My Onibugi,

I'm going to refer you as 'my onibugi' even if our story ended a long time ago, okay?

So here it is, honestly I dont know what to say or where to begin. I still got our message conversation, 

every single conversation gave me thousand of butterflies,  we were friends first but you claimed me as your

best friend why back when we were in 7th grade, did you remember? music class - groupmates - seatmates - best friends

because yeah I did. Cliché as it sounds I fell for you, the best friends thingy curse worked on us.

I knew you felt the same way and I got scared because it was wrong for me to feel that way because

I surely love someone else but is it possible to love two person at the same time??? And I did what I think

would be the right thing to do I pushed you away and at that I saw how devastated you were, 'till now I can feel

the strong emotions of longing in your eyes,for months you kept on giving hints on how you missed me,

of course I missed you too you're my best friend I'm happy being with you I can be weird with you and you

give me emotions that I can''t even understand myself but stupid me, I turned my eyes away from you,

I was so into with someone else, he was my comfort zone and you were different but everytime we touched

I get this feeling like you were a good different for me.

We started talking again it was dec '15 simple topics turned into late night talks,

everyone around us knew that there was something, I dont't know I still love someone else but I knew

there was still different with us. One day, waking up to your messages were common for me but that

day it was different, that day starts the real us, jealous - fight - confession - space, you confessed your real feelings 

I was shocked and I didn't mean for you to say it so clear, I needed to clear my mind, 'is this real?' 'Why me?'

'But?' 'Do I love you?' 'are you worth it?' I dont know but at the end I took the risk, I am yours and you are mine.

We both knew I was your Ren but we never really get into that point, such a shame. "Am I not worth the risk?"

Exactly one month we were off with each others life, just like that, you said we should be friends but heck how can

you —'what did I do wrong?' 'Am I not enough?' 'you left me hanging' 'you begged me and I stayed but'

'why?' 'WHY?' 'GODDAMN WHY?!???'— you left me broken, I remembered simply talking to my friend was

hard because I was always at the verge of crying even in class—I despise you so so much, you didn't know how

I prayed to just let accident happen to me every single day, I wanted to feel nothing

—you took every ounce of my energy, god knows how I cried, you left me so empty.

But life must go on, we were classmates slash ex best friend slash ex special person in our lives so damn you everyday—

I hate you everyday and not a single day that I didn't fail to show it, bitterness at its finest! I was the victim, you left me, don't act to be innocent.

Last year of being a junior student, after you I knew I've changed. I changed. Boys here and there, you saw everything I know

—I want you to see that I'm okay after you broke me. I want you to regret leaving me. Love's complicated.

But at the end I still lose, I want you so bad I miss you so so much but— we were never meant for each other.

Timing was never our friend. I don't know who ed up first but I think both of us should take the blame—You never fought for us and I played wrong.

Maybe this is our fate. Our past should end here. And now, I don't if I was late again but you are happy with her and I'm happy for you.

I'm writing this to you because I want to be free, I'm detaching. I always say that I regret everything that happened but the truth is, I can't, I can never will,

I love you so much to regret everything I've said or did. You are my first love, you made me feel special and

I thank you for the 30 days of being unofficially yours. Please don't think of me anymore. Don't worry

—I'm learning that detaching doesn't mean I'm weak but its okay to remember the past and just tuck those memories

aside for allowing myself to find the love and happiness I deserve. Maybe you've found your happily ever after with her

and I'm happy if you did but if we're born again, if we love again let's not do this again let's now make many

promises so even if we say goodbye like this we can turn away without much pain and light memories that we can throw away easily.

I'll pray for your next love.

Thank you for being a part of me, I love you then now and forever. You were "My Onibugi" and I was your "My Ren". Please be happier than me

Let's see each other again, one day when everything is enough not perfect just enough for us to laugh again comfortably. I'm detaching

- your 'My Ren'

This was the boy I loved.

A little bit messy.

A little bit ruined. 

A beautiful disaster.

Just like me.

...

END

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A/N: 

Thank you so much for reading this! :) I hope you like it, let me know what you think ♡

JRen is love 
@glorypath @pockyjr Bugi♡Mango
#NUEST2018 ♡