January 27, 2018

I don’t know what you do to me.

It’s a whirwind of emotions inside my head

And because of that,

I can’t think straight.

I want to scream,

I want to cry,

I want to laugh.

I don’t want to feel anything.

You’ll not understand so please,

Let me explain what happened.

It started out in a summer job.

That was the first time that I saw you.

I must confess that you were stunning.

And maybe back then, I was interested.

You presented yourself

And when I heard you voice,

It became my favorite sound.

You kept on looking at me

And you laughed at everything I did.

I thought you were flirting

So I flirted back.

Two can play this game, right?

When I moved on

From that toxic kind of love.

I felt calmness and peace in my heart.

But then,

You had to happen.

You and that innocent expression and adorable smile,

That smile that can light up a room full of darkness.

And before I knew what was happening,

I was beginning to search for you.

And when I saw you,

I feel whole.

I feel cheerful.

I smile and laugh.

I think it was destiny,

Or maybe a mere causalty,

Or even an accident.

But the only thing I’m certain is that I fell in love with you.

But it suddenly ended.

We parted ways

And since then,

I didn’t see you again.

Until that day.

I don’t know why,

But I turned around.

And I saw you,

Looking straight at me.

I froze,

I didn’t know what to do,

So I just stood there,

Looking at you like a complete fool.

I regret it.

Because, maybe, if I had smiled,

Maybe things wouldn’t end up like this.

But as much as I want to change the past,

I simply can’t.

What’s done is done

And you have to move on.

Whether you like it or not.

I began doing the same thing that you did.

I searched from you among the crowds

And when I finally spotted you,

I couldn’t take my eyes off from you.

Your eyes are like a magnet, that always draws me in.

Either way,

I mustered up the courage to talk to you.

You ignored me.

But what did I expect?

A reply? That you suddenly started to go out with me?

Life isn’t a fairytale,

So don’t expect a happy ending.

Sad? Yes.

But that’s the harsh reality.

I think that I deserved that,

After all.

I ignored you too for a whole year.

It broke me.

But, I wasn’t ready to give up.

I tried it again, and again and again.

But you didn’t even bat an eye.

It’s actually funny that you

Have the nerve to look at me.

You turn around and stare

And you have the decency to do it several times.

Why are you looking?

Do I like you?

Are you interested?

Or you hate me?

I felt played.

I think you are toying with me.

I think you know that I like you

And that you are using it for your convinience.

But then again,

I might be wrong about this.

Maybe in reality you hate me.

Maybe it amuses you.

Maybe you just love the idea of being loved.

If I did something back then

That I wasn’t aware of.

I’m sorry okay,

I’m ing sorry

I need you.

And I wish to return to that summer.

I wish

And I wish.

I want to see you again,

I want to hug you again,

I want to talk to you again.

But I can’t,

Because I can’t go back in time.

I’m sorry if I didn’t do anything that day.

I’m sorry that I didn’t smiled.

I’m sorry that I acted as if I didn’t know you.

I’m so sorry.

I don’t know what you do to me.

I want you to acknowledge me.

I want you to talk to me.

I even want to be your friend.

It’ll hurt,

But at least,

I know that you care.

Because now, I really don’t know what goes through your mind.

Are you playing hard to get?

Or are you just really picky?

Most importantly,

Are you even interested in girls?

You give off this vibe that maybe you do.

And judging by your actions, you can be.

But I can’t be so sure.

It’s torturing me.

This mixed signals that you give me.

I tried once again to talk to you,

But this time I was determined to do it.

And, it worked.

We became friends and I was happy.

We got closer,

And I thought.

Maybe you felt the same.

After all,

You treated me in a special way.

But every time I wanted to confess,

I got the feeling, you’ll reject me.

So I waited.

I waited for you to say something.

But you didn’t.

Instead,

You told me you loved someone else.

It hurts you know,

It breaks me apart.

I feel like I’m slowly breaking into pieces.

But even though you make me feel like that,

I can’t stop liking you.

And it’s killing me.

When you asked,

If I was okay.

With a fake smile,

I said: I’m fine.

But I’m not.

Funny thing is that,

I expected for you to

Look me in the eyes

And tell me I’m not.

You didn’t.

I was sad.

And it made me realize

That I was just a friend.

So I began distancing myself,

Not because I hate you,

Because I knew that I couldn’t have you.

You didn’t notice it.

You were too focused on being in love, that,

It broke my heart again.

You are making me try to give up on you.

I have too many reasons.

But I ing love you, okay?

I can’t.

I simply can’t.

I’m too loyal,

And even if you keep on hurting me,

I’ll keep on loving you.

Love is a beautiful thing.

It’s a bitter sweet emotion too.

But even though it’s like that,

I’ll still love you.

We talked less and truth is,

That I miss our conversations.

How we talked for hours and hours

And how I could tell you everyting.

We were separated.

I won’t deny that I miss you,

I won’t deny that I love you.

Even though

You hurt me,

And you made me cry,

You are the best thing that’s happend to me.

Maybe it was destiny,

Or a mere casualty,

But not an accident,

That I’ve seen you again.

I thought I moved on,

But as I saw you,

Standing there with a sweet smile

And as you looked me in the eyes.

I knew.

In that moment that

I regreted not telling you how I felt.

We got closer.

We became friends.

Then best friends,

And I fell in love, once again.

How could I fall in love with you again?

Simple. I didn’t.

I was already in love with you.

Who could have guessed

That the person that hurted me

Also was the person who saved me.

I was lost before I met you,

I was hurt because I met you,

But I’m glad that I met you.

Because now I know,

That we belong to each other,

That we were made for each other.

Since the day we met.

Fate decided that we’ll be soulmates.

Who would have thought

That you ended being in love with me

Throught all this time?

I must’ve been dreaming when you said that you love me.

And I will always be eternally in love with you.

With love,

               Hwang Eunbi.

___________________________

Finally I was able to write a one-shot. 

I'm proud of myself. *claps myself on the back* 

I got inspired with that verse I wrote on Falling for the Opposite. 

Anyway, 

I love you. 

Byeeeeeee

-Lu