At moments like this does he miss his other half, during chilly nights where the night sky is clear, stars scattered painting the beautiful canvas before him. Woohyun wraps the blanket around him tightly as the breeze kissed his cheeks. If Sunggyu was around he would’ve scolded Woohyun for being out when it’s cold outside. ‘You’re gonna get sick you idiot’. Why are you laughing? It’s not even funny. Come inside. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you get sick’ , Woohyun can still hear him nagging at him, the exact words, his voice lingering in Woohyun’s ears, the way Sunggyu’s brows furrow when he nags and the way his tiny eyes would disappear when Woohyun ignores his nags. 

At moments when the bed gets too cold, suddenly a tad bit too spacious for his slender body alone does he miss his Sunggyu. Woohyun could only let out a heavy sigh and stare out the window to the city skyline that Sunggyu really loved. He never really understood why Sunggyu loved the view, because it’s just concrete buildings with faded paint, some abandoned. To Woohyun, Sunggyu was such a mystery waiting to be unraveled, waiting to be solved. Sunggyu’s eyes filled with love and compassion but also hides a thousand things at the same time. Woohyun still remembers the first time he saw those pair of entrancing eyes, drawing him to Sunggyu. 

Woohyun’s heart clenches as he recalls the memories he shared with Sunggyu. Sunggyu made him feel a lot of things, love, happiness, kindness, warmth. All of which Woohyun was not used to, overwhelmed by the aura Sunggyu was emitting. Sunggyu made Woohyun forget his sorrows, his distracting thoughts at 3 in the morning. To him, Sunggyu was his saving grace. Woohyun tossed and turned in his blanket, sighing for the nth time that night. “Why, Sunggyu?” A single tear escaped his eyes, staining his flushed cheeks. That night he lets his emotions take over him, he doesn’t care if he’ll look like a wreck later in the morning. His heart hurts too much, he can no longer endure the pain which Sunggyu caused. 

It was bright and sunny, the rays of the sun bathing his lover’s beautiful face. He can’t help but run his fingers through the stands of hair sticking on his lover’s forehead. “Good morning, Gyu”, Woohyun whispered, eyes gazing lovingly at his beloved making the other man smile. They cuddled for a bit enjoying each other’s warmth, Woohyun tracing patterns on Sunggyu’s side. They both ended up staying in bed the whole morning in silence which both of them found very comforting. “I want to stay like this forever with you, till we’re both old and wrinkly”, Sunggyu breathed out. Woohyun looks up at his lover, inching closer to him to place an assuring kiss on Sunggyu’s thin lips. “Forever”, Woohyun whispered. 

Woohyun woke up crying the next day. The dream seemed so real, the scene seemed so vivid to him. He pulls on his hair, frustrated by the dream, a recollection of his memory with Sunggyu. For once he thought, Sunggyu would come back though he knows, Sunggyu will never come back to his side. No matter how much he prayed, how hard he wished on the promising stars at night before he sleeps, Sunggyu will never come back. Woohyun cried helplessly, clutching onto his chest, head hanging low. “Sunggyu, it hurts so much”, he managed between sobs. He cried and cried and it was hard for him to stop himself from indulging his broken heart. He’s kept it in for so long, telling everyone he was okay, his desperate cries echoes in his small apartment, unheard.

Woohyun did nothing that day. He laid in his bed all day not caring for his growling stomach with a cigarette in between his fingers. It’s been awhile since he last held the piece of cigarette, since Sunggyu left. He put the cigarette down, sighing finally at ease at the familiar scent of the cigarette. The scent of Sunggyu. The very last piece of cigarette that was left by Sunggyu, he treasures it, reminding him of all the memories he shared with Sunggyu. One might think he is crazy for clinging onto someone who’s left him, but to Woohyun, Sunggyu was his life, his everything and that if he lets that part of him go, it is as if he is giving up on life. Woohyun knows it’s unhealthy for him, but that’s what keeps him sane, that’s what made him wake up every morning. 

The rest of the week passed by without Woohyun even noticing. He put up his best smiles for his friends, faked his laughters, hiding his heart from them. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his feelings. Woohyun’s been waiting for the weekend ever since he could remember. The only day of the year he allows himself to really feel his true feelings, shed the mask he’s been putting up in front of others. He puts on his best clothes, definitely anxious for the day he’s been waiting for. Woohyun shoves aside his anxiousness as he wants to present his best self that day. The weather outside was just right, not too sunny but not too gloomy for Woohyun. He walked into the flower shop, picking up a bouquet of white morning glory which were Sunggyu’s favourite with blue hyacinths to compliment the bouquet .

“Woohyun, promise me you’ll continue to gift me my favourite flower even when I’m gone”, Sunggyu’s voice still clear in his mind. “Of course, anything for you love”, Woohyun said choking a sob daring to escape his lips. “I will love you forever, to my very last breath”, Sunggyu relaxes in Woohyun’s embrace upon hearing those words. That night, Sunggyu passed with a smile on his face, looking so calm and beautiful in his lover’s embrace. 

As he steps closer to Sunggyu’s grave, he stared at the stone with Sunggyu’s name engraved on it. He lets himself smile, putting the bouquet by the stone. He stood there for awhile before daring himself to speak. “Hi Gyu. It’s been awhile now hasn’t it. I’m sorry for not coming as often as I used to. Life happened”, Woohyun managed a laugh. “I brought you your favourite like I promised. I hope I presented myself decently today, it’s been rough I have to admit but don’t worry, I’m hanging on”, he continued. He sat by Sunggyu’s grave, tears welling up in his eyes. “I miss you Gyu. Everyday, I miss you. Promise you’ll wait for me at the gates of heaven okay? I love you, forever and always”, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

He stood up looking at the sky intently, ‘I love you, Kim Sunggyu. I know you can hear me from above’ he whispered. Woohyun walked back to his apartment, his heart at ease. That night, Woohyun greeted death with an open heart. In his sleep he went, leaving his sorrowful world behind. After a year since Sunggyu left him, he too left the world on the very same day to his Sunggyu, to a world where no sadness will bother him, to a world where he and Sunggyu can be together again, forever.