The man lets out a sigh for the countless times as he stares at his laptop. The white page still blank as he can’t seem to start his writing. He was typing and erasing the words many times for the past hours. The sounds of his stomach growling makes him irritated. He’s not even finish a paragraph yet his stomach begging him to be spoiled. He slams his mahogany desk as he leave the hot seat, annoyed.

Living alone is always familiar to him. Since a child he was left alone at home. His father left the house early and came back late while his mom left the moment he was having breakfast and back when he was ready for bed. Growing up, he decided to live alone after graduated. He was about to heat up the instant rice as his phone ringing. “Hyung! What are you doing?”

“I’m about to have dinner” he close the microwave as he answer. “Dinner?! You’re about to have dinner? In this god hour?  You did it again! Stay away from the kitchen! I’ll be there in 5 minutes!”. He was about to complain but the younger hang up at him. He stop the microwave as he tidy up the kitchen, before taking his coat from the sofa. True to the younger’s word, the bell rings after 5 minutes. 

“Comin” he walks to the door as he slips in his shoes. “Hyung, lets go I’ll treat you dinner. Although, its past 11 already..” the younger drags his hyung to the elevator. They stands as silent consume inside. Jongin sticks his back to the wall as he eyed the older. “Hyung, how long will you live like this? Just what on earth are you doing to your body? Do you want to be caged in a hospital room again? Why can’t you just live a bit healthier and let me live my life without worrying you?” He lets out a desperate sighs as he plea to the older.

“Never ask you to worry me” he replies coldly. Jongin is ready to retort only to be stopped by the elevator bell ring. He drags his hyung to the passenger seat as he drive the car. “Why are you so mean to me? I know we’re not blood related but we’re still a brother! How can I leave you alone? How can we just be stranger when all I do is looking up to you since I was a child? Don’t you.. Don’t you love me hyung? All you’ve done to me the past years, are they all an act?” 

The car slows down as jongin lets out the frustrated feelings. He turns his body to his hyung as he ask for attention and the answer of his unanswered anxiety. “Chanyeol hyung…” He holds his favorite hyung’s hands only to be put aside. Tears are threaten to fall down as his heart break at the rejection.

“Yes. You know what? It’s not even matter. You should not be born anyway. If only your mother isn’t a , my live won’t be mess like this. At least not this much. My family is destroyed because of you and your mother.“ 

Chanyeol try his best not to snap at his brother.  The tears didn’t go unnoticed to him as he slightly eyed the younger.

“H-Hyung.. How.. How could you say that… How dare you… I.. “ Jongin takes a deep breath as he looks rather shock at the older. 

“What? Cat got your tongue? Why? You’re angry that I insult your mom but you can’t be mad because all I say is true,right? Truthfully, thanks for asking anyway. Finally I don’t need to make a show again now.” 

Jongin stays silent as he can’t even say anything. His mind is blank as he stares at his one and only person he trust. The air is suffocating and he can’t stay another minutes inside the car, chanyeol decide to end the conversation. “If there’s nothing more you need to talk I’ll get going. Bye jongin. Let’s live in our own ways now. ” He unbuckles the safety belt as he get off the car. Walking straight as he glances once more at his brother one last time.

.

.

He mentally grateful his stomach didn’t make a fuss after a while. He enjoys the night weather as the wind blows his hair softly. Been a long time since he take time to calms his mind. Although he feels suffocated by the way his heart doing right now, at least he got some peaceful time to finally sorts out the feelings he buried from the past years.

Flashback

He was 11 when he find a boy sitting on the sofa when he came home. He ask who the boy is as he walks to his dad. The adult told him that he is a son of a friend and gonna stay for a while with them. He always want to have a siblings. Doesn’t matter a boy or girl he gonna loves them equally. But after years of asking, his parents answers are only ‘Sorry’ ‘We tried but the sky said the other parents need the baby more than us’ and other made up excuses. After time passed he gradually give up on it. But jongin’s arrival changes everything and he was so happy to finally had someone who call him hyung, to shares his story and companion.

Jongin being the innocent baby he was, quickly adjust to chanyeol’s well treatment and starts to cling at him. After spending few months, they are inseparable brothers. Everywhere they go, the adults would coos at their cute bromance and told them they looks alike which got both of them so happy. “Jongin ah! Do you hear them? The aunties said we looks alike!”

“But hyung.. I’m not your real brother… Once my mama comes from her hometown next year, I would be separated with you..”

“It’s okay jongin, even when we’re not blood related, you’ll always be my brother!”

“Really hyung?”

“Yep! Now stops crying”

“only if you gimme pinky promise”. Chanyeol coos at his little brother cuteness. He helds out his pinky finger.

“here… Pinky promise that we’ll always be brother wherever and whenever even if we are separated” Jongin breaks a grin as he hook his little pinky fingers to the older. “I really really like chanyeol hyung!” Jongin hugs his favorite one and only hyung.

Chanyeol stops in his track as he comes back to reality. The memories are still fresh as it was happen yesterday. He looks at his pinky finger as he reminds to the promise he made. How can life be this cruel to him. Jongin was the sunshine of his gloomy lonely days but jongin too is the one who destroy the hope he hold on to dear life.

Flashback
“Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” 23 years old chanyeol on his knees, calming his sobbing mother. “Chanyeol ah.. Do you love me?” “Of course I love you mother, what’s wrong?” “Chanyeol ah.. even though you hardly see me, even though I leave you with the care taker and didn’t prioritize you but you know that I love you and still care about you right, my dear son?” She takes a deep breath “Don’t hate me for what I’ve done and all my choices”

 “Yes, mother. I know.. I know it. Mom is working because you wanna give me everything I needed. I’m sorry, sometimes I hate you for being cold to me. But you’re just too tired of working. But it’s okay mom. It’s because I’m lonely. I have jongin right now. I won’t disturb your resting time. If that’s what mom worrying of. I’m thankful to you, mother” Chanyeol hugs his mother lovingly, but his mom only chocked at the statement.

“Chanyeol ah.. your father and i… we’re going to divorce.Chanyeol couldn’t believe at what he’s hearing right now. He blinks his eyes as he try to digest the news. “I’m sorry son but I couldn’t do this anymore. I’m tired and we both have lost our sparks on each other.” 

“No.. this can’t be true. No! NO! Mom don’t do this to me! I was alone but i still believe our family will got better after all! I want to spend my time with my parents! All my friends are spending time with my family but i know i can’t because my parents are all work hard for me. AT LEAST I STILL HAVE A COMPLETE FAMILY NOT A BROKEN ONE! Because im afraid im gonna turn crazy just like my friends with broken home! BUT GUESS WHAT? Im gonna be one of them whom i pity and feel sorry so much! BOTH OF YOU ALWAYS THINK ABOUT YOURSELF! WHAT MAKES IT FEELS SO HARD TO SIT AND EAT TOGETHER? YOU AND DAD ALWAYS AVOID EACH OTHER I THOUGHT THIS GONNA BE FOR AWHILE LIKE ANOTHER FIGHTS I’VE SEEN. BUT I WAS WRONG…” 

“Son let me explain! Please? “ “NO! SAVE IT MA! BOTH OF YOU ARE SO SELF-CENTERED!” Chanyeol was ready to walks out of the door when he heard it. The cruel truth that has been hide for years. All of these years he had been feed by sweet lies.

“Your father has a mistress. Jongin is the illegitimate son” his mom said with so much hatred and sorry. 
“Liar” comes out as a faint sound but still can be heard by the other.

“How I wish it is… The first months I believe your father. He said his classmate back then was sick and has a son to take care of. But I read their affair messages on his phone. She asks what is his son doing, when will he give jongin chance to call dad, when will your dad divorce me and wether he give his heritage to jongin. Sometimes I follow your father when he slips out at night only to witness he sleeps with her. She use jongin as a hostage to inherit your father’s money. ”

“No, mom. You must be wrong.. father I know isn’t like that..” “I thought I was being delusional but she find out that I follow her and we met. She ask me to divorce and leave with you or to stay and live together with her once she marry your father.” Chanyeol brokes down on the floor as he stares at his mother.”Why didn’t you say anything? Why.. WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME SOONER! WHY DID YOU LIE EVEN AFTER YOU KNOW THE TRUTH?” he screams his anger towards his crying mother.

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I LOVE MY SON SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS TO SEE YOU HURTS,BABY. You were so happy when you were with him. Both of you are inseparable. Since jongin comes you return to be the cheeky chanyeol, my happy virus son. Even just know you mention that you weren’t lonely thanks to him. How can I break my baby’s heart with this..” His mother sobs hard as she crawls to hug his fragile son.

Chanyeol lets out a pain screams of his hurting heart. He cries hard as he screams, smacking his chest to ease the throbbing pain although deep inside he knows it doesn’t work.