"Taemin?" Kibum woke up to warm arms hugging him.
The blond said nothing. He just didn't know what to say. That he's tired? Then why is he here? Too many questions but there are no answers to them..

"How did the recording go?"  Kibum asks.

"There was a lot of work. And ... "  the younger one tries to find the right words. "I missed you so much ..." he finally says.

From these words Kibum strains.

Makne thinks that all of this is a cruel joke. Because six months ago he himself asked Kibum to keep a distance in their relationship.
Back then he had Jonin, and attention from the elder felt like a burden. New company and popularity. No inhibitions and complete freedom of action. This is what he needed, and there was no place for his kind and tender hyoung.

He still remembered how he'd needed him before, remembered how necessary were the touches and embraces. But he was grown up now and that period of his life was over.

Kibum did not need to be repeated twice. He immediately understood.

                                  ×××××××

When in 2 months he found out that Kibum had a boyfriend, Taemin genuinely was happy for him. But something was wrong.. All right, all as he planned, but ..

"Hyung, you're dating! Congratulations!"  he says, when they sit down to rest after rehearsal.
"Thank you." Kibum smiles brightly, not hiding his happiness.
"Who is he?"
"You do not know him. We met at the bookstore." At the mention of his boyfriend, the corners of Kibum's eyes softened in a special way.
"I'm happy for you!" Taemin wanted to pat Key on the shoulder, but the elder stepped back, not allowing him to.
"Thank you, I'll tell him." He smiled, and left to change.
Temin froze with a smile on his lips, not understanding why something inside him  twitched.

In their relationship with Kai everything was fine. With him Taemin was a man not a boy.

For the first time, Tamin saw Kibum's boyfriend at Minho's birthday. Kibum did not want to call him, but Minho insisted that he introduces them to his half.
Taemin spent the whole evening watching them, and did not see anything special. But they really suited each other. And they didn't need words to communicate, their looks spoke about everything.

When, by the end of the party, Kibum was about to leave with that guy Tamin could barely restrain himself not to ask him to stay.

"Key are you moving?" Taemin stopped Kibum in the corridor with a bag in his hand.
"Ah, Taemin, hi." The elder smiled. "Yes"
Temin couldn't believe his ears.
"Why?" Kibum looked at him, clearly puzzled by the question.
"What do you mean, why?"
"Don't you like to live with us?"
"Of course I do!"  Kibum laughed "I just want to be closer to Soo"
Such an answer, for some reason, angered Taemin, but he tried not to show it.
"Ah, sure" he answered, turning his eyes away. "Good luck then."
"Thank you." Kibum disappeared behind the door. 

Now they met only at rehearsals and concerts. Taemin became nervous, and couldn't bring himself to smile at Kibum. It seems that everyone has noticed this, except  Key himself. Temin reduced their communication to a minimum, but the elder didn't seem to notice it. He was no longer interested in small things like these, he no longer needed anyone, except his boyfriend.

4 months later, Kibum returns to the dorm. They didn't fight, it's just that Soo is leaving to study abroad.

And in 2 weeks, Taemin breaks up with Kai. He simply leaves without saying a word. Kai doesn't understand anything, but lets him go.

Taemin doesn't regret anything. Except for one thing. But, it seems, he can't change anything anymore.

Rehearsal lasts almost 17 hours. His body doesn't obey. Refuses to jump and generally move. He is tired.

He is tired of pretending that he isn't hurt.

He is tired of pretending that everything is fine.

Tired of Kibum's absence in his life.

When the director announces that they've finished, Tamin falls lifelessly to the floor. Large tears roll down his eyes. Tears of pain and despair.

He shot his first video. But Kibum isn't here to embrace him and to say that he has done well. Taemin no longer owns the most delicate smile in the world, the most beautiful eyes and the warmest hands that can embrace as no one can.

He himself refused this all.
Refused love.
Refused Kibum.

                       ××××××××

"Taemin?" - Kibum woke up to warm arms hugging him.
The blond said nothing.
"How did the recording go?" asks the elder.
"There was a lot of work. And ..." he tries to find the right words. "I missed you so much ..." he finally says "So much.."

He knows that nothing will change. At least not now.  But he's sure that Kibum won't kick him out. So, for the first time in a long he will sleep peacefully, hugging his beloved person in reality, not in a dream.