles. He couldn't get rid of it. Fear couldn't kill it, caution couldn't quiet it, and even his good sense was nothing against it. It just kept existing. It wouldn't die.

That was as good of an answer as he was going to get, he realized. No matter what he did, it was going to be there. There really was no wide range of choice: it was either live with it with a lock on it or live with it openly. He'd lost all options in between when he'd first taken Mark out to the park the first time. This was the result it had always been heading towards, and he couldn't turn back. It was already too late. He was even now still walking.

The day before they officially debuted, they went out to the park again, one more time. “It may be one of the last times we can do this out in the open,” Mark had said, and Jinyoung couldn't help but agree with him. The thought of them being alone together had been more nerve-wracking than it had ever been in the past, but he couldn't bring himself to say no.

And when they were actually in the park, it wasn't as difficult as he thought it was going to be. Mark was a hard person to feel nervous around, and a part of him would probably always feel comfortable here in this place where the two of them started. He took a deep breath, settling the unsteady rhythm of his heart and letting himself fall back into the comfort of the memories he had made here with the person he had discovered in bits and pieces now standing in front of him, whole and complete and beloved.

“How are you feeling?” Mark asked.

Jinyoung wondered for a moment if Mark knew, if he could read it on his face. But no, he was probably asking about their debut, just like any normal person would. He took another deep breath.

“My heart's about to fly out of my chest,” he said.

Mark grinned. “Yeah. Me too. But I feel ready. It's been a long journey. And even longer for you.”

“Yeah.”

“Jinyoung ah?”

“Yes?”

“I'm glad you were here. I'm glad I found you.”

Jinyoung nodded. He didn't think he could say anything with the way his throat was clenching. He remembered Mark's look of disappointment when he couldn't respond to him their first time here all those years ago, then remembered the smile that had followed after because they had still been able to be together, even when they couldn't talk. It made him want to cry, even though he wasn't sad, not exactly. He just couldn't keep himself from blinking back tears. Why did love feel just as oppressive as it felt wonderful? Would he be caught inside these competing feelings for the rest of his life, or would it ever get better?

“Hey, Jinyoung-ah?”

Jinyoung couldn't say anything, so he just made a strangled noise in his throat as a response.

“Would you think I'm crazy if I said I loved you?”

Jinyoung jolted for a second, but realized Mark was saying it in the same tone he always said it, no different from before. He forced his heart to calm down and stop jumping to conclusions. “No, I love you, too, hyung,” he said, his voice coming out a little tonelessly.

“Yeah, but I think I might be different,” Mark said, looking at him seriously. “I thought about it for a long time, why you're the best person to me and not my best friend. It's because you did something for me that mattered so much, and it was the kind of thing only one person in a billion would have done exactly the way you did. That's why I can't think of you as just a friend, because you already pushed yourself over that level. I just don't think any other person will make me feel that particular way again in my life, and even if they come close, it won't have been from you, so...” He exhaled. “So if that's how I feel, if no one's ever going to do anything more important to me than what you've done, I'm wondering why I would bother falling in love with anyone else when there's already you.”

Jinyoung couldn't explain what happened to him in that moment. It was impossible for a moment to be frozen or for the universe to simultaneously go still and explode into color at once, but that was how it felt, how time seemed to progress slowly and yet everything rushed through his body like a torrent all at once. There were so many things to process, but above every single thing he felt was a roar of happiness from deep inside, a deep resounding scream of joy that Mark felt what he was feeling and that their story from beginning had always been a journey they'd taken step by step together.

“Um,” Mark whispered uncertainly. “Are those happy tears, or are you going to slap me now?”

Jinyoung shook his head, and instead threw himself into Mark's arms, burying his face in Mark's shoulder to hide his tears. He'd grown taller than him, but he still fit right into his embrace as if that space was designed for him, as if it would always be ready when he needed to be the comforted one instead of the one giving comfort.

“You idiot hyung,” Jinyoung choked out. “I was going to be the one to tell you. I was finally going to say everything I've been wanting to say to you from the beginning, and you just...”

He felt Mark's body loosen a little bit around him, probably responding in relief, before all of a sudden he was squeezing Jinyoung as tightly as he could. “You're really...” His voice was a little choked. “I really thought you were going to tell me that we couldn't do something like this. I didn't think you would say yes.”

“We really can't do this,” Jinyoung admitted, lifting his tear-streaked face for a moment and pressing his hands against Mark's cheeks. “But I'm the same as you. Something like this is never going to happen again. I can't throw it away and expect to have it again, so...” He held Mark's eyes. “You promised me you'd stay with me.”

“And I did, didn't I?”

“Yes. But it's different this time. If you're going to give your heart to me, you can't take it back. If we're going to do this, there's no going halfway. If you can't go all-in, we have to stop it now.” He extended his pinky finger to Mark. “What's it going to be? Are you with me from now on?”

Mark nodded, smiling at him with that gentle, gentle smile that had spoken to Jinyoung from long ago when he didn't have the words to say anything else. Their fingers locked together and the world opened up in a long road in front of them.

“I'm with you,” he said. “From now on.”

Most of the days of the year, the park was filled with other people. Children playing with their friends, dogs on their daily walks, couples holding hands, solitary figures needing a moment to themselves. But sometimes they would find their way back, their faces covered in masks and hair tucked underneath knit caps. Even when you were a face the world knew, sometimes there were dead hours of the day when the world would forget and you could be just as anonymous as any other person in the world. No one would see you, and you would only exist for who you wanted to exist for.

And during those times, they would be back on the bench, sometimes talking, sometimes not, but always taking in the soothing atmosphere that had stayed the same even with the passage of time and the memories that remained just as precious, just as important as they had been the day they'd culminated into a confession.

They had all the words they needed to speak to each other now, and their lives were filled with those words, their little jokes, their stories, their whispers, their encouragement. But sometimes they simply didn't need them. They could sit wrapped up in their silence, sharing a set of earbuds and leaning into each other's arms, and so much could be said with just that. So much had always passed between them, with just that.

A/N: Happy Valentines Day, everyone. Ahhh.... truth be told I hate Valentines Day T^T I work for a choco company, so everything leading up to V-Daay is complete chaos and I have to work extra hours, so I decided to post this today in hopes I could come home to some nice comments as a present. Consider it my little gift to all of you since I can't share my company's chocolate!

I hope you enjoy this little take on Markjin's pre-debut park dates :D I've always wanted to know what they're like, so I just went ahead and invented my own answer. Thanks for reading!